| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:26:16 PM | Nice scenario, OP.
I remember when i was 20-25 wondering about couples where he was a lot older than her.
He would have to be an old pervert and she stupid, desperate or just ugly i thought.
As i am a 45 yo male now, never married, no kids i tend to see things differently - funny that.
1 Young girls versus older women is one trade off to be consideret.
2 Matching of large age differences is another thing to consider.
Having had my fair share of relationships with younger and older women than me throughout my life i believe to know the difference.
3 The scenario in the opening post is somewhat frowned upon in our western society, lets face it.
At the same time the same society (ours) has a success rate of relationships that is worse in comparison than other cultures that practice child marriages and arranged marriages.
So how much credibility is there in society's veto ? - not much i would say.
4 Questioning the maturitity, motives and wisdom of a younger girl marrying an older man, or
5 Questioning the maturitity, motives and wisdom of an older man marrying a younger girl is really no different of questioning anybodys maturitity, motives and wisdom marrying anybody else if we respectfully regard all reasons to be equal.
So, if a 18yo girl that takes my fancy would see anything in me, would it inflate my ego ? - you bet it would!
Would i hesitate being platonic friends with her in public ? - no i wouldnt, but i would be careful.
Would i resist the relationship growing into more than just platonic ? maybe a little.
Would i feel guilty ? - maybe a little.
Would i anticipate judgement and rejection from many ? yes, definately.
Would i have to make a difficult decision ? yes, definately.
Do i know what decision i would make ? No, i dont.
Whatever the decision was, i would have to sacrifice either the girl i love and want to have around , or loosing my status with family, friends and society as a whole who would never understand the difficult decision i had to make.
In the end its always easier to judge others from a distance, because our opinion comes cheap - when the tables are turned and we are about to loose something we want . . . we often change our mind . . . and if we try hard enough, even manage to justify our decision along the way.
At the ripe age of 98, when i am lying on my death bed - looking at my young and beautiful wife of 71 (yes 98-45=53 & 18+53=71) i will be glad to have followed my heart - because the life i had was mine to live.  | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:07:32 PM | Did it occur to you that she might actually love him. Age is just a number and as long as he treats her like a queen there shouldn't be any problem. I know of a couple like this and they are so crazy in love that it shows.  | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:59:53 PM | | True love does not function on social conventions or exterior qualities...does not see race, creed, color, race, age...you just do irrespective of or contrary to social norms, your belief system, race, etc. I have 1st cousins that married each other...and a 17 year old cousin that got married...initially the family was concerned...but at the end of the day...the consensus was...well if they truly are in love...what can you do...and both marriages seem to be doing just fine :) | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:54:28 PM | | True love doesn't know about age factors... but then again 18 is really young and most people change alot until around 25ish so true love is questionable in this situation. I wouldn't personally EVER date someone that much older, mainly because I'd keep seing my dad/grandpa when I looked at him... but I do go up to around 10 years older, which to some is too much so I can't say much... | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:08:10 PM | This is just a thread to find out how people think of this arrangement. My niece who is 23 told me about this one. First of all I told her does the teenager have brain damage. What on earth would an 18 year old see in a 40 year old man. Do you not think that she is cutting her adolescent life short. Will she not miss the oppurtunity of Post Secondary when she becomes older. Will she not feel that she missed out on the horrible dating sceen of your late teens and early 20's. Now my ego would become larger if an 18 year old was interested in myself but on the same token I would feel that she would be cutting her single life short. What do you think?
I can tell you from experience. I met a man at the age of 17. He was 36 at the time. We are still together. I am 33 and he is soon to be 51. Yes she is cutting her adolescent life short. To tell you the truth I have missed out on alot. I regret it everyday that I didn't live the life of an adolescent. I had to grow up fast. He expected me to act like an adult. We had/have nothing in common. He was set in his ways. He had already been married twice and had 2 kids. He knew more about life and had experience as to where I didn't. It was tough. Very tough. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:30:57 PM | Thanks Chatterbug for your first-hand information. I assume that had he been more flexible, and not had children, less set in his ways, etc, maybe it could have been better.
Did he help you with his extra life experience, or did it just remain a difference? | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:11:06 AM | I get the impression from a lot of the posts (and i haven't read the majority of them) that there's a lot of jealous people out there of guys who are in a relationship with a much much younger woman.
I've been in a similar situation myself a couple of years since. I was 35 & she was 25, she had 2 kids to different fathers & later found out she had one on the way & tried to make out it was mine.This obviously didn't work out & she left & moved away. This wasn't down to not having things in common with each other, it was due to the fact that her past history with men was very poor & she couldn't grasp that someone was actually being loving towards her.
I wish any age gap couple well & believe that there are more couples out there ini the world that WILL work than wont or haven't. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:28:03 AM | | I had a relationship where there was nearly 30 yr age gap it might work but i can see it failing there is a number of reason as to why she is with this man it could maybe be that she is scared of growing up and still wants a father figure in her life or she just thinks that guy her age aint worth the hassle | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:55:02 AM | I was 18 when I married my ex who was then 30. Everyone at the time told me I was crazy to even consider it at that age. Took me a long time to see how very right they were and by the time I did, I had three children.
The first 7-8 years were great but after that, we definitely began to drift apart as I grew up, got to know myself better and realize that his initial reasons for marrying me were probably not the same as mine. I was head over heels in love and at that time, compared to other male role models in my life, he seemed like an amazing guy. Without a doubt, the strongest factor in this was the main man I was comparing him to was my father who had a ton of issues to the point it made my ex seem like a prize.
Reality was, my ex saw a young girl who he thought he could mold into the woman he wanted and initially, I probably was far more complacent about things then I really wanted to be. As I got older, wiser and more self confident, we began to argue alot more and I started to see him for who he really was.
In my opinion, an 18 year old doesn't yet know themselves well enough let alone another person so rather then changing and adating to life together, most likely only the 18 year will change much and then suddenly wonder what she's doing married to the guy. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:46:06 AM |
But what about all those other threads stating "age doesn't matter"??
Frankly, he is lucky.
It won't last tho.
While I now prefer to date someone within 10 yrs of my age, going either way up or down, I do still believe age does matter but it depends on the ages of the individuals and them personally.
I do firmly believe tho that an age difference of 5+ years if one partner is under about 25 matters very much. 22 yrs difference with the girl being 18 is just plain nuts, as was my marriage. I was just too damn stubborn to listen back then. I now have a daughter and if she ever even considered something like that, I'd freak out.
Now I honestly cannot say I regret the marriage as I have 3 wonderful children as a result and did have some good times plus learned a whole lot but I would not advise anyone to even consider it at 18. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:51:52 AM | ^
Hey...I agree with you 100%
However, I am always interested in the reasoning behind the "age doesn't matter" arguement. Age most certainly can matter and probably will. It just may not matter at the start of a relationship.
OT...nice hair & freckles btw. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:06:15 AM | I think in general when people say "age doesn't matter" they're referring to more common and reasonable age differences. I think age matters far less in later years and completely depends on the individuals.
I didn't want to hear it back then but everyone else seriously questioned my ex's motives when he started dating me and then proposed and they were very right to do so. I really thought "age didn't matter" and would get extremely angry with anyone who questioned his intentions or suggested he wasn't sincere because I was blinded by what I thought was love and had issues of my own back then which I now understand were why I didn't see it for what it was. At 18, I was just way too young to see or understand it all.
OT- While the red hair and freckles might be nice, they're also a warning sign of an extremely stubborn Irish girl who should have listened to those older and wiser back then!!!  | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:10:35 AM | Thanks Chatterbug for your first-hand information. I assume that had he been more flexible, and not had children, less set in his ways, etc, maybe it could have been better.
Did he help you with his extra life experience, or did it just remain a difference?
Your welcome. Yeah it could have been. He wanted to stay drunk and smoke pot all the time and that didn't help out either. I did learn somethings from him that helped out. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:13:14 AM | My ex wife is with someone 18 years older than herself. And she seems totally happy. So I guess it just depends on what each person wants.
I believe this thread is about an 18 year old marrying an much older man. Your ex-wife had some experience and she knew what life is about vs. what an 18 year old would. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:21:01 AM | Unfortunately some people always think they know everything.
Heck, my kids do!
Anyway, I've been in relationships where I ended up dating younger women and yes, they seemed more mature. Sadly, our lives directions took other paths as we matured at different rates. I think that's what tends to happen. You may be on the road together now, but as times passes both of you end up taking a different path.
OT: I'll consider myself warned.  | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:31:37 PM |
The first 7-8 years were great but after that, we definitely began to drift apart as I grew up
Sounds like any normal marriage to me & frankly you were lucky to get that many great years. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:34:08 PM | | I can only tell you that those that I have met that married young to older men regret their decision later on in life because they feel they didn't have a chance to experience their youth and limited themselves to one man. But that is Canadian women that i have heard this from. In other cultures, there is acceptance of younger women marrying older men because marriage is not of convenience but of a sacred duty to have and raise children and that it is all work for the couple in each of their respective roles. These marriages last a lifetime and the kids are well brought up. So though I personally would not marry a young woman because I enjoyed my youth and it's not fair to take away from these younger people the opportunity to live those amazing experiences that one needs youth to survive. On the other hand, all people are not me and many would be happy to have a steady consistent provider and father for their children and their self. Many a single parent mother in NAmerica would trade places with these women for this. AdvisorX | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:10:36 PM |
either she is a golddigger, or the man has a lot of money.
Isn't one implying the other. This seems circular to me. Was it meant to be?
Yeah that is right. Sorry, my bad.....
I would think about musical tastes, as I believe TAURUS 516 said (sorry if I messed up the number).....
what are you going to talk about to an 18 year old?. Movies, rap, use terms like "ill", "mad" and all that crap kids talk about these days?. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:19:50 PM |
she is cutting her adolescent life short.
It depends how much freedom he gives her.
A lot of young men just wont ket their wives go out at all to clubs.
Many women get to 40 and think they have missed out on life, whatever age they were married at. | |
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