| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:54:53 PM | do what u want to do..its not his life its YOURS, if your happy with your weight stay happy.
hes ver shallow and doesnot know anything about others feelings
some men iv dated have done the same thing. u need to step up and tell him im happy the way i am.
if he cant deal wit u being big beautifull of sexy he can just starve his way out ur house
when my x said that to me i said go find a lil skinny girl to take care of u then lol, remember its your life not his and theres no strings attached to u so u can do what ever u want,dont ever let the man put u in the corner tryin to starv yourself..thats some bull
good luck | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/22/2008 2:27:11 AM |
What concerns me the most is that people are disregarding that these events played out in the distant past and all players are long gone.
No we are not disregarding that at all. In fact in my first post I even pointed out that since the op was gone I would be addressing other women going through the exact same thing. Women go through this type of crap with men all the time so the advice is bound to be relevant to someone reading this. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/24/2008 2:39:53 PM | My question is.. for other girls who have been in a situation like this, how did you cope?
I wouldn't have to cope, his sry a$$ wouldn't be let aloud in my house period.... and if your going threw a hard time now, then kick him to the curb, cause it won't get better, cause if he loved you, he wouldnt say shyt like that. You Deserve someone that will treat you with respect...  | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:15:54 PM | Huh.. Interesting
i am a chunky dude myself and i like thick girls, not really into bbw. But if loved a girl it wouldnt matter to me if she became a bbw.
I noticed that guys are very judgementle about their gfs weight.
So i guess thats how most of the dudes are if theyre skinnier than their lover because they start to think that women dont try to impress them anymore? | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:28:45 PM | Only read the first post here. Here's my opinion:
I was larger than I am now when my current boyfriend met me.
He wants me to lose weight
The fact that he started a relationship with you when you were not only heavy, but even *heavier* than you are now does not make me feel sorry for this man. He knew what he was getting into. If it was all right for him to date you then, why is it all of a sudden not now?
Barring that, the fact that he wants you to lose weight is not an issue to me. Health is hugely important to me, and if I noticed my boyfriend were becoming obese with no apparent intention to lose it, I'd voice my concern as well. *However*, what's important here is (according to you) the hurtful and, might I add, completely ineffective, attempts to get you to lose weight. In fact, I question whether his main intent here is to motivate you to lose weight, or to simply put you down for whatever reason. Any half-intelligent person would know that saying such things are not what will get somebody to want to shed the pounds.
Again, no sympathy for him when he states all his exes were pretty and thin. That's fantastic, but again, HE chose you when you were larger. That's like me dating a workoholic, marrying him, and then all of a sudden expecting him to cut down his hours once we're hitched. Um, no, it's not that simple.
I would dump the guy, OP. Yes, you should lose weight, but not to appease a boyfriend who doesn't seem to care about your well-being all that much. You should be doing it for your own health. He was your first love, eh? This will sound harsh, but who cares. It's always hard to let go of your first love (I've been there), but you have to be honest with yourself: If the first time you met your boyfriend he was the man he is today, would you have wanted to be with him back then?
Don't jeopardize your current and future happiness just because you're holding on to what used to be. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:58:28 AM | close your eyes...
imagine a situation you don't want to be in...
then in your head say: It's over...This will never happen again...I will never see you again..We are through...I am gone...I want you out of my life forever...
then say, The Truth is....
Then think of what your truth is and think of how you feel after you say what the truth is...
remember this feeling...it is telling you something about the relationship you are currently in... | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:19:30 AM | | every human has the need to be accepted for who they are ...on the inside and on the outside----if u did in fact lose the weight like he wants u to.....would u not look at him and think.....ummm i wasnt good enough for u ----find a man who loves u for u--inside and out--outlooks on weight are changing i think and its becoming much more accepted--im a bbw and i have no trouble finding dates--its all about the confidence girl--if u think ur hott--they will too | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:27:33 AM | To everyone saying "find someone who loves you for you"...
That sounds great and all, but obesity is a huge health concern. If you're not going to try to motivate your loved ones to lead a healthier life, then what else will have you standing idly by? "Oh, sure, he loves his cocaine. But I just *love* him for him! :D"
Sometimes loving a person makes you WANT to change the way s/he's living life. So again, I'll reiterate:
Is he right for making you want to lose weight? Yes, if he is saying so just because of your health; No, because he decided to be with you when you were even bigger.
Is the way he's approaching the situation right? Hell no. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:47:12 AM | Wow, it sounds like he says some pretty hurtful things. If it is abusive then you are best off leaving regardless of the time you have been together. You do not deserve abusive treatment under any circumstances, so you need to either leave or ask him to stop the abuse.
He would be much better off encouraging you and being concerned for your health and approaching it that way. I think some people think that if they make something painful enough for someone then they will change. But in this case he is just making you feel worse.
It is true that the majority of men are overly concerned with appearance. This is similar to how some women judge men on their financial position.
If you think he will stop the abuse, then I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart about how he is hurting you and tell him you have the same interest to be healthier, however you need his encouragement. And, if he is unable to stop being abusive, then you will need to leave the relationship.
That is my best advice. Also, you might read a book called Boundaries, by Townsend and Cloud.
Best wishes! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 5:41:32 AM | I'd break up with him, and then use the time you used to spend with him making improvements to yourself. That makes your life much more productive.
Then if I felt like it once I lost the weight, and got myself on an healthy eating schedule with a good lifestyle change I'd probably consider allowing him to stand on his head and spit wooden nickels to try to get me back. And maybe I'd consider it, but probably not. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:00:12 PM | | wow, I've never been in this situation so I can't tell you how to "cope" with it but this guy is seriously an insensitive a-hole. That is total BS and you need to lose him. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:39:38 PM | Dump him and go eat a gallon of Rocky road,,,,,
what kind of question is this anyways? you know what you should do you just want people to tell you he is an ass and that you are right for not wanting to Lose weight............there are many men who like Fat women just go find one of those and your man can go back to dating pretty thin women,,,,,,,
I guess it is just a matter of how you look at it, I had a woman tell me I should lose some weight because she thought I would look better,,,at first it hurt my feelings but then I realized she was right so I lost some weight, not for her but for me,sometimes getting our feelings hurt is a wake up call... | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:03:10 PM | Why are you people answering a post from four YEARS ago?
Secondly, most guys / girls don't want a big 'en. If you can't control yourself when it comes to cake, muffins and pie... if you don't care enough about yourself to stop shoving Bic Macs down your gullet... well you get the idea. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:07:01 PM |
Why are you people answering a post from four YEARS ago?
My bad - I usually notice stuff like this. OP is probably really thin and married to a whole other guy by now. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:08:58 AM | | DUMP HIM!!!!! It will be hard because he is your first love, but you need to date other guys that don't treat you so disrespectfully. You will soon see that most guys don't say such hurtful things to their girlfriends. You deserve waaayyyy better! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:30:47 AM | | oh the post was from years ago? oops..haha but listen to my advise still good stuff haha | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:14:08 PM | On this note...
There are alot of men who specifically pick up and get with heavier, chunky, pudgy, however you want to put it, girls. Most of these girls have low self esteem going in and the men know that control is only a few nice comments away. Thats why they are charmers at first, you feel like the luckiest woman alive (he wants me WOW!). Then slowly the abuse starts. You brush it off as a bad day at work. You find yourself making excuses for it. He takes you further and further down until you start to think of yourself that way. By the end you dont think you deserve any better than that. Its a sad cycle.
Ive been there. My husband left 2 years ago. I didnt start dating until about a month ago. In that time, I realized I was someone special, I lost 110 pounds, and I grew some amazing self esteem. You have to change yourself and the way you accept how people treat you. It can be done.
Get away from him. There are decent men who will love you no matter what. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:06:44 PM | Dump him. And when he asks why all of a sudden you've decided it's over....ask him how much he weighs and after he tells you say :
You asked me to lose some weight, so I'm losing (insert his weight here) today!
Good luck. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:34:08 PM | Hell I don't blame the poor guy, and I totally agree with him. If your just gonna sit on your a** all day while constantly stuffing your pork intake, then he has every right to feel like that.
Now I myself would never date some 300 pound twinkie guzzling heffa. Just the fact of being seeing with one out in public is utterly embarassing. Having a one night stand is the farthest I'll go with some " jellyroll tubbie"... | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:46:05 AM | This is just so hurtful and I do think he isn't the right guy for you.
he won't get a place with me unless I lose weight because doesn't want to get a "bigger apartment" for me to fit in - wtf??)
What a nasty remark to make and I am surprised you are asking advice when the situation is pretty clear. Don't let anyone talk to you like that. I am sure he's all perfect himself :)lol
I gained weight through meds and hate it and for years tried and tried and never accepted it but never has anyone be that nasty to me and if someone was I'd just turn around and walk in the opposite direction. I started beginning of September to lose weight and till today (17th Oct) lost 10kg but I am doing it for myself.
Please think about it....to make such nasty remarks is simply horrible and I wonder what he gets out of making them in the first place...hmmm... Does he know he can get away with it? Does it make him feel better?... get rid
PS There are actually men out there who like a BBW and there are websites for that. I met my ex on one of them and it was nice..ok we split but he wouldn't have dared be so nasty to me :)
Chin up and I wish you all the best in your decision taking!  | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:14:09 PM | Look, let's be honest people. So many PC responses, which would if followed, probably make the OP less happy.
Looks matter, and being a bbw means that you are no longer within the beauty norm. Are there some guys that like ++ size women, yes. Are there a lot, no. So chances are, if you breakup, you'll be alone and unhappy - plus unhealthy as you come to accept your plus size body as the new norm. Wow great outcome people.
OR
You can lose weight, stay together, be fit and healthy. Have more success in your job because your happier with yourself and are more confident. To me, this is a better outcome.
Secondly, has anyone considered the fact that the reason why the guy was so cruel was because it was tough love, and that it was perhaps his way of breaking through to his girl? We'll never know because she's gone and we've only got her side of the story. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:19:15 PM | ^^^ Was that for real? The issue here isn't HER being a BBW, it's HIS refusal to acknowledge the obvious, that the idiot had the gall to begin a relationship with her when she was actually HEAVIER than she is now.
If this was a woman b*tching that the guy won't change for her, every dude in this house would be reaming her out for such idiocy as believing you can change someone.
Fat women are easy targets. The guy is emotionally abusive. That much is obvious. If he doesn't want her or doesn't feel attracted to her anymore, then he should just leave. WITHOUT the demoralizing putdowns to the OP.
And I'm sure the OP would fare better for herself without this ball and chain hindering her progress to take good care of herself. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:16:38 PM | Miss Contemplative: go back and reread what the OP said. She clearly states that she's given up on continuing to try to lose weight, and it also states that the guy is upset about this.
Making blanket half ass statements about how this guy is emotionally abusive without knowing more information is not helpful. We do not know how long the guy waited before turning on the hard love tactic, nor do we know if he is even being that verbally abusive. What we do know is that the OP was emotionally distraught by the situation, and could just as much be exaggerating the whole thing.
The only thing that is obvious is that you're jumping to wholesale conclusions without any shred of evidence. | |
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Wishful thinking. If it were that easy, she wouldn't be whining like that...