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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 3:27:37 PM | Is he rich? Because that'd be more understandable!
Harlow33 .....Please I invite you to look at my profile and find where I might be rich. This is something both myself and my girlfriend laugh at quite a bit. Due to an ex-wife now owning my farm and most everything I worked my entire life to garner I do NOT happen to be rich or powerful. Much of what I make goes to pay off credit card debt that my ex incurred during her "since you are divorcing me I am going to take you to the cleaners phase". What she likes about our relationship? Many things ....I cant speak for her as I am currently on the road in my rig but from what she has told me personally....she likes the way I treat her as a person , I respect her both mentally and physically, I am more experienced and so can satisfy her sexually, I have strong morals and a good work ethic..I.E. I dont sit on the couch playing X-Box half the day, When we go out we enjoy dancing, theater, and many other things. As for you finding it weird....That is your opinion others are entitled to their opinions as well but in her view she finds it weird that anyone would consider our relationship as sick or perverted. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:23:45 PM | I think people try to look into each other's lives too much. They're happy.. why should anyone frown on it or feel the need to "judge" it?
I was 23 and an ex of mine was 43. I loved him to bits and he loved me back and the age difference was always in the back of his mind and was obssessing about it. We broke up a year later thanks to the endless obssessing about the age difference. Now, 12 years later, and I can tell you honestly he was the best guy I ever met. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:27:27 PM | I was engaged to a 35 year old when I was 19. We had dated since I was a week shy of 17. We ended up not working out, but we're still best friends.
I've always dated older men. (Daddy complex, anyone?)
Age is what you make of it. If you choose to make a big deal out of it, it will be a big deal. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:22:49 PM |
Msg #543...Is he rich? Because that'd be more understandable!
I'm astounded by the kinds of contortions people go thought to justify their personal beliefs...herlow33, do you really believe that matters?
At the moment I met Heather, I had tons of cash...I'm thinking that was never a factor...when my divorce was done, I literally has squat...it didn't matter to her...well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you know what I'm trying to say...
her successful business generated way more cash than I can in the short term...she loves me for way different reasons than it seems you might understand...
I suggest you are stuck on a social myth...namely, younger women only want older men if they are rich...you read Heather's message in her own words, she sought me out because men her age didn't deliver what mattered to her...is that so tough to understand?
ps. mark twain said something like it doesn't matter what we believe, unless the things we believe aren't true... | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:29:34 PM | Msg #545...I was 23 and an ex of mine was 43. I loved him to bits and he loved me back...
funny bones, you know the real truth in this "age difference" situation...thank you for sharing your story...i'm saddened for you that you don't still have that delightful magic...
that obsession by her parents is pushing hard on heather...she's a tough cookie...still, i don't claim to know the future... | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:38:25 PM | ^^^^I feel for you about her parents. In my case though her parents do approve of us and actively participate with us socially. Her Father and I get along famously and her mom does know her way to a mans heart in the cooking department Did feel a bit weird though when her dad did the If you hurt my daughter I will kill you bit Made me feel like my first time dating which is to say thats really a good thing and we did have a good laugh and a couple of buds over the game afterwards. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:39:26 PM | Msg #545...I've always dated older men. (Daddy complex, anyone?)...Age is what you make of it. If you choose to make a big deal out of it, it will be a big deal.
pokeysrevenge, i can see you've traveled this uncomfortable road as well...i would never discount your experience of life...thanks for sharing this...
btw, as a younger man, i was also a marine...your new man is also my brother...tell him, he'll know exactly what i mean...my best wishes are sent to the two of you... | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:51:51 PM | Msg #549...If you hurt my daughter I will kill you...
fortunately, he never went that route...he's a well-respected physician (and i'm 12 years older than he is), so i'm thinking he's kind of cool about it...imho, he's just playing it tough to see if heather can stand the heat...her mom is thawing a bit but she's still not on board for more than just a fling...i guess more time will tell the final story here...
ps. as of now, i've never met her folks...they live in an adjacent town...and she has dinner with them every sunday evening...they usually talk about her dating...she just says nothing has changed...i'm still seeing david... | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:57:22 PM | I truly wish you all the best and good luck. You and I know we fight an uphill battle against the tide of conventional thought but with perseverance nothing but good can come out. I do raise my glass and send you both a toast. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/20/2008 7:35:09 PM | I suggest people to Google the marriage of Charlie Chaplin and Oona O'Neill. She was 18 and he was 54 when they married. The marriage last 34 years and they together have 8 children. It took Oona a long time to come out from the grief of the death of Charlie. Reading their marriage story is just touching.
I lived with my husband when I was 20 and legally married to him 3 years later when he was 49 . The marriage last over 25 years until he died.
I think people talk too much. I especially hate that "what do a 18 year girl has common with a 40 year old man", and how do you know for sure they have nothing in common and then it is your business ?? | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:30:49 AM | 18+40 does sound a big age gap & unless the 18yr old is really mature Id question the sincerity of the 40yr old.
Maybe in rare cases where both fell head over heals in love then yeah great.
Being a 40yr old man is different to being a 40yr old woman as at 40 its not a good idea for a woman to bare children, although its still ok for a man at 40 as he was at 20, plus he'd have bundles more maturity/stability/finance to handle a family at 40.
I went out with a 21yr old last year when I was 35 & it was no big deal.
We both got on okay & didn't look odd in public (maybe because I look younger).
Its ok for a woman if she has a child as that child will be hers & have her genetic makeup, whereas if a man leaves a failed family & still wants to bring-up his own child (which is obviously as fair as a woman having a child) then he will need to 'father' a new child, which will probably happen with a younger woman.
That may sound unfair to single mothers, but as in nature, there are loads of men willing to father someone elses offspring, but a woman may have to drop her standards in order to 'catch' one of these men (which may be the biggest reason for the man accepting someone elses children). | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:21:03 AM | I say if shes happy don't intervene, i myself dated a 46 year old guy when i was 26 and although we are no longer together, he is now one of my best friends. I found him more genuine and faithful than guys of my age, and no, i wasn't looking for a father figure! Age can cause difficulties in a relationship but if the love is strong they can be overcome.
Trying to stop the whole thing from going ahead will only cause upset and tension within the family, many marriages fail these days because people don't try anymore, our society has become very selfish! | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:34:26 PM |
IMO most old men/young women relationships revolve around money.
Some older/younger relationships are based on a young woman looking for an "instant lifestyle" and an older man, trying to "buy" a relationship. my experience, both personal and others I have known, that is not the norm.
I have dated women closer to my age, as well as having had several longer term serious relationships with much younger women. I'm in a relationship now with a woman 28 years younger, with whome I had a relationship for 2 years, we stopped being a relationship, but remained in touch, and then, after we both tried other relationships, we ended up back together, with greater intensity than ever before.
Some younger women, after having had relationships with men their own age, seek an older man, for a lot of reasons having to do with validation and affirmation from an older man, along with all the normal male/female reasons for a relationship. There are things, too, about sexuality that some younger women find preferable, to the men they've experienced, who were also in their mid to later 20s.
In any case, I am far from rich, In fact, when I began with my SO, I had had a disabling accident, and wasn't working, and was "up against it" financially for a time, until I could resume my working life. So, it has nothing to do with money, nor, as some others assume, is she "unattractive" and unable to date someone her own age. In point of fact, she's a size 2 and blonde.
Since my divorce, I also had another relationship with someone who was 29 years younger, and 30 years younger, of 1 year and 2 years. All were attractive. I was never "rich" during any of them, and all ended with some period of remaining close friends afterwards.
Older/younger is not for everyone, but it's not usually for the reasons that so many assume. 18/40, as in the OP, only gives me pause, because one of them is still a teenager, and 18 year olds tend to change a lot, before they are, more or less, "grown up". | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:56:43 PM |
The same would go in reverse for the 40 year old woman to marry a 18 or 14 year old boy in your scenario.
Of course it would. Any 40 year old wanting to marry an 18 year old has serious problems. Dating/marrying younger is fine as long as you are both adults in every way. Not just because the government has decided that 18 is the magic number of adulthood. If it were for example a 30 year old and a 52 year old got married it would be fine, as both would be adults. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/22/2008 12:10:23 AM |
This is just a thread to find out how people think of this arrangement. My niece who is 23 told me about this one. First of all I told her does the teenager have brain damage. What on earth would an 18 year old see in a 40 year old man. Do you not think that she is cutting her adolescent life short. Will she not miss the oppurtunity of Post Secondary when she becomes older. Will she not feel that she missed out on the horrible dating sceen of your late teens and early 20's. Now my ego would become larger if an 18 year old was interested in myself but on the same token I would feel that she would be cutting her single life short. What do you think?[/quote}
Seemed to work pretty well for Mariah Carey, Charo and Anna Nicole during her heyday. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:55:49 AM |
First of all I told her does the teenager have brain damage. What on earth would an 18 year old see in a 40 year old man.
Better damn question would be
What does a 40 year old man want with an 18 year old?
Daughter?
Perversion?
Creep?
Ick.
And yeah, I'm being judgemental - I get that. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:43:43 AM |
What does a 40 year old man want with an 18 year old?
Daughter?
Perversion?
Creep?
A lot of women, as they get older, convert "life experience" to bitterness, anger, controlling behavior, and suspicion. A lot of the well balanced women over 40, who are attractive, sane, and reasonable are still married. After all, half of first marriages survive, and 75% or so of people get married before 30.
There are some attractive women over 40, who have the normal amount of baggage, that anyone, who was married and has children will have, but who aren't "damaged", but what is the percentage of 40+ women, who I would find physically attractive, unmarried, and with a positive attitdue....5% of the total, maybe. Those women are highly sought after, and can be difficult to find.
I've found some, and I've dated them, but they tend to be pretty demanding, being well aware of their market value, and often set in their ways.
Younger women, who are "into" older men, are somewhere around 25% of the total. A higher percentage of younger women are naturally attractive, and are often much more open sexually, naturally expecting it to be part of things. The older/youger dynamic, in and of itself, is unlikely to lead to "power struggles", and more naturally assumes a dynamic with the older man caring what will ultimately be good for her in life, and wanting to guide her to fulfilling her dreams, while being a constant source of affirmation and validation, as she tries to be all she can be.
The "perversion" argument, while common, is contradicted throughout history, going back to the bible, and other literature. It was very common for an older man to take a younger wife, and some of that has to do with fertility. As "perverted" as some may see it, it is not all that rare to see men into their 60s fathering children.
Obviously, it's not the norm, nor right for everyone. However, it is not so rare as to be an aberration. POF is a dating site, and so long as like minded people find each other, it isn't open for judgment. | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:46:33 AM | What does a 40 year old man want with an 18 year old?
heee! I have no doubt that it would be the snapping sound of a sweet crunchy firm sparkling juicy apple. The main thing is he got it and So ??? | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/22/2008 1:19:11 PM |
GoneSailinBabe: "Better damn question would be
What does a 40 year old man want with an 18 year old?"
Oh... let me guess. He wants a very... tight... pussy as compared to women his age. The 18-year-old hasn't had children and doesn't routinely sleep with a monster-sized vibrator.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Kegel | |
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| 18 year old girl marries a 40 year old man?
Posted: 9/22/2008 1:50:14 PM | Renaissance Man 1950: I don't see anything wrong with an older man with a younger woman or an older woman with a younger man, as long as both are adults in all ways. I do fully understand that at 18 one is an adult in the eyes of the law, but do you really think an 18 year old is truly an adult in all ways and ready to marry anyone? It isn't the 22 years between the 18 year old and the 40 year old that bothers me, it is the stage of life that each is at. Perhaps in times past when life was a lot more simple, it wouldn't have mattered so much. If the woman was 30 and the man was 52 I wouldn't give it the first thought as both are adults. If it was a 30 year old man and a 52 year old woman I wouldn't give it a thought as they are both adults.
Maybe women should start doing this too as we all know that once men hit 40 they are fat, bitter, and can stand at attention only with the aid of a pill. Not serious but this seems to be why a lot of men want younger women.
I wonder how a lot of you men that think this is fine would like it if a 40 year old man started dating your daughter?
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