| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2005 7:03:43 PM | | With hubby, I shared everything from the very beginning. Thought it was honesty and knowing-all-about-me kind of crap. Can't count how many times he's brought up stuff I did years before we met. If I ever meet someone I love as much as I did him, I won't tell them a thing, unless they ask and even then, some heavy editing will be going on. | |
|
teddy7
|
Joined: 10/1/2004
Msg: 27 | |
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2005 7:29:34 PM | | i am with kitten,if asked i will answer anythng they ask honestly,but am i going to come out and offer intimate details about the past?not unless they are pertinent to the situation and only if they can improve the situation.never as a complaint about the present | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2005 8:07:06 PM | | I think that communicating about past relationships with present or potential partners is important. Now, that doesn't mean that one needs to ramble on a daily basis about, "my ex did this" or "my ex did that", whether positive or negative. But, I do think that it is important to respectfully discuss one another's previous relationship experiences. Our past makes up who we are in the present and only in understanding both realms can viewing the future become a possibility. | |
|
mako28
|
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 32 | |
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:00:39 PM | I'd share what needs to be known. I stay away from asking those questions though. If your past relationships made you who you are...I'm going to know who you are without the knowledge of who you learned it from. For me, if I ask a specific question about someone’s past relationships it is most likely a loaded question. I am looking for an answer to support what I already think. So I just don't ask.
I have a very competitive personality, I love a challenge and I like to be the best at what I choose. Therefore, when I ask questions I find out who and how someone had an effect on her. Me being me, I want to be better than her past and will try to have a greater effect. And this leads to me doing things that I'd probably not have done otherwise...I'm too wrapped up in trying to be better that I will end up being worse. So, I don't ask.
It isn't how they know what they do, but who they are that is important to me.
Maybe I'm not "P.C." but this is my honest answer. | |
|
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:22:52 PM | | Do you dare to hear the truth? Ask the question, but remember you should be prepared to respond with your answer to the same question......To the gypsy... Yep been there and done that but... I would still give as accurate a view about anything in my past and at the first mention of a "throw it back in my face" Hasta La Vista- Baby! Color me goooooooone! | |
|
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:25:50 PM | I share anything and everything, and want to know everything.
I just like the stories, the chance to learn more about how you became who you are. I certainly never pressure, but it is without a doubt my favourite thing when we can be curled up in bed and you tell me stories of your past. Most people either tell stories of times they were happy and enjoying themselves, which are always nice to hear and make me smile as they smile, or things that were unhappy and I appreciate their trusting me to share that with, that intimacy is important.
And given that I still live in the house my ex and I bought, though now also with her girlfriend, some explanation is probably necessary. This isn't actually uncommon for me as unorthodox relationships and friendships tend to follow me around.
What someone did with someone else doesn't impact me, as I trust that people are with me in full honesty about where they are coming from. I admit to being very trusting and it has gotten me into trouble before, but alas, it is the one absolute constant in my worldview.
Cheers | |
|
maruli
|
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 35 | |
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2005 3:13:01 PM | | there should be no secrets - I would want to know all and tell all, but of course in a decent way, the psychological development of all previous relationships. | |
|
| |
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2005 3:57:09 PM | | You share as much as your SO wants to know. As to what I like to know?? I prefer, instead of asking questions, to let someone tell me naturally about things. Listening can tell you more than questioning. | |
|
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2005 4:06:11 PM | If asked, I will tell. I don't want to talk about my past relationships unless the person in question really wants to know, then I'll be as honest as I can (being that there are 2 sides to every relationship story).
As for asking them, I'd never give someone the 3rd degree about that, I'm not really interested in people previous to myself, unless they are still stalking the man in question, then I'd like to know if my life is in danger by association! | |
|
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2005 4:14:29 PM | | you should be able to talk about anything thing with the person your with. why should you be ashamed of anything that you have done after all no one made you do it. but if the question desnt come up then why give out more information then whats needed. | |
|
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 12/27/2005 4:55:12 PM | .
Generally speaking, many things about each of us would come up in normal conversation and that’s as it should be. I’ll volunteer overview information about my family and friends, but always keep everything in a positive light. If asked specific questions, I will give specific answers, without elaborating. There are no skeletons in my closet. However, there are a few things someone I am serious with might want to know and I will naturally offer them voluntarily at some point.
But . . . and there is a very large but here . . . my life today is considerably different than it once was, decades ago. So, at least for the first few meetings, we will be openly talking about recent times, not yesteryear.
Edit: I am not one to say bad things about an ex.
. | |
|
| How much do you share about past relationships?
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:30:31 AM | "I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."
Herb Caen
We are indeed a sum of all of our parts. And much of who we are today is based on past experiences and relationships. To deny our past is to deny who we are today.
Now with that being said...here we are in the present and no one can predict the future. Ideally we take the valuable lessons from our past, edit out the bad memories and only keep the happy and light stuff in the backs of our minds. Should we talk about our past relationships? Yes, but only in the appropriate context.
In my own experience its hard for my ex husband to not come up. I spent half of my life with him. We have a son with together. So most of my memories, unfortunatley include him. But do I constantly talk about him? NO! Do I share sexual experiences, good or bad with my new lovers? NO! Personally, I don't want to know that my new flames ex gave him "the best blow jobs ever"! Nor do I want her name injected into EVERY conversation we have. At times, as you grow close to someone, issues may arise but there are things I dont think I want or need to know. Try to keep the sexual stuff out of it and the happy/goofy feeling you once had for someone else to yourself. It only sets up unwanted visuals and insecurities in your partner. Don't ask, don't tell. Unless it is absolutely pertinent to the current situation and is told in a productive, caring way.
P.S...This is one of the reasons that I am a huge believer in taking at least a year off from dating when a relationship ends. You need time, to find yourself again and get the other person out of your head/heart. Its unfair for someone new to be forced to counsel you through what is for most people, a very hard time in thier life. It is also a little disconcerting when someone you are seeing has only recently left a relationship and is telling you that they are "over it". Uh? Do you just "get over" people that easily? How detached are you? Are you in denial about your feelings and they will come back to bite you (and potentially me) in the ass? If there is a possible reconcilliation, who do you think will get hurt here?
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
George Santayana
 | |
|
Home
login 
same goes for relationships
