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| | Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find? Page 18 of 23 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23) | | There's sensitive men out there, I got one.. but he is starting to be a real jerk this past yr, and givingm mixed emotions.. but when he's not being a jerk he's the sweetest guy ever. Anyway, I guess people change | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:20:27 AM | It isn't just a guy trying to find a decent girl friend--but us trying to find a decent guy. Men will say almost anything to get a woman in bed and because of the dating sites, they know that someone will fill their needs. I think that it is true that men don't marry the woman who jumps in bed with everyone, but they are just wanting for the short term, a woman to bed. I'm not sure that women start out being indecent or if you get a guy that makes her that way, because she wants to please him and once she does, he casts her away like yesterday's trash.
The dating sites have made men as well as women troll and anyway that you look at it, it's being unfaithful. I would like to meet just one man, who can tell the truth about everything and not lie and so far I haven't found him and I doubt that I will. If you start dating and they tell you that you're the one---run like hell, because they will be looking for the next conquest before the words hit your ears. We don't need to live like a nun --- but we should start looking at the future and not let a man take advantage of us or lower our self esteem. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:17:23 PM | First, here's an analogy that perfectly sums up why a "decent" girlfriend is so hard to find.
Your ideas of what makes a girl decent are yours and you are trying to look for a custom-tailored fit in the only clothes shop in the whole world that is loaded with nothing but off-the-rack specials. Some off-the-rack articles will fit some people perfectly while others may never find that article of clothing that will ever be perfect no matter how hard it is searched for.
And a little bit of cynical information for everyone, both ladies and gentlemen: love is a crock and nothing more than a human romantization of the basic instinct to procreate; to continue the genetic lineages of both the man and the woman through their offspring as well as to ensure the continued survival of the species of which the mates are a member of.
It is also this human element that is responsible for making this primal act both an honorable and wonderful one as well as a despicable one that has lead to nothing but the absolute worst that people are capable of, depending on the circumstances.
A lot of the reason why boys may choose bad girls while girls may choose bad boys are perceptions of fitness; who will make the best mate for the purpose of spawning strong offspring. Many times, people may see those who act like jerks also assert with strong authority, which are traits that are considered for suitability as a mate.
And, the interesting thing here is that this kind of attraction occurs subconsciously. Humans, however, do have the advantage of understanding and even transcending this instinct, being able to see through the facade and judging the true character of the person and connecting through more than just physical consummation of the sex drive. But that is a skill that appears to be rarely practiced as is evidenced by people who keep coming back for more put-downs and beatups from a**h***s and m*****rf****rs like a brain-damaged hamster continually trying to chew an electrified piece of kibble.
The sooner you understand that you can control this to your advantage, the better off you will be. Machiavellian, indeed, but that's just the way it seems to be. Just like hunting, it's kill or be killed unless you find someone that is also intelligent enough to realize that we have an ability to make it more than that: to be soulmates rather than mere mates. That's all too rare, though, so don't bet the house on that chance because most people are dishonrable backstabbers.
Don't feel bad or lonely because, honestly, love is not all that it's cracked up to be because we, as a species, make it so worthless to begin with by most individuals refusing to individually accept total responsibility for it. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:38:28 PM | | Ya know there is so much to be said for the saying "nice guys finish last". There is a reason that saying is so well known. CUZ IT'S TRUE!!! For years I hated this fact and decided to rebel against this and be the nice guy. You can guess what that got me. My advice is wise up. There are so many reasons why women today are they way they are, but realize that most women do not want a "nice guy". When I hear women say "why can't I find a nice guy?" I just laugh. Nice guys grow on trees, they are everywhere. Women don't want this, even if they don't consiously recognize this. Accept it, and you will be better off for it. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:56:40 PM | | Most of you seem so jaded! Wait till you get to my age! LOL! I really AM looking for a nice guy! A good Christian man. But I DO want him fit. I DO want him around my age. And...I am a nice woman! But I find NICE GUYS very hard to find at this age. They all seem to think because a woman has been married before...she is going to sleep with them. I want my man to be my best friend first. When I am deeply in love...then we can talk about what happens behind closed doors. | |
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psy-5
| | Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 432 | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:07:04 PM | From what I have learned ....Half the women and half the men seem to feel this way .
Maybe ...
Men and women often want different things and so they don't agree on what qualifies as "decent" . | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 7/31/2008 5:32:42 AM | | your so right and so wise, its like we are pray on dating sites for lustful men, with no respect for woman or their selves. they cant think past getting laid. how many conversations start out nice and in paragraph 2 they are talking about jumping in the sack with you. and if you don’t comply then you get labelled boring or prudish and they don't want to know you. Are dating site a waste of time?? | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:51:24 PM | | i wont generalize because people are damned too picky and cant be happy with the ones what they have or might be the right person in front of THEM! Everyone looks for perfection and cant see the real beauty inside. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:19:14 PM | Its hard to explain, a girl who likes attention can receive it, yet if she is not attracted towards you but yet she is use to the attention you give her and you treat her like crap she will end up looking for you. Why cause she will question why you are acting so weird. She will realizes that she liked the attention she missed and wants it back. That is one opinion. Sigh... Yeah some girls can be so stupid. We are weird. Yet when we find something good we dont want to loose it. thats when you know this is the one. So dont worry you will find someone you deserve. There is always someone for everyone.
I had my heart broken many times. what I say is move on and who is next to be the one to be with me. test the waters to make sure that this is the one you want. Be streight foward with the person. No hidding it avoids illutions of hopes or maybe they would feel the same as you do. | |
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GATOR1
| | Joined: 1/19/2005
Msg: 437 | |
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GATOR1
| | Joined: 1/19/2005
Msg: 438 | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:54:38 PM | (Go figure. Become a bad guy, and you will have women you would not believe./)
Ah, the bad boy may get 50 women! Good for them.
Most of us "women" just want ONE NICE GUY. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:35:23 PM | Wah!
WAH! 
Welcome to the world of dating.
Everyone's nuts.
All the guys swear that all women want nothing but money.
Funny thing is.... finding a guy who can just F-ing hold a job is impossible.
AND that means all we want is money??!!!!
Geez!
Happy New Year!!! | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:04:49 PM | Usualy the ***holes we end up with present themselves as sensitive caring men until they have you hooked. Women are always suckers for a seemingly heartfelt apology and great make up sex , we think we can help and it becomes a challange to help them find themselves. After a few of these types we question all mens motives so come across as uninterested in a relationship so the decent guys wonder what the hell is wrong with us.
it's very often just a self-destructive attraction we feel to a certain "type" or just plain bad luck choices. Hang in there, there ARE good women out there, they just might not be the "type" you've always been drawn to. Maybe you should make a list of what traits you do want in a lady, and then when you meet someone, go over that list to see if she naturally fits it. In other words, don't make excuses for her to make her fit where she obviously doesn't. You'd also have to spend quite a bit of time getting to really know her in order to see if she was a good fit, and it might stop you from getting too serious before knowing exactly who you were with. Good Luck
This I find its so true... I can't argue with that... There are decent kind women out there who are been burned in the past by ***holes and jerks who have taken advantage of a good woman.
Believe me, finding a decent girlfriend is not that hard... If we're given a chance, we can prove you wrong that women aren't half weirdos/crazies...
I think the challenging part of dating is finding someone who can 'mesh' with you and accept for all your flaws/imperfection.
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 1/5/2009 9:30:45 PM | If this is true about "love being a crock " tell me why I laid in the floor and thought I would die for days on end ,after 27 years of being with one woman that did NOT want me any longer!
what was I experiencing ? | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 1/5/2009 10:24:08 PM | see now going by what this lady said I'll bet she has never been married which means she will probably never leave her man,unless she gets a "bad guy", usually a woman that thinks like this lady knows what is going on so ,she figures it all out before she throws it all away !this is the kind of woman I wish I had met !
it's the thinking straight and knowing the truth that keeps it together and both have to have this ,not seeing your flows and blaming the other person, that's part of it to, not looking at the heart of the other person, being selfish ,a desire for more" THINGS" instead of a "love one",being so selfish you loose the ability to see what's important !giving and not taking, and when both have this and they find each other they never leave each other! there are the one's who gets left and the one leaves ,one may leave because one doesn't give, one may leave because they don't want to give,
way way back some folks ,mostly the women , just kept giving till the end no matter if the other one gave at all ! not now ! women make there on living and they say "I don't have to put up with NOTHING !" so a small "flaw "can just start eating on them and then they believe it's a "BIG thing "that has happened ,"a personal attack" they think!, and they have this little black book in there heart that they daily write in ,and they turn it over and over in there head ,and at night while he lays sleeping she is thinking about reason that he's no good and should be left ,mean time he don't have a clue,cause she won't come straight out and SAY it ! so he trys to figure out what the heck is wrong ! Trys to be better ,oh ,but now ,she says ,,"it's too late mister ! "the damage is done I dont love you anymore !", and I got a job ,I don't need a man !
I would tell you about "the bad guys "but I don't know about bad guys ! Ionly know about the bad Girl !
it's about GIVERS and TAKERS ! | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/2/2009 10:13:05 PM | I wouldn't get too caught up in girls and good guys and bad guys and all that.
Rather women go for "hot" guys. And that's really it , "period", as the Americans are fond of saying. "Hot" usually equates to muscles and tans and so on - why else do you think millions of men all over the world who are not anywhere near competing at elite levels of sports, and who are not competing bodybuilders, are taking steroids ? It's purely to attract women. They know women tend to go crazy for the muscled look, so they're only doing the logical thing in that regard. It's women's instinct to go for the "alpha male" look, indeed if you see women in nightclubs they tend to go absolutely crazy for the muscled up guys, it's clearly an instinct they can't control. Steroids can take a guy from a slim beta male look to a bulked up alpha male look with women swarming around him, hence plenty guys do it nowdays. It's not personally for me, and I play lots of football (soccer) so I will always be a "slim jim", but the logic in why guys hit the juice is perfectly obvious. Also add in the fact with all the imagery of muscular film stars and male models nowadays and this just re-inforces the effect of the look women go for.
So it's really best to cut away all the bullshit about good guys versus bad guys, sensitive guys versus arseholes etc etc and all the other crap about women looking for nice guys and women being more interested in personality than looks. All that stuff is the biggest pile of BS ever. For women, attraction is 90 percent about how you look (same as it for guys). So if you're a guy of average height and build (short of being facially stunning, and even then the "built" average or ugly looking guy will probably get far more attention), you will get very little attention from women indeed, whereas muscled up "hot" guys will get crazy amounts of attention. This is just the reality of how the world works.
So if you're confused about why women aren't going for such and such a type, just remember the basic rule that attraction is 90 percent looks and you won't go far wrong. How you look will be the biggest factor by far in whether or not a woman will be into you.
Beyond that, I would say that yes there is indeed a shortage of decent women in Western Societies today. We don't have to look far at all for the reasons why though. We've moved from a more collectivist approach to society a few decades ago to a far more individualistic one. The triumph of the ideologies of unrestrained free market laissez faire and neo liberal economics, consumerism, and the ever increasing power of the marketing industry (who use sex and sexual imagery to sell everything, another powerful reason why women are far more interested in how "hot" you are than how "sweet" you are nowadays) over our lives, are the reasons behind this. The increasing move towards rampant individualism has meant that old fashioned values which were based on collectivist principles, values like honesty, sincerity, generosity, kindness, warmth, sharing, have been turned on their head by the culture of unrestrained individualism and capitalism and now values like greed, insincerity, backstabbing, duplicity, ruthlessness etc etc. are encouraged in our society, particularly in the coporate sector. These new values are promoted in the populace through media outlets, which are ultimately owned by the super rich who have a very vested interest in the continuity of a system of unrestrained free market capitalism - a system that ensures they get ever richer as the poor get poorer. The population gets brainwashed into accepting these values to the point where they accept unrestrained free market capitalism as the only way. We live in an Orwellian nightmare society in this regard where the media control the thoughts of the population.
The church used to be the main influence on people's outlook, but at least Christian values were preached, now it's the media which is the overwhelming influence on people's outlook. And they are propagandising that we all have to be horrible **stards or ****es in today's world, failing which we'll be seen as "losers".
Anyway, these are the reasons why you will struggle to find a decent human being of either sex nowadays. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/3/2009 6:37:17 AM | The Brave New World explanation may be right, I don't know. Maybe people aren't decent unless they adopt a critical overview of the cultural influences shaping their outlook. Or maybe it's irrelevant and decency is a matter of one's actions bringing worthwhile results.
What I see that accounts for difficulty matching the available real people to the ideals and preferences is that reality can't budge if there is any distance to close. When you meet someone, you're stuck taking them as they are. They can't magically change to suit your idea of what you would rather have them be. So, if your shopping list is unrealistic then it will never be filled. That person doesn't actually exist. The people who are all around you, do exist, and they are what there is to choose from. The next time you meet someone and don't think they would make a decent girlfriend, use that as an opportunity to wonder what kind of indecent girlfriend they might make. It could be that looking for a decent girlfriend is a fool's errand in a world of imperfect people. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:10:06 AM |
The Brave New World explanation may be right, I don't know. Maybe people aren't decent unless they adopt a critical overview of the cultural influences shaping their outlook.
Unfortunately most people are barely aware or cognisant of the the cultural influences that are shaping their outlook. And certainly the collective outlook has got far more individualistic in recent decades.
People are far more obsessed with their own individual happiness than with that of others compared to previous era - in essence our sense of "duty" to others has been diminished. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/3/2009 5:17:15 PM |
quit looking and the woman of your dreams will come along when you least expect it... even though this is cliche, this happens to be true... decent girlfriend aren't hard to find if you know the RIGHT place to look.. volunteer work (hospital, charitable organizations), school, new hobbies, gym, special clubs like toastmasters international, www.meetup.com groups, etc..
the point is make contact and network you never know who will come into your life! | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/3/2009 7:06:57 PM | Men: Visual.
Women: Emotional.
Men: Attracted to what they SEE.
Women: Attracted to how he makes her FEEL.
Learn to be confident and comfortable in who you are and the RIGHT woman will be attracted to you. She won't be flaky or confused when she's into you.
Women who act flaky and confused are "just not that into you."
Cheers. | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/3/2009 7:30:27 PM | Sexual stimulation involves ANGER for some. "Nice" just isn't "exciting" enough somehow for some.
A-holes, as deplorable as they are in some respects, are "take-charge" kind of guys. The A-hole part may not be desirable, but the "take-charge" attitude IS desirable. Some of us want to "coast" on autopilot and have someone come in and dominate and take over our lives. We, male or female, then assume the "victim" role, as the OP is doing. This, then, invites the other's aggression, or, worse, apathy, and eventual absence.
I'm reminded of the Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze surfing/skydiving/bank-robbing action thriller, Point Break. Swayze as the lead bank-robber says "When you take charge of the situation, you create fear in them. When you hesitate, you invite aggression, and hesitation will make your worst fears come true." Human sexual psychology is kind of a similar model. In fear, there is excitement. In aggression, the aggressor is in charge of creating the fear, the excitement. It may be f--ked up, but it's the way it is. So take charge, at least sometimes.
Be who you are, just be AS MUCH of who you are as possible. Do take pleasure in taking charge, taking control...yes, dominating. "Aggressively loving". Yes, ask her how she feels, but don't become insecure in that. Don't sit back, coast, be wishy-washy, be fearful...and expect to hold her interest. You want to CREATE her interest...and yours-! | |
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| Why is a decent girlfriend so hard to find?
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:53:03 PM | You go for the wrong women. There are women out there who would appreciate men who treat them right. Me for example, but it's hard for women like me to find a decent guy only because most men are too shallow to give a bigger girl a chance.
(Pre-pregnancy) | |
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