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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:19:24 PM | | I don't know why I'm single. My only assumption is that men don't like fat, black women that wear glasses. I ready to give up on the entire dating thing. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:29:41 PM | I posted this in another thread, but it sort of explains why...
<div class="quote">I'm kind of stunned to hear that there are people out there who actually
think there's something wrong with me becasue I am over 40 and single an
childless. There's actually another thread on here that accuses me and
guys like me of being selfish simply because I happen to now be 40 and
never been married.
Let's see, maybe I could have been married a couple of years ago, but I
needed to put my new career and my life on hold for a year and a half to
care for my elderly parents who both became I'll at the same time, then
I lost my father, and need to make sure my 82 year old mother could
function without her husband of 65 years..Yeah I guess that's selfish...
Maybe I could have gotten married in the 6 years prior to that but
suddenly after working in a career since I was 16, I had a "calling" and
ended up (kicking and screaming mind you) to devote 4 years to going to
graduate school, so I could help my fellow man...yeah I guess that's
selfish...
Maybe I could have gotten married in my early 30's, but let's see I was
"working on myself" doing all sorts of personal growth stuff, so I could
be a better human being...to potentially be a great partner to someone,
and an even better father than my father was to me, because he came from
a time where men didn't necessarily show affection, especially to their
male children because they wanted them to be tough, and I didn't want to
be that kind of parent/husband when I did find the right person to share
my life with...yeah I guess that was selfish of me..
Hmm maybe I could have gotten married when I was in my 20's, yeah that
would have been a great time, when I was struggling financially, and was
basically an arrogant and immature tiwt who didn't know anything about
life, and was barely a few years out on my own..hmm that's a great time
to get married eh? A better time to be a parent too eh?
Getting married when we're "young and dumb" as opposed to when we've
learned a a few things about life, the universe, how to be a partner is
"unselfish?" Or the reason the divorce rates are so high, and there's so
many people in there 30's and 40's on here (and in society) who are
listed as seperated or divorced???
Now that doesn't mean I haven't had relationships...I was engaged once
when I was young and dumb, and again about 5 years ago, neither of those
worked for various and complicated reason. I've also had a couple long
term relationships, where we realized that we weren't "it" for each
other and parted ways, and countless other dates and periods of dating
women for a short period on the quest for finding the right one...
There's no shame in being single....Our lives are complicated. I'd
rather be single and relatively happy than with the wrong one and be
miserable...I've been there way too many times. The only difference is,
that I didn't jump into anything...I'm looking for a rest of my life
partner, I only want to be married once. I'm glad I found out before
hand that it wasn't going to work, with whoever it was....that way I
won't be bitter and judgemental like many of the people who start
threads like this.
That's usually the answer I give....
It took me nearly 40 years to finally love and accept myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, worts and all...I did a LOT of personal work to get to this space, and went through a lot of pain in the interim...
I've been alone more times than I've been paired up, but it's only every now and then do I feel lonely...I have hobbies, and interests, and even friends up the wazoo...
I won't say I'm Happy being single, especially this summer. But I'm not miserable either. And I guess I can't even say I'm lonely...But I am looking to share my life with someone, especially now that I like me, which means that I'm less a Sh@#head then I was probably in past relationships, when my self-loathing spilled over onto those who dared love me.
So happy not necessarily, ACCEPTING of the situation? Yes...
Wanting someone in my life at this time? Most Definitely. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:35:45 PM |
Is being single a fate worse than death? Some people seem to feel as if they are less than a complete person if they are not involved in a romantic relationship. My singleness is a choice, which is not a negative thing.
Well said.  | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:07:13 AM | | Yeah... I suppose there are many reasons but ultimately that's it... I would rather be single than with the wrong person - and I haven't found the right one (maybe he doesn't exist lol). It is an annoying question - nobody asks 'why are you still married' do they? It's like they are saying - 'well you seem normal but there must be something wrong with you - what is it?!' I never know what to say to that one - I would like to respond with something witty like Bridget Jones's comment about us all having scales under our clothes! But actually it always makes me feel really embarrassed and I just end up blushing and shrugging my shoulders pathetically... Sad but true lol | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/8/2008 12:44:42 PM | | Probably killed to death, but-Maybe an icebreaker? We ALL have a story to share-it could be innocent-cut some slack or move to the next e-mail if it bothers you... | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/8/2008 3:35:09 PM | Why am I still single? Because I bloody enjoy it!
Would I like to have a man in my life? NO.
Would I love to have the right man in my life? YES.
Not going to settle, thanks.
And yes I'm asked this, which to me is a fair question. When some are asked this question they let slip how NOT ready they are for another / new relationship yet. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:04:46 PM | | Well,since I have never had a girlfriend,the only answer I have is that women think I am either very uninteresting,very ugly or both. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/11/2008 5:16:15 PM | Obviously we are all single because we haven't met the one to be together with now.
Yes, there are the ones who have made a conscious choice to be alone, but on a dating site we're alone because we haven't met our sweetie yet.
I turn evil and ignore the question whenever asked or alternatively become snarky lil' beotch.
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/11/2008 10:29:34 PM | I agree with you I never thought there was anything wrong with me heck a couple of my aunts thought I was a lesbian and I was like what just because I don’t have a boyfriend, I told them believe what you want and walked away laughing at them.
Well for me I had been busy taking care of family members. I took care of both my grandmother's, stepfather, stepmother until they past and I raised my daughter whom had Tourettes which she grew out of but she still has seizures but is doing wonderfully and has been seizure free for over a year now. She is 22 now and getting ready to go off to school. So being single was my choice, I found out it was just easier to just put my life on hold for awhile. Now that my daughter is getting ready to leave for school and everyone in the family is doing well it is time for me to get my life back. I am 45 and I do not regret my choice of putting my life on hold.
I really wouldn't worry about what others think you will know when it is your time to get out there and find someone it might happen now and it might not be right for you for a few more years., but I wouldn’t worry about it I would just enjoy life to it's fullest. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/12/2008 7:30:08 AM | Its not being alone thats the problem its being lonely that gets old. for me, it's being an overweight nightshift working introvert who gets too shy around women he's attracted to. I know I can fix some of these problems but if I was a pro team coach my losing record shows I should've been fired along time ago. If I do finally get a date, I somehow offend, bore or get thrown into the "let's be friends" zone. I know I self sabotage but damn. I guess all women view me as too much of a project or too nice of a guy. Aint that just peachy.
I know from experience "Its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." He was telling the damn truth. but I'm not bitter. haha
seeya | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:44:03 AM |
Its not being alone thats the problem its being lonely that gets old.
Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. I figured that out the hard way, through bitter experience.
Married, I was not alone yet I was lonely.
When my wife was away, I found I was alone, and still lonely, but did not feel so helpless and trapped. When she was with home with me, I had felt both lonely and helpless. Without her there I no longer felt that dreadful paralyzing sense of helplessness.
I decided that I would rather be lonely and feeling free to do something than lonely and feel unable to do anything, so I left. Painful but necessary, like pulling a tooth.
Lessons learned:
1. Loneliness is a feeling. Your feelings are created within yourself. No other person can deal with a feeling you create yourself. Nobody "makes you" feel things. If you are lonely in solitude, you will be just as lonely in a crowd or with another person there.
2. Solitude is not loneliness, it is a tremendous privilege and can be a profound pleasure. Nobody will ever love you as well as you love yourself. The conviction that you are incomplete without another person is a lie taught to you, unnatural and sick.
3. A wholesome relationship begins when two persons, each totally complete and whole in themselves and not at all needy, encounter one another. They are then free to create a relationship built not on need but on desire and free choice.
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:43:35 AM | | I agree with the last poster's Lessons learned ideas, especially #3. It might be one reason why many people marry someone they should not marry and why the divorce rate is so high? | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:02:59 PM | I am still single after six years, because I choose to be.
I am the only one in charge of my own destiny.
When I'm ready, and when I find him, I'll think about it.
I will not settle, and good things come to those who wait. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/12/2008 2:18:47 PM | | Because fate decided that 2007 would be the year to turn my life into a damn country song and yes I did have a dog. In reference to The Guardian, Maggies bar scene. | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:47:40 PM |
Because it's better to be alone than wish you were. :)
best answer I have read all night! | |
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| so, why are you still single?
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:36:40 PM | | Why? I'm still trying to figure this out. Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me? Or maybe just what i'm dong wrong? | |
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