| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:51:57 AM | I think people need to start making the calculation that a single parent is determined by a mathematical formula (ie. 50%). By this logic, if I share custody 50/50 I am a single parent. But, if she moves and that reduces my time significantly, I am now not a single parent. If I move closer and see my child 45% of the time, I am almost a single parent, but not quite.
If someone really believes that is has to do quantity of time, not quality of time, then you are pretty sad. "Single" means not partnered with someone - "parent" means parent, regardless of full time or part time. There are lots of people who have their kids 24/7 and don't deserve to be called "parent", and lots of people who are killing themselves to see their kids as often as possible, and hit barrier after barrier, and they are "parents".
Math lesson should end - life lesson should start. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:24:41 PM | | I have an older son, 9 yrs. He is autistic. He also lives with his dad (since 7 yrs old), and I get him on weekends. I classify his dad as a single parent. I am a part time parent to him. He does the school and dr stuff for the majority and shoulders most of the responsibility. I let him do this bc it is in my sons bet interest not to move schools, and his father is a great dad. I have no worries that he is not getting his needs met or anything. His dad is amazing! Since I am not the one going to all his meetings and such ( mainly bc I have the babes and am unable to get away) he shoulders most of the responsibility. My other ex, my two younger childrens father is the one I talked about before. The one who tells me his sick son is just tired and that the white patch on the back of his throat is food, and puts him to bed during his visit with him when I tell him he needs to go to the dr. I take him the next day and he has tonsilitis and an ear infection. The father that upon hearing his son has fallen bad on concrete and had his lip glued back together goes fishing and drinking rather than come see him. I agree it is about the quality of time and also what the parent does for the child. Who cooks, cleans, dresses, and in other ways provides for the kids. I have met many single fathers that I truly admire, and others that truly suck. Same with mothers. Some moms I wish the dads would just come and take the kids away. Having their kids around a new guy every week or partying and leaving the kids with babysitters all the time. The point is a single parent shoulders the majority of responsibility for the kids. Time is really irrelevant, but in alot of ways so is child support. My first ex I did not make pay child support. His involvement was enough. He made sure our child had clothes, and if I needed milk or diapers I only need ask. But he also would come and see his child whenever he had a spare moment. He would call, and usually come by the second he heard that the boy was sick. Even though I had him probably 60-75% of the time due to him working, I consider him a single parent and always have. The other ex has had the same opportunity to be involved in the boys lives but makes very little effort and does very little for them when he is around. The difference to me between a single parent and a part time / wanna be parent is as black is to white. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/6/2006 10:51:17 PM | Have full custody of my kids though they are with me 6x24
I pay all their support
They stay with there mom one night on the weekend but they can
visit her & stay for dinner when ever they like.
Bana-dito | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/8/2006 3:34:09 PM | Good grief! Why is everyone so 'ashamed' of being separted or divorced?? Gee, maybe it has something to do with the 'oath' ('till death do us part?'). I must be one of the few people on this planet who truly believes you are only 'single' ONCE. To me it's something to honor and (perhaps) be proud of. Why does EVERYONE (without a spouse or common-law) want to take on a 'label' that does NOT apply to them??
Furthermore, (at least in Canada), when you file your Income Tax and Benefit Return, just WHAT do you mark on the front page, (where it's clearly printed for your application), "Married, Living common law, Widowed, Divorced, Separated or SINGLE?"
If this 'logic' is good enough for the Federal Government, then it's good enough for me (and should be for the rest of you? duh.
I suppose it's similar to forecasting weather and using the term 'normal' when in fact it should be 'average', or using 'current' (as in temperature) instead of the more correct 'latest available'.
But I suppose it could just go on and on, like when everyone who goes snow-mobiling say they are 'ski-doing' or if they are on the water with a PERSONAL WATERCRAFT they are (of course) 'jet-skiing'. (SIGH). 
So, to sum up, the thread question is basically 'profound and stupid'. The technically correct answer would be "a person who is a biological parent but has NEVER been married OR in a 'common-law' relationship. So, how would most of you 'ex-marrieds' refer to those of us who have never been married?
(and don't get me started on 'same-sex unions'.) | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/14/2006 3:24:21 PM | Full Custody Of Kids = Single Parent
Have Kids on the alternate or every weekend = Non-Custodial Parent
Have kids but have even less contact = Non-Custodial Parent
Have kids pay support etc with no contact = Welfare agency?
Have kids but no contact or anything to do with them = Deadbeat | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/14/2006 3:34:32 PM | I am a single mother of 2 children, One of my kids dads picks him up everyother weekend, my other kids dad doesn't see him at all and hasn't since he was 3 months old. I am his sole provider, the little money that he gives me buys his diapers and puts food on just his table I provide the rest, benefits, dental, christmas the whole nine yards. Sometimes I get so frustrated being a single mom especially to a toddler because they don't stop and there isn't any breaks. But all the time I say thank god I have my kids because soemtimes there is nobody else in th is world but them. My kids are my whole life and as frustrating as it is, I am glad that I have them.
I think all single parents should hold there heads high being a single parent is not an easy job but when you look at the out come things were not all that bad after all.  | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/14/2006 5:49:15 PM |
Full Custody Of Kids = Single Parent
Have Kids on the alternate or every weekend = Non-Custodial Parent
Have kids but have even less contact = Non-Custodial Parent
Have kids pay support etc with no contact = Welfare agency?
Have kids but no contact or anything to do with them = Deadbeat
Nice hypocrisy - by your chart, "Full Custody of Kids" should be Custodial Parent - someone is biased!! | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/14/2006 8:02:30 PM |
Hypocrisy where? The OP asked "What do you consider a single parent"? So it was appropriate for me to indicate what I considered a single parent in my reply. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/15/2006 2:10:01 AM | | when i hear someone say single parent i assume they got knocked up out of wedlock. i'm divorced and would never call myself a single parent because we were married when we had the kids. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/16/2006 12:00:48 PM | HEAR, HEAR!!! FINALLY, someone listens to me and agrees with my PROFOUND LOGIC.
Bless you and maybe, just maybe others will begin to understand the 'differences'. (maybe).
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stacym
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Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/16/2006 12:17:49 PM | | I have children and me and their dad are divorced. i don't class myself as a single parent although in the eyes of most i am. i'm single but my children have the support and love of both parents. i am a single person and also a parent so really i suppose i should be defined as single and a parent. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/16/2006 9:00:52 PM | love,
this is my personal take on UR question....
Full Custody Of Kids = unmarried without father/mother of child or partner 2 assist U U R a single parent!
Have Kids on the alternate or every weekend = unmarried without father/mother of child or partner 2 assist U U R a single parent!
Have kids but have even less contact = unmarried without father/mother of child or partner 2 assist U U R a single parent!
Have kids pay support etc with no contact =this is a tough 1 but being as U R paying 4 the care of UR child I think U R a single parent!
Have kids but no contact or anything to do with them = U R NOTHING!!!
I hope I dont offend... but that is just me... being a parent is being involved with the raising and care of UR offspring... payin support is part of that... Purrr  | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/16/2006 9:15:03 PM | Good grief! Why is everyone so 'ashamed' of being separted or divorced?? Gee, maybe it has something to do with the 'oath' ('till death do us part?'). I must be one of the few people on this planet who truly believes you are only 'single' ONCE. To me it's something to honor and (perhaps) be proud of. Why does EVERYONE (without a spouse or common-law) want to take on a 'label' that does NOT apply to them??
Furthermore, (at least in Canada), when you file your Income Tax and Benefit Return, just WHAT do you mark on the front page, (where it's clearly printed for your application), "Married, Living common law, Widowed, Divorced, Separated or SINGLE?"
If this 'logic' is good enough for the Federal Government, then it's good enough for me (and should be for the rest of you? duh.
I suppose it's similar to forecasting weather and using the term 'normal' when in fact it should be 'average', or using 'current' (as in temperature) instead of the more correct 'latest available'.
But I suppose it could just go on and on, like when everyone who goes snow-mobiling say they are 'ski-doing' or if they are on the water with a PERSONAL WATERCRAFT they are (of course) 'jet-skiing'. (SIGH).
So, to sum up, the thread question is basically 'profound and stupid'. The technically correct answer would be "a person who is a biological parent but has NEVER been married OR in a 'common-law' relationship. So, how would most of you 'ex-marrieds' refer to those of us who have never been married?
(and don't get me started on 'same-sex unions'.)
fitfather54, WHAT THE HECK R U TALKIN ABOUT???? the threads question wasnt @ all what U just typed... n saying it was profound n stupid...U NEED 2 READ the thread B4 U type...I think U got it mixed up with another thread this was about being a "single parent" who is n who isnt...HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 1/16/2006 10:33:17 PM | Yes, I did get 'carried away' and NO, I didn't get this thread mixed up with another one.
I'm basically tired and (pissed off) at most (previously married) persons using the 'generic' label as being 'single'. (just re-read the first part of that particular post and ignore the part about the weather, etc.) But at least SOMEONE is paying attention (even though you disagree with me and would like to reach into my neck and pull out a vein and kill me).
(Case and Point). A female member here on P.O.F. has printed on the first part of her 'statistics' under the heading of Marital Status - - - DIVORCED.
Then, in the worded section she goes on to state "I'm a SINGLE 48 year old woman" - - - and then farther down she posts "I've been SEPARATED for almost 5 years," - - - .
All I'm talking about is honesty and sincerity. Now, tell me I'm wrong! I just happen to believe that 'SINGLE' is a misused 'EUPHEMISM' for divorced, separated or (sometimes) widowed.
Does a (NO LONGER MARRIED) guy have the right to call himself a BATCHELOR??: | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 5/26/2006 11:48:58 AM | In my view, the "single" in "Single Parenting" applies to the parenting load, not the status of the parent.
In other words, a "Single Parent" could be single, widowed or divorced and I wouldn't bat an eye.
In my view 45%/65% would classify as both being single parents... If you're fighting over who who gets to claim that last 5%, I'd say save your energy and call it a draw. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:04:38 PM | it is always best for parents to agree on the custody of their child, honestly.
In this case joint custody is definately the best situation.
If not, then it goes to court, and either way no parent will be happy, and if the parents are not happy, then the child suffers.
In Sweden, the issue of custody is easily resolved in the sense that 80% of children of separated parents enjoy equal time with both parents, which means that 80% of separated parents and children enjoy joint custody.
Unlike Scotland which remarkably has one of the worst records regarding custody: there 80% of children of separated parents live with moms who have sole custody, much like BC, in Canada.
It is not worth it to fight over custody.
The only victum is the child,
chao
Tru | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:29:31 PM | A single parent is a parent who is not married, in the sense that that parent is not living or cohabiting with another.
Regardless of the amount of time either parent spends with the child/ren, it makes no difference, because a single parent is no longer married nor living common law.
chao
Tru
Law Student, University of London, England | |
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eve75
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Joined: 11/29/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/5/2007 11:56:57 PM | What I consider to be a "single" parent is someone who bears the sole, individual responsibility in parenting their child(ren).
I am a divorced mother of three girls all of whom live with me full-time. I do consider myself a "single parent".
My ex-husband has chosen to reside in another province therefore his visitation occurs approx. every 6wks for 3-4 days plus he has our children during spring break, one month of the summer and half of the christmas holidays. He is what I consider an "occasional parent".
In my opinion, I categorize the parenting labels like this...
A person who solely parents full-time - single parent
A person who shares the responsibilty 50/50 - co-parent
A person who has weekend visitation, some week days, etc... - part-time parent
A person who visits once a month or less - occasional parent
A person who rarely visits - well, why that person even has a right to deem themself a parent is beyond me.
Being a "parent" is a 24/7/365 JOB! It is not just an acquired title but an earned one!
And If I may, I do NOT consider parenting to be a "burden" as said in a previous post. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:05:23 PM | A single parent is a parent who is not married.
A custodial parent is a parent that has "absolute powers" regarding the child's educational and health needs.
Most children once they reach the age of 6 spend the bulk of their waking time during the day in school. Their they are not in direct supervision by any parents. There for it takes a community to raise a child.
During the week many kids take swimming lessons, skating lessons, music lessons, and so on, and there is no parent directly involved.
After school often the kids just watch TV or play video games. Thus the corporation, Nintendo, becomes parent. Where is mom and dad? watching their own TV, engaging in their own interests on the internet, or talking about adult stuff.
On the weekend the kids rarely do things with mom and dad like go skiing, skating, camping, instead they spend their time with other kids playing video games, movies, and doing nothing with ma and pa.
How much time the custodial parents or parent actually spends with the kids?
And most importantly, when the courts decide on which parent has custody, besides all the relevant factors such as the willingness of the parent to be a custodial parent, et cetera, there are highly subjective factors which judges often rely on such as "impressions" which the parents have made on the trial judge. The impression that the judge has regarding the cooperation of each parent is critical to a judge, even though there is a great deal of dishonest and blatant misrepresentations by both parents regarding each parents capacity.
Very little weight is given to the childrens expressed interests in being with one parent or the other, at least not until the child reaches the age of 12.
Parental alienation is a significant factor in all custody issues...in that the childs expressed interests in spending more time with an access parent or visiting parent is often greater than the court order allows.
It is no wonder that many non-custodial parents simply give up trying to increase access or gain joint custodial rights.
Fortunately only about 1% of the decisions regarding custody are made by judges in the courts of Canada when the parents cannot decide or agree on the time each child spends with each parent.
In Sweden the ratio is interesting: of all children of parents who live separately enjoy "joint custody"....but in BC the ratio is 70% of children of separated parents live with their moms....
That suggests that the courts in BC are more motivated by economic factors such as who is going to pay child support rather than any other consideration. and since it is the father who is often older, more affluent, earns more income, that the burden of paying the child support will naturally fall upon the father.
Incidentally, the brith in Canada is now at an all time low of 1.5, meaning that each women alive in Canada now has less than two children. Taking natural mortality into consideration, that means that the birth rate in Canada is too low to maintain the population.
So why are we as tax payers so concerned about the issue of subsidized day care [if you are conservative], when the issue of child care is so important to not only single parents, but also to working two parent families.
Many of the women and men who can boast that they are the full time parents of little ones achieved a very shallow victory...especially if the other partialy absent parent is capable and willing to be more than an occassional parent or part time parent.
A boy who has no contact, or meaningful relationship with his biological father is 2 and half times more likely to be convincted of a crime than a boy who has a full time biological parent. And that statistic extends to girls too...
There reason for that is that a boy when he reaches the age of 12 or so will naturally spend time with other boys like himself: absentee dads, and dads who do not do things with the sons. The boy simply finds an older boy who serves a similar function: a role model. Oftent the older boy is a boy who also has no dad. Boys and girls at some age need a good role model, not an older boy without a role model....Some older boys who serve as role models have no other role model than an older brother who also had no good role model,
and so, even sons and daughters of professionnal men fall into the same situation, that of following a very poor role mode.
Some professional men and women work 80 hours a week and have no time for their kids...and they are no different than the absentee dad or mom regardless if they are single or not.
chao
Tru | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:38:34 PM | just that, a parent who is single.
What is a parent should be the question, i know more single dads with less than 50% custody that are better, more involved parents than those that are so called happily married.
A parent is someone who puts their kids needs in front of their own, I think alot of us less than 50% custody dads (and moms, im sure, I don't know any) cherish what we do get that much more. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/6/2007 11:04:39 PM | "A boy who has no contact, or meaningful relationship with his biological father is 2 and half times more likely to be convincted of a crime than a boy who has a full time biological parent. And that statistic extends to girls too... "
I am a single parent who loves her 6 year old son. Single Parent to me, means raising a child on your own. I think it's great if two parents can be a part of a childs life. But my son's father, I don't want him around, and he doesn't want to be around either. I don't know where you got this statistic from but I don't agree with it. What if the father is a deadbeat, druggie, loser... who has 6 other kids he doesn't take care of.... are you saying it would still be better for my son to be around that rather than have no father. My son could have a relationship with his father and turn out the same way. I would like to revise your stat to include a boy who has no positive role model may have problems down the road. Because, my dad (my son's grampa) is a great role model for my son and I would never want anything less than the best for my son. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:10:00 AM | First of all, if you consider a child a burden, you are NOT a parent. I have my daughter 100 % of the time. My wife is out of state. I consider myself the luckiest man alive. 4 years without a date is a walk in the park. 4 years of women, and no daughter = kill me.  | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/7/2007 7:05:01 AM | | Also I got to say that although I doubt theres any longterm stats to support my argument thus far... I don't think 50% custody is at all healthy for the child. Children need stability and even though I only see my son (regularly) one night a week for dinner and a visit before his bedtime; and 1 day overnight on the weekend I think this shows I love him more than if I messed up his life by shifting his home back and forth every couple of days and in my case that would mean taking him away from his brother for half the week, I just couldn't do that to him...whatever the arrangement it should be in the best interest of the child and not some arbitrary number that determines who is a real parent. | |
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| What do you consider a single parent.
Posted: 3/7/2007 9:20:36 AM | I am not in a relationship = SINGLE
I have a child / children = PARENT
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------------------------------>SINGLE PARENT
Although u are divorced= u are still single
If u are widowed=u are still single
why do we make such simple things so difficult | |
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