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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:27:27 PM | | Going slow = analyze the other person to death until each one has complete surety that the other person will never leave for any reason....which....will never happen of course. It's simply a very insecure reason for saying I'm afraid you're going to hurt me so we'll follow the "slow" rules. Hey...just do what comes naturally and maybe you'll have a good relationship! | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:43:01 PM | I don't agree with that at all.
If we did what came natural, we'd be going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo.
But we are not working from a merely primitive place and ultimately, we want more than stimulation, so I don't think it is about analyzing each other. Don't make it an interview. Find out how to have fun together. Know full names, birthdates, family backgrounds, what a person does to destress or feel good. I don't think there is a rush. Be close enough for respect first before things get intimate. In this way, the bullsh*t insecurities don't come up because there is genuine like and no earth shattering surprises.
I used to think as you did; do what comes naturally. But naturally, men and women are different. I myself don't want to try someone on to see if they fit. I want to know them and if it isn't to be romantic, to capture it as a wonderful friendly relationship, because it was based on respect. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 79 | |
| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 5:59:24 PM | I think we should be going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo.
I guess, I am old fashioned in the sense that I want to meet someone without all the effort and have that instant connection.
Apparently that doesn’t happen anymore. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:12:56 PM | | @ Arri....It still happens...you read about it all the time in the forums. It goes like this....."we were going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo. It lasted for a week...now he never comes around anymore...wants to take it slow/wants to call it off...(whatever)"..... | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 81 | |
| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 6:18:34 PM | Those who go slow are playing it safe. Every significant relationship in my life happened as a nice accident. I rather trust my instincts and enjoy it instead of conducting a recruitment process.  | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:06:52 PM |
(Msg 76) Please spell out what the natural stages, as you see them to be, are.....
The steps? Start with the top button of the blouse then.........oops, that's "stages" you wrote.  | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:15:34 PM | @Dave, we were on the same page and then you got to the blouse...
but thats okay, there's nothing wrong with it.
And I'm all for going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo, however as was very well put:
@ Arri....It still happens...you read about it all the time in the forums. It goes like this....."we were going at it like chimpanzees in the zoo. It lasted for a week...now he never comes around anymore...wants to take it slow/wants to call it off...(whatever)".....
that fizzle is from "not liking so much" your chimpanzee but finding out about it a week or two into. How many successions of that do you want to go through in life? | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:17:27 PM |
(Msg 80) It lasted for a week...now he never comes around anymore...wants to take it slow/wants to call it off...(whatever)".....
I wonder what really goes wrong in those relationships? I realize there are people just looking for sex but I believe most folks would like a relationship. When I hear the person wasn't what they thought what, exactly, is it the person isn't? (That sentence sounds strange for some reason.)
Maybe I should start a new thread. I'll do a search and see what I come up with. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 85 | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:32:09 PM |
(Msg 83)that fizzle is from "not liking so much" your chimpanzee but finding out about it a week or two into.
I started another thread dealing with that titled, "Reasons a relationship ended". I'll get to the bottom of this yet!  | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 7:57:16 PM |
that fizzle is from "not liking so much" your chimpanzee but finding out about it a week or two into. How many successions of that do you want to go through in life?
I think that's exactly right. Some people don't mind going through it many times, and some do. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 8:26:56 PM |
(Msg 87) Some people don't mind going through it many times, and some do.
So that must mean some people are attracted to a lot of different people if they go through that many times. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 89 | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 9:59:09 PM | | Seems people are stuck in their learned conception of things. Slow should not equal more space apart. Taking time should involve hours on the phone that seem like minutes, romantic feelings that are only partly acted upon, spending as much time together as possible (not easy in long-distance relationships, but if there is a will there is a way) and being interested in the person's every detail of life and interests. It means learning about their family and making all the conclusions before the next stage of the ritual. I have had relationships that were long distance and had more passion and intimacy then some that were not long distance. It all depends on the person and their TRUE MOTIVES. If you are seeing someone in the same town and it feels like a long distance relationship, it's time to cut the losses! Romance and electricity as well as spontaneity do not have to go out the window because we take more time then the chimps... and by the way stop insulting the chimps! They display better sense and higher values then many people. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/25/2005 10:33:26 PM | And what do you think is different between our parents generation and now ?
We live in a fast paced world now. Everyone is in a hurry to get from here to there, accomplish goals and live their life to the fullest. It seems that just living your life now days has become a quest to do things in as little time as possible. Stopping to smell the roses is no longer allowed because it takes up too many minutes in our daily schedule. A lot of the values and traditions that our parents had have become unwanted/outdated suggestions for the new generation. The idea of "courting" a potential sweetheart has been replaced with having "friends with benefits" Casual sex is the norm now and the younger generation believes the sooner you can get it, the better off you'll be. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/26/2005 1:01:15 AM | Well, there's "slow" and there's '"glacially slow". If you feel that your prospective partner is more on the "glacial" side, move on, my friend --- or at least tell her that you feel that you should. If that doesn't speed things up a little, you have your answer. As the Tanya Tucker song says: "If it don't come easy ... you better let it go ... cause if it don''t come easy, there's no natural flow ..."
Merry Christmas, friend, all the best of luck to you on this one ... | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/26/2005 2:45:36 AM | Perhaps because we've 'burnt fingers' once or twice, we are more careful which could also mean that after speedy start the slowing down tempo could take place just to make sure initial   was not only an infatuation.
One would like to see & feel more of mental connection although physical link cannot be overlooked either.
Isn't it 'the package' we are looking for?!
buzz
P.S.
BEST WISHES IN THE NEW YEAR TO ALL FORUM REGULARS! (Guinness or Pilsner Urquell) | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 12/26/2005 11:27:59 AM |
If you are seeing someone in the same town and it feels like a long distance relationship, it's time to cut the losses! Romance and electricity as well as spontaneity do not have to go out the window because we take more time than the chimps... and by the way stop insulting the chimps! They display better sense and higher values than many people.
Great points, Flames, especially your eloquent defence of chimpdom! | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 96 | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 1/3/2006 12:48:43 PM | It's funny that many here compare going at a natural(fast) pace to the behavier of chinps , well chinps are the 2nd smartest animals on the planet , they share 98% of our DNA(just 4 protein differences in their genetic code) , infact they are so smart they can be taught sign language and hold complex conversations with us. But thats where the comparison ends , they dont have complex mating rituals , they just seek out a girl chimp display their strengh and in most cases they mate for life . There is no divorse and alamony or child support, a girl chimp does not leave because she is bored, the male chimp does not beat his mate.
A male chimp acheives status not based on his familly tree but on his ability as a protector,
hmmmmm maybe chimps arent the second smartest creatures on the planet , maybe we are. | |
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 1/3/2006 1:17:26 PM | I don't think that "going slow" really has any advantage. I believe in "going flow". Don't try to force things and don't try to purposely inhibit them either. Do what feels natural in the course of the relationship and you'll stand the best chance of a positive outcome. This frame of mind also has the benefit of putting the other person at ease because they don't feel like they need to protect themselves from a hidden "agenda" and can just be themselves, which as we all know, usually leads to....
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| What is going slow in regards to a relationship?
Posted: 1/20/2006 4:25:44 PM | | Our society dictates the thought process about "going slow" as well as many other conditioned things in our lives. Our former disappointments and disillusionments with our hopes are the ghosts that warn us to turn back our passions too. To break free of the fear is to go at the pace the moment suggests and it is not wrong. Of course having wisdom to think ahead and not get involved with more then one can handle is important. However, we never know how much we can handle; it is all just a matter of what we wish to take into our lives. ...Inaction is an action in itself. | |
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