| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 1:34:58 PM | Well, I really appreciate all of your thoughts and advice everyone. Because the whole relationship and everything is quite new and we haven't actually discussed where it is going, I am just going to wait to see what happens. I think he got kind of worried the night that I found out, but, I let him know that I respect him, and think that it takes courage to do what he is doing. I gave him a couple days to think over Christmas and didn't talk to him at all, and last night, we started chatting again, and he wants to see me tonight, so, hopefully all of your thoughts will do me some good. Thanks!  | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 3:13:35 PM | i've had tons of experience with alkies...practicing, in recovery, recovered.
you would find your life more peaceful down the road if you avoided getting
involved with him. aa types become brainwashed, and by God..their way is that of
the almighty...period. alkies are life wreckers...if they cant con you..then they beat
you down...no matter how 'sweet' they are....
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 7:17:02 PM | | boise, you really think so? Do you know from experience? And, if they turn spiritual, I don't have a problem with that. That would probably be better for me anyway, however, I don't think that is what he is going to do, I haven't asked him either though, so, you may be right. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 7:39:47 PM | | Wanted1goodman, don't pay attention to boise. He's making gross generalizations and judgements based on some personal experience. Rather full of contempt I'd say. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 8:17:08 PM | | I agree benjammin, but, that is why I asked if he knew from experience. Maybe he had a bad experience, so he is jaded. Which, is fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. That doesn't mean I have to agree with them. But thanks! I was kind of wondering....... | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 8:31:58 PM | | I DONT DRINK MYSELF AND WONT DATE SOMEONE WHO DOES ..HOWEVER I BELEIVE EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE AND IT WOULD DEPEND ON HOW LONG HE HAS BEEN SOBER FOR..I CERTAINLY WOULD KEEP THE COMMUNICATION OPEN AND DISCUSS THE SUBJECT WITH HIM..YOU DID NOTHING ILLEGAL BY FINDING THE BOOK ...JUST MY T HOUGHTS ..GOOD LUCK | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/27/2005 9:40:13 PM |
boise, you really think so?
most definitely!
Do you know from experience?
yes...10+ years of research on alcoholism and the effects on their victims.
And, if they turn spiritual, I don't have a problem with that.
spirituality isnt the problem in a relationship with an alcoholic...functional interaction with a dysfunctional is.
please keep in mind that aa has a 95% failure rate. just because one stops drinking does not mean their dysfunctional mentalitiy instantly changes to a functional one either. it doesnt. you will also notice in this thread as well as other threads, all the alkies tell you to go for it. they have no shame. perhaps they are telling you what you want to hear, whereas im am telling what one needs to hear. if you want to know what you may be in for...do a search for other alcoholic threads and read what others have to say from real life experience who have tied in or been married to this ilk. also...suggested reading..."Marriage on the Rocks...Living with an Alcoholic and Yourself" by Janet Woititz. You will get a tremendous insight into what you may be in store for. Don't hesitate to talk to other women who've been with an alkie or substance abuser...and who are not one themselves. You will get one helluva eye opener when you hear some of the horror stories ive heard in my thousands of interviews over the years.
Wanted1goodman, don't pay attention to boise. He's making gross generalizations and judgements based on some personal experience. Rather full of contempt I'd say.
This is a perfect example of the ignorance and arrogance you can look forward to. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 1:23:57 AM | | As I stated before, there are many misconceptions and generalizations about this whole topic. Hence, my suggestion to attend some open AA meetings. Any poster who makes such harsh comments about this or any topic should probably have his/her advice taken "with a grain of salt." OR--- if it's advice from some fat-ass, divorced, long-haired, 56 yr old man who smokes cancer sticks......... take his advice with a POUND of salt! Oops! Sorry for being so HARSH! Sounds like maybe I should attend some kind of 12 step meeting?!! Lol. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 5:50:09 AM | JIMB 77
boy you don't give anyone a chance. If it was part of his past and he's trying then thats a different manner. Look if it's been a couple of dates just give him time to talk about things, other then that if it bothers you that much then talk to him about the matter. Don't judge him till you get to know him | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:19:28 AM | | Popsiclestick, it doesn't bother me. I was just a little surprised when I first saw it. We have since talked a little bit about it, but, as for him, we are just taking things slow. And, I know, when he wants to talk about it, he will. I just have to be patient and show him that he can trust me with this before he will tell me exactly what is on his mind. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:36:16 AM | I dated an alcoholic. It was not fun. She ended up dragging both our lives into the toilet.
However I believe in forgiveness and if someone is truely committed to not being that way than you should be willing to accept that we all have done things in the past we regret.
But you must be very strong and make sure you don't let him slip back into his old ways | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:37:59 AM | | Also if you are basing this on just seeing a book in his posession, maybe you should just ask him straight out. Maybe its a friends book and your making a big deal over nothing! | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:45:51 AM | | cade, I know what you mean. I did ask him, and he has said it was his. He isn't trying to hide it anymore, just doesn't really want to talk about it at this point. But, I never knew what he was like when he was drinking, and he is not much older than me, but, from what I have seen from him, he is really serious about it, and he knows my thoughts on the subject, after a lot of help from everyone on this forum, which is great! So, I think now it is just an "Ok, I know, and I am willing to help you with it, so, let's just move forward and see where things go" kind of thing......... :) | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 9:52:47 AM | Good for you wanted1goodman! The AA program is a beautiful way to live - with the key focus of staying sober and helping other alcoholics achieve sobriety...and helping people in general. Bottom line? Ridding ourselves of the selfishness and fear that helped fuel our disease. The program's also about patience, tolerance, and acceptance...honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness...wonderful values for all people, not just alcoholics.
On the other side there's Boise, boise, boise...come on now big guy. I'd say the arrogance and ignorance is coming from you, not me. You are making recommendations to someone in need of good, well-thought out advice, but your comments are really out of line...maybe you ought to attend some 12-step Al-A-Non meetings so you can quit judging a large segment of the population and begin to respect different types of people. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 11:45:28 AM | | I've been happiest dating people who are in a 12 step program. I'm in one myself, and I have found that those in recovery have a better handle on intimacy. The people that I know who are in recovery are usually less judgemental and more tolerant of others. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 1:17:58 PM | Benjammin, I really like your thoughts on this. And, it is very true, they are trying to make themselves better people. What more could you ask for?
Summer, lol, you drive women to drink hey? That's great! 
djc, I agree with you. I guess they would most likely be more accepting of other people and their imperfections as well, which, to a degree, is nice to know! | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 1:43:15 PM | bestest_fishinthesea.....You said it all the best....good grasp of the program.
Any-one not walking in a person's shoes really has no right to an opinion on another's life. All each person can do is control to the tip of their nose........beyond that is not in their control.
boise.........all alkies aren't that sweet either. I never got sober to take your shit. I got sober for me and to be happy. I damn well earned it. Your lieing about those studies. My stats say different. What are you smokin anyhow? When I see you getting a 57 year sobriety pin, you'll make a believer outta me. Until then, I listen to the old guys.......who been there, done that!
Think about it? Would you rather date the idiot who drinks and gets drunk, or the one in real control of his life? Pretty moot question.
But then on the other hand, we are taught.
One day at a Time.
Easy Does It.
Live and Let Live.
Think, Think, think.
There But For the Grace of God.
But then I never signed up to be a door-mat. That could lead to a resentment, and resentments make you pick up a drink. It would be interesting to see which posters actually do pour that drink wouldn't it?? It won't be me!! | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 2:39:22 PM | .
I have a few friends who are alcoholics. One married couple have been sober over twenty years and run an AA meeting every week. I’m very proud of these folks who have taken charge of their lives and did the right thing.
A woman I know who has been a closet drinker for over twenty years mistakenly told me one evening that she wished she could stop drinking. I personally took her to the meeting operated by my friends and the women there immediately befriended her and took it from there. She actually did stop drinking, too.
Personally, I don’t drink much anymore. However, that doesn’t mean I cannot go out with friends who do. Usually, they have no idea (and don’t care) what is in my glass; that’s between me and the bartender. All they see is a large glass of clear liquid with a couple twists in it. Only my very best friends know that I do not drink alcoholic beverages when out at night -- and have not for well over thirty years.
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 2:48:51 PM |
he now knows he can control it.... he knows he can drink and then not have anything for months on end.... he has the will power not to go back.....
an alcoholic has no control how many drinks or how often they will drink, once they have had that first drink. And will power has nothing to do with it, it is a disease, and is never cured but IMO can be kept under control by never taking another drink.
I would date a recovering alcoholic, no problem. They have the sense to know they have hit bottom and want a better life, without alcohol. Also, alot of recovering alcoholics have no problem mingling with social drinkers, so going to bars, playing pool, attending parties can still be on their agenda's. These people are brave honest human beings. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 3:31:31 PM | | No and only because I dated an alcoholic and it was the most horrible experience ever. It's a moot point as I'm with someone now. BUt I just wouldn't take that risk again. Not me. | |
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 3:53:11 PM | .
No and only because I dated an alcoholic and it was the most horrible experience ever.
Yep, it can be a bit of a bumpy ride living with an alcoholic who is drinking. However, it is quite different knowing someone who has taken charge of their life, realized the problem, admitted responsibility, and corrected it. I have some very good friends who had serious problems boozing years ago. Today, they are very nice people and I enjoy being with them. Many of them are also very active in our community and have performed a long list of good works over the years.
To say that I would not date or associate with any of them simply because they had a major problem with alcohol years ago seems unthinkable to me. That was then, this is now and people change over the years.
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| Would you date a recovering alcoholic?
Posted: 12/28/2005 4:37:07 PM | No, Please run away as fast as you can. My ex-husband was a recovering alcoholic and I will never date or marry anyone that is a recovering alcoholic ever again. | |
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