| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:14:20 PM | | I just had this convo with a friend night. I dont want ANYONE in my life that isnt there for the right reason. When my kids were at home I didnt want anyone to feel obligated or to attach and then have my kids wonder what was going on. Also, as I have grown older I have found that most men want to define themselves by their relationships and call it falling in love when really it was attaching to my family and wanting " the lifestyle" on the short term. Everyone wants a family till they have to deal with the issues of having one. It was extremely complicated to negotiate definition that worked in these kind of relationships because men define "falling in love" as the goal. When there are ready made kids involved the goal has to be different than "falling in love" and every single mom knows it. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:25:56 PM | | The REAL underlying reason is that everyone wants the concept of a relationship but very few WANT THE RELATIONSHIP itself. It is as simple as that.. it is called self delusion. Everyone likes to pine for relationships because it makes them feel engaged but most people prefer to fantacize in a safe way than to take thejump.. see it isnt rocket science hehe | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:36:08 PM | | The answer here is simple. There is so much more at stake than just one person's heart. When you have children you have to think about everything you do and how it will effect them. The fact is that children do eventually become attached to "Mom's" s/o. It's one thing to put your own heart on the line. But, it becomes a much harder choice to make when there are children involved. They can't choose for themselves, you have to make the choice for them. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:48:06 PM | Hi as a single mom I am independent and very happy with where I am in my life and would love to have that special someone to share it with but not 24/7. I dont want a flitting thing either but want a man to be there in my life but also to be independent and happy with where he is in his life also, I dont want a clingy guy.
I was with my ex all my life we split 2 1/2 years ago and I have built a new life for myself and my 2 boys and a good social life. I certainly would not want to rush any relationship just take it one step at a time and build the bond and enjoy the time dating and loving together.
I have found lots of guys run away when you have kids they dont want a ready made family.
I want the fairytale who doesnt I think he will come along when its meant to be in fact I am sure of it just wait and see. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:00:01 PM | The reason is quite simple,,,they have been hurt,,I can not speak for the ones that have given u the exscuses that u mentioned but I can say that everyone especially someone trying to raise a child alone tends to be more careful in who the chose or at least should be,..They have more than themselves to think of,,,so if anyone wants to know where the fear of commitment comes from it is most likely all that person has been in contact with is jerks who believe just because this is a MOM that she is a sl*t looking for a free ride for her and her kid,,,when in fact she may just want acceptance and love for thierself and for thier kids as well,,, | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 4:34:05 PM | | Not me.. i was a single mom.. till i met my boyfriend.. im in love with him.. i believe lot of single mom are afraid because they put their kids first before any man come in their life. i think thats one reason why lot of single mom are afraid.. because never know what guy are really like when they dont know them.. maybe they end up did something bad to her kids.. who know.. so it really take them longer to fell in love than not a single mom.. it did take me a little longer before i fell in love with my man.. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 5:07:43 PM | For me, I am that single mom,
* I've been burned and will protect myself
*Needed time to heal so I don't take that luggage into next relationship
*My daughter I will protect with my life.
*Hard knocks in life made me be strong, it's hard to give up power, to give into trust.
I have faith, that when the right man comes along, he will be strong enough, he won't get scared off that easily, and if were meant to be together, we will be able to overcome anything. ( the good stuff and bad) | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 5:21:31 PM | | I know I never let anyone too close at first. I want to know what they are like to some degree before I even meet them. I have two boys who live with me and have a rule, no one meets my kids unless they have been around for a while. To me it doesnt even matter if we are just friends. Children in my opinion and its just mine, should not be subjected to people coming and going. they should only have to worry about one two things...school and being a kid. I want my boys to grow up with good strong morals and values and if I dont show them how who will? It doesnt mean I wont be friends with someone and see where it leads. Past experiences play a factor in my decisions as well when it comes to dating. I am in no hurry and if someone really has interest they will have patients. Life and relationships are about learning. If you move too fast you miss all the little things. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 5:33:31 PM | | have you thought that it could possibly be you??...or the fact that human nature especially women is to protect there main priorities and thats there children...maybe you are putting too much pressure on them...or maybe you are seeing something that really is not there...i dont know the answer but women need you to be there friend first before there loved one...us men we just need a woman to say hi!! | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 5:51:44 PM | | As a single mother, I might possibly meet men from dating sites and if there is an attraction which leads to a sexual fling then that is great but for the relationship to develop into a lasting and loving one then I would be very careful. I have been single for four years now and have had one difficult and traumatic relationship in that time, which has not encouraged me to have belief in a relationship working whilst my children are young. A mother's first commitment is to her children and having viewed life for a while it seems to me that most men will make many promises in the early stages of love/infatuation until the stage that the woman loves them passionately, and at this point the man will abandon the chase and move on to his next conquest. C'est la vie moderne.... | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 5:55:07 PM | "Once bitten, twice shy."
i like that cliche. sums it up for me quite nicely
Because there is a drunk ex who is lingering about still controlling them?
spazzatura
that is not true for every single woman/mom. some folks get a kick out of posting rubbish.
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 6:05:39 PM | single moms are not afraid to fall in love, some maybe because theyre tired of being used and abused not only physically but mentally too!!!! Been there but I dont take
what happened to me in the past out on the next relationship i may have. some do but most dont..... | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 6:09:10 PM | Well being a male. heres what I think.
1. Affraid to get hurt.
2 Affraid of getting hurt again.
3.Not all men are out to hurt you, there are some wonderful ones out there, who knows they could beinfront of your eyes, what they dont see the heart does.
ciao,
Paul | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:04:08 PM | Single Mothers,sincerely speaking,most of them are not really decided about keeping a long term relationship.Like the writer said,they are afraid to fall in love.The fear is really not born out of insecurity,most of the women in this class do not want to make sacrifices to tango with the Romeo.Some see being single as being free from bondage of marriage according to some of them. A lot of them had long made up their mind never to marry again,but still paint the picture of one desiring to marry.In conclusion, there is really no LOVE to fall into.
Rather than say single mums are afraid to fall in love,it is better to say they are afraid of getting married again.However,the subject is an important one for discussion. A lot of them give flimsy excuses.One could burn his time with the mindset of marriage.In the end the single Mum's mindset is to live in co-habitation to create room for easy exit as and when required.The Man would be tagged a drunk, a gold digger,Lazy,weak(not man enough),unfaithful or possessive etc.Single Mum's,please specify your exact need,wishing you the best in your search.Thank you all. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/12/2007 7:00:43 AM | Because there is a drunk ex who is lingering about still controlling them?
spazzatura
that is not true for every single woman/mom. some folks get a kick out of posting rubbish.
Ok 50% is probably more accurate in my experience. I think I have met about 10 who just cannot get out from under that damned ex's thumb. Not only has he (supposedly) damaged them for life, but he still controls them from the outside. Then each man who tries to have a relationship with them pays for all the old stuff and the damage. I'd say 1 out of 2 (in my experience) is damaged beyond repair and now stuck in that mental rut of inescapability.
And if this is in fact true, then that speaks even worse of men than it does for the women who made the bad decision (chasing badboy, image, good lines, etc.) to get with the guy in the first place. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:24:43 PM | I don't think you can generalize this question and get one particular reason why single moms are afraid to fall in love again.
For myself, it took quite some time before I allowed myself to fall in love again. I first had to heal from my marriage to a very abusive man and then I had to figure out all over again who I was, what I wanted out of life and what was best for me and my children.
Next, I had to learn to retrust men and accept the fact that they were not all out to hurt me and I could eventually have a happy life with someone.
But then the issue came up in regards to my children. It was one thing if I got attached to someone and it did not work out. But how would it affect my children? I not only had to worry about myself but them as well.
However, now I can happily say that I am in love with a wonderful man. I do believe in forever again and want to spend the rest of my life with him. 
Bottom line....I think it takes time, patients and understanding but eventually love will happen again. | |
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| Why are girls --- single mom's especially afraid of falling in love
Posted: 5/12/2007 8:41:02 PM | | I can't speak for anyone else but I know as a single mom I don't have alot of time. It's hard to find a sitter for a date, you don't want them to meet someone you barely know, and I have to work alot being the only person supporting everything. Sometimes I even wonder why I put an online ad up because how am I going to find the time to date with kids and their stuff- school and afterschool activities, and 2 jobs and housework and yard and..and..sleep? lol.... | |
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