| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:50:22 PM | Let me get this straight, you've lost weight since you met, and he still ****ing? Here's the deal, he's in love with your potential. You have a great face and nice hair, probably cute feet. He fell in love with the dream of what you can be. Not what you are.
You have a decision to make. It begins with you telling him to accept you as you are or walk away. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/8/2006 8:53:04 PM | Oh yeah, and in great you have those lips, those full, beautiful, luscious, delectable, kissable pouty lips.  | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 3:28:36 PM | | what is he crazy you are a sexy goddess i would not change a thing about you we should all be so lucy as to have a woman that looks like you | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:42:55 PM |
My question is.. for other girls who have been in a situation like this, how did you cope? I was originally working very hard to take it off, but his constant criticism has only discouraged me. In my case, I can't decide what to do.. I am so close to just leaving, because he is slowly hurting me too much to care about him anymore, but he's also my first love and means a lot to me.. and losing weight is something I should do anyway.
Oh OP ~ I know this one well. My son's sperm donor met me when I was about 50 pounds overweight. I got the "you have a beautiful face, BUT...." comment constantly. I dropped 50 pounds in about 3 months and then I got the "well, you really should hit the gym...." and for 4 years, I was weighed and my eating was regulated by him. Today, my response would be "fuk you." BUT, I'm 20 + years older and a LOT wiser.
There are things that he did to my psyche throughout those years, and I can assure you ~ once the damage is done, there is very little that can un-do it. I have body issues to this day because of his cruelty. To be quite honest, I allowed it, but I certainly do regret allowing it. My only advice, be true to who you are. If he can't love you for who/what you are: "fuk him." Sorry for the graphics, but this scenerio SCREAMS of mental abuse. He needs to shut up & be nice or move on. Good luck to you. JMO  | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 4:45:12 PM | You know what, the guy sounds like an ***hole. A real POS.
But then, im no better I guess, except that I would never insult someone and tell them to lose weight or starve themselves... that isnt right...
But, I cant date an overweight girl...  Im not talking 10-15 pounds overweigt, but I cant date a chick who has fat rolling everywhere. I'm not attracted t it, it doesnt do it for me. I like a girl who's active and takes pride in her appearance. She doesnt have to be a barbie, but she does have to be attractive to me..
Im not a fan of big hips or huge breasts because a woman is overweight. Doesnt do it for me. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 7:27:10 PM | "I'm a larger girl. I was larger than I am now when my current boyfriend met me."
Well, we all tend to 'grow' as we get older...most likely he has gained a few pounds also!
"My problem is he's very insensitive about it. He tells me to just starve myself if that's what it takes. Amongst other things, he's said that he can't see a future with me if I don't lose the weight (he won't get a place with me unless I lose weight because doesn't want to get a "bigger apartment" for me to fit in - wtf??) and that a girlfriend is a representation of him, and all his other girlfriends were pretty and thin and were attractive 'to a broader range of men."
This isn't your problem, it's HIS problem. Your only problem is putting up with it. My 16 year relationship ended not long ago and while packing found some pictures of us dancing at a work xmas party back when we started dating. We were both thinner then (about 30 lbs). I had noticed she had gained some weight throughout the years, but I still loved her, for HER...I would never tell her I couldn't be with her because she had gained weight. This guy is NOT worthy of YOU... | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 9:24:42 PM | Oh Babe, I hope that you dumped that *sshole by now...
I was 290, gained 100 lbs with my daughter when I was 19 years old and it took a gastric bypass when I was 36 to get it gone.. I had it done June 6, 2002.
I was married to a real jackass ( his nick name btw) who said "Sex isn't my thing, I shouldn't have to f*ck you to show you I love you" I heard this for almost 20 years while he was b*tching to my friends about my size..
Funny thing is that he said, "NO you WON'T get surgery" I said, "f*ck you." "Your name's not on my birth certificate and you've been b*tching about my weight for years, I'm having it done."
He moved out in October 2002 when I found out that he had been f*cking around behind my back for years. I had went from a 49 inch waist to a 40 inch waist and was still loosing.. Our divorce was final in 2005 and I was down to a 29 inch waist..
I've gained a little back but I'm at a 32 inch waist now.. No bad for being divorced, a mother of a soon to be 21 year old Daughter and 40 years old !!
Moral of the story. When someone uses your SIZE as a weapon against you, Show Them The Door !! You don't need that crap !! It's an excuse because they can't just say "I want out" and walk away because after all, it can't be their fault...
Hugs..
Em...  | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:33:57 PM | | Oh hun......a man who says those kind of awful things to you does not respect or care about you....he is trying to control you too...telling you how you should look or he won't move in with you....cmon....does this sound like a man who loves you for being you? You deserve better than him.....know that. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/28/2007 12:35:17 AM | Dump him, a person must like you for yourself ! I am a big girl and I reformed one boyfreind that I dated for 3 years ,when he told me that I was the heaviest girl he ever went out ! I was mad at 1st , but he told me i helped him to break his prejudices about bbw!
He told me I was the sexy heavy version of Anna Nicole Smith with a good figure, but he loved me for my political beliefs and the values i stood for and that I was a non-traditional college student like he was !
He said i broke the mold for him becasue of the person I was and he loves the plus size version of me and he said I was sexy !I dated lots of men who like big girls becausue they said dating a skinny girl is like dating a skelton !
You will find a guy who likes you for who you are !
Please dump him ! It is not healthy to be in this type of realtionship! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/28/2007 1:10:32 AM | Drop him like a stone!
He is not 'concerned' about you, he is 'concerned' about his image!
This is his issue not yours and more than likely just the tip of the iceberg... tell him to get lost IMMEDIATELY!
**edit** Freaking a$$hat, how would he like to see you weighing 90 lbs. with tubes sticking out all over the place? How would he like to see in a permanent vegetative state like Terri Schiavo or dead from an electrolyte imbalance? Kick him in the a$$ and throw him out... Good riddance to bad rubbish!!!!!! | |
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shrex
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Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 287 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/28/2007 1:27:57 AM | | I suppose then your bloke should go and find some emaciated bimbo.I am only speaking from my point of view which is no doubt a narrow minded point of view because thats the way I am.Personally I love a girl with a real pear shaped figure especially if she has a fairly slim waist and a big butt.Forget porn,a good old fashioned antique postcard does it for me ,real ladies with real figures.Also a lot of women are self obsessed ,trying to be their ideal shape,which often is dictated to them by the media,this causes women to have poor self esteem if they are anything more than a size 12 .Guys who advocate this and have the attitude your b/f has are sadly deluded and really just want a trophy bird on their arm .I would tell him that his penis is small and you need a big fat one ,which is probably the root of his insecurities anyway.I think you should get rid ,if your a nice girl youll find a guy who will worship you for who you are . | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/28/2007 2:15:53 AM | | 17 years of my life I spent with a man who found something wrong with me everyday take the advice of the people who have written you honey he will destroy your self esteemyou will lose yourself completely IF HE CANNOT LIFT YOU UP INSTEAD OF DRAGGING YOU DOWN MOVE ON TO SOMEONE WHO CAN (same to you guys) martyrdom is not a nice place to be trust me I was there too long now it is difficult for me to accept a compliment because I am so used to insults if you catch yourself ever saying if I just hold on someday he/she'll see how much I care and love me back your in a bad spot. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/28/2007 2:32:26 AM | I noticed that this post (originally) is kind of old, but I'm going to include my $0.02 in case it helps the OP or anyone else.
I've been a big girl since I hit puberty. One of those few people who actually DO have a medical problem. I do, however, work out a lot and eat well. I'm stronger than most of my friends, have more stamina, and can run circles around them...even though I'm a big girl.
I met my ex when I was slightly ligher than I am now. At the time, I was going to taekwon-do nearly 5 days a week, and biking every evening. After we moved, I gained a bit of weight - my program was intensive and I didn't have the money for tkd classes on a student budget. We're talking about 10 lbs on an already heavy frame, over about 2-3 years.
Now, I helped pull this ex of mine out of the gutter. He went back to school, regained some self esteem...and wouldn't you know it, pretty girls started to look his way.
This is when he decided I was now too fat for him. He hounded me about losing weight. If I ate anything that wasn't chicken breast or a salad he'd make a comment about it - despite the fact that he essentially lived off junkfood. He was hell on my self esteem. I felt miserable about myself day and day out, because the man I loved and lived with kept telling me I wasn't to standard. Eventually I asked him to leave. He begged to stay - but why would I want someone around who was hurting my self esteem, and didn't want me for me...simply because he now got more attention from pretty girls?
I've had other instances where guys thought I was really neat, tried to 'get over' my weight issue, and in the end just wound up hurting me and/or jerking me around. I've since learned to only date guys who like everything about me.
To the OP, if you haven't already...let this one go. You will find a guy who adores you for everything about you. It might be hard at first, but you won't believe how much better you will feel later. Especially when you find someone else who treats you like you deserve.
:) | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/29/2007 6:10:28 PM | Hi
I am overweight also......been married twice.....and divorced twice......believe me .....some men it doesnt' matter but there are alot out there that are shallow....
Dump him. You will be fine. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:10:44 PM | OMG Pandora ... sounds like a replica of my experience. I used to be heavier .... much heavier. I decided to shed weight in order to get a guy I was pursuing because I knew it was my weight that stood in between me and him being together. So I did it ... I lost 50 lbs. It initially started because of him but it turned into becoming because of me. I started feeling better about myself but he was never encouraging and only wanted more to happen faster. He used to compare me to the Barbie-like figures and made sure to comment on how amazing their bodies were. I went from being on a high for my accomplishments to a total low because he never made me feel my best was ever good enough. I know he never meant to hurt me by being brutally honest with me but let me tell you it scarred me for a long long time. I do have to thank him for being my inspiration to lose weight because my life did a complete 360 turn for the better. That relationship didn't last very long and my advice to you is leave now!!! In my opinion emotional abuse is far worse than physical abuse and that's exactly what your boyfriend is doing to you. He is emotionally abusing you.
Pandora we can't make you leave him but you need to do it for your emotional and mental well being. What will happen come the day if/when you decide to bear children? It's normal for women to tac on quite a few pounds and it may be one hell of a challenge to lose the weight at that moment as other things will take priority in your life. What will he do then? Turn his back on you after bearing his children? You're young and beautiful. There are many men out there that will appreciate you far more than he does. Find yourself someone who loves you and every part of you.
Best wishes | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 3/29/2007 7:52:06 PM | He is stressing you out way to much. I have almost always been naturally thin. That is until a serious injury had me off my feet for nearly a year. At the same time I was a college student with a grumpy, pissed off husband an 3 amazing children. Over a five year period I gained over 50 lbs. My now ex and I got a divorce and amazingly within 3 months the weight fell off. I went from a size 14 to a size 8. I did absolutely nothing to lose a single ounce.
When you are under alot of stress your body goes into protector mode and even if you starve yourself you won't lose the weight...I know I tried everything. The best weight loss I had was 6'2" 230 lbs. Life is great now.
Dump him and focus on what you need to focus on. That would be yourself. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:16:45 PM | Hey i doubt your alone with this one.
My last long term partner met me and didn`t have a problem with how i was. i have never been slim, never will be. but he met me and had no hang ups in the beginning.
then i started getting them remarks and the name calling, at first i`d shrug it off but eventually it got too much, i was too scared to eat. i`d cry, i hated going out anywhere with him as hes continuely dig at me, i smashed a mirror once, probably explains my bad luck!!
But like you he met me as i was, so i don`t know why he changed.
I do feel for you, you look a stunning lady, whats his problem! , if you feel you have to lose weight do it for you and health issues.
don`t let him knock you down .Walk away , someone will love you for you.
I am how i am, if ppl have a problem then walk away!! love shouldn`t build walls.
Love me love all about me . simple as!! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:22:02 PM | | I have to agree with the majority; dump him! He's trying to drive you off or control you. Looking at your pics, you are obviously a very attractive woman just the way you are, so that can't be the real issue. He probably has some issues of his own, but for him to use you to make himself feel better is totally stupid. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:44:12 PM | What ever happened to helping someone improve there looks ?
how do you say ,your beautiful and I would merry the love of my life or girl of my dreams but you are fat ?tough one.
Has he offered to go run with you or work out?
Did it ever enter your mind that looks count?
This is a single site where people date based on looks .The ones who give you that throw him to the curb advice are never going to see what he see's in you.You have potential and he see's that ,your a 10 dressed up in an extra 20 lbs. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:49:27 PM | | I'd tell him to get a blow up doll, at least then he'd have a perfect match personality-wise. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:11:53 PM | Some people are never happy, I agree that he would just find someone else.
You look fantastic, I suggest you find someone who would appreciate you. | |
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ajb23
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Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 298 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:14:05 PM | That guy is just being a jackass. I gurantee if you told him to improve his physique, dress better, or something along those lines, he would be highly offended.
I for one think that you're nicely proportioned for your weight. You're fine as is.
Either way, ditch the douche if he continues to press the issue. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:17:15 PM | | Move on. You are a beautiful girl that deserves a man that adores you head to toe. I have been a size 4 and a size 12 and the men I was with never ever tried to get me to gain or lose. This is a bad sign of a very controlling nature. It will not stop at just a few pounds eventually he will criticise your hair, clothing intelligence etc. Stop it now. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:18:30 PM | I haven't read the replies to your original post but I am sure I am repeating what lots have said already.
You are a gorgeous young woman and you do not need some guy telling you to lose weight no matter what. You would be better off alone or with someone who accepts you for who you are, whether you plan on losing weight or not.
Dump him. You are young and beautiful and there is definitely someone out there that will love you for who you are if that is what you choose to have in your life. | |
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