| DEBO27
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:16:57 PM | I'm not sure what your headline is supposed to mean. It needs to be something catchy which captures you.
Your pictures are sub-par. The first one is terribly fuzzy and the second doesn't show anything of value.
Your profile says you're an African american man with black hair, but from what I can see from your pictures, you don't have any hair!
Don't start something in your headline and finish it in your about me. It makes your headline seem like it doesn't make sense. Your headline needs to capture people's attention so that they will read your about me.
You're trying to be funny in your about me, but its poorly planned and poorly written. Your sentences are very choppy and your writing is not captivating.
Try just telling us what you're about and what you're looking for. Mention that you have a good sense of humour, but save the jokes for the first date. | |
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| securehandsome1
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:37:19 PM | Take the word 'it' out of your headline. Or, just change your headline... not that its that bad... it just could be better.
You're about me mentions the Vegas scene a bunch of times, which is foolish. Don't tell us what you're not, its not necessary. And don't use capitals in the middle of sentences. Sentences begin with capitals and end with a period (or other appropriate punctuation) and the only other capitals which are required are for formal nouns. Get it?
So clean it all up, cut some of the crap, and you'll have a pretty decent profile. | |
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| perlebar
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:38:49 PM | | Cool, you did the smart think and just deleted your profile. Good on ya. | |
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| gnr_24
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:45:24 PM | Your headline really isn't doing anything for me... you need to get something new... something that works.
Try not to call exercise a 'habit'... saying that you've adopted a healthy lifestyle sounds much better.
I don't know if you've already had a great deal of help with this, but if not, you've done a fantastic job otherwise on your profile.
Good luck! | |
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| rowdycowboy
Posted: 4/2/2007 2:59:31 PM | Your headline is discriminating and it serves only to push people away... your headline is supposed to rope people in!
You need to quit smoking all together.
A picture of you alone should be your main photo.
You don't have a job, very nice.
I think you meant flying accross a lake not flying across a wake... be more careful with your proof reading... or did you proof read??? I can't believe people can't correct their own errors anymore... I guess that's what's happened as a result of word processors... great...
Otherwise, not bad. | |
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gnr_24
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 656 | |
| gnr_24
Posted: 4/2/2007 3:04:17 PM | kikilynn
Thanks for your time. I will change the headline and exercise part. lolla 2 cents helped me clean some other stuff up. It is nice to get a female opinion on my profile. Thanks again | |
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| herselftheelf
Posted: 4/2/2007 3:05:43 PM | I'd love to know what's going to make you a 'professional biologist'??? But... either way... I hope you'll find a job...
Your writing skills leave something to be desired.
And I don't think that your profile is an appropriate place to post a questionnaire, since the people reading your profile are not necessarily your friends. | |
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| Mr_Gummischuh
Posted: 4/2/2007 3:28:13 PM | Your profile starts out with a headline that makes me think of porn. NOT GOOD.
You have 3 of the same picture, which is totally unnecessary. You need more shirts and more pictures.
Awesome: you have no job, that should score you huge points. (Unless you do have a job, in which case, tell us what your profession is.)
My name is Sid and I am me
Don't put this in your profile, it sounds like you're dealing with an identity crisis of some sort.
Your profile is very long, and while you do have some legit points to make, there's a lot of crap to read through to find them.
You need to do some cuting back. | |
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| Please Review Me
Posted: 4/2/2007 5:15:16 PM | | Your honesty and candor are greatly appreciated! | |
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| herselftheelf
Posted: 4/2/2007 6:17:06 PM | Hi kikilynn- thanks for the tart review! A professional biologist is exactly that- it's an accredation that is given to us... so it would look like this: My Name BSc. P.Biol. It is a process, kind of like a chartered accountant where I have to work, intern and write tests on codes of practice etc...It's for people who actually succeed and pursue a career in biology.. masters students... etc.
sigh. I know. People who don't know the field always think I won't get a job- but I've had 9 job offers and I'm not even graduated yet... Environmentalism is probably the biggest growing field of work out there...
Anyway- thanks for the review!! | |
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| randomanalysis
Posted: 4/2/2007 7:24:35 PM | | I could use a review, as I need to re-do my profile, and could use a review on the current one to give me ideas. | |
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tariff
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Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 664 | |
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LooknC
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Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 665 | |
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| all that glitters74
Posted: 4/4/2007 3:44:02 PM | The headline... has got to change. It makes me think I'm on fire or something, and I should stop drop and roll... well maybe you are that hot... I don't know.
I think you must have some idea that your picture isn't that great. While it is a nice head shot, its not entirely clear. You need more pictures, of good quality.
I don't entirely know why you classified yourself as BBW, but if that is the case, I would say its a good idea to begin to incorporate a variety of types of exercises into your interests, and persue them.
You need to proof read your profile. Read it very slowly, and make sure that you don't have unnecessary errors (ie. and if we become just friends that great too; should be 'that's great too').
Also, recall some grammar lessons:
Sentences begin with capital letters.
Periods, exclamation points and question marks a forms of punctuation which finish a sentence. Any following remarks are considered a new sentence, and should begin with a period.
DO learn the power of the comma and use it wisely.
DO use spaces after punctuation marks. After a period, comma, semi-colon, exclamation mark, etc. you should press the space bar, just like have done several times in this sentence.
I really can't believe that you don't want a retarded gay man who's stuck in the closet because he has not embraced his sexuality, resulting in a self-hate which is displayed by an intolerance for other human beings...
Tattoo is spelled with two t's and I cannot stand when people are too lazy to write things out in full (don't use the word tats).
Your condition is actually spelled neurofibromatosis. After that, you may wish to correct your collection of sentence fragments.
And, that's all I have to say about that. | |
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| petrorabbit
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:16:27 PM | Hey dude, you're looking for a nice girl? That very original. Join the club, everyone's looking for a nice girl these days... hell, even I am!
Quit smoking, it makes you smell bad.
Wow, you have no job and marijuana is one of your interests. Dude, that's awesome, you're going far in life!!! Don't let the munchies get the best of you or you'll get fat... that you'll be a real catch!
I'm not going to bother citiquing your about me, because whoever reads it after they find out that you're an unemployed pothead probably doesn't care what quality it is anyway. | |
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| mag1ck_man
Posted: 4/4/2007 5:31:32 PM | You really need to invest in a dictionary.
You can't spell magical, and you're a magician... hum... if, for some rediculous reason you've misspelled it on purpose, fix it. As soon as someone sees it misspelled in your headling (on purpose or not) they're going to assume that you're not that smart...
You have an overwhealming tendancy to write very short sentences. Learn the power of the comma, and start organizing your thoughts. | |
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| mag1ck_man
Posted: 4/5/2007 4:49:28 AM | | Hey Kiki. Would you mind taking a look at my profile? Always good to have advice. Thanks | |
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| HLaB27
Posted: 4/5/2007 9:51:15 AM | | Thank you for the review Kiki, you are awesome!!!! | |
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| HLaB27
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:15:10 PM | | Can you look at mine please? | |
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| rowdycowboy
Posted: 4/5/2007 2:14:31 PM | kikilynn
The headline was not discriminating it is meant as a preference and as a joke.
Thank you for the advice on quitting smoking.
LOL Of course I have one.
And I meant "Flying" as an adjective describing how fast I was moving across a "Wake" of snow, not a lake.LOL
Thank you for your honest opinion, now what are you waiting for? | |
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