| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:44:20 AM | | I think men look at women as medals of honor and the more pure the women the higher the medal... | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:57:05 AM | The virgin thing went out the window very early in life because most of us lost our virginity early in life and that made it a "mute" issue.
I agree with Cyn that many men prefer women that are very selective with whom their partners were, including number of partners, and prefer a woman that is all lady outside the bedroom, and all tramp inside.....as long as it is with just them.....
The metal of honor syndrome exists, I am sure for many, and women have theirs as well, but it is much more tied to financially security, and confidence.
Cyn might want to start a new thread on just this subject, and I bet we could have some interesting opinions.....
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:21:16 PM | > What is the deal with men wanting to be married to a virgin?
It's an expression of the strong male tendency to want to avoid the huge expense of being cuckolded, of raising some other guy's progeny.
> Men go out and sleep with whom ever so she sure isn't a virgin. But
> when he is ready to settle down, he wants to marry a virgin?
Yep, it's a manifestation of the biological double standard. Women have no doubt that the baby they bear is theirs, so they tend to be entirely clueless about this. Men have of necessity a certain level of uncertainty about whether a particular baby is theirs or not, and the costs are high for being wrong: if a man is wrong, not only does some guy (call him Mr. Impregnator) get his kids raised at very low or no expense, but the other guy (call him Mr. Chump) has to incur those expenses in lieu of passing along his own genes.
Thus, males of almost all species have evolved a very strong set of tendencies which all center around him avoiding being cuckolded. Those men who didn't care, and got the costs without any of the benefits, are nobody's ancestors.
Getting a certifiable virgin is the best way for a guy to go about insuring that he won't be raising someone else's kid, which is why so many cultures closely guarded a young woman's chastity until she was married. Some still do. It's a concession to male concerns and what men find valuable in women, and thus raises women's value, which some cultures still care about. It's not just about men trying to come up with new ways to be mean to women. It really does have a sensible basis in things that do matter a lot.
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:26:45 PM | | I agree with this message. once you are married the thought of not being a virgin really is not a issue lol | |
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Gracep
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Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 380 | |
| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:39:53 PM | well....
Long time ago i read that men don't want virgin women cuz they have to teach them everything.. On the other hand, some prefer virgin ones in order to get marry because they will be their first... Anyway... doesn't matter what their preference is.. u should be with someone who respects u and loves u no matter what your past was.  | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:54:34 PM | It is special, wonderful and rarer than diamonds.
Her virginity is the greatest gift a woman can ever give a man. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:00:28 PM | if i ever get married again, it will be to a virgin.
what an interesting way to tell a girl she's not marriage material. "sorry you aren't a virgin"
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:00:29 PM | Different strokes for different folks. No one should think too much about this issue, if the man wants a virgin wife, perhaps he has saved himself also, or its a religious or cultural thing too. Bottom line is that everyone has the freedom to choose. And the women on the short end of the stick can choose to walk out and hope he regrets it and find someone who is more compatible. A man can do the same.
But its always a good thing not to lead a girl on who you know isnt a virgin and you dont intend on marrying if thats your thing. To lead a girl on for years and years when your one of these old traditional types is very gutless. Personally if I wanted to marry a virgin I wouldnt be courting a girl who isnt, because put yourself and her in a position where she falls in love and all the while you just been half present in the relationship, wondering how your going reconcile this ideal image of who your wife should be.
My rule of thumb is to date women who are what your looking for, if a few red herrings appear then drop the intensity a few notches to how you would be as a friend. She will get the idea that your not so into her anymore and will just think the chemistry is fading. That way she wont be hurt that the real reason is something else and you both win. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:22:21 PM | 1. Insecurity
2. Jealousy Issues
3. He considers a woman a posession and doesn't want her "used"
4. If she's never known another, she'll never know if he's really any good | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:45:07 PM | | While I can respect, don't understand, but respect a person's choice to wait until marriage to have sex, I would also expect the person demanding someone be a virgin to also be one, a real one, not just technically or a reborn virgin, whatever the hell that is. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:46:16 AM | What is the deal with men wanting to be married to a virgin
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Which centry did this one crawl out of. Where's the Tardus? | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:16:21 AM | | If he wants to marry a virgin, then he must go to a church and meet a girl who has declared "celibacy" as a lifestyle. He must be the same. Hopefully, he will do this, because he will not find this, unless he finds a girl in a Big Church. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:22:19 AM | Umm you merely met a creep. (Which is going to happen on POF)
Men don't want virgins, only old creepy pedophiles and psycho conservative christians. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:37:55 PM | | well....i'm 5o..and that ship has sailed...but i will tell you..my 1st marriage was to a virgin, and it was the worst sex ever..she couldnt learn to swallow..and it was up to me to do everything.. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:41:58 PM |
Getting a certifiable virgin is the best way for a guy to go about insuring that he won't be raising someone else's kid Interesting...... But in reality she is only a virgin until the first time she has sex (duh) and of course she may not be pregnant from that first time. So that reason is a bit silly because after that first time she could be impregnated by someone else and the guy wouldn't have a clue. I mean the guy can only demand that she prove that she's a virgin once and after that she is just like any other deflowered woman who can sleep with someone else if she is so inclined. The only way of ensuring that you are the father of her children is to put a chastity belt on her and lock her up until you impregnate her. Then you can set her free until she has the baby, then you can lock her up again until you impregnate her again.. I tell ya thats the only way...... (It's been a long day, i gotta amuse myself somehow) | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:58:24 PM |
While I can respect, don't understand, but respect a person's choice to wait until marriage to have sex, I would also expect the person demanding someone be a virgin to also be one, a real one, not just technically or a reborn virgin, whatever the hell that is.
Touche!  | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:11:55 PM | Well look at it this way!
if you marry a girl that has slept with a different guy each week...chances are that she will continue doing so after you married!
There are no absulutes here but the odds are just stacked in your favour when marrying a virgin compared to someone who likes to sleep around!
For the record I dont want to marry a virgin...neither a ho LOL | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:18:15 PM | | Probably feels he might not be as good as the first, second, third etc.. So he may always be comparing himself to the others and thinks he doesnt stack up. Yup - insecure, and probably the jealous controlling type too. Forget it - you'll never be who he wants you to be, thank goodness! | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:19:28 PM | | I always tell a girl, that I know I cant have her virginity.... but I always ask if I can have the box it came in though... | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:07:04 AM | yes Its true. I think its the right thing to do. Far out. Yup your whole life is ruined forever and no guy wants you now. You will have to settle down with your hand and maybe start a band and lay in the sand. If that makes sense then I will have to confuse you alot more. He got tired of you and your better off without him because if your with someone who doesnt want you for you then the battle is already lost. I would find that extremely insulting to a girl to say and I love it. I'll have to use the line more often especially after a sleep with them. For me a girl is more then just a moist warm wet juicy soppy wet , did i mention big buns, soapy water washing down your back, where am i going with this. Its important that he likes you for you if you want a long term relationship. YOU got DUMPED big time. wooohooo. HEy everyone she puts out. Where is this girl. he he he.. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:23:44 AM | | how sad...he must be a culturally in-conflict-confused- sort of hippocrit/ I bet he was of? mixed race..? Muslim..? | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:00:58 AM | | Probably because there are no women out there that are still virgins. ie: 20 plus. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:20:11 AM | After reading so many posts, for or against virginity - well it seems that the point of sex has a lot to do with what a person's status is.
If it's for enjoyment and pleasure only - like watching boxing or playing tennis - then of course you have no reason to keep it. Losing your virginity is like scraping your knee.
If it's a core value - i.e. if allowing someone to shake the entire core of your physical person and make you black out and emotionally connect in ways that most people never will - i.e. if good sex changes the quality of who you are - well then it makes sense that most people will not treat it so flippantly.
Seems to me that if folks are not having their guts wrenched and sex is not a big deal to them, well then it makes sense that they need more of it (and from more people) to find any sort of satisfaction.
As a 34 year old, I can say that I didn't begin any sort of sexual exploits until I was 31 and I am ETERNALLY thankful for that for several reasons:
1) My intensity in my 20s was a switch, it is now a calibrated dial.
2) I didn't lose my wits at the sight of female genitalia.
3) I have enormous intuition and am far better at reading people now than I ever was in my 20s.
4) My o's are more refined and complex and I can spend a lot more time on them.
That being said, there are many firsts in the line of sexual experience and women have a much better sense of this than men do because of a general lack of education for men about their sexual drive and the physiological components that go into the process of arousal, etc.
Virgins being bad at sex? Hardly. I have met women with a lot of sexual experience who were so emotionally stonewalled you couldn't reach them enough to care. The most powerful thing a person can have in the bedroom in fantastic intuitive and communication skills. If you rely on the physical components to magically work together then you are playing craps. And you don't have to even remove clothes to know an intuitive person - however it does take one to know one. Intuitive people are very discreet, and discretion (like well played modesty) is sexy.
Of course what qualifies as virginity seems to change every year but... as someone who hasn't 'scored' in the traditional sense but has 'hooked-up' I have run into many problems, especially being the person who has a reputation for being confident yet responsible.
Women are often attracted to the confident side of me, but the responsible side can easily be a turn-off because either they are not looking for a responsible guy (because they are immature) or they have a past that they are not proud of (because they are not virgins).
If you have made a mistake, there are many others who have made the same mistake - relate to them, enjoy your time with them and marry them. Sex is just one area where mistakes can be made, and all of them are embarassing.
Don't make mistakes and then expect someone who has not made those kinds of mistakes to be able to either understand or accept you. They might, but they might not.
In the area of sexuality, for example, there are times when I have been interested in people until I find out who they have slept with. When I consider the types of people they have been I have to seriously ask myself how well I know this person, and in the end I often decide that I am no longer interested. But sometimes I admit that I am impressed with who they have loved in the past and how long it had been going on and I feel bad that it didn't work out for them. It actually makes me more courteous and dedicated because they followed a dream that only went so far - perhaps I fit into one that is better.
This is where virginity and loyalty DO become tied - not just in the ability to sustain a relationship, but the investment that a person puts into themselves and into their lives. Someone who dates a new person every 2-3 months is as reliable to me as a prospective employee who has a new job every 6 months - it is a sign of instability and that is never desirable to me.
So for me, virginity, intuition, communication, empathy, etc. all go hand in hand in determining how eligible a person is.
At the same time, if my partner doesn't offer her status, I will not offer mine - and I don't ask, but often women seem to sense that it might be important to me and tell me - it's the first real act of intimacy, really... providing that information opens the door to another aspect of who a person is before the clothes ever come off. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:43:17 AM | | I had this issue with a guy. He would only have sex with virgins. We casually dated a few years back, ended it with a nasty fight and then I ran into him about a few months ago. First words out of his mouth, "Are you still a virgin?" I thought it was entirely rude and uncalled for. It was to the point of obsession. He wanted my virginity. Needless to say, he didn't get it, never will get it, and I was glad to see him leave me alone. | |
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