| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:45:51 AM | Going slow is definitely a relative term. Some people honestly believe that waiting until the third date to have sex is going slow.
To me, going slow means finding out if there's anything past the new infatuation stage before going to bed. Waiting until the sex will actually mean something. Yes, it means not spending every available minute together just because you're both free. I would never cancel plans I'd already made just to spend time with my SO, whether in the beginning of the relationship or not - unless I really did not want to go with the above mentioned plans!
Going slow means actually participating in the ritual of dating, rather than hanging out at eachothers houses, jumping into the relationship comfort zone before the relationships even begun. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 12:37:08 PM | .
The term “going slow” is simply what is said when a person is insecure about dating another -- for whatever reason(s). It usually indicates (to me, anyway) that they are still carrying plenty of baggage from old relationships.
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 7:25:10 PM |
Going slow means actually participating in the ritual of dating, rather than hanging out at eachothers houses, jumping into the relationship comfort zone before the relationships even begun.
ooooohhhhh I hate the dating thing(stage one) , it has me on edge all the time , I luv stage to , the comfortable period , problem is most women want to prolong stage one , and rush through stage 2 , and head right for stage 3 . | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 7:49:41 PM | It means read her mind and if she feels things are moving too fast for her liking the you will have to take it slow.......in a nutshell nobody knows because it's relative to each person.. I guess it's whatever doesn't feel rushed but fast enough not to be boring.  | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:11:17 PM | Slow means different things to different persons.....there is no way you can eliminate all the possibilities or know for sure the relationship will last, people have split even after lengthy courtships, and those who had very short courtships but a relationship lasting a lifetime,
but dont go to others for advise on whether you should commit...well meaning but clueless friends always spout the same overused cliche..............
Yep you guessed it " go slow" " be carefull" "dont give in too easily" " take your time and be very suere" and similar advise- YOU and your PARTNER decide and nobody else.
and when this is spouted by friends who are in their mid-twenties....I just tell them,
gee , thanks for your advise & concern but I started dating when you were still in diapers..
I prefer to just go with the flow | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:22:21 PM | | I consider taking things slow is not rushing into anything taking time to get to know a person rather than just jumping into a situation that may be hard to get out of in the end and some relationships that are rushed tend to not work out so much there's some that do but it's very rare through my own experience. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 2:45:21 PM | Only drug you really need to worry about picking up is AZT. Hello! Going slow is about a certain respect.
Men (I repeat: MEN) - with self control and patience are entirely enjoying something you should try to experience at least once in your life.
That first kiss with a MAN who's given it the endurance it deserves is enough to seal the deal of a lifetime if you can be patient enough to discover it.
McDonalds drive thru, or a five star dinner that takes six hours to get through? Your choice. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 3:00:36 PM | Going slow is waiting 3 months to have some sex with the person. Can you get any slower, I hope not.
I think you can go slow and still have the I want you feeling even when it is coming from both sides.
I was a girlfriend not the live in variety for seven years, he waited for me to figure out if I wanted more, maybe that's going slow too. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 3:51:17 PM |
(Msg 35) I was a girlfriend not the live in variety for seven years, he waited for me to figure out if I wanted more, maybe that's going slow too.
I think that's referred to as the "patience of Job".  | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 3:52:12 PM |
Does it mean there really isn't a "I want you" feeling
YES..........Exactly that. You probably gave yourself away too quickly and she thinks you're weak. Since she said "go slow" instead of quitting completely, you still have a chance to salvage something. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 4:05:24 PM |
(Msg 34)McDonalds drive thru, or a five star dinner that takes six hours to get through? Your choice.
Ahhh, but you know you're going to get dessert at the end of the six hour dinner.
The problem is people either change their minds or simply play a game and waste other people's time. One shows their seriousness and intentions by exhibiting diligence, not a laissez-faire attitude. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 4:22:24 PM | My theory is that the person who wants to go the slowest, should set the pace. Say guy wants to go further faster but woman doesn't. She should set the pace for the relationship. Same thing with the guy who wants things to progress slowly and the woman just want to leap ahead, it should be the guy who sets the pace. Mind you, this includes physical connections, "commitment", and well, just about anything else that has to do with relationships and "taking the next step". Therefore, no one is being shoved or rushed into something they're not ready for. Typically, this saves a woman from being rushed into sex before she's ready (hey now, some guys aren't wanting to leap into bed with the woman they're with either, it's just more rare) as well as men who aren't ready for marriage when their partner wants "more" in the commitment department.
Of course, if at any point the other person who wants to move ahead and their partner doesn't and that becomes a major point of conflict. Instead of badgering, nagging, trying to "score", or whatever along the lines of forcing your partner to do something they're not ready for, just end the relationship instead. That way, the person setting the high gear relationshipwise will be free to find someone who wants that and the person setting the slower pace will be able to find someone that won't pressure them into something they're not ready for. Enough said, thank you and good night!  | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 4:38:21 PM | Paradoxdreamer, that was an excellent post!!! Makes my two cents worth seem trivial.
But I did want to say, that to me, going slow is allowing time to get to know the man,
before rushing into anything physical. I don't want my judgement to be clouded by lust.
I felt an immediate connection with my last boyfriend, but I didn't feel any physical
attraction to him on our first couple of dates. Then, out of the blue, I was just melting
everytime he held my hand or hugged me. After about a month, I was dying to kiss him.
But he had just ened a 25 year marriage and didn't want anything physical. So I went
slow for him. After 3.5 months, I finally came out and asked for a kiss. It was magical
after waiting so long for it. So to me, taking things slow, can be a very good thing.
After all "patience is a virtue". | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 5:11:33 PM | | It simply means not jumping into things emotionally until you are sure. Thats all there is too it. We all know that sometimes things can be decieving at first and alot of people would like for their next relationship to last forever. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 5:40:42 PM | I agree with Dave1234. Although it should be a highly individual timetable that is comfortable for both people, it is a bad sign when someone needs constant "space". One "makes time" when one is truly interested and one "takes time" one one needs space....
It is just a matter of priorities and it takes being together to find out about each other. I have had a relationship like that and it just will not change with time for whatever reason. Relationships are a two way street. It is suicidal to walk alone in the wrong direction.... :-) | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:46:14 PM | C'mon you guys...what does it hurt to take some time for your significant other. The more we rush into things, the more we are setting ourselves up to be hurt. Crimany...RELAX!
Seemingly this dating thing has turned into a race.
Personally, I take my time with my significant other and develop 'that bond' to soldify our relationship. I feel SO strongly now that we have taken our time...it only makes the relationship THAT much better.
Yep, go through the dating ritual...that is respect.
Yep, go through the honeymoon period...that is honor.
Yep, treat each other as if this is your first relationship...that is the thrill.
Yep, continue to compliment each other to advance your relationship...that is the reality and honesty of it all.
Steps you need to take to bond an actual realtionship. Not much effort...but simply attention necessary to create a true bond.
If you do not want to make the effort...how in the heck to you expect anything to work out??? | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 7:02:59 PM | | This is best answered by the theory of relativity. I think it all depends on your reference frame. However, from my reference frame I don't see the point of rushing into anything with anybody. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:43:22 PM |
(Msg 44) C'mon you guys...what does it hurt to take some time for your significant other. The more we rush into things, the more we are setting ourselves up to be hurt...........Steps you need to take to bond an actual realtionship.
Taking time for your significant other should involve spending a lot of time with the person doing regular things. I don't see how dragging out the dating/courtship process enables anyone to really know the person.
For example, seeing someone twice a week enables that person to put on an "air" or get ready for a date. It's like meeting someone socially at a party. What do we really learn about that person except what they want us to know? Who isn't going to get along when going for dinner or a movie? The person we end up living with is not the one that's going out for dinner, dancing, movies.....it's the person getting up Monday morning for work or coming home Wednesday night exhausted after a hectic day at the office/factory/construction site, whatever. We don't see that person until we have started to get feelings for the person that dances and wines and dines. That, to me, is getting hurt.
When I was dating I wanted to know the person before I fell for them. I wasn't worried about their good side or their fun side. I wanted to see their every day side.
I understand the reason for courtship because once courtship was over women's lives were usually hell, down on the farm slapping hogs.
Spending time with a person, even sleeping at their place, does not automatically mean sex. It is the opportunity to see the every day person, the person you will end up with. I wanted to know the person as soon as possible before I developed deep feelings for them.
As one poster notes in her bio under "first date", Let's live together for a week and we'll see if there will even be a first date.
The wining and dining and flowers and dancing and all the other good stuff should be reserved for one's partner not for a stranger one is trying to get to know. Once the chase is over the fun things tend to be put on the back burner. I certainly prefer fine dining with my partner than I do with someone I barely know. Don't most people prefer doing things with people they know? From feeling comfortable chatting over dinner to knowing one's partner's favorite dance song it seems logical to get to know the person as quickly as possible unless one enjoys the "process" of finding a partner more than actually finding one.
I do wonder if some who are adamant about not settling are just looking for reasons to continue the dating process. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:46:27 PM | I agree with LilKitten...it takes time to get to know someone and build a relationship.
To me, though, it doesn't mean seeing less of someone...it is simply holding off sexually until you know each other better. If I'm into him, I still want to see him as often as he wants to see me. If not , we wouldn't be getting to know each other any better, would we? Kinda defeats the purpose. Plus, 'waiting' weeds out the 'players' because they wouldn't be so patient. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/24/2005 10:42:29 PM |
Again it does not take long to know if you click ....
chemistry can not be clarified it simple is . It is not something to be measured by a ruler or studied in a test tube , it is the feeling in your gut , either it is there or it isnt .
Well, mortalez, everybody is different. I don't work that way. I find that a lot of women grow on me and I become attracted to them over time, whereas on first meeting I just think "eh." As far as I can remember, I've always felt that way. I've missed out a few times when a woman I liked lost interest because I didn't come on strong enough right out of the gate, and I suppose I regret that a little, but I can't change the way I am. | |
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