| | Why a virgin?Page 8 of 19 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19) |
...if you have slept around and expect to marry a virgin wife that is just such a double standard...
That is not a standard at all, let alone a double standard. It's simply a choice and, if it doesn't concern you, why do you even care. If a man wants to marry a virgin wife, so what? That's his choice. If he has slept with 500 women, and virgin chooses to marry him that is her choice. If she was my friend and if she asked, I would advise her against it, but it would still be her choice. People with different backgrounds and/or experienced get married all the time. Those are not double standards, simply two different people making a choice to marry.
Furthermore, even in the highly unlikely event, one could find a logical argument that it is a double standard, what does that have to with anything. Children are not held to same standard as adults, in the military, women are not held to same physical standard as men. In getting admitted [not grades] to MIT , black and native Americans are not held to the same test score standard as whites and orientals. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/20/2006 1:49:20 PM | | I'm moving to Arkansas ! | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/20/2006 1:54:42 PM | as before mentioned, sounds like that guy has security issues.
you are with him for a reason right? and it's silly when they dont see it. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/20/2006 4:09:51 PM | That is not a standard at all, let alone a double standard.
If it is not a double standard, it is hypocritical and sexist. We are talking about a man passing judgement on a woman for not having a moral standard that he refuses to have himself. That is not having sex before marriage. (Though it seems the OP in fact has that standard.) | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/20/2006 4:47:00 PM |
it is hypocritical and sexist.
Gee Calvinray, I cannot even imagine where you come up with such statements. I cannot even Phantom what you are talking about. Maybe you can enlighten me, because I don't have a clue.
A hypocrite is someone claiming to be one thing and doing another. Now I suppose, if he made public announcements that he wanted to marry a sexually active woman while in fact he was seeking to marry a virgin then he would be hypocritical, but isn't that awfully farfetched?
If what you are saying is true, then a man choosing to work in law enforcement who does not wish to cook, sew, and knit, but looks for a wife that does is a hypocrite. I could give you many similar examples so, if that is your definition of a hypocrite then most of us are hypocrites.
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KSP149
| | Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 181 | |
| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/20/2006 6:54:56 PM | | I'm with Zentral, a confident woman with experience. Inhibitions and insecurities, destroy any chances of great or even good sex. For me. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/20/2006 9:06:20 PM | By insisting that a woman be virgin in order to be marriage material he is implying a woman should not have sex until she is married. If he is then sleeping around and entering into relationships with no intent to marry he contradicts that belief and therefore he is a hypocrite.
If he holds the belief that a woman must be a virgin to be marriage material, but a man does not. That is clearly sexist. As for the examples you gave in which people are held to different standards, they may be true, but that doesn't make them right. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 3:27:10 AM | | At least I understand now why I didn't have a clue. I guess those of us in the 99 percentile in logical reasoning, often fail to grasp the way most people think. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 3:32:14 AM | | I think that a guy wants to marry a virgin because she has nothing/nobody else to compare him with as he fumbles around and doesn't quite know how to please a lady...so anything he tries will make him her number one....guys can be pretty shallow....lol | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 4:17:56 AM | Every woman in the world knows who her own children are. No man can ever be absolutely sure if his kids are really really his.
How is a man in our civilized society going to prove his wife to be is a virgin, have her inspected ? Inspect her himself ?
Better get to her while she's young. Even with virgins, the hymen eventually wears away and dissapears as a woman gets older.
It is a silly requirement. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 4:23:39 AM |
I think that a guy wants to marry a virgin because she has nothing/nobody else to compare him with as he fumbles around and doesn't quite know how to please a lady...so anything he tries will make him her number one....guys can be pretty shallow....lol
If you are talking about John, do you know what? Given a choice, I'd take him over any other guy on this thread so I guess I like shallow guys. And do you know what else? If John was going to choose whose opinion he values the most, who do you think that would be? Yours or mine? | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 4:27:46 AM |
Every woman in the world knows who her own children are. No man can ever be absolutely sure if his kids are really really his.
One word: DNA | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 5:02:33 AM | DNA ? Sure ? But still not absolute.
How bout another word. Trust.
Do you really want a guy who'd go as far as a DNA test ? | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 7:44:38 AM | If you suspected the lab made a mistake, you could have another. And I don't care to debate the one in a thousand possibility; either it's greater than 99% that he or greater than 99% that he is not. At that point, I can't imagine anyone having any lingering doubt.
If he was not the father, I would a DNA test. I would not want a husband that would not normally trust me; however, if there were some circumstances that might cause suspicion, I would rather a DNA test so he would not have lingering suspicions.
And you are smarter than I am so please don’t pick on me. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 8:32:57 AM | | Right, john1981 99 percent of the worlds population is going to back you up on your reasoning. Including all the women in the world that you say aren't worthy of marriage only because they've been with other men. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 9:36:21 AM | but they don't speak, we do  : | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 9:54:09 AM | but they don't speak, we do
Elega62, I guess you are probably right. If a man chooses to marry a virgin, it doesn' really matter what most women think about his reasons or other guys for matter. In the finally analysis, it's his choice and there is nothing they can do about it.
However, I wish to point out one thing provided that woman is me. If I disagree with a guys reasons or his background than I can choose not to marry him. So I have the final word and there is nothing the guy can do about that. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/21/2006 10:03:16 AM | I don't mean to pick on you Adriana:
It's just that when we are young we have attitudes we don't have as we get older.
The idea of a man only marrying a virgin is silly and unrealistic. It's putting a value on love and prerequisites on love.
What if the marriage doesn't work out. Will he insist upon his 2nd wife being a virgin as well ?
It seems all romantic for two young people knowing only eachother.
Take this for example:
If someone came to you and said, " I never want to go to Disneyland, until they agree to let me move in and live there forever".
That would be a silly attitude wouldn't it? But the attitude of, I'll only have sex with someone who will let me move in a stay forever is just as rediculious. It's like being afraid of going to Disneyland because your afraid you might LIKE IT too much.
If you want to stay a virgin then by all means do so. If you want to marry a virgin, don't let me talk you out of it.
I'm only saying, relationships are more than that. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 12:29:37 AM |
Right, john1981 99 percent of the worlds population is going to back you up on your reasoning. Including all the women in the world that you say aren't worthy of marriage only because they've been with other men.
That is not true. The five percent of logical thinkers, including myself, are going to agree with John. 95 percent, more or less, of the population are going to agree with you. But do you know what? It sometimes takes hundreds or thousands of years for the general population to agree; however, throughout history when the 5% of logical thinkers think one way and the 95% think the other, it is the 5% that are almost always right. If you will take a course in logic and study very hard perhaps you will see where your statements are flawed. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 2:41:29 AM | | Nipoleon, I don't disagree with what you are saying because it makes a lot of sense. I believe I would like to be a guy's first, but I would rather be his last. And, if a guy wishes to marry a virgin, isn't that his choice, whither you and I agree with his reasons or not? And, if I don't agree with a guy's reasons or if I disapprove of a guy's sexual history, don't I have the right to refuse to marry him, even if you disagree with my reasons? Do you believe anyone should be allowed to deny me that choice? | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 3:38:15 AM | Adriana:
Show me a man who has never sinned. I'll show you a man who's really boring.
Ofcourse, anyone can set any standards they want for themselves and their lives and the people they associate with. In fact it's a good thing to set and live up to honorable and just standards.
I think you'll find there are much more important things to judge a person on rather than trivialites like this. We are more than the sum of our parts. A great deal of what makes a persons character, and makes them lovable, is their experience through life. Our love and our capacity for love shouldn't be bartered so cheaply. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 11:31:32 AM | I've said it before I will say it again. Whatever requirements you have for your future partner is your right. If it doesn't effect my life I wish you all the best and good luck. I actually enjoy reading different people's perspectives that are not in agreement with my own.
I do have a problem with people who believe their viewpoint is better than all the rest because they feel they are more intelligent than the general population. If you have to put down others in order to make your opinion seem stronger that is just a shame in my books.
If you want to play devil's advocate let's do it respectfully. Thanks to those of you who have been honest enough to state you want a virgin wife even though you are getting slack for it. I may not agree with you but appreciate your opinions. Let's not put each other down. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 3:24:17 PM | If you want to play devil's advocate let's do it respectfully. Thanks to those of you who have been honest enough to state you want a virgin wife even though you are getting slack for it. I may not agree with you but appreciate your opinions. Let's not put each other down.
Drummer Girl, I agree with you that we should be respectful of people with different opinions. If my favorite color is red and yours is blue, that doesn't we should be hateful to each other.
If my observations are correct, most young men prefer virgins, and men and women in their thirties and above, and young non-virgin women strongly disagree with that choice. For the older men, it is good that they don't want a virgin since it is highly unlikely any woman that old would be a virgin. Therefore, it is mute; they don't have any other choice; however, I see no reason for them to be critical of the choices that young men make.
I can understand that young non-virgin women would object if men choose virgins over them. I am sure their reason is obvious to everyone. I on the other hand am glad they do because, in effect, I feel I am rewarded for maintaining my principles.
In my opinion, there is no significant physical difference between a virgin and non-virgin without children. However, there is usually a big difference in attitudes and values, and attitudes and values are important considerations in selecting a mate. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 8:02:24 PM | Your right Kelley
It's all very well to be choozy about things when your 19 and have people around you all the time. But take a look at these people here. As you get older, friends and lovers get harder to find. Come back in about 15 years, virginity is going to be a very picky detail. | |
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| Why a virgin?
Posted: 1/22/2006 8:23:40 PM | I will not be a virgin in 15 years; I'm certain I will not be a virgin in 5 years. But I hope to retain the same principal and attiudes toward premartial and extramartial sex. And, even if I don't, I will not be critical of young people that do have my value system. If something happens, and in 15 years, I am divorced or somehow lost a husband and have three children, I know I wlll not have the choices I have now. And to catch a man, or maybe just to have companionship, I will have sex with men. I don't know. That all hypothetical.
However, now I do have choices. Guys want me and they respect my values, or at least they tell me they do. | |
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