Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 126 | |
| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 11:38:25 AM | About being able to tell when a man is not into you:
I think the question you should be asking is not how does he feel about me, but rather how do you feel about him. Whether he's into you is a moot point if you can't be happy because your needs aren't being met. If he cancels dates, is late consistently, doesn't return your calls in a reasonable amount of time, doesn't meet your emotional needs, etc...then it doesn't matter if he's crazy about you or not. You can't be happy with someone who either doesn't want or isn't able to meet your relationship needs. So, the question should always be how you feel not how he does.
Men can use the same logic. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 11:38:56 AM | | When a woman has you inspired, you find the time and the phone to call. Thoughts of her bring you to the phone to say at least "I was thinking about you and miss you so much". Been there, done that, will always be there and always do it. When you lose inspiration, you have books telling you why you didn't make that call. | |
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Bruise
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Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 128 | |
| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 11:45:04 AM | I think that everyone has thier perception of what attention and effection looks like and when that perception is validated we are happy, if we don't see things going exactly as we want or need them to...then we run out and buy books like this one.
I think women have more 'rules' to relationships to start with...It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I was luckily included into the knowledge of the 24hr rule! Apparently I was drawn into confidence because I had followed it! Until then...I was completely oblivious of any such rule.
And while everyone is standing on their soap box pointing fingers at which gender is better or worse at communictation, ladies this whole discussion wouldn't be required with one little question..."Guy, are you into me?" If you start with communication then you might not need the book. And before you get on your soap box and praise your communication skills maybe think how many times you try to MANIPULATE an opinion out of some poor woman or man because you don't have the kahona's to come right out and ask!
The truth of it is the largest part of our communication is non-verbal so you can spend your sleepness nights trying to figure it all out, like a daily chapter out of 'The Young & Restless', or accept that you don't know everything and just ask...then take it all with a grain of salt! *lol*
It's kind of ironic that usually our first lie in our relationships is stating that we are honest communicators. And I don't care what you say...no women wants the truth about how her a$$ looks in those jeans...and if you are one of the few that actually wants to hear the truth how hard is it to get through to you that we don't want to be the one telling you! We don't discuss our cam timing with you for a reason. Why is it that you want our imput when we are not asking for yours? I didn't consult you which color to paint my bike or my Mustang...how hard is this to figure out!??
Why can't we all just get along? *lol*
I guess I'll just have to write a book!  | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 129 | |
| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 12:15:10 PM | ^^^Women already know if their ass looks fat in a pair of jeans or not.
I never have asked this question, so, I can only guess at why some women do. I think what they are probably hinting at is "Do you still think I'm attractive, even if my ass does look big in these jeans? Do you still love me?" This is doublespeak, so, I can understand a man's frustration in trying to translate the question. So, if her ass does look larger then before, answer her honestly and then reassure her that you still find her attractive and/or adore her. If you don't, then there is a way to tell her with delicacy and caring. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 1:10:10 PM | | Answer her honestly?? Well, some women take it very offensive, so it isn't very easy to say, regardless of all the "delicacy and caring". I think a way of letting her see this is by staying the fittest as possible, eat right, try to have a healthy lifestyle and stuff. This can help -IMHO- avoid the frustration about doublespeak, cause actions speak louder than words. I'm the kind of man who would make eventual trips to the nearest VS store to get her some sexy lingerie, or just get her something nice for her to wear (perfumes, lotions, clothes). Have frequent details, you know, try the best not to take her for granted. There should also be some money aside for her visits to the beauty salon (a must for any woman), so when she asks for money, give it to her without hesitating and stick your financial attitude up your ass. Don't be bragging later about why she has an attitude towards you and always answers "no nothing, nothing is wrong". I learned a valuable lesson from a friend who told me about his wife's (recently deceased) beauty salon trips. He said "I gotta keep my wife beautiful". When she dresses pretty, always compliment her. When she leaves for work dressed up pretty, say she looks gorgeous and kiss her. When she does something that makes you melt, tell her how precious she is and how much you love her. We can always come up with something to make a woman feel beautiful, its really a matter of mentality... | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 1:15:13 PM | ha ha ha am not stepping on that one!
- If your honest and tell it "as is", your labelled as a jerk
- If you tell a little white lie to preserve her, you labelled as a pretender
- If you keep your distance, you get tons of "why" and still labelled as a player.
Your damn if you do , damn if you don't.
personally..I prefere the jerk one, as at least I have the comfort to have been honest. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 132 | |
| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:04:16 PM | commonsens: If a woman is calling you a jerk for your response to her question, she either has emotional issues or is commenting on the attitude you delivered the response with. No one should be labelled a jerk for offering their opinion, even if it is an unpopular one.
Of course, the other possibility that could explain her ire is if you are offering unsolicited advice or opinions. Very few people...men and women alike...appreciate unsolicited advice. 
jacktraven: Innuendo doesn't work. It's as muddied as doublespeak. I still think honesty is the best approach. If a woman is out of shape and asks you to confirm this and you do, she most likely will be annoyed with herself not you. Again, if a woman gets angry at a man for offering his opinion with delicacy and caring, then she has issues.
As to be free with the compliments, I totally agree. Kudos to you. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:33:05 PM | | I agree with you about the "issues", Ooli. In that case you would be doing something beneficial to her, not hurting. For some women its not easy to accept it, even with "delicacy and caring", and that's a fact. But you're right, if she can't accept that the mirror and the scale never lie, she definitely has issues. Here's the thing... How can you tell her she's fat when you look like Homer Simpson? Its not just her, its also oneself. That's why I mention about being fit and caring about your appearance. I mean, if she sees it in you, she can follow your example. Wouldn't you agree?? | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 134 | |
| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/9/2006 2:57:18 PM | That's why I mention about being fit and caring about your appearance. I mean, if she sees it in you, she can follow your example. Wouldn't you agree??
No, I don't think it would necessarily influence her. Self-caring is a personal choice.
I guess we're slightly off topic. Maybe we should let this offshoot die or start another thread. lol | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/10/2006 2:22:46 AM |
We are trained from childhood not to be mean to girls, girls are sensitive and be careful what you say.
So . . . let me get this straight. Honesty is impossible because you've been trained to be sensitive to our feelings. Ladies, are you getting this load of crap? | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 4/10/2006 2:49:00 AM | It's very simple.
If I'm not that into you, I won't be there.
I'll be on the other side of the bar.
I'll be not answering the phone.
I'll be not at home.
I'll be not within arms reach.
I'll be not seen or heard from. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 5/30/2006 1:39:30 AM | Wow, I've read over alot of these posts and I find them kind of insulting.
I myself trust my feelings, and they are always right most of the time.
Some feel insulted by the book, but you know, you play around, you're going to get screwed and this is a classic karma thing. What goes around comes around. It has a lot of good points, I'm not saying it's my bible. Both men and woman alike are guilty of the things in that book.
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 5/30/2006 3:15:25 AM | | Man that book freakin' ROCKS! I don't agree with all of it...but it's true...if someone is REALLY TRULY into you, they will move mountains to get their poop in a group so they don't lose you. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 5/30/2006 3:24:43 AM | He is just not THAT into you..when you have just had hot sex with him and and goes home instead of spending the night and jumping on the personals sites..
He is just not THAT into you when..He is IM'ng you and talking to two or three other gals too..so there is a time space in between sentences and you can see him typing then it's not entered because he is getting confused which box he is supposed to be answering...
He is not THAT into you when..your invited to a family outing..you ask him to come along and he has to do his laundry ... | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 5/30/2006 3:52:20 AM |
It's very simple.
If I'm not that into you, I won't be there.
I'll be on the other side of the bar.
I'll be not answering the phone.
I'll be not at home.
I'll be not within arms reach.
I'll be not seen or heard from
That would do it I would think!
As would being blocked on POF - that does it too | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 6/4/2006 3:48:52 AM | Does this book help women to get what they need from him without him feeling threatened or pressured? I am trying very hard to learn how to communicate better, for lack of that is why I am here.
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No it doesn't rock. It's actually the worst dating and realtionship book that I've ever reviewed.
It' presents stupid, needy, bimbos as a better breed of women than inelligent ones. It doesn't present th men in a much better light.
I can send you a copy of the whole reviewif you like. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 6/4/2006 4:03:58 AM | The book is basically taking a situation like .... " Me and my boyfriend get along great, the problem is that he's a busy man and goes away on business trips a lot. He says he misses me when he returns, but I never hear from him otherwise. "
.... and rebuttling it as ....
" Loose him, you may get along but that's it. You're just friends, a busy man can take his cell phone that's on him all day, and give you a ring. Because let's face it, talking to a woman you really like on a hectic day is just as refreshing as you ladies make it seem. So if he was just that into you, he'd be using those broken fingers"
Something like that .. it's not 100% accurate, but I hope you get the idea. :)
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Hottie.
I've actually found that page.
Page 42 He’s not into you
Greg If he’s not calling you its because you are not on his mind
The truth If he’s not calling you it’s because he’s not allowed to call you. Or because your boss has told your secretary to hold all calls of a personal nature. Or because he’s up to his elbows in blood in the operating theatre. Trying to save a life is one of many reasons you are not on his mind.
If you are married, and a mother, and up to your elbows in babies, then you will know exactly what it is like to not have the time to call him.
Greg If he creates expectations for you and then doesn’t follow through on little things he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s OK with disappointing you.
The truth If he doesn’t follow through on little things then its because he regards them as too trivial to follow through on. You will fail to follow through on the same trivial promises to your children in about ten years time.
Greg Don’t be with someone that doesn’t do what they say they are going to do
The truth To honor and obey. You said that at the altar. You promise! And you have neither honored nor obeyed.
Greg If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
The truth You need air, water, and food, in that order. Shelter and clothing are nice too. But designer clothing to be worn on a daily basis and a phone call scheduled to the second, is a “want” NOT A NEED.
Greg Busy is another word for ***hole. ***hole is the guy you’re dating
Busy is another word for busy.
***hole?? You would have to be talking about a junkie, addicted to multiple drugs, who had beaten up at least one girlfriend badly enough to cripple her, and had raped his own five year old daughter. These lowlife’s do actually exist but a naive kid like you has never known a true ***hole.
Greg You deserve a ****ing phone call.
The truth No you don’t. Not until you’ve smartened up your whole attitude to men. | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 6/4/2006 4:06:38 AM | Man that book freakin' ROCKS! I don't agree with all of it...but it's true...if someone is REALLY TRULY into you, they will move mountains to get their poop in a group so they don't lose you.
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808
How many mountains have you moved.
NOT! How many melodramas have you performed???? How many serious mountians have you moved.? | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 6/4/2006 5:43:42 AM | Hmmm, well, here's my .2c. I've read the book and I consider myself a smart girl - that said; it was more entertaining than enlightening. All the book does is decode certain male behaviour that clearly illustrates that "He's Just Not That Into You". There are still men that play games, and women too. We've ALL fallen for people that haven't been able to (for whatever reason) reciprocate.
A few of my favourite quotes:
"Don't Waste The Pretty"
"You Deserve an Effing Phone Call".
"Your lost self esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend. Prioritize accordingly".  | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 6/8/2006 10:08:17 AM | | sparticuss...I don't do melodramas, but I do have my shit together and I HAVE moved mountains to be with someone I felt worth being with. Don't judge me because I think a book is good or great or rocks. It's a book. If it helps some people make the change they think is needed, then it's done some good. What mountains have YOU moved? | |
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| He's Just Not That Into You ...
Posted: 6/8/2006 10:17:35 AM | | Just being friendly can be miscontrued as being into you... Just being polite and well mannered can be misinterpreted as into you. A " too busy to e-mail" can be interpreted as " I really am not into you".Perhaps the person is sincerely too busy to call or perhaps even care. | |
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