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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/3/2007 5:30:32 PM | It's almost universal human nature to think about many things when you size up a person. I personally don't think of myself as "single", I'm an unwillingly divorced, I.E. a married guy (and fit to be) without his wife and kids who suffered an unnessecsry irrevocably broken marriage and family. I'm certain many people judge me and wonder what did that guy do to be divorced at 53? He must be a real SOB, or fill in the blank. If you are like me and think logically and my higher power agrees most people like me are intended to be happily to one woman for eternity it's natural to wonder about why someone is single beyond the law of averages or divorced within the law of averages? I try to withhold my judgments, there is always a lingering question, I'm sorry to have to be so honest. I can think of many good reasons a woman at 35 would be single or divorced. 35 is not too late at least biologically for a woman to have what most women want. If it's a true love, husband and marriage you want it's not too late at all. If you had your kids already or don't want any you might present a more complex set of questions that will possibly make people think about you, at least you won't be under pressure from an unforgiving biological alarm clock. The two easiest reasons (at least for me) to feel comfortable about a woman being single at 35 is:
A busy career and lots of higher education or well intended failed relationships. I'm not posting this to win a popularity contest, it's a sincere response to your question. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/3/2007 7:37:42 PM | | cause my fiancé was murdered 3 years ago and im just now ready to go on...glad i made it thru...it was tough.... | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:55:32 PM | because i choose to be, and there are men like the marryingman who state on their profiles they will only date women 10 years younger than themselves ~~~~~~ that one gets me everytime. Glad I'm not a couger.... | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/4/2007 4:15:35 AM | I think, bottom line, is that we haven't met the person that is right for us. Is it worse to be someone that was out of a long term relationship? or someone who's never been in one? It's all labels. The person could have chosen to love some one who couldn't be loved back, the person could have been the person who couldn't accept the love they were given for whatever reason. Everything is subjective. Yes, there are people who don't know how to have a relationship, and that's the live and learn part of things for those of us who go into something with that breed of people.
Really, I think it's sad that the whole "so, if you're so great, why are you single" thing is a stigma.. really, just give a "hell ya" that you've found someone you click with. Sometimes the issues of the past aren't issues with the right person. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/4/2007 6:13:06 AM |
Cuz men are jerks and only want pic's or cyber
More likely its that attitude is the reason your still single.
Not ALL guys just want cybersex and when i ask for a pic its to see who im chatting to not for any other reason. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/4/2007 7:31:51 AM | | Questions I hate from people. Why are you single, or any question relating to it, and what do you do for work? There are so many other things I want to know about people, starting with there personality. I hate it when people start of conversations by asking questions that obviously judge people. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:29:41 PM | Wow, this thread started long ago and is still going strong. I've encountered this type of questioning as well and it can be frustating - but here's my take on my situation.
I was raised in a loving, nurturing Baptist home where having sex before you were married wasn't even considered. So, the guys I dated in my late teens and twenties tended to not be patient in the sexual aspect of the relationship. When I was in my early thirties, I met a man that changed my views on the sexual piece. He was someone that I loved and knew that he loved me and we were laying the groundwork to be married. The sexual piece just seemed like a natural stepping stone in that relationship. We didn't make it as a couple and the men I chose after that were not the right men for me.
So, I am now in my late thirties with a slightly different take on premarital sex - but still haven't found the right man. I have a full and rich life and having a man in my life would be an enhancement to it... but it's certainly what completes me as a person.
I really enjoy reading over these posts to gain insight and meet new people. There are some interesting people with some incredible stories to share! | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 784 | |
| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/4/2007 4:37:02 PM | Haven't met anyone right for me so far. I'm not seeking anymore. I'm too tired to continue with it. I enjoy the forums, they seem to be alot more interesting then the people that I have chatted with or met.
I don't expect much from plenty of fish, other then the forums . | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/13/2007 6:49:46 AM | When someone asks you "why are you single", it is not to judge you. It is to see if YOU know why you are single....
I ask it because if a person says "I don't know", and they are over 30...then there is a problem. If you are single after the average marrying age, you by god better know why. Its either because you made a conscious CHOICE to stay single or you had a lot of school/work/establishing yourself that kept you from seeking someone....or or or...
Or there is a problem.
And now that I am old as dirt, I always ask it. Because if you are divorced, you are divorced for a reason...you better know precisely what that reason was and what your part was in it.
The perfect answer? One that says "I used to do such and such. It had quite the hand in destroying my relationship. I have worked very hard to change my ways in that area."
Acknowledging your part in error is the sign of a responsible, intelligent, mature adult. If you cannot do so, then..............now you know why you are single!
EDIT:
Hey Marrying Kind. You very clearly told us why a woman over the age of 35 might be single and acceptable to you....but I see you didn't tell us why YOU are single. Why are you single, Marrying Kind? | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/13/2007 12:18:57 PM | Because the wrong guy keeps coming along. There seems to be a large variety of the "married" kind or the ones that are only in town for a short time, and tell complete lies about thier "real" life. I have also found that men in mid to late 30's are just getting out of marriages or long term relationships and are either looking for a replacement, or to make the last one jealous. The other extreme is the guys that are planning your life within the first few days. This is obviously a huge "generalization" of 30ish men, but this has been my finding to date. I hope that someone comes along and proves me wrong.
I'm looking for someone that can accept me the way I am, and I'm not looking to change them either. You have to accept each other as a whole, or it will never work. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/13/2007 12:34:41 PM | I seem to scare women, I am told. No one seems to be up front with me enough to go into details on what I do, look, or act like that gives people this impression. Those that are around me seem to adore me, but they are the few brave that took the chance to get to know me.
Oh well, can't change what you don’t know. So I sort of feel like things are out of my reach.  | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/13/2007 2:39:07 PM | I have never been on the marriage train, and believe me, there is no mystery as far as this is concerned.
When I was growing up, my dad and my mom practically got married after High School. They were NOT ready to have kids, and it showed. I was the oldest child in my family, and I can remember how much scratching and hard work my parents had to do in order to make ends meet financially.
This made an impression on me, so I said that I was not going to get married until I had established a career path. I did not want to do the kind of scratching that they went through. So I decided to hold off on marriage until I completed college.
Well, my parents could not save any money for college, so I had to work my way through college. It took me seven years to get my bachelors degree, and I spent another 3 years in graduate school. I flunked out of graduate school, as I could not handle the workload.
So guess what? I was twenty nine and still had no career path! Well, a recruiter told me about a Y2k project at Gateway computers, and I decided to go for it. I finally started a career path that I liked, and I started to get serious about dating.
Well, I met a gal, and we dated for two years. We were about to get engaged, and then we both got laid off, as we both worked on the same project. About three months after the layoff, she got a great job in Chicago, and suggested we move there.
I was extremely stubborn, and the end result was that we broke up. I didn't want to leave my friends and family, even though Chicago was not that far away. There are times when I still kick myself in the posterior for being so obstinate.
I ended up moving back to Omaha, as I got a job here. I didn't date for almost three years afterwards, as I had taken an internship because jobs were in short supply. By the time I started to look around again, I was thirty five years old.
Boy, the dating scene gets a lot tougher, as the pool has shrunk considerably.
On the bright side, I don't have any problem being single.... | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:54:26 PM | Ahhh yes.
I'm still single because I'm not wired for a domestic lifestyle. Not that I won't ever be married, but I'm looking for someone that compliments my life pursuits. I have zero interest in a house with the white picket fence, the corporate job, and the 2.5 kids. I'm thirty five years old and have been cross country nine times, visited 42 states, from Los Angeles to New York. What's next? Europe, Austrailia and the middle east when things cool down.
I love the outdoors and meeting interesting people, and traveling to different places. I enjoy it so much so I'm walking away from a lucrative career to go back to school and do something that will make me really happy, but probably really poor. Such is life.
That being said, a mobile, happiness-over-money oriented guy isn't likely to be landing a long term relationship soon, but I always keep my eyes open.
Independence is a good thing, sometimes the best of things.
-drifter | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:29:14 AM |
I ask it because if a person says "I don't know", and they are over 30...then there is a problem.
To me that sums up the problem with people's attitudes in general. How is that not judging someone?
As other people have pointed out, everyone doesn't hold 'traditional' values that are thrust on them by society. I see no reason for rushing into marriage. I would rather do it right when I do it. I can think of a lot of people I know who should have looked at it from that perspective because they are completely miserable right now. Who has the 'problem', them or me? | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:13:38 AM | | Yep, hear it quite often especially from one of my sisters-in law. I just respond that I'm single because I want to be! | |
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wv_dad
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Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 793 | |
| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/15/2007 3:59:21 PM | | i have found most women close to my age do not want to date a man with a 6year old.he lives with me.their children if they had any were either grown up or almost out of high school. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/15/2007 4:13:33 PM | I'm fat and Picky.
If I was thin I'd be prince charming.
COuld have been married 4 times already.
Could have been a father 4 times already too, thank goodness I caught one ex poking holes in the condoms and I always bought and brought my own.
Ah well. Better to be alone than with the wrong woman. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:29:59 AM | Depends who asks...
If that is an initial question, by a person I don't really know and it feels intrusive and judgemental I say: "Because I am a horrible, horrible person and no one wants me."
If the question is asked by someone who (in my view) really wants to know the reason(s) and the question does not have judgemental connotation (or does not feel like a cheap form of flattery), I am perfectly comfortable to talk about it seriously. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:33:15 PM | | Because I live in a place where people have arranged marriages... and that is Silicon Valley. No, I'm NOT knocking them, either. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:43:36 AM |
This question is HARDER to answer for person who's over 30, never been married, hasn't been in a long-term relationship in recent years and has no kids. I'd like to hear answers from people in that scenario. Sorry, but I can't relate to someone who is divorced and/or has kids. You've at least had a chance to be married and have kids.
Okay so I am qualified to answer this based on your criteria
easy onr to answer actually
I am single because of the choices of women -- they chose someone else other than me
its not rocket science when you get to the basics of it | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:36:34 PM | > "I don't play well with others" might be a good answer, too.
Or "Sleeps Well With Others!"... | |
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