| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:37:50 AM | Slap him with an injunction. Consult your attorney. A house is not worth your life. You cannot buy a new house if you're dead. I know, I know. I seem entirely without compassion or tact, but as my mother is a police officer and has also dealt with a similar situation, I've seen and heard a lot of nasty things. I'd rather you view me as mean and tactless if it'll help you realize the direness of the situation. Do whatever it takes to get out. If you have to sell your home, sell it. If you have to live in a shelter, do it. If you have to stomp on toes down at the local station, stomp away. Personally, I'd wear heels while stomping, but that's just me. On a serious note, you owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to get out of this situation. Make sure a report has been filed, which includes the fact that you fear for your life. Now, stop asking questions and do what needs to be done! Best of luck, girly! | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:41:33 AM | Don't take legal advice from cops.
Get an attorney if need be, and get a protective restraining order.
Your life isn't anything to take chances with.
Ditto!
But also get the hell out of your house TODAY until the 30 days are up. He make take some of your possesions but they are not worth your life.
someone said that a restraining order was worthless....it might be if your potential abuser doesn't live with you, but if you have an order that keeps him 500 ft away from you at all times, then he can't legally share the same residence with you, can he?
It means that if he comes to your home, he is, in affect, breaking the law, and can be jailed for that action. Cops can't argue against restraining orders. He WILL go to jail.
I agree with Kloey as well. DON't accept the status quo when someone tells you that they can't help. Rattle cages, make noise. Your life could be at stake. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:43:41 AM | | Hi, run, run as fast and as far as you can. nobody needs that shit. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:44:01 AM | Exactly Pandy!!! Well said...plus...I have absolute knowledge of this subject..and my earlier post stands...that is EXACTLY what will happen if you file the order. But most importantly get rid of the guns. Give them to the police..have them hold them. Good luck girl
I agree with Jasmine....get off of the computer and get this all taken care of today. Most judges will file a same day restraining order but they will make you see the court shrink first so it takes a few hours to get it done....go now. | |
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LL3
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:45:03 AM | Ok....I read part one of two suggestions.....A trigger lock is a good thing to get....but have you considered unloading the gun and getting rid of the bullets....and I'm assuming there are others.
Worst case scenario....and I feel a shmuck for just saying this....you get pistol whipped, not shot and killed.....
I hope you have large friends near you and they are able to offer some assistance though. I hope it works out for you. Nothing worse than being made uncomfortable in your own home.
Maybe you have a friend that can come and dispose of it/them for you...... Just a couple of suggestions. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 11:57:54 AM | | I feel sick even reading this. Please get him the hell away from you by whatever (legal) means you can. If the police aren't helping, call a crisis line, a shelter, a lawyer, go to the police station and refuse to leave until you're heard. Be loud, be smart, don't let them make light of your problem. Do whatever it takes to be taken seriously! In the meantime, PLEASE leave that house!!! | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:03:15 PM | | I said a restraining order is useless if someone breaks into your house while your sleeping and shoots you in the head - get it straight. Don't get me wrong - it is always good to have one cause yes if he violates he will go to jail - providing you can get to a phone to call the cops. Picture the before mentioned scenerio (about him breaking in your house while your asleep) or try this your walking to your door or wherever - If he comes up behind you and sticks a gun to your head by all means wave your piece of paper at him - see how far that gets you. In these situatons you must take all scenerios into account. It could cost you ur life if you don't. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:07:45 PM | Replace the bullet supply with blanks, buy a new guinean bird and pull out the beatles to feed them when he gets nasty...
(ref: http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20041106/fob3.asp) 
Hopefully they dont attack the hands that feed them... | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:09:01 PM | Restraining orders don't mean diddly.
@Marilynized...THIS ^^^^was the comment I was refering to....perhaps YOU should get it straight.
I agree that the weapons should be unloaded/disabled....BUT if you dispose of them, or damage them, and they are his property, that can mean that you are guilty of theft and/or responsible for repairs/replacement.
If he comes up behind you and sticks a gun to your head by all means wave your piece of paper at him - see how far that gets you.
The topic as I understood it, was how she can get herself away from this situation right now...and she seems unwilling/unable to leave her home. THIS is an effective method to get him out of her home.
Preparation for the potential of his coming after her later is a seperate issue, IMO. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:11:12 PM | | I agree with that as well Pandy...I was saying HIDE them...not TRASH them...that would be theft...however...getting rid of them (the police will give you suggestions on this...they are actually very helpful...if you continue to call and explain how scared you are)is best for right now...unless she knows about guns she could miss a bullet..there could be one lodged in the chamber...better to have them gone all together...also he may have more bullets elsewhere. Don't damage them....just hide them..until he's out. That's just my advice. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:16:19 PM | | sounds like you should get some friends over when he's not home and move your stuff out to a safe place and let lawyers fight over the rest. MIDNIGHT MOVE | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:35:56 PM | | First thing you should do is get rid of all the guns...take them to a friends....Secondly get a restraining order....Thirdly have some friends come and stay with you....always protect yourself....just outsmart the guy. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:54:18 PM | Well Pandy being that i am unable to read minds as you did not specify until now what comment u were referring to - i responded. I did so because I also made the statement that a restraining order could be helpful or it could mean jack.
The situation is - the girl is in trouble - people are throwing around getting a restraining order as a solution to her problem which was how she can get this sicko sway from her and her home now.
Yes a restraining order is effective to get him out but you must be prepared after that. Some of these nuts go even crazier once you slap them with a restraining order - so no it is not a seperate issue - goody she is safe for 24 hours while he is locked up - then what? Think about that later? No that is not acceptable. She needs to make a plan that goes beyond immediate relief - don't forget about the next day.
I do not mean to be rude - and not that this is any of your business or anyone elses but i was in a similiar situation - (no gun just a knife and his bare hands choking me and smashing my head into the wood floor till i could not see) I got a restraining order - he had to leave. He got sent to jail held on 25,000 bail 10 percent - that is how excessive my injuries were - he got out. You know the first place he came? If you guessed my house you win! See I was in the living room and didn't see or here him come up the back steps - not until I heard the breaking of glass and ran to the kitchen to see him standing there (he stuck his arm thru the hole and undid the 3 locks) So honey please don't tell me its a seperate issue. Getting him out is great - however it does not stop there - you need to keep yourself safe. I ended up having to move. - I don't mean to be rude but I know of which I speak and I will not sugar coat anything for anyone.
Now - Peace to all and have a wonderful New Year. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 12:58:19 PM | | You see, that's why you want everything filed away nicely. That way, if you have to shoot him, everything is documented. | |
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Jan762
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Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 1:03:35 PM | If he threatened you with a firearm you could press charges, have him arrested, change the locks and get a restraining order (restricting him from being within a certain radius of you)providing it is your place. See if you police department has a Victim Witness Asistance Program that can help you out.
Good luck. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 1:06:19 PM | If it is your house, ask that he leaves. If it is his, get out now. Maybe even take that gun out of the closet when he isnt around and take it to the cops. Tell them you fear for your life because of this and him... Oh yeah, make sure it is unloaded first.
If you have larger male friends, ask them to assist. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 1:11:15 PM | | Here's the way the law is going to look at it....if he took the gun out and loaded it and then put it back...no crime. If he pointed at her then there is a crime. Although it scares the shyte outta ya, if he didn't actually threaten her with it they will not do anything...Get rid of the thing for good and call some friends over....I really doubt he will try anything with others around.... | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 2:22:06 PM | Dont do the "self injury " as suggested. The doc will know it wasnt from a punch if its a clean cut from a razor. You dont need to creat false charges againt this guy. That can go against you in later legal wranglings.
You should already have enough to charge him. I dont know what the law is where you live but threatening someone with a loaded handgun is an offence. He has threatened your life. You have been within 1/2 an inch of your life because thats about how far the trigger needs to go before you are dead. Dont waste time. Call a lawyer and find out what you can do. When the bf goes to work have the cops come in and remove the gun. but remember he can just go buy another so you need to remove yourself and him from the house. Tell everyone you know about him and the threat with the gun. He might not kill you the next time but theres a pretty good chance he will do it at some point. DONT think he will change. If the cops wont remove the gun then get a video camera and get your lawyer to film you or a friend (someone that knows how to safely handle a gun). Use gloves so you dont get your prints on it. show the camera it is loaded. Unload it. put a trigger lock on it and hide the key. put the bullets or clip into a baggy and hide that too but in a seperate place from the key. Find somewhere to store the gun. Move his stuff out. if you have the cash do as someone suggested and move all his stuff out. store it. The cops said you have to give him 30days to move out. check with the lawyer. if he has no rent receipts then he might not have proof he isnt more than just a guest. Does his drivers license have your address on it? if not then boot him. Once you get him out stay with a friend. If you have the means rent a cheap apartmanet for a month and rent a car for the month. Dont park your car outside a friend place if your are staying there. if he knows where all your friends live then he might drive around looking for you. You need to disappear as best you can for a few weeks. get the restraining order. It wont prevent him from harming you or trying to kill you but it will show that you are actively trying to protect yourself. If he violates it without actually killing you then he gets in trouble. Document everything. Save answering machine tapes, or voice mail. save letters/notes. Keep a diary of everything he does and says to you that can be threatening. remove his stuff and send him on his way. but whatever you do do not stay in your current place. at least for a couple of weeks because its a sure thing that he will go back on the first night and try to sweet talk you or beat you.
Your relationship was over the moment he picked up the gun. you cant change him. you cant fix him. you cant help him. He may tell you he is sorry. he may tell you he loves you. he may promise to never do it again. say what ever you need to appease him but get the Hell out of there. Next time it will be worse. At some point he will kill you. END IT!
Lesson for next time. If you have a guy move in, DONT let him bring a weapon into your house. If your next bf has one tell him to rent a locker for it at a gun club. And that if you ever see him with it you will dump him.
Any guy that threatens the woman he "loves" isnt a man. And he doesnt love you unless he can control you. He thinks violence or the threat of it will MAKE you love him. Or at least obey him.
Now get off the computer and call a lawyer and call a mover to get his stuff. Get it all done today because tomorrow might be too late.
Good luck and be safe! | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 2:45:34 PM |
The situation is - the girl is in trouble - people are throwing around getting a restraining order as a solution to her problem which was how she can get this sicko sway from her and her home now.
Yes a restraining order is effective to get him out but you must be prepared after that. Some of these nuts go even crazier once you slap them with a restraining order - so no it is not a seperate issue - goody she is safe for 24 hours while he is locked up - then what? Think about that later? No that is not acceptable. She needs to make a plan that goes beyond immediate relief - don't forget about the next day.
It may not be a seperate issue in her life , but it is a seperate issue as far as this THREAD is concerned. In order to keep it on topic, we should be discussing her more immediate concerns. Having her in an attorney's chair WILL insure that measures are taken. These people are trained in procedural safety. And will not , thankfully, advise her to break the law by filing a false police report.
I do not mean to be rude
good. I'm glad that was a mistaken impression on my part.
So honey please don't tell me its a seperate issue. Getting him out is great - however it does not stop there - you need to keep yourself safe. I ended up having to move. - I don't mean to be rude but I know of which I speak and I will not sugar coat anything for anyone.
refer to my comment above on seperate issue as far as this THREAD is concerned, "honey".
once her case has been established correctly, she will get the help she needs in getting and staying safe. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 3:02:24 PM | | Take the gun and give it to someone so it is not in the house. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 3:06:02 PM | Sammy, awesome idea - and for myself - been there - I actually did move for a couple of months somewhere - that way he thought I was gone gone gone. To make it look like you moved - try changing the curtains and moving the furniture around or buying some new stuff - that way it really does look like your gone. Remember, he can stalk you thus needing further protection. You just have to become smarter so you dont live in fear, doing things like taking a changing your routine, different route home on a daily basis so he cant track you, always being seen with someone, always letting others know what your doing and keep a paper trail so you have evidence of what he does. Keeping a journal of the calls he makes, time - date - and what the call was about - that way you can recall what he is doing - the memory has a way to forget on what some people do. Once you go to court - get some counselling or read up on some self help books so you can learn how to see the signs early of an unstable personality and that should help you on how not to get into the same type of relationship.  | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 3:23:25 PM | | I have nothing of value to add, but I do hope the OP comes back to let us know she is safe now. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 3:55:48 PM | | Go to a women's shelter or someone you can stay with. File for a protective order (they are free). After he is served the protective order, if the house is yours you can return - he will have to leave. You do need to get away. Good luck and God Bless you. | |
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| I need help PLEASE
Posted: 12/30/2005 4:14:11 PM | I had the same thing happen to me years ago by a man that I had dated for 4 years.
after I had not got good results from the police, they had come to the house, but he followed me to work, see even if you get him out of the house that won't make him gone.
I called his sister and had him put in an institution for I can't remember 30 to 60 days.
They had a structured routine and he received counseling and his solitary time allowed him a chance to reflect what had happened to us. I no longer had problems after that. He did love me even though things had gone wrong, that was a basic instinct it was the other stuff that made him go off the handle but the basic instinct came through in the end.
You must contact a family member for him to be committed or he would have to do it on his own, fat chance of that though I am sure.
Good luck | |
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