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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:33:41 PM | Dump him, NOW!
Looking at your pictures, you are not overweight. Not by a long shot. Get out of that relationship. Change your phone numbers, move, do whatever it takes, but you will not have a pleasant life until that loser is completely out of your life.
I wish you well. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:35:44 PM | dude!
am i the only one who checked out the girls pics? she's friggen hot!
pandora, you're not fat. your thick and curvy. in fact, you're what most normal men like. the next time your man starts complaining about your weight, start complaining about his penis size. he'll quickly get the idea to back off.. howevery, this guy seems like a completely clueless jerk who needs to be kicked to the curb. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:36:54 PM | | dude really, i feel your pain. I am fat. no ifs ands or buts it. i have been in your situation, i lost weight but realized that i couldn't deal with his excessive bull. So dear honestly get out of this relationship, he will never truly be happy with you, even though from what i can see you are a beautiful woman. if he can't appreciate it, then kick his sorry a*** out. best of luck to you. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 7:40:14 PM | | You dont actually have to move however one trick I did to make a person think I moved is to change my phone number than put different curtains up at the end of the month after I told them I was moving and I took a different route to and out of my place - parked my car in a different spot. worked like a charm. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:20:07 PM | | I agree with all the women before me, dump his ass. In five years you won't even remember his last name, let alone what you "loved" about him. Life's too short to waste your time on someone so shallow.. Use your energy on more positive pursuits.. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:39:09 PM | | Wow, your bf is a real ass.....he doesn't love you. If he is telling you to lose weight, by starving yourself, he really doesn't care whether you die from it or not. It is getting to you or else you wouldn't be writing a post on a forum about it. Definitely dump him. You don't need a negative influence in your life! | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:39:36 PM | pandora
obviously he is the problem and i agree with the other coments this is abusive controling behaviour!
so ok hes your first love but he sure as heck isnt going to be your last and now hes poisoned you into thinking everybody you both know is thinking the same thing !the reason you feel uncomfortable around his family or friends if he has that kind of hold over you now think how much worse it will get in time
youdeserveto be
treatedbetterthere is some body out there who will love you just as you are
kick the dude to the curb it will be hard but you can do it and for yourself without somebody saying things to make you feel bad about yourself the man is toxic  just my thoughts | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:49:28 PM | Well we could all tell you to dump his sorry friggen ass, but it wont solve the next problem your going to have. What if you stay with him and lose all the poundage he wants you too? wonder if all is all soooo puuurrefct and you 2 decide to have a family? Holly crap you gain again and now it's harder cause he's going to be saying s...h...i.t while your preggo and after you have the baby.
Hey sweetheart, I say if sighns are there early in the game, NOW IS THE TIME TO GET OUT while it's to late. There are plenty of guys that will like you for you, not what slight pounds you gain or lose...... Your call, perhaps make fun of his d...i...c..k.... to shut him up awhile *lol* | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:53:21 PM | I guess that I'm of two minds on this issue.
Granted, his comments ARE over the top, and as they have hurt you, getting rid of him is probably a good option.
However, there has to be a point when your SO can tell you that you are getting unhealthily heavy, or even light.
I've had weight issues all my life. While married for 10 years, my ex didn't encourage the times when I wanted to get into better shape. And when I reached a point of giving up on more than just my weight (there were some medical conditions involved as well), she up and left, for another guy.
Controlling or not, at least he's communicating with you. Are you communicating back?
Does he know how his comments to you are affecting you?
I guess that's the big question. If he knows what his comments are doing to you and STILL makes them, then it's malicious and I would agree with everyone here.
My 2 cents,
Knute | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 8:59:01 PM | OP - here's the deal.
#1 - he's a control freak who has self esteem and insecurity issues. He's an unhappy person in life, so when he's down, he'll bring you down. You really don't want a starring role in the "Titanic" do you?
#2 - hang around him long enough, pretty soon you won't be seeing your friends and family. He will start to isolate you.
#3 - hang around him even longer, I wouldn't be surprised if this "boy" hauls off and hits you or worse. Control issues, is just the beginning of abuse.
Starve yourself? The deal gets better. If you cut out too many calories, guess what? You'll gain the weight, your metabolism will be at a crawl. You need no less than 1200-1500 calories per day, just to sustain yourself in a healthy way. Take a good look at women and men with anorexic and other eating disorders. Their teeth eventually rot out; their faces become sunken in; and if they are lucky, they will survive a massive heart attack. If you haven't done so, get a physical and especially get your thyroid gland checked out, that little gem controls your metabolism. Go from there. The successful way to lose weight is you have to want to do it for YOU! Eat right and exercise, move your body!
You are really better than these deals that I've mentioned above. The key here, is you have to believe you are better than what this guy has to offer. Bottom line - kick his ass to the curbside and don't look back. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:01:43 PM | My problem is that he does know, I've told him that I don't need a push, I need support. He has seen me cry over this and he knows the effect it has. Why I am considering leaving him is because it has become clear how it affects me.. and tonight he commented about it again which is exactly what I told him I didn't need.
I also know that hes a brass guy and that he does love me.. in his own way. And I should lose weight, I would be a lot healthier. I appreciate his honesty but he needs tact.. because when he kills my confidence.. it's not going to help me lose weight at all. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:07:19 PM | ksue:
I already eat too little for my own good on many days, and the only thing it does is backfire on me. I know it won't work, and it makes it more frustrating when I try to tell him that I've tried and he doesn't believe me. The one day, I had barely eaten anything, the only real food I had was a cheeseburger and he flipped out on me for eating it.
I should mention that he used to be heavier himself.. he lost 50 pounds. Now he despises fat.. I'm starting to realize it may really be his issue, not mine. He's still not happy with himself; when I first started seeing him, I was more than 100% happy with myself.
I am usually happy with myself.. I should try to get up the confidence to leave but it's hard, and it shouldn't be this hard but it is..
I don't know.. but thank you all for your help and comments, I was telling myself that things weren't as harsh as they seemed but I guess they really are | |
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~iiCe~
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Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 39 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:12:52 PM | A few years back I was living with this guy... was with him for about 5 years... anyway we were watching Maury Povich and the show was "If she doesn't lose weight I am leaving".... I looked at him and told him... if he ever felt that way to just pack his bags... because he would be leaving... he laughed and said he loved me for me.... and was fine... but that is my feeling on it...
I can't change for someone else... can only change for me.. and any one that expects that I would change for him is not the one for me... | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:30:52 PM | This is absolutely blatant verbal abuse on the part of your boyfriend. Should the relationship be allowed to progress, this abuse will only become stronger and continuously more controlling. The further he is capable of tightening his control and reducing your self-worth, the further the cycle of abuse will evolve. Please don't wait to see the next act of the play. Get out now.
The bottom line here is that your weight is the LEAST important issue expressed in your post. Your current relationship is, via your own admission, greatly impacting your own personal confidence, self-worth, and happiness. Losing X amount of pounds will not magically bring the return of any of those things. The inside must be healed before the outside has a chance at any possible alterations. Thus, until the harmful relationship ceases, there is little chance of healing the inside, and without healing the inside, the outside is all but impossible. Ultimately, the biggest change that needs to be made at this point is your dating status! Enter - SINGLE! | |
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Lori13
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Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:33:03 PM | Girlie,
Look at it this way: what would you do if you heard a guy talk like that to one of your friends/sister/mom? I can't even BEGIN to imagine how incredibly pissed I'd be if I witnessed something like that! Excuse me, WHAT?
He's essential hinting that you're nothing as a person to him except an object, that your feelings/emotions/personality/quirks are meaningless. Nothing is more degrading than being objectified in such a manner...and you know, and I know, that you deserve to be thought of in a broader term than what size dress you fit in.
There's absolutely NO WAY things will ever get better with this guy, sweetie. Don't kid yourself into thinking that he'll start treating you like his girlfriend (or even a human being for that matter). The second you lose weight, he'll belittle something else. And love, true love, is based on a mutual respect for each other - there is none of that, whatsoever, coming from his end. And don't justify what he does by making excuses of any sort, don't think about those few times he was nice to you or made you feel good, because that's just something you'll do as a reason for sticking with him. If this guy was the guy for you, you wouldn't be on here suffering so.
The way he talks to you, I wouldn't talk to a dog, much less another person! Nothing gives somebody the right to act like such an a$$hole. NOTHING. He's downright sadistic in the way he talks to you.
Hun, you not only need to dump him, you also need to:
1) Post his picture on the internet alongside all the stuff he's done (ok, I'm kidding...sort of)
2) Eliminate from your mind the things he's said, because it has nothing to do with you. If you're so horrible as he says, WHY is HE still with YOU? Duh, you're not that bad! He's trying to convince himself that he isn't a miserable little pr*ck, so he talks about his thin, pretty exes to boost his pathetic, but very fragile, ego. Trust me, I've been there.
3) Go out with your hot single friends and get a bunch of sexy mens' digits. It'll be a huge self-esteem boost.
I'm sure you don't need to hear how pretty you are, btw. And tell that waste of oxygen boyfriend to f%$k himself. The sooner you dump him, the sooner you'll be yourself again.
      | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:35:23 PM | I think my first instinct like most people here would be to let him go.
However, I think maybe you shed some light on the issue when you said he had become a health fanatic. He has changed greatly and in some ways is just not the man you first met because of this.
It seems obvious to me that you are happy with your weight, and that is all that really matters. Your boyfriend is on his high horse and is forcing you to go the same direction as he chose and that is not right. You could take a hard line approach and tell him that you are not willing to compromise on the issue.
Before you read this paragraph, let me say I still agree with the others about that there is a high likelyhood he is going to pick at you regardless of weight and that you may want to dump him. This sort of thing will probably hurt your relationship for a long time and you may not easily be able to forgive. Its unlikely you'll ever forget. However, if you want to try to work with him, perhaps you could find support in a few different ways. You could, for example, split a meals when you go out to eat. You could also get gym passes and press him to make time to go with you there. Maybe you can eat more organic/natural homemade meals; cooking together can be fun. You can find activity partners and play tennis or some other sport. Maybe I am reaching, but I am trying to be constructive. Good luck. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:41:17 PM |
My problem is that he does know,
I appreciate his honesty but he needs tact..
Then it sounds like you have one of several ways to proceed.
1) Say/do nothing
2) Kick him to the curb
3) Tell him, with the least tact possible, to shut the hell up about your weight until he can learn some tact so that he can actually help rather than hurt. Barring that, he can find a "smaller" apartment for just him.
4) Talk to his parents about it. You said that you had dinner with them. So ask them what they think, because then he may hear about it from his mom. 
Whatever you decide to do, make sure that the course of action that you do choose is one in which you can live with the consequences.
From what you are writing, you don't seem to want to lose him. That's normal, I'd say. I mean, you have history with him. It's sometimes hard to leave that history behind and move on.
I guess that, for me, I'd have to ask myself what would my life be like in the next 5 or 10 years with this person, and whether or not that's where I'd want to be in my life.
I can't remember, but somewhere it was mentioned that this was your first love? Anyway, my ex was my first love -- well, actually second, but I didn't really act on the first.  -- anyway, I used to think that the determining factor was whether or not I could wake up next to them every morning. I never considered that she'd leave me for someone else. It was rough, and there were times when I could have sworn that she was there when she wasn't, but I've gotten over it and have grown in the process. I learned alot about myself when it was just me; even while missing my children daily.
HTH
Knute | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:46:26 PM | | dump the guy miss, if he wants you to lose weight he should be supportive of your efforts and actually maybe go to the gym to work out with you instead of criticizing you and asking you to starve yourself...... | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:50:24 PM | Alright.. here's my thing.. and maybe I'm rationalizing it when I shouldn't be..
He says that it's not the weight that bugs him so much as I wasn't being open about it, because I refused to tell him exactly what my weight was whenever he's asked. I told him that I used to be that open with him and did used to tell him exactly where my weight stood, but once I saw this side of him I no longer felt like sharing. How could I if he was going to criticize any gain in weight? We had some issues in the past and broke up, and after getting back together we worked through a bunch of them. I told him that this is just another one of the issues, it's just taking more time than the rest, and his pushing so hard is just going to push me away.
I'm thinking I deserve part of the blame for not being more open, but really, who in their right mind COULD be more open about it when you know the criticism that's coming?
He says he wouldn't have criticized me if I was more open.. I don't believe it..
And thank you all again so much for your support.. it really is good to know that you guys are willing to take the time to help, cause I really needed it.. I think its giving me a wakeup call that maybe I've gotten used to this kind of behavior and tolerate it, but it's not normal.. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 9:52:37 PM | Eliminate from your mind the things he's said, because it has nothing to do with you. If you're so horrible as he says, WHY is HE still with YOU? Duh, you're not that bad! He's trying to convince himself that he isn't a miserable little pr*ck, so he talks about his thin, pretty exes to boost his pathetic, but very fragile, ego. Trust me, I've been there.
You know.. that makes sense, I never thought of it that way..
However, I think maybe you shed some light on the issue when you said he had become a health fanatic. He has changed greatly and in some ways is just not the man you first met because of this.
Well, I first knew him in highschool.. he was heavier then. He lost weight mainly by taking really demanding physical labor jobs. I told him to get off my case, because its easy to lose the weight when you have a job like that, even if it's taxing; it's a lot harder to lose when you sit at a desk at work 10 hours a day, come home, and sit for several hours more to do schoolwork.
Talk to his parents about it. You said that you had dinner with them. So ask them what they think, because then he may hear about it from his mom.
He claims that his dad is the one who has problems with my weight.. at least, that's what he told me tonight. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 10:05:14 PM | | hey i just wanted to tell you i think you are a very beautiful, volumptuous lady. And i think you look great just the way you are. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 10:26:44 PM |
My question is.. for other girls who have been in a situation like this, how did you cope?
I'd cope by collecting all his sh*t from my house and leaving it on the porch. Either he loves me the way I am, or he can find someone else to bully. Enough said. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 10:27:53 PM | | You should listen to Brazen... she's a smart woman who is wise in the ways of such things. | |
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| My Weight and My Boyfriend
Posted: 12/18/2005 10:32:55 PM | Maybe you're gaining weight because of him. What a jerk! If he had a problem with your weight, why did he go for you in the first place? Probably, because he needs someone to belittle? Sounds verbally abusive to me.
I've been there. When I was married, my husband was always after me to lose weight; although my doctor said that I was in the normal range. I got down to 127#, and one night, during love making, he pinched my side and said that I could stand to lose 10# more.
Finally, figured out that he was comparing me to his exgirlfriend who weighed 110# soaking wet. I quit dieting to please him. Of course, I weigh a lot more than I used to.
Now, he's a big old fatty. I wonder how he likes being over weight.
There are men out there who love their women for who they are.
Funny! My daughter's doctor told her to lose weight, and her husband protested. He loves her just the way she is. About 40# overweight. She's working on losing some for her health; not because her man told her to.
You're better off without him, but that's your decision. I think you deserve better. Hang in there.  | |
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