| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 12/29/2005 6:38:27 PM | Yellow eyes There is nothing wrong with you at all it seems like a lot of the guys you meet have little communication skills... otherwise they would have you talking and laughing all the time!!
I have to agree with lazysunday yet again... if you lived in Calgary or were here i'd take you out on a real date as well!! You sound absolutely fantastic! Don't change girl not one little bit!! | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 12/29/2005 7:41:11 PM | thanks everyone.. I know I should be alittle more talkative and more couragus when approaching someone I have an iterest with.. I have tried talking myself into doing it a thousand times but always chicken out in the end... I think it is how I was raised.. to be quiet and speak when spoken to (you know the saying 'a lady should be seen not heard' I may have taken that into account a little to mouch) and in my household it is hard to get a word in edgewise unless I shout.... but I am trying maybe new years will change things.. after all I am going to a party where I will only know one person..
and for the age thing.. I know I am only 24 but it is difficult when your friends are all getting engaged, some 21 others 25.. and it always sucks going to a wedding by yourself.. although I did have a blast at my brothers and I went solo.. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 12/29/2005 8:04:05 PM | Too bad you aren't accepting Private messages I would have sent you my IM/email. I am 31 and fairly well off, self sufficient and even have a full time job with benefits.
You seen to be the type I am looking for. There are few women I have met of your calibur on the West Coast.
I think you would be an awesome friend to talk to. One thing is for certain... If you were to message me... We would have awesome chats. And if you were ever to come to B.C. and you left for home you'd have been swept off your feet and all you'd think about is the fond memories we'd have shared. I guarantee a gentle man awaits here for a woman like you.
IM me and see where it goes. Perhaps the man you have been seeking is right here...  | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 12/29/2005 8:05:12 PM | | YellowEyes, I know how you feel. I have the same problem. I'm a pretty quiet person myself and if I don't have anything to say, I usually keep my mouth shut. I know that's something I have to work on. I guess I have to be a little more "outgoing" But anyways, good luck to you! :) | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 12/30/2005 8:24:30 AM | well lets see
u have to look at dating as a hobby not a job. it seem then girls think like u that they tend to be stiff on date until they get to know someone. Dating is a art lot of ppl do not know how to act on dates or talk on dates. here r some rules of dating that will make u have a better time and your date have a better time. (follow them and it will work 90% of the time and the other 10% those men are not for u )
1) dont be affair to talk about anything and everything, nothing that is said should be taken serious it is all for laughter
2) be vary positive on dates never be negative even if the date is negative try to make him laugh
3) when talking use hand motion a little bit as u speak dont just lay them by your side
4)after 30 minute in the date (if it last that long) try and get some touches in. such as: a) touch his hand as u r speaking but not hold it.
b) touch his leg with your leg under the table as u cross your legs and appologize (make it seem like a accident)
5) as u walk out or in try to walk as close as possible to him and bump into him and smile at him when u do it)
If the person is cool with u he will start doing it back in a playful manner therefore it will make it an relazed date and and pleasureable one. for the second date | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 1/1/2006 10:53:16 PM | Interesting thread with a number of good suggestions.
Having been in relationship with quiet and reserved ladies in the past I realized that in spite of their quietness they showed their interest by not just answering a question but also consistently following it up with their own. Someone who simply answers the question and says nothing more makes it very difficult to have a conversation with. It is often interpreted as a lack of interest.
Body language for someone who is quiet is more important than for the one who expressing themselves verbally. If the body is as reserved as the mouth, it again makes it difficult to determine if there is an interest. Women who are reserved in showing interest in either way are more apt to get hit on by players or one-night stander's since these kind of guys are more in tune with the nuances that tell them there might be some interest.
Posting a pic of yourself in a casual setting with that beautiful smile I know you have, will have you listed on a couple of hundred favourite lists in no time. You can use Windows Paint program to crop out anything you don't want to show. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 1/2/2006 5:15:03 PM | | I don't see anything wrong with you at all. Just be you. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 1/2/2006 5:44:45 PM | hi sweetie,
there is nothing wrong with you. i think you are just scared and not ready. it will show in your interactions with others. so just relax and not try so hard to find someone. focus more on discovering who you are and liking yourself. the old saying that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you - well there is some truth to that. when you feel comfortable with who you are it will reflect in your actions. there is no rush - you are only 24 - dont be in such a hurry to tie yourself to one person - you have alot of life to live.
but if all that does nothing for you - on another note there are 3 rules to attracting another. this is an old saying also but quite true.
attractive - that does not mean drop dead gorgeous but the other person must be attracted to you in some manner.
attainable - the other person must feel that they have a shot at having you, otherwise you would be a waste of time. the other person when attracted to you will check to see if you are available - married, in a relationship, scheduled to leave overseas. well you get the idea.
approachable - so now they are attracted to you and you are not married or going into the convent. it all looks good so they try to approach you - such as saying hi when they pass you to get a cup of coffee, or try to start a nonsense everyday conversation about anything just to get you talking - but as you said you dont have much to say and if you dont respond willingly then they will think you are not interested. you dont have to flirt but do have to act like you are interested and would like to have a conversation.
so girlfriend - it's easy.
whenever you leave the house even to grab a cup of coffee or do laundry - wear decent clothes , leave the sweats at home, brush your hair, put on a little make-up. doing this will make it easier to smile at yourself when you pass a window or see your reflection instead of doing the damn i look like crap thing.
if you are always seen hanging out with the same guy friends then those who are watching you because they are interested will think you are taken. if you are always hanging with a group of girls then that is scary for a man to bypass them to talk to you - so he wont. so start dropping in somewhere safe such as borders, have a latte, bring a book and be by yourself - will give someone anyone a chance to approach you. if you are surrounded by friends it is to hard to get to you.
start paying attention to who speaks to you. the cute guy who sells you a cup of coffee everyday may being interested in you but if you dont smile and say hi he will think he doesnt have a chance. as macho as men sometimes act they are just as afraid as you - but the pressure is always on them to take the first shot.
it actually is very easy to attract a man - the hard part is finding the one you want and working on your relationship together to keep him.
so good luck and try the 3 a's - available, approachable, attainable
works everytime.
josie | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 1/2/2006 6:07:36 PM | bad breath, body odor, attitude, maturity, age or lack of, children, no job , criminal record, geography, heritage, tribe, mental illness, unrealistic expectations, and then it just may be that everyone else is totally wack and your a super hottie  | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/4/2006 10:48:05 PM | You look like a bit of a party girl. There's nothing wrong with that; except in that scene, there's usually not many people who want anything beyond "fun." Looking for a guy in a bar or a club is going to find you guys who like going to bars and clubs.
Most people don't realize that when they have a list of all the qualities they want in a person, they need to reflect that list back and make sure they are able to give those qualities as well.
I say take some time off and get your own shit together, and make sure you're able to give what you want to receive. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/5/2006 6:50:36 PM | | well i have a similar problem ... only i am a very outgoing girl ... maybe that is my problem ... i can come off a lil strong sometimes ... i have a good people personality and i do watch people around me ... but i do have a nervous bit in me too ... i tend to talk lots when i am nervous ... and i get pushy when i am feeling insecure ... that is a big problem ... i sometimes sit and wonder what is wrong with me and why do i have so many problems keeping a good man ... i tend to destroy things with the good ones and cant walk away from the bad ones ... i am a loser magnet ... and i mean that for real ... the abusive men are the ones i tend to date ... and then when i find one who will treat me great and cherrish the ground i step on i throw it away ... dunno why i do it ... guess it is cause i am afraid of good things in my life ... | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/6/2006 11:33:17 AM | It does not matter if you are quiet, extroverts prefer quieter partners. quieter people tend to listen more. I think you just need to accept yourself more, and work on your confidance a bit more, you are a beautiful person and you don,t treat others bad, you just have to believe it, i don,t think you are scary, i think you should not listen to people who put you down, they are the one with the ugly problem not you.
Just try to be friend with the opposite sex, you know men usually fancy women they are friends with. I think you are very nice and i think you should give yourself more compliments and focus upon your good points because i am sure you have many of them. Ignore critical people they like to put others down to elevate themselves. Buy a self esteem book to boost your self confidance. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/6/2006 11:53:18 AM | There's nothing wrong with you- you're a beautiful, intelligent girl? Enjoy life while you're young - Mr Right will appear when you're happy, content and satisfied with your life. Until you feel that way - a relationship will only complicate things. Believe in yourself and enjoy the company of your friends and yourself, as every day you learn something new.
I know it's hard not to blame yourself when it seems people are only out for a one-night stand but these aren't the sort of guys you're looking for anyway so who cares about them or what they think. You obviously have a lot of respect for yourself - that's an admirable quality.
Oh... one more thing.... I had my heart broken years ago and never left the house for two years until my friend made me come out one night. That friend is now my husband .... I never saw him as potential husband material, and I had grown accustomed to the idea I would never meet anyone. Sometimes he'll be the last person in the world you would think of. Just keep your eyes and your heart open.... I wish you happiness xx | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:31:16 PM | I am not sure if she is still active on this site. This post is almost a year old. I would be curious, if she is still on here and having a problem. | |
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fmdoll
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Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/7/2006 5:07:34 PM | | Do you have cloven hooves and a tail possibly?? or maybe webbed feet ... maybe when you talk you sound like a squeaky floor board?? Maybe youre as dull as ditch water?? Who knows!! | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 10/7/2006 5:30:46 PM | | Nothing is wrong with you sweetie. I ask myself the same question, but just remember that you are a special person and that maybe you haven't met someone worthy of you yet. Just meditate on that. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 11/5/2006 11:39:19 AM | It is like a year later, from the OP's last post in this thread...
How is it going?
I want to know why I cant seem to find a guy who is interested in dating.. not just a one night stand... having a guy was never a big deal for me
As a suggestion: Ask older women friends, like maybe your mom and her friends to give you some feedback, about what they think you are doing wrong. EVERYONE has an opinion, but theirs might be quite valuable if you are OPEN to listening. Do not defend your actions, because whatever you are doing IS NOT working, is it?
There was an interesting TV show called "Manhatten Matchmaker", where people were 'coached' to date better. Think of it like dancing, the more practice and the more feedback you get, the better you perform.
I believe by your comment, that you go into a dating situation with a preconceived notion, that the 'man' is going to use and abuse you. To find 'love', you have to overcome your fears and open up. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:27:25 PM | | No need to change your entire personality, but it's okay to flirt a little and let someone know you are interested. I'm a pretty quiet person also, and it can be tough to open up at first. I think when you find someone who is a good match for you, talking and opening up comes easily. I think it's also important to find someone with common interests because then you have a place to start from. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 11/5/2006 2:13:10 PM | Welcome to my world, YellowEyes Wolf. Reading your post and your message I can definately sympathise with you. However:
"when I look around everyone even those most would make fun of, have someone and I am alone"
Those most would make fun of? This seems very judgemental on your behalf. How many of these people have approached you and been turned down? Perhaps you need to work on being a little more open and approachable. This is the 21st centry...why don't you ask someone out on a date? Perhaps that guy who blatantly doesn't stand a chance...perhaps if you gave him a chance at a date you may be pleasantly surprised.
Good luck. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 11/5/2006 2:14:10 PM | Welcome to my world, YellowEyes Wolf. Reading your post and your message I can definately sympathise with you. However:
"when I look around everyone even those most would make fun of, have someone and I am alone"
Those most would make fun of? This seems very judgemental on your behalf. How many of these people have approached you and been turned down? Perhaps you need to work on being a little more open and approachable. This is the 21st centry...why don't you ask someone out on a date? Perhaps that guy who blatantly doesn't stand a chance...perhaps if you gave him a chance at a date you may be pleasantly surprised.
Good luck. | |
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| whats wrong with me?
Posted: 11/25/2006 5:57:13 PM | Well I have to say it has been interesting reading the comments posted. Some being helpful others well, interesting. In the past I used to have issues with myself and had low self esteem but not so much anymore. There are days when I feel like shit but who doest have days like that...
As for flirting more.. I find that hard to do.. as I previously stated I am not much of a flirt I am not into being all over a guy just to get his attention.. not me and francly never will be...
Some have stated that I shouldnt feel as if I need to be in a relationship and that I shouldnt tie myself down because I am still young.. I am not talking about being tied down I am just talking about dating and having a boyfriend.. no one said anything about marrage.. I am not ready for that not now anyways.. and have never really thought about marrage...
As for speaking more.. there is a lyric that I like which is often true "a wise man is clever seldom ever speaks a work, a foolish man keeps talking never is he heard" .. besides why should I talk more just to make someone else happy.. I am happy with who I am (for the most part, no one is completely happy with who they are) and where I am going in my life..
Oh and having male friends is not a problem.. I have male friends.. but they are only seen as friends and I am only seen as a friend.. I highly doubt anything will come from those relationships.. I am one of the boys, who occationally wears a dress or skirt.. | |
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