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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > 40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me      Home login  
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 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 51
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten mePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It is my hope that I will meet the right fellow and I know that I will, when the time is right. I have decided to take my time with meeting men, and making sure that he is a compatible and enjoyable partner before going further in the relationship. I cannot have children because I had to have surgery some years ago, but I am open to the possibility of adopting children after being married for a couple of years.

I was adopted myself, so I can appreciate the beauty of a child being chosen and wanted by two loving parents. My Dad especially was a wonderful father and a fine role model for being a parent. To me, biological connection is not necessary to be a good parent. If a man insists that he wants to do things the "natural" way, I let him know that I can't have children biologically, and if this is a deal breaker for him, so be it. I wish that man the best, and I just move on.

There are many women who are professionals with careers who have simply not met the right man, and are waiting to meet someone who is right for them rather than just any man off the street who might be totally incompatible. I read somewhere that marriages that occur later in life actually have a higher chance of success.

Anyway, I wish everyone success here at POF!!

DW
 Maddie51
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 52
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/30/2006 12:42:21 PM
Hi "Simply" -

In answer to your question, I have been single most of my life, I am 54 now. I was married for 5 years (age 34-age 39) and then my husband passed away. I am still single to this day, have no children, a career and I have to say I am quite happy. I doubt I will ever marry again, because I have always been content with myself and been my own best company. I also enjoy coming and going as I please and truly having a haven from a stressful job when I get home. I have no regrets that I have chosen to stay single in any way (and believe me, it is not because I have not been 'asked' a few times).
 Magickman
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 53
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/30/2006 2:19:38 PM
Marriage and children, for either men or women, are now a matter of choice, rather than destiny. Where once upon a time, people needed partners for survival, that is no longer true. Children were needed to work on the farm, and, if you had a partner, pretty much a certainty.

Now, anyone in modern society can make a free choice about marriage and children. I know lots of people who decided against family life. While married folks with kids, love to say how wonderful it is to have a spouse and offspring, that is no longer a universal aspiration.

I do not see the benefits, for society, or for individuals, of people marrying or having kids, unless they truly desire to do so. Given that marriage and parenthood are now optional, should we not expect that some people will choose to remain single and childfree?

Also possible, are kids without marriage, and marriage without kids, not to mention various alternative family and non-family lifestyles.

I, for one, never sought to marry, nor ever wanted children. It was not something that seemed desirable to me.

We are fortunate to have these choices, and also responsible for their consequences.
 bowwownot
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 54
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/30/2006 2:56:13 PM
I too have been single most of my life. I knew at 17 years that I did not want children. I've never changed my mind. Also, I was very fortunate in having parents who supported my choice. I know it's hard when there is family pressure to give grandkids.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 55
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/30/2006 8:35:39 PM
Well at least I am off the hook when it comes to kids--my brother has two wonderful children.

I hope to be married someday, and could go with either no children or adopting children after being married a year or two, depending on the situation.

Best wishes to all!

DW
 blady
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 56
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/30/2006 8:48:52 PM
At 30yrs old I thought that my life was over because I was unmarried with no kids!
At 40 yrs old I knew no kids were possible by birth--due to female surgery..
still had hopes of obtaining a husband.
At 50 yrs old I started to realize I that although I wanted male companionship..I can love being alone also.

Now at 58 and retired..I am completely free!! No job..good pension and health benefits for life, I sometimes date,nothing to "clingy". I do laundry and cooking for myself ONLY!!
Feel like a kid again..no major responsibilites to stress me out..come and go as I please!!!
 Maddie51
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 57
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/31/2006 6:04:27 AM
Atta Girl Blady !!!!

Nicely put.

I, for one, have seen what it takes to be a mom and I can honestly say I do not have that kind of talent or patience. I knew at age 9 that children were definitely not for me. Being from and Irish family, the oldest daughter takes on the role of taking care of her younger siblings. Well, after spending my childhood from about age 8 up to when I left home wiping noses, changing diapers and all that fun stuff - kids were not in my picture as an adult.
When my husband asked me to marry him - I told him that if he wanted deliveries he needed to call UPS - because I was not making them. Turned out he did not want kids either, so it worked out great.
 blady
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 58
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 1/31/2006 7:43:39 AM
B'LADY'S WORDS OF WISDOM...IF LIFE DOES NOT TURN OUT THE WAY YOU ONCE
WANTED...LEARN TO ENJOY THE LIFE THAT HAS BEEN GRANTED TO YOU!!
 womanofsubstance
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 59
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:38:01 AM
love is a disease, the cure is marriage. 46 never married sick of****eads saying wow i thought someone would have snatched you up by now. as if im waiting to be chosen as un unpaid slave wife = Washing Ironing fuc++ing ect. Now ive been proposed to by men who think theyre doing me some sort of favor make an honest woman out of her. Juck i hate that attitude im old fashioned if you find that special soulmate great but one things for sure youll never find him while your settling for anyone who wants you. I think its great you dont want kids as theyre only a cute little baby for two yrs then before you know it theyre teenagers sucking the life out of you. Yes i had three but wouldnt really change that for the world. Theyre grown and gone now but the best thing in the world is being a nanna, i have one boy zarick and he is my reason for breathing two and a half, i just wish you could skip mothehood and be a nanna as mums really get it hard. Its a personal thing i just loved being pregnant and facinated by the miricale of life. I have my total freedom now and a visit from my of springs now and then, bliss, If your maternal go for it ,if not then dont, simple really. PS i have noticed a lot of my friends who have no kids get a bit uptight and depend on a man for love too much when theyre in there late 40s 50s anyhow people are having them late theese days and if you meet that special one you might change your mind. Just make evey day a happy one do whats put in front of you to do and let fate do the rest
 simplybefree
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 60
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/19/2006 11:27:41 AM
[IF LIFE DOES NOT TURN OUT THE WAY YOU ONCE
WANTED...LEARN TO ENJOY THE LIFE THAT HAS BEEN GRANTED TO YOU!!]

Blady ~~~ those words are music to my ears. Cheers~

To all of you that have answered my query ~~~ thank you for your honesty. Truly appreciated. May what has befallen you, by choice or by chance, be as fulfilling and enriching as it may~. Life is too short to regret what has not been, to want what cannot be and sulk for what should have been. Wallow in the beauty that is and obliterate what causes sorrow because no matter what may, life should be lived as if there is no tomorrow, and one should never feel that life is hollow.
 Alex_HUN
Joined: 8/13/2004
Msg: 61
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:32:23 PM
why are the number of singles growing?

----
singles are better consumers!
----

when you live in a loving relationship, you are simply happy because you love and you are loved....that's the basic source of your happiness

when you are single on a long-term, you compensate: you want to be happy, and you consume more and more. new chocolate, new shoes, new....

buy a new "happy singles" book!
 sophisticatedlady
Joined: 2/10/2006
Msg: 62
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/22/2006 4:10:23 PM
live one day at a time take nothing or no one for granted and live each day as if it was your last i don't know you and i do believe you're a child of god he'll send someone into your life when he feels it's time till then live your life respect yourself
 bookyone
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 63
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/28/2006 11:24:11 AM
As I'm handicapped I never really had a choice in the matter.
 LFF001
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 64
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:35:27 PM
Never regretted it one tiny, teeny bit. I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Relax & enjoy!
 terry44030
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 65
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:24:17 AM
UMMM. I dunno where that guy in message 24 got his ideas, but (I hope) he isn't speaking for the entire male sex.

I am a 44 year old never married guy. When I was in my late teen through 20's I was in the military....moving all over the world a lot. In my early 30's, I tried to play catch-up, but all I accomplished was to decide to get a dog, instead. Now, I'm not what would be considered "prime beef" by most, so - here I am.

My opinion about having children (despite the fact that I would not be the one bearing the child) is simply.....If I were to meet and marry, it would be the woman's FINAL decision to have one or not, because she's got to do the hard part.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 66
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/13/2011 9:03:37 PM
I wish so much that I had gotten pregnant when I was still able too.To never be a mother is a huge regret to me.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 67
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/14/2011 5:26:52 AM

B'LADY'S WORDS OF WISDOM...IF LIFE DOES NOT TURN OUT THE WAY YOU ONCE WANTED...LEARN TO ENJOY THE LIFE THAT HAS BEEN GRANTED TO YOU!!



I wish so much that I had gotten pregnant when I was still able too.To never be a mother is a huge regret to me.



~OT~ Well, I've been single much more in my adult life than not. I had a child, but sadly he died. I'm in the Bermuda Triangle of this subject. I'll always be HIS Mother, but he's no longer here to be his Mom. Oddly, that, to many is a curse. I'm "damaged" in the eyes of those who either don't like to know such wretched things happen, or I'm needing rescued from such horror to others. Either way, it's an odd place to be. There will always be those who have to pick apart a situation that simply doesn't need to be picked apart. My opinion ~ maybe they can all date one another and stay out of the main-stream dating pool!! I don't judge anyone's preference for marriage/and/or children or not. It's such a personal choice. JMO
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 68
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 2/15/2011 1:32:48 PM

I wish so much that I had gotten pregnant when I was still able too.To never be a mother is a huge regret to me.


We could probably work out some kind of leasing agreement. I'd give you a special deal if you went for the boot camp version - infant thru teen. Heck I'd even throw in a dog!



(Male perspective). Kids are a LOT of work. No getting around that. Expensive too. But they are the epitome of unconditional love. And to watch them develop is to become fully aware of the miracle of human life. Truly amazing sh*t. That's not to say some people couldn't lead fulfilling lives without them. But if I could do it all over again - I'd have a few more.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 69
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/25/2011 11:23:27 AM
I didnt get to be 42 and be single and unkidded by accident.
Snipped and cut at 18; no regrets.
Never getting married; the finger will come off the hand before a ring goes on it.
Date three is when you get the we aint ever getting married, we aint ever having kids speech. Few survive.
My genes die with me. and as I am the last male in this branch of the tree; so does the name.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 70
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/26/2011 5:48:09 PM
^^^^^^^LOL ~ Care to tell us how you really fell about marriage? So if you have a pre-planned speech, why wait til date #3? Wouldn't it be wiser and save time/effort/energy and money to just tell them this before date #1 ?? You wish to be alone indefinitely, why bother with this at all?? Just curious.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 71
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 3/27/2011 1:11:09 PM
Date three is the last opportunity to have this discussion. If indeed it didnt already come up in date 1 or 2. I used to have it on my profile when I was actually using this site for dating.

Not everyone on the planet is here to get married, and knocked up, breed a litter of kids and sloth into a domestic suburbia entropy

Marriage is a loosing solution. I have yet to see one that works personally. I am sure that somewhere someone has been married for decades; but they are not in my friends list, nor in my family. I dont see any success in it. I dont see any success arising from it. And at a fail rate of 50% nationally - I dont see any incentive to become a statistic. (I have less chance of being shot in a bad neighborhood, doesnt mean I am all that eager to go commuting through a bad neighborhood - why do you think marriage is any safer?)

(of course the ones that dont end in divorce, you have to die to get out of )
 Kelpk
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 72
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 4/1/2011 3:37:58 AM
Well im not yet 40 a few years away but will be just the same in 40s, 50s,60s do I regret it no
I got lots of energy which I dont have left on days I babysit...I come away thinking wow women do that 24/7 respect.
Also I like earning my money and spending it on myself kids to me I think no cds no hols no new clothes no breathing space they cost a fortune

Also I love having my own space and am used to it I hate responsibility and the thought of SURVIVING cos you got kids or getting by....they would probably not survive with me I know my limits it take strength and devotion...I couldnt even pretend it for longer than till I felt my fredoom gone and space gone...If I had a baby I doubt id get a warm fuzzy feeling more a panicked one like god ive got them forever.
Some mothers I believe are born to be so some grow into it then theirs me...
That is some of the reasons the other is im from a broken home and watched my mum struggle with us and work....years of watching that it looked like no fun at all...so id be scared of divorce and going it alone...on a good note I felt totally loved by her because nobody would keep going like that for their kids unless they really loved them
That is the best love in the world.....man love is selfish and fickle romantically mother love is selfless and unconditional.

 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 73
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 4/1/2011 11:47:34 AM

Smart women avoid pregnancy as best they can. Once in a while they can be impregnated but usually they prove too sly. Only after the age of child-bearing has come and gone will it become obvious what life is really all about, bringing regrets about short-sighted reproductive choices. The illusion that gets stripped away is that of self, and there remaining are the lives left unlived by children left unborn.
How does someone without a womb speak for those who have one? Not very well it appears.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 74
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40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 4/12/2011 11:36:09 AM
Now that I'm in my 40's, I really have no regrets about not having children, I do wonder sometimes but I realized years ago motherhood just wasn't for me, took alot of flak for it at times because people just couldn't understand why I wasn't married with kids like them. I made my life choices to live my life the way I wanted to and not follow the norm and I'm a pretty happy person these days knowing I made the right choice for my happiness.
 LivnnTX
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 75
40, 50, 60 yr old women - unmarried with no children: enlighten me
Posted: 8/5/2011 4:25:02 PM
I can sum it up for you very easilly: CAREER!
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