| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 12:47:30 PM | Sorry to hear there are some guys who don't appreciate a reply, even if it is "thanks but no thanks". We're not all like that.
And thank you to the very small percentage of women, like blueeyedgirl42, who do make the effort to say "thanks but no thanks". I for one appreciate it. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:26:55 PM | Sptifire no one is singling you out for telling the truth. You were singled out over your idiotic and insulting inferences, which you have now backpedalled from.
You are not telling the truth, you are expressing your perspective. I can virtually guarantee you that the number of males who do not get a response and then simply move on far outweighs the number of sad angry losers who get angry over it, whether they choose to send an angry email or not.
To sum up and counter the many erroneous points you attempt to make.
1. Most men do not get angry over a rejection email due to perspective and maturity.
2. Those that do lack both of the above along with god knows what else.
3. These people obviously exist, they are however most certainly not normal, albeit they are likely far more memorable and ergo likely to induce a thread or two from some perplexed females who can’t understand the reaction either. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 9:23:53 PM | Wasn't even talking to you, Jester. You're getting redundant at this point. It's like Pavlov's dog. I come up with an opinion on what the OP asked---jester reacts (but doesn't even remotely address the thread topic). I initate again--jester reacts. I ask for more imput from the women as to how frequent the rude emails are---jester reacts. You keep reacting and regurgitating the same tripe about how rudeness (and the underlying anger) isn't normal. The truth is that it's commonplace and it's normal. Many guys get angry when they get rejected--whether it's online, or in real life. (By the way, I was answering mfreenl with that last post. )
You're like a 3-legged chihuahua snipping at my heels, Jester. I just asked my female cousin (who uses online dating sites) how frequently she gets a rude response. She said there are a lot of nice guys online, but it's also "normal" to get rude responses when she's not interested in the guy. She says she doesn't let it bother her anymore. I didn't even prompt her--"normal" is the word she used. Now, you can dismiss all these guys as crazy. That's fair enough--although a bit simplistic; but the truth is that that's how a lot of guys react online.
What would be great is to hear from a few more women as to how frequent these rude responses are. The women who have already posted here have said the rude responses happen all the time. They are the ones (not Jester) who would know how commonplace it is. It's ridiculous to dismiss the OP's concern by implying that male anger at rejection (even online) is some kind of anomaly. It's not. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/25/2008 10:30:40 PM | You did what you always do. Made snide and petty inferences because your direct argument is so utterly weak.
The only thing redundant is your opinions.
As for simplistic, using your cousin as a reference point for the experience of millions of men and woman who date online? Look up the phrase 'Ecological Fallacy' Infering something is common place over a cousins comments and a handful of forum threads, now that is ridiuclous. Do you really think anyone is going to be inspired to start a thread called "I rejected a guy and nothing happened"?
I also never said they were crazy. I said they were immature and have no perspective, they don't. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:11:45 AM | | As a woman who has gotten rude responses.....it IS frequent....more frequent than I'd like, but the percentage is fairly low. Maybe 1 out of 20? I guess the instances of rude and nasty responses may seem higher because they are the ones that stand out. The gentleman who take a "thanks, but no thanks" well don't stand out because you usually don't hear from them again. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:41:17 AM | I think the real issue is; why is it okay for a woman to NOT know exactly what she wants? Why isn't it okay for a man to also not know exactly what he wants? One standard is acceptable while the other is not. By societies measures anyway. If a man was complaining about women feeling rejected and doing a 180 on him all the time, the man is still "wrong" and accused of being a womanizer or a child who doesn't know what he wants. If a woman is in the same shoes she's considerred "discerning".
Men don't like having their time wasted!!!! We don't, we want to get the job done!! Stop playing with us and we won't be like this!! Jeesh. If you don't want what I have, simply let me know so I can move on to someone who does, preferably before wasting lots of my precious time and/or energy.
Personally, I must thank all the "little girls" that are like this because they really help us guys become real men who do know what we want and how to get it. The kind of real men that don't let you waste our time because we make you get down to business.
The real reason people feel rejected isn't because; I just asked you out and you said "No", it's because there was some level of involvement first. There was something invested. If I'm letting you get to know me and my hope is you're going to start seeing me, while you're just secretly keeping your options open and seeing me only in a "friendly" way, but feeding my hope with the occasional "Maybe", and not being 100% honest, up-front, and direct with me, then yeah, I'm going to feel hurt and rejected and probably pretty pissed-off because you led me to believe something else might happen. You just wasted lots of my time.
I'll bet if you look at the facts, you'll see you had some part in many of those "Evil Men doing a 180" on you. I'm not saying that's always the case, but I rarely give my time to women who show no interest at all. It's like barking up a tree that isn't there. My involvement, even on a "Let's start-out as friends" level is an investment to me. I need to know how I'm going to proceed and approach a situation before I get into anything. I'm sure many men would agree.
That's why I don't waste time on little girls who don't know exactly what they want. That's why I make sure things keep moving along. There has to be a firm foundation of trust on both parts. The only way to establish that is to make sure a woman's actions match her words. I'm not talking solely about sex, I'm talking about making sure we're both on the same boat, heading in the same direction. That we're always on the same page and paragraph.
I assume that when I get a message from someone, you're interested in taking it to the next level, so I always give my number in the response. If you don't call me I don't waste my time. When a woman calls, I want to meet her. I'll talk to you for a while, but eventually I'm going to want to meet-up someplace in the real world (as opposed to cyberspace). If it's not moving in the direction I want it to, then I stop and let it go. I no longer persue to the point of pain and misery. It's never worth it.
Peace Out
Mike | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/26/2008 12:05:05 PM | My profile is very plain, very CLEAR. I will talk to anyone who emails me so I run into this problem quite often. Twice this week alone. First guy makes a comment about calling me and I explain I dont give my number out so he gets all nasy in his next email with a bunch of comments about me being on this site and not having a right to be here if Im not looking to date (even though there IS an option for talk/email), then says nevermind, he never wanted my number or to talk to me in the first place (he emailed me first). Okay fine, delete it and be done. Next guy gives me a bunch of compliments, which I thank him for, sends me pics of a building he has just built, which I compliment him on, then makes some comments about dating a real man and being in a real relationship, to which I relpy Im not here for that and I hope he read my profile because its all clearly there. He, too, got nasty accusing me of being married and screwing around for fun, then accused me of not living in Michigan, then proceeded to accuse me of possibly even being a man or having a child, etc. All because I said I didnt date.
You know, all of these misunderstandings could be avoided if people would just READ PROFILES.....if it says they dont date or dont give out personal information and thats really what youre looking for, then MOVE ON. Why take a chance, or assume their profile actually translates to "try harder, bug me, I love it." Theres a reason the profile is filled out....FOCUS.  | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:17:11 PM |
What would be great is to hear from a few more women as to how frequent these rude responses are. The women who have already posted here have said the rude responses happen all the time. They are the ones (not Jester) who would know how commonplace it is. It's ridiculous to dismiss the OP's concern by implying that male anger at rejection (even online) is some kind of anomaly. It's not.
I know several women on various dating sites. They tell me that they do get some rude emails, but the percentage is not as high some women claim. There could be some women who exaggerate the amount of rude emails they get. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 3/11/2008 10:41:01 AM | It seems to me that the "anger issue is usally more from the more desperate men. The ones that have their hearts set on these particular women. I think that what we need to realize is that these women aren't rejecting US. How do they even know us. Perhaps they are rejecting EVERYTHING that particular day. Something that would have been witty and charming yesterday is something that they find is egotistical and ignorant that day. But to address something that I have seen as a bit of a rant going on here is this. You cannot define someone's masculinity by whether or not he feels a certain emotion based upon a rejection. I look at it as this. If a woman tells me no thanks, then good on her. She has respect and enough compassion to at least answer. If a woman can't even be BOTHERED to answer, I find THAT more rude than a rude email back, flaying me for my faults as she saw them. I MAY after a woman says no, ask her WHY... But that isn't because I want to talk her out of her decision, but just to honestly see what it was that she wasn't attracted to about me. There's no offense, no anger, no hostility. But then again, I also take steps in my life to process anger out of it. Ther's no REASON to get angry. I do know form some of my friends that ARE like that, the reason that they lash out is because thay have some feeling of inadequacy, something that makes them feel like the woman is attacking THEM directly. If you have a high enough self image, and enough self awareness, then you realize that the woman didn't even know you. How can you be offended by her? I know this was a long one, hope it helped SOMEONE figure things out. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 3/12/2008 11:38:33 PM | I definitely think there is a percentage of men who are just mean, nasty people with low-self esteem who physiologically still need to get laid. Thus, though their personalities rarely lead to them actually getting laid, they can't help but to try. So they hide their real personalities to take a stab at it. Once they get any indication they aren't going to get laid (or even sex talk to help get them off) they lose any incentive to put on their "nice face" and they go back to being the jerks they really are. With those men it makes no difference how the woman says "no thanks" -- only mattering that they are clear they aren't going to get what they want from her.
Most men aren't like that, but many definitely are. Whenever I run a personal ad I try to respond to everyone who writes me, sending approximately the following message to those I don't want to pursue things with further:
"Thank you for responding to my ad. I don't think we are a match, but I wish you the best luck finding the wonderful woman who is just right for you."
You would be amazed at some of the incredibly nasty responses I've received to that basic message. At one point I considered no longer replying to men I wasn't interested in at all, just to avoid the ugliness of the few. But each time I really felt like I owed it to myself to treat people a certain way, so I continue to reply in most cases. If I get an intuitive hit that I shouldn't reply to someone though, I go with that, never feeling a compulsion that I MUST do anything against my own inner sensing.
Another thought I had at one point was to turn everyone down politely, see how the men then responded, then write back to the ones who responded like gentlemen (or didn't respond at all) and tell them that based on their reaction I could tell some really good things about them that did make me interested after all. I later decided not to do that though, since I think it might fairly be accused of being game playing to do that. | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 3/13/2008 1:34:14 AM | Am i weird or something? Am i the only guy that looks at a rejection the way i do? If a woman turns me down' well' whoop tee do. It doesn't bother me one little bit. I will not lose one second of sleep over it. I just move on to the next one. The only problem i do have is the rudeness of a lot of women on here. I have plenty of women that message me. If i am not interested i kindly let them know. Thanks but no thanks and move on. But' The biggest part of women on here will not even offer that. I have already posted on subjects like this before. I do understand that there are some nutty men on here. Same with a lot of women. If a guy starts talking to you and all he wants to talk about is sex' The best thing to do is get away from him. When the conversation is done' Block him. Then that is over. But' When a guy like me comes along and says he has read your profile and liked what he read and asked if you would like to talk at least do him the favor of saying something. Your either interested or not' You have already found someone' Say something. If he doesn't take the hint block him and report him. Ladies' It ain't rocket science.  | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 3/13/2008 1:50:37 AM | blueeyedgirl.
It's real simple for me. I know what i want and what i am looking for. If i message a woman and she doesn't respond to me or does say she isn't interested well' Neither am i. I don't understand guys that don't have a little pride in themselves. If a woman isn't interested in me she doesn't have to hit me in the head with a rock for me to get it. There are some guys that are hard headed and stupid which is a bad combination. Those are the ones that will say nasty things when rejected. Me' I say "Who's Next" In other words' Go find another one. The thing that gets me is the guys that don't seem to realize there are millions of women out there. For every one that turns a man down there are 10 out there that will take you up on the offer. That is why i don't get rude with a woman. There is no reason in it. Guys' If a woman doesn't want you go find one that does. There's to many out there to fret over one. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:23:54 AM | | Every guy has sex on the brain and then there is soemthing called netiquette. People need to show respect to other people. If its not appopriate in rela lif eits probably not ok on the interweb. But some women get so turned off about talking about sex. In fact I have been rejected for my profile in the past even mentioned that I enjoy sex. Some people don't like sex at all they are either religious freaks or They have bad opinions about sex or they ahve bneen used for sex and think any guy who even mentions sex is a pervert and won't date him. so Guys dont; talk about sex so early before you get to know the girl. And Gals, Don't be so hard ont he guy. Unless he just gets nasty that's when you end the conversation. | |
|
| |
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:06:33 PM | Alienware Adam
I agree with you to a point. It is common courtesy to reply back. But' At the same time i also think about it this way. If a woman doesn't have enough respect to just return the courtesy of a reply she isn't for me anyway. If a woman can't respect me or any other man to do that then what kind of respect would she have for me or men in general in a relationship? Haven't you ever noticed how a lot of women now don't seem to have common respect for themselves anymore. If a woman doesn't have the small amount of respect it takes to just say something nice and let the guy know she isn't interested then how much respect does she have for herself? It's like i have already said' If a woman does the nice thing and lets the guy know that she isn't interested it ain't rocket science. If he doesn't have brains enough to catch the hint that your not interested after she has answered him then block him. There are nice guys out there that just want a return when they contact a woman. They shouldn't be put in the same category with the stupid men just because there are more stupid men then they are of us. I do understand. But at the same time i wouldn't lose any sleep over it or let it piss me off. The ones that are like that will be here for years and years. When they finally leave they will leave wondering why they can't seem to find a man. | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:01:51 PM | | Me TOO!!! I just pulled my profile because every single guy I had contact with did a 180 if I decided not to meet them. They turned into mean nasty hateful creatures. My God you would swear I had given birth to their children--All I did was politely say I am taking a break from dating and the fangs come out. I think their are a ot of unbalanced sick men on this site--my experience has proven that at least 80% of the guys on here turn vicious if they do not get what they want. I am so done with this crap. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:09:37 PM | | Many guys feel that the decision to either A) Not be interested and/or B) Not meet.... is personal. It is. Now, that still shouldn't provoke a really hostile response but the girl's reaction or decision is personal and one can't help be insulted or injured in that case. Why is that so hard to understand? Also, I don't know about guys who only want to get the girl in the sack but I would think it's more realistic or accurate that the guy was sincerely interested. A guy only wanting a relationship of a physical nature isn't going to get all upset and feel insulted as that makes little sense. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:30:42 PM | ^^^^ alex 89 wrote
I don't know about guys who only want to get the girl in the sack but I would think it's more realistic or accurate that the guy was sincerely interested. A guy only wanting a relationship of a physical nature isn't going to get all upset and feel insulted as that makes little sense
Sorry; but I disagree with that statement...just went through an episode on Sunday with someone from POF...
We had been chatting on the phone for about 3 weeks and he was younger than I am and given the nature of our conversations, I had drawn the conclusion that I was only on the phone call list because I'm older and a "fat chick" as he had very strongly "hinted" several times at his interest in being a "friend w/benefits" to which I set him straight several times on what my "agenda" was and interestingly he "got sick" and cancelled our "date". He then calls me on Saturday night to tell me he met someone at the beach from POF and he is having lunch with her on Sunday...hmm guess he made a quick recovery  so, at that point in time it became very clear to me what he was really all about and I decided to let him know I wasn't interested in getting to know him any further.
I sent him a note on Sunday morning explaining that I felt it best not to continue to chat since we had different agendas and goals...well, you might have thought I asked him to cut his manhood off...I got a semi-nasty note and when I ignored that, he called and left a very verbally abusive message say it's my loss and he hopes the next b/f I get is an azzhole, yada, yada, yada
Gee, I bet he is still wondering why I kicked his sorry azz to the curb since he *claims* to be one of the nicest guys??? I will ever meet  | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:35:25 PM |
All I did was politely say I am taking a break from dating and the fangs come out. I think their are a ot of unbalanced sick men on this site--my experience has proven that at least 80% of the guys on here turn vicious if they do not get what they want. I am so done with this crap.
This is the reason that so many women choose to just not respond to any man that they are not interested in.
I really don't know why some men get so angry when a woman say she's not interested. I know I've never done that and I don't believe any of my male friends would either.
Maybe one of the men that does send angry responses can explain why they do it? | |
|
| |
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:51:23 PM | Why do people even use the word rejection, it's not in my vocabulary, by using the word rejection makes it sound like you/they are not good enough for anyone. I prefer to say we are just not compatible, sounds easy enough to me.
when I hear a person say I rejected him/her because, what a sense of power they must feel, but how infantile that sounds to an intelligent person. | |
|
| why do men get so bent out of shape when a woman says no thanks?
Posted: 4/22/2008 1:58:53 PM | my experience has proven that at least 80% of the guys on here turn vicious if they do not get what they want.
IMO some women exaggerate the amount of rude responses they get after rejecting a man. I know several women who have used POF at some point. They got some rude responses, but not anywhere close to 80%.
I think in some cases a man is mean to a woman only because she rejected him in a rude way. Sometimes a woman could say something rude ( or least without tact ) and not realize it.
Also there are some women will be mean to a man after he rejects her. This is a 2 way street. The only difference is men have to deal with rejection more often on POF. Because men are more likely to make initial contact. | |
|
Home
login 
