| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 12:53:33 PM |
So it's about all the reasons the person from whom we've just received an e-mail *doesn't* fit what we're looking for rather than all they ways they possibly could. And I'm even talking about the holy grail that is physical attraction. There are guys I wouldn't give the time of day based on a picture alone because they weren't my type physically but I'm around them for ten minutes in the real world and I'm having the time of my life. Those are the guys that I potentially will never meet dating online. And I *know* guys do this too--"'I'm not attracted to her physically so I'm not going to meet her" when there's no telling what kind of chemistry might have occurred off-line.
I couldn't agree more with this! Which is why, if I find the women even remotely attractive, I am willing to meet them given they hold upto my standards of what I'm looking for. However, I know for a fact that many women I have written who never wrote back (and even some that did) would react much differently in real life. Which is why I have the attitude, its there loss, not mine.
In any case, I'm single for a variety of reasons. Some of them personal. However its mosty because I simply didn't date for quite some time and seeing how western society deems the man must make the first move, it doesn't take much to stay single as a man. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 1:42:17 PM |
I couldn't agree more with this! Which is why, if I find the women even remotely attractive, I am willing to meet them given they hold upto my standards of what I'm looking for. However, I know for a fact that many women I have written who never wrote back (and even some that did) would react much differently in real life. Which is why I have the attitude, its there loss, not mine.
I hear you. I decided one year to be very inclusive about my dating life and while it didn't net me Mr Right, it did net me a lot of dates--some of which were really fun (the others were good scary stories to tell my kids someday)--and a serious relationship for a while. Admittedly though my strategy has been more exclusive this time around. Having said that most of the times I've said no this time were about someone's inability to string together a coherent sentence rather than looks.
I'm taking a break from it all at the moment but when I do come back to the dating game (instead of just lurking on forum boards) I might consider the more inclusive approach again. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 3:32:43 PM |  Not sure if i'm single or not since i haven't heard from this guy i met here for a few days...i'm beginning to wonder if he lost interest | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 654 | |
| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 4:06:31 PM | I don't mind being single at all. Companionship is good but I have no interest in marriage.  | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 5:17:15 PM | | being single rocks being in a couple doesnt matter at all i'm too selfish to share my space i think | |
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Deni30
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Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 656 | |
| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:31:03 PM | I get asked this question several times a week and it drives me crazy! I don't know if it's the suspicious disbelief or the intrusiveness of it? The tone in which it's asked puts me on the defense! Had I happened upon a man I could be with chances are we'd be together- so obviously I haven't. Rub it in why don't ya!  | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:37:38 PM | misssassypants, I think you're spot on with your analysis of exclusive vs inclusive dating. I never thought of it that way before and you described me to a tee.
I am going to have to seriously ponder this for a while. Thank you. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:57:25 AM | kawi-rider, it's taken me about 4 1/2 years of dating online to be able to articulate that idea, but I'm glad it makes sense to other people. Right now I'm too damn tired to date but when I get back in the game I think I will try to be more inclusive about it--now if I could just get the men I'm interested in to do the same...(grin).
I think there's something that inherently happens in our brains when we get to search within super specific parameters. We are left with the idea that the person with whom we'll be most compatible will automatically fall into those parameters when that may not necessarily be the case. I would never put "smoker" into my parameters because I don't smoke but ironically I've dated three smokers in the past four years--one of them a chain smoker. I don't know if I'd do it again but on the other hand the smoking was not as much of a deal breaker as I thought it would be when we were actually dating. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/8/2007 10:43:30 AM | | From being called an ice princess to being told I am too picky, I am just someone who isn't willing to settle for anything less than I desire in a mate. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/8/2007 4:01:30 PM | Probably because I don't know where to meet women in "real life" and as far as this site goes, anybody I'm interested in doesn't seem to be interested in me.  | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:16:46 AM |
Probably because I don't know where to meet women in "real life" and as far as this site goes, anybody I'm interested in doesn't seem to be interested in me.
That's the way it goes sometimes, isn't it? I had the same problem in high school. The girls I liked didn't like me; the girls I didn't care for liked me. In college I went out with some cool women, but that's what I get for leaving the small town.
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/9/2007 6:23:25 AM | | I am going to be 30 in Feb and in our family, a natural occurence is marriage and kids AFTER age 30 being very common. Sadly though, the newer/younger generation in my family is getting on with their lives in their early 20's, only a few. What's embarrassing for me is I get courage from family members who ask ME when it will be my turn. For THAT very reason, I never attend family / social functions to save myself heartbreak from a NO answer each time. I'm still single now for 29 and may be through my low 30's out of choice of being careful who I would like to meet as my potential partner. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:07:52 AM | That book is actually written by a comedian right? From what I've heard about the book I think he is relatively accurate. He even states that he can be wrong so don't get mad at him. I think one reason I'm still single is because I have dated emotionally unavailable men for years, because I have been emotionally unavailable myself for years. That can kep you safe in a weird way, but lonely too. I don't think I even knew I wasn't available until I kept doing the same thing and getting the same results. I'm working on it. I go to school and work 15 hours a day many days too. That's a kicker.
Oh well, take care
Viva La Resistance | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:55:16 PM | Guilty!
I have asked that question
and honestly
I did because I went the other route
I was married at 25 had a child at 26
and I see 40 and single, and think....does she not want a long term relationship?
My eyes are opening more everyday, and i realize now that we have all traveled down different roads
we aren't trying to hurt your feelings, just asking so that we are on the same page | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:41:04 PM | Single is just a frame of mind. Why do we want to quantify or justify our existence based on whether or not we are in long/short term relationship?
I was married for 16 years and some of the loneliest days of my life were while I was married. There are a many different reasons why people go through phases of singularity and a number of them have been listed.
For me, I remain single because I have yet to rediscover the best person I can compliment with my attributes. It isn’t as easy as finding the best person for me, but I am looking for a combination of finding the best person that I can fulfill and enrich their lives as well.
Personally, I think sometimes we get too focused on what "I want" and "What I Need" and we lose sight of the best times in our lives were not when someone did something for us as individuals, but rather how we felt when we truly enriched and fulfilled someone else’s wants and desires.
Another thought regarding being single, is that sites such as this promote disposable relationships... hell being on here is like being an object in a catalogue. People flip through the pages and see what catches their eye... 90% never read the description and if you do actually meet most people are guarded (and rightly so) because for some reason a lot of people seem to miss represent themselves.
Are we looking for something instant; that in many cases just never will happen?
And finally, as we get older we are simply less tolerant of people in relationships. We have all been there done that... Not going to waste time because quite frankly, we don’t have as much time left as we did when we were younger.
So the search continues and we learn and experience life in our journey.
Cheers, | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/9/2007 11:49:35 PM | I was so cold the other day, i almost got married!!!
For your information--some people want to be single | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/10/2007 5:04:29 PM | na being singal rocks no one to nag at u tell u what to do .....only problem is sheep cant wash up lmao | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/10/2007 11:22:34 PM | | I try to be short and efficient. I think you can put people between two extreme limits of idealism and realism. I also think there is strong relation between being more realistic and age! when we are punished enough by LIFE. Realistically you will never find your ideal person , ideal life, ideal love... so it is better to idealistically be a realistic! | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:26:05 AM | At 31 I am still single cause I came home from work one day and found all of the belongings gone. After 5 years and having a Beautiful girl, she had met someone on the internet and moved acrossed the state. I didn't know where she went, I didn't know where my Daughter was. So after years of trying to see where I went wrong, I am on the computer trying to find a Lady to love  | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/11/2007 1:03:18 AM |
I don't know about being a realistic.... but, it's good to be a realist. You are funtasitc. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:08:04 AM | one thing i have found about forums on this sight every one sounds so down ...every one needs to give them selfs a good kick up the ars and cheer up . things will be ok just give it time .(i got a few sheep spair (hope that got a smile ) .
all ways look on the bright side of life . if u can do that your b ok | |
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