| Why a virgin?
Posted: 3/31/2006 8:16:11 PM | ^^ Thank you I was about to mention that. The hymen is incredibly fragile. I'm a virgin, but I do a LOT of horseback riding - one of the things that is said to break the hymen before intercourse. Other things can break it too, but I can't remember off the top of my head what they are.
On the bright side, hopefully the first time won't hurt so much if there's nothing there to break. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:57:44 AM | Oh my-my-my-my, I am amused and touched by this forum post. As both and clinical therparist who specialized in sex issues (a.k.a. sex therapist) AND an adult female who is a virgin I still have to agree with Felinessa....purity is not about the state of your gentials - it's about the state of your mind and soul.
Honestly, in my experence, the few men I have wanted to expore relationships with DIDN'T want me because I was a virgin...the joke was I had a "reputation" for being 'the virgin'. But I feel the bottom line is, if you love someone enough to WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL LIFE WITH THEM - why are you getting hung up on labels like virgin/non-virgin?? If this person is of the character that you fell so deeply into love and admiration for them, why would having previous sexual experiences change those feelings? And if you find out your partner is not a virgin and it DOES change those feelings...I am going to argue you never REALLY love/respected her in th first place. Shame on you for leading her to believe you loved her and shame on you for fooling yourself.
And what about if she is not a virgin because she was sexuall assaulted or even sexually abused as a child? Is that HER fault?
We need to stop judging people by labels and numbers and we need to start judging people on the character and quality of their heart, mind and soul. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:32:25 PM |
I'm sorry to say this, but a "slut" with compassion and respect for other human beings is a much better human being than you'll ever be. Virginity alone doesn't make anyone nice, so don't fool yourself into thinking you're a nice girl. You're scraping the bottom of morality.
Resorting to name calling against virgins is so typical of loose women that spread their legs to anything in pants. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 3:35:26 PM | I don't think that men *really* care. I think it's just an excuse because he didn't have the courage to look you in the eye and tell you the real reason he wanted to break up.
If someone rejected me because I'm not a virgin, I would laugh and say, "hey 1932 called, it wants its unrealistic expectations back." | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:04:54 PM | As far as im concerned women have every right to be as sexually independant as any man. If I were to expect the women I settle down with to be a virgin I think it would come off as very insecure of me and controlling. I don't like that at all. I respect a womans right to do as she wishes with her life and I don't want them to be virgins to be married with me. It dosen't matter what a persons sexual past is to me, so long as I know that their a good person thats what matters. People have every right to live their lives as they please. If some men want to marry virgins fine, just don't expect women to have to be virgins. Thats taking away thier right to be promiscuious if they so wish and thats pretty much wrong.
Plus to be honest if a girl has some experience thats actually hot.
I like women who are virgins as well though it dosen't really matter to me. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:10:04 PM | Heh, this reminds me of that SNL skit with Jack Black as a troll, where he looks for the "nastiest wench around". The knight asks him why he doesn't want a virgin, and he pulls him aside and says something like, "look dude, I need someone who's experienced. With virgins, they get all attached and it gets messy..."  | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:12:26 PM | "Honestly, in my experence, the few men I have wanted to expore relationships with DIDN'T want me because I was a virgin...the joke was I had a "reputation" for being 'the virgin'. But I feel the bottom line is, if you love someone enough to WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL LIFE WITH THEM - why are you getting hung up on labels like virgin/non-virgin?? If this person is of the character that you fell so deeply into love and admiration for them, why would having previous sexual experiences change those feelings? And if you find out your partner is not a virgin and it DOES change those feelings...I am going to argue you never REALLY love/respected her in th first place. Shame on you for leading her to believe you loved her and shame on you for fooling yourself."
Thats hugged up. I guess some guys might assume it means a woman has a low sex drive. Thoug I still think it's unfair. I hate when people get ostracized just because their experiences isn't the same like other people their age. I mean im a virgin. When I was really young I did want to hold it for marriage. Then I realized one day that that wasn't for me, the past 8 or 9 years I have not been a virgin by choice. I just had a life that kind or made me not too confident and develop a low sense of self regard towards myself. Not only that but I stayed home a lot had a job with late hours, so I didn't go out much. Didn't meet people because of it plus I was a little bitter and afraid of other people. Im a bit more confident now but I just don't have as much faith as I did when I was younger and was very busy the past year. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:15:50 PM | | I think you have a great attitude! I agree. People do get too hung up on labels- and the stereotypes associated with them. Not all virgins are 'prudes' not all non-virgins are 'sluts' (though I have to say I absolutely hate both those words...) | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/1/2006 11:45:41 PM | "However, it is true that an acquaintance rape where very little force is used does not harm a slut like it would a nice girl. After all sex is much like a handshake to a slut. So while the man should be convicted in both cases it is only reasonable that penalty, except for violent rapes, should be less for a slut since the harm was so much less and because sluts bring it own to themselves by being provocative."
I am disgusted. Both as a professional liscened psychologist who worked with both sex crime victims AND sex offenders almost exculsively....I am desigusted as a person, and I am disgusted as a virgin woman.
BOTTOM LINE IS THIS:
If there is 1001 men in town and the woman on the corner gives it away to 1000 of them in one night that doesn't give the last man the right to "take" it.
The user that posted this remark should be ashamed of herself...it is this kind of DISTORTED THINKING that keeps professionals like me booked solid six days a week and continues the cycle of devaint behavior that leads to one woman being forced into sex against her will every eight seconds and breeds sex offenders. I am deadly serious.
(and rape laws define force as non-consent which means the vicitim might still COMPLY or GO ALONG WITH the rapists demands even if there is no physical force or weapon is used, emotional/psychological coersion or threats are still forms of force...but this IS NOT THE SAME THING AS CONSENT)
So in the time it's taken me to write this post....9 women will have been raped.
It doesn't matter how many partners they have had before this
It doesn't matter how man times the vicitim had sex with the person BEFORE he raped her
When someone says NO or when someone cannot or does not give consent
its rape.
Again I am sickened and sadened by this kind of comment, I can hardly believe that ONLY TWO PEOPLE has said anything...I think THAT is what sickens me the MOST!
Shame on every one of you who read that comment and said nothing. Imagine a women is raped every 8 seconds those are pretty high odds that someone you know or will know has been or will be assaulted, maybe they have been and you don't even know it because of the kind of degrating attitude expressed by the woman who made that post...who is to say it won;t be or couldn not be your mother, your sister, your girlfriend, your wife, your bestfriend, your grandmother...for not standing up and saying something for them or yourself. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 1:09:43 AM | | I personally would prefer a virgin because i am a virgin myself but i wouldnt rule out a non virgin. For me it is about what a woman feels about love, marriage, and if she feels that sex is sacrad or something she gives away like a 5 year sharing his second piece of bubble gum with some girl he likes lol. In this day and age, sex is just a instinctive act of pleasure, nothing more | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:02:31 AM | Why a virgin indeed? They have no experience and their sexuality could turn out to be anything from frigid to nympho. Where are you going to find a virgin in her mid-twenties (which is very earliest anyone should marry). | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:25:56 AM | | I heard a woman say once (or saw it written once) "Why would a man want to sleep with a girl, when he can sleep with a woman?" I couldn't have put it better myself. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 12:28:17 PM | | BY the responses i keep hearing in all of these message boards it definatly look slike sex and love making has lost is sacredness. Just rats in a wall banging each other. No wonder why our divorce rate is so high compared to other countries. Just cause everyone else is jumping off a cliff doesnt mean i have to follow. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 12:40:48 PM | Its so refreshing to see other virgins actually exist out there. True virginity isnt a fetish, It is about asensitivity that goes beyond the eyes and the mind. that is different thana virgin who is staying that way because they have a hard time socializing with the opposite sex.
For all u non virgins please read this book and u will have some idea about what im talking about
THE BELOVED BY KHALIL GIBRAN | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 12:48:16 PM | | Men want a virgin for the same reason women don't. Why do women want a guy who is married or sleeps around? | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 12:51:18 PM | I must admit, I find it a little funny how people think us virgins will "suck in the sack". lol. *sigh* If only they knew how quite the opposite some virgins can be/are! Prowwwl!  | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 12:56:53 PM |
BY the responses i keep hearing in all of these message boards it definatly look slike sex and love making has lost is sacredness. Just rats in a wall banging each other.
There's a middle ground you know? Between screwing like bunnies and not having sex at all.
You can have sex and still consider it a big deal- besides which, who said sex should be sacred?
I'm a virgin. I don't see sex as sacred. I also don't see it as somehting that should be treated callously. Like everything else, it's not just black and white. There are all sorts of shades of gray. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/2/2006 1:19:33 PM | with enough money you could have your virginity rebuilt problem solved | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:42:41 AM | Jezika ill answer ur question with a poem from khalil gibran which opened my eyes wide open.
" for in your fear you would seek only loves peace and only loves pleasures? Then it is better for you to go out from among loves seething threshold, into the seasonales world where u shall laugh but not all of your laughter, where u shall cry but not all of your tears"
For me romance is pure and complete love the rest is window dressing compared to it
backgammonnn123 | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:44:49 AM | | figment because most men and women in our societies are preconditioned wannabees. Pure and simple, most people these days dont know what non comformity is. Even when i was in highschool i was the one who did his own thing. I didnt just march to the beat of a different drumer, i marched to the beat of alien music | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/4/2006 8:29:06 PM | | That doesn't answer my question at all. My question was why ignore all the shades of gray. They are there... seeing things in black and white- purte and tainted narrows your world view and your experiences- your ability to truly live- not that tuly living necessitates sex, but holding it on a pedestal is bound to lead to disappointment. Again, there has to be a middle ground. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/5/2006 12:24:22 AM | | Your right Jezika i have changed my mind officially. I decided im gonna get married have 2.5 kids , a big kitchen of exactly 700 square feet and 1.5 dogs. Now im in the median range | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 4/5/2006 1:25:31 AM | I don't think it's fair to have my non-virginity held against me when I can't even remember the last time I had sex.
Once I dated a guy who was not very experienced at all, but he turned out to be a real freako pervert.
I have always been the type of person to just do what seemed like the right thing to do at the time and I did not live a very sheltered life at all......but I am no pervert.
The guy who turned out to be a pervert once asked me how many guys I'd slept with and when I told him he told me in a condescending tone that he had not even dated that many girls. I never forgave him for that because one thing my experience with men has given me is insight into knowing when someone is trying to beat me down for control because he was actually quite obsessed with me and never would have broken up with me for my past.
This was the begining of the end of that.
I can't say that I've never had casual sex with someone I "liked" but most guys I befriend want to have sex and a lot of females don't like me, I have found. It makes things very difficult but this hasn't scarred my mind near as much as having sex with someone I've held a grudge against for being an ***hole but knew if I didn't make sacrifices I would be kicked out of where I was living or made to be afraid for my well-being or my animals.
Casual sex was usually the result of alcohol and boredom and being near a man I at least liked and found attractive who wanted me......and I've always known it should be different because there was always something missing and it turns into a chore...not that I didn't try to care for those individuals in some small way but of course it would not feel the same. It's also physical reassurance and a way to be held without feeling the akwardness of leading someone on or turning them on and teasing them and making them mad and making them wonder why you got close to them if you didn't want them. I don't think it's all that dirty but it can be......very dirty....If you don't stick up for yourself, your own health and try to protect yourself and be alert and aware of what you are doing.
That's part of the reason I grew such a tolerance for alcohol because being around the crowds I've been around, people will try to take advantage of you when you are out cold and that guy I knew who berated me for my experience over him was one to try to do this to me after we broke up and I dare him to stand before God and question MY sexual deeds. When you recognize just how real that problem is is when you start getting a little crazy when it hits you....that someone has planned to take advantage of you and it doesn't exactly create a calm, collected person.
When you enter a relationship you are hopeful that things don't turn to shit but the more times it happens, the further down that hard driven road you get but no matter how far you go, it can be more important to not give too much of yourself where ever you are because just one person can seemingly ruin your life. One person can lead you blind into years of deception and leave you nearly inexperienced, unskilled, with children and not knowing what to do because you trusted it all. I think I have given a lot of time and attention to people who didn't deserve it but I never gave it all.....and perhaps my reluctance to do so is the reason some men who claimed to love me found me so easy to hate because some things I held onto very tightly and never completely surrendered anything.......and I dare any man to feel as though he regrets some of those admitted mistakes of my past more than me.
and the funny thing is, although somewhat shallow it is not the casual sex I regret but the time I wasted on hoping for something more from the wrong person when I could have been preparing myself for the rest of my life had I not been so eager to find whatever it was I was supposed to find.
Although I may have things to regret, I don't regret who I am and all these things are a part of me. If I meet someone, they will just have to accept it because I can't change it now. At least I'm 100% certain of what I DON'T want and I know that all too well. I know that may be hard for some to take because even I would not want a "slut".....I've said it before but is it the experience itself or the way it's done, the people it hurts and the problems it can cause for others that makes it such a tacky thing?
I can count my blessings right here by knowing exactly what I don't want and I admitt I have looked and looked and looked and this realization came none too soon and Thank God I know it now. | |
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| Melonaide
Posted: 4/6/2006 3:29:22 AM | At least you know what you want in life. This is called inner growth, we all go through it at some point in our life and we all suffer no matter if we are virgins or non virgins. My decision to prefer a virgin isnt one of control or being better than anyone. Most of the girls i have dated in my past wanted a long term relationship without the long term commitment( please dont ask me to explain that lol). We have all been through different experiences and all i want is someone who can understand this part of me, but it is more important is to find someone i can love and someone who can love me back in the same way, but for me i tend to think way ahead. meaning i think of how im gonna raise my kids, will me and my future wife be there for them, will we both make them our top priority , will we communicate truely with them, will we teach them about sex and why it was meant to be saved till marriage. I think about all this even on a first date. My friends tell me i think too much but i cant help it, My past experiences have taught me to be very careful about all of these things. As you said without our past experiences we wouldnt know what we want now
backgammonnn123 | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 5/8/2006 3:56:15 AM | I hope you don't mind me saying but We all make mistakes at times and i believe we should try and be moral, It is also more healthy to save yourself for marriage as it cuts down on the spread of STDs I would like to marry a virgin girl but the chance of that is low these days, Although I'm a christian doesn't mean I'm a snob or anything, If your a christian too you'll notice in the Bible Jesus hung out with Tax collectors and sinners too, and they were the most looked dow upon people at that time, Sorry if I'm boring you
Anyway i think sex will be great  when i eventually have it, But I'm not going to go for a girl that has sex with anything in trousers,
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