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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 10:25:10 AM |
What's so unrealistic about wanting somebody who takes care of herself?
You didnt understand her comment. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who takes care of themselves, but rather, the attitude and approach one has about it.
Well, that's exactly how it looks. And you know it, otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to edit your post.
How it looks to *you*.
And how are things working until now?
I dont believe its any of your business, but if she wants to expand on her dating life, she may. Why is it any concern to you? | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 11:27:04 AM |
Well, that's exactly how it looks. And you know it, otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to edit your post.
Incorrect. I edited my post to clarify that I'm not one of the persons who is complaining about not having dates, I do not start threads about "big" women or single moms. I do not whine, complain or offer "poor me" content on these forums about dating and how I believe every eligible male ought to find me sexy and my kids charming.
I wanted to clarify that because the comments I responded to where *exactly* and *only* what I was responding to.
And how are things working until now?
*shrug* I've met several interesting people. Dated one for a few months( I ended it). Had a coffee meet last night that I think went well. I have a date planned for tomorrow. Thanks for asking.
I don't know what other people's private lives are like but I'd say mine is sufficiently busy for single mom of 3 of average looks.
I hope your experience is going well. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 1:57:10 PM | Before this gets so far out of hand that it gets deleted ...
Instead of getting defensive, accept first off that not everyone explains things the way we would and in a manner that makes us happy. The fact of the matter is that there have ben a couple posts re- what men want and what men see in many single mothers.
You may not agree, and there may not be men that agree with what women want and choose not to listen ... bt I think theres a big reason in there why so many people are single.... COMMUNICATION | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 2:03:52 PM | that is so true North Exposes.
Communication is a big key in a relationship. If there is no communication, how do you expect things to work out?
It's one of the most important thing in a relationship. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 2:27:19 PM |
Instead of getting defensive, accept first off that not everyone explains things the way we would and in a manner that makes us happy. The fact of the matter is that there have ben a couple posts re- what men want and what men see in many single mothers.
You may not agree, and there may not be men that agree with what women want and choose not to listen ... bt I think theres a big reason in there why so many people are single.... COMMUNICATION
The delivery, tone and content of the post I quoted was insulting. It's not about what men want or even about "overweight" women. It's about the judgement, assumption and delivery of the content in a forum for single parents.
I'm a very clear and direct communicator. I'm not sure why my point is being missed or ignored. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 2:53:41 PM | The Spoken Word is the poorest for of communication we know...
How can you get a "tone" from reading words?
Im not going to speak for the poster, but from what I read out of his post and from my own experience... I dont see it as a judgement... theres fact in there, not assumption ... MANY women let themselves go after childbirth and use it as an excuse. Yes many men let themselves go as well, but since this topic is single moms Im going to stick to that.
Your taking this as a direct insult and shot at you, and its an opinion. If your taking such a huge insult and offence to it, maybe theres a reason behind there that makes you defensive (no Im not insinuating).
So he thinks many single mothers dont take care of themselves, sit on their asses, eat bon-bons or whatever. I myself see WAY too man single moms that use it as an excuse not to take care of themselves..so what ... thats my opinion ... not all ..but some .. my thoughts... as we all have rights to.
Im not demeaning your response, Im asking you to think about WHY you reacted the way you did. No one else is in control of your thoughts, feelings or emotions but yourself, and if you reacted to his post, then YOU own that, no one else.... so Im asking you... why or what is it about the post that you allowed yourself to feel insulted? | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 5:24:59 PM | hey we all get hurt i was married for long enough to find that out my x husband cheeted on me for long enough then wen i found the coruage to leave him met a lovely guy and was with him for a few years loved him with everythin i had and all i will ever have, it ended not by my choice i can tell u and its been two years and i still miss him, he dont miss me or so he tells me so, its ok for him to calll text ect wen he wants but as for the other way around thats a no go, anyway life does go on and yes it will always hurt, i will never love anyone else like i love him and yes im still in love with him and i guess i will always b in love with him im a great beliver that u only meet one person in ur life who u fall in love with or who is ur sole mate, he was mine, and ill never forget him. ive lost lots of friends in my time sum by choise sum by the cruel act of that so called god but i say wot dont kill u makes u stronger so just take every day as it cums. gods knows i do!! if i didnt id never get through the week and u will always have sumone who will listen so just b prepared to talk once in a while
keep ur chin up
le xxxx | |
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soul25
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Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 158 | |
| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 6:28:53 PM | | I just wanted to throw in my 2cents. I agree with the post, but it doesn't matter if you have 5 kids or no kids at all..you still have to be a positive person. You have to admit, a mom of 5 would have a hell of alot more to keep her from enjoying a healthy relationship and with so many to give herself to what would she have left to give anyone else?..You have to work out the problems in your own life before you can even consider dating anyone else seriously. I have male friends that take me out on dates..and thats it. I can' t possibly handle anything else right now. I put myself out there and they take what they get. But I will not smile and pretend to be happy for the sake of someone else..If Im stressed by my kids well then damnit Im gonna act stressed and If a man decides he doesn' t want that in his life, well then I hope he finds what he's looking for down the road. My job as a mom is far more important to me and my children than any man. And no I am not a man hater..just a girl who knows she has major responsability..I love men..Damnit! I love men..I want the guy who wants me for who and what I am and not for the person I have to pretend to be for him. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/15/2006 11:34:38 PM | hi blesseddad here ...women are the same way for most parts i have raised my three children ,twins 19, boy and girl ,and a boy 18,since they were in diapers tried dating over the years and all i ever got from most women when you asked them to dinner,was( you have children i dont want to be a mother) i never asked them to be anything more than socialble,yet because i spent ali this time being both mother and father,keeping up home ,working adverage 12-15 hrs a day, and what free time i did have women i have met
didnt want this kind of man ......confused | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/16/2006 2:37:38 AM |
My job as a mom is far more important to me and my children than any man.
Hostility maybe? Back burner attitude perhaps?
I assure you, if you communicated this effectively and this is really your thought on the matter, I don't forsee you ever being happy. If you love men, since you are the decision maker, make the decision to be happy and your kids will be all the better for it. As for major responsability, you are in control of your kids. That means you have the power to change schedules, bedtimes, and the like. If this makes your children uncomfortable (God forbid), I assure you they won't die. In fact, you would be equiping them with valuable coping skills.
Actually, I personally do not have a problem with women being stressed out. There is plenty of stress to share. The quality of your company is not as important as your company itself.
As for the time constraint, that is your decision as well. Change it. Spend time with your partner. Be happy. Do something for yourself. Your kids will understand if they miss 1-2 hours per day of your time. Even less than that in the beginning. Me personally, I need that time alone with my partner, not just for sex, but to talk and bond, and it lets me know that they love me and want my time. | |
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babs3
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 161 | |
| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/16/2006 3:22:28 AM | altrurist80,
Darlin, get your head out of your ***! I have read your profile....and when your Mom quits doing your laundry and babysitting your daughter....then you can comment. The OP has made the obvious choice to be a mother first!....good for her! It is obvious to me you don't realize how much 1-2 hours a day measures in a single Mom's life! Hostilaty........no.............it's called responsibilty..............and back burner isn't part of a mother's vocabulary. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/16/2006 4:39:31 AM | Ladies,
I have dated many single mom's. I have the utmost respect for them - all that they do. Not only do they take care of a house, work, clean, cook, but raise human beings as well. OMG Again - you mom's have my respect.
Everyone has 'baggage' or issues. I have no problem with that. Too, you want to talk to me about them, cry on my shoulder - I am fine with that. If I can help I certainly will. I will be there for you.
What I am not 'fine' with - is not being a priority. I understand that your kids are the most important thing in your life. I do not expect to be #1 on 'the list' nor likely 2,3 or 4. I would expect to be somewhere about 5 though.
Too, many many single moms don't want to introduce a man into their kids lives. This I can see - certainly not casually. However, if you have been with the man for a while - it is serious and you want it to work - why not? One, if it is to work - it will have to happen and be all good. Two, do you not want your kids to 'see' and experience a good, loving, caring relationship?????
Something that I have seen with 'people' in general - not just single moms. People do not 1) acknowledge their issues and take ownership of them and 2) TRY to do something about them. Again this is most people - not just single moms. If you have an 'issue' (drinking, drugs, self-esteem, depression ... whatever) acknowledge that this is you and TRY to do something about it. If you do this - whether you suceed or not - you are FAR better than 99+% of the people in the world. Too, how long do you want to live with the problem and be unhappy???? Why can't you have happiness?
People, the world is not such a terrible place. You need to embrace all of the wonderful things it has to offer. Deal with the terrible ones when you have to. And find happiness.
Best to all - truly. | |
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babs3
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 163 | |
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inachu
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Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 164 | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/16/2006 6:52:26 PM | babs3,
I don't why you wish to get hostile with me, because these forums are free to express opinions. That is what they are for.
Learn to spell my name correctly and get your facts straight, then YOU can comment about me. I have a son, not a daughter. Ever had a lazy spouse that DIDN'T take care of the kids in addition to working 60+ hours a week? I'm as much a single dad as ever was plus working so why not shut up about things you know nothing about. Yes 1-2 hours is PERFECTLY managable because I've done it. As for back burner, let me clarify. No man will take a back seat all the time, hell you wouldn't either, so don't pretend you know all about it. Anyone who wants something bad enough will find a way to do it.
The problem is letting your kids dicate your time and resources according to their WANTS, not their NEEDS. Kids grow up thinking the world owes them something, why? Because their parents worry that the slightest degree of discipline, private time, anything else you can think of, makes them a bad parent. They think that choosing yourself occaisionally will scar your kids for life. Worry worry worry about the kids. The kids are fine. They are full and healthy and have plenty of time, love, and concern. Over-doing it is DETREMENTAL to their development, and a stressed-out, b*tchy, parent is a bad thing.
Go ahead, sacrifice your every ounce of happy adulthood and see where you all land. The kids will wonder how the world knocked them flat on their ***, and you will be old, bitter, and worn out, just beginning what you can possibly salvage from life at 40. No thanks. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/17/2006 2:40:07 PM | | I know the feeling....im a single mom with a 17 month old and a new born...my husband of 5 yrs had affair throughout the marriage and got another woman pregnant...so i left. Life is hard but makes u a stronger person for it. What u need to do is keep ur head up high, who cares what others think. Make goals for yourself.....the past is the past no changing it. The future is what to focus on. You can make ur life better, but stop thinking of the past and move on to your brighter future! :) | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/17/2006 7:29:44 PM | Altruist80
My child will always come before any other person and many of the men i have dated readily accept this. I created this child, she is my responsibility and ultimately an extension of my life. In your message you gripe about a lazy spouse who did nothing while you work 60 hours a week and take care of kids, welcome to reality, and I doubt she was just plain lazy but more likely depressed because I am sure you are not one to let other peoples faults go and to admit to your own. Yes I have many faults but I am not going to highlight them here. But just so you know I wake in the morning, because of her. I go to work, two jobs, because of her. I go to school, because of her. I live and I survive because of my child. We don't always get along, and there are times when a babysitter would be great, but she is the ultimate gift to me. There is nobody who can compete, yes it is possible to co-exist but if a man wants me to choose she always comes first, and I have made that choice, easily and will for the rest of my life. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:00:12 PM | Friggin hallelujiah..someone speaking my language..you know parkland guy you hit the nail right on the head about the relationship sabatoge..sometimes especially when things are getting hard or moving too fast..isn't it easier to just wanna go back to..in my case.."me and the girls" instead of facing the difficulties of the relationship...then I give my head a shake and suck it up and face the fact that I am lonely and ready and relationships are hard sometimes already so QUIT sabotaging, suck it up and smile cause HE'S out there somewhere.
Peace and Love this season.
cutienurse | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:57:42 PM | | i don't thoink it's that guys don't like dating moms, they may just find it harder or more of a challage since they have to get the kids to appove them they guy, the kids are the most important to the woman and if the kids just don't get alone with the guy the relation may not last...my opinion anyways, may not be tur for all men but has to be for at some. | |
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:28:24 AM | Cutie....
QUIT sabotaging ... instead of facing the difficulties of the relationship .... just wanna go back to..in my case.."me and the girls"
Yikes.... Someone that recognizes that they sabotage a relationship.
I have seen this and thought this - but never known someone to say they have done it. Most - I guess - just in denial - or just don't want to admit it to themselves.
Too, I think some use the 'kids' as an excuse too. If they 'just aren't that into the guy' - they come up with some reason evolving around the kids. An easy out. Kids being the most important thing in their lives - no guy would question that. Might be easier than just being honest with the guy.
We do have one thing in common though 'CutieNurse' - we are both lookin' for someone and feel that they are 'out there somewhere'....
Hope that we all find it....
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| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/18/2006 6:47:24 AM | goddessbastet,
I understand your viewpoint. However, I don't agree. It is typical that we worry more about our children than they do us, maybe even going as far as to say that we love them more than they do us. How many times have we seen children grow up and move away for the opportunity to better themselves. Our kids love us, sure, but ultimately they will leave you. They are still there, still your child, still family, but not the dependant kid they once were. They don't really need you anymore. They are thankful for all you have done, but now they pass it on. If life is kind, you will die before they do, and they will live on without you, cherishing you in memory, but acceptant of the fact that you are gone. Certainly, we do not expect repayment from our kids. We take care of them because we love them, but you will never be number one to them. Even God expects us make Him number one because He chose us over his own son. He wants mutuality. If we are created in His likeness and image, where should our heart be? "Who will love him more?" "The one who's bigger debt was forgiven." All throughout life and history, we see reciprocation and proper balance. Should two lives "co-exist", as you put it, knowing that they always fall short in each other's hearts?
By contrast, let me introduce another type of relationship. I'm talking about a soulmate here. Someone who loves you, shares your bed, provides for you, takes care of you, thinks the world of you. Someone who will stay with you until one of you are dead. Someone who can't live without you. Happily married for 40+ years, and been through thick and thin, sacrificed all, proven their love, their trust, their integrity. Protected you, made you feel like you have never felt, essentially completed your life beyond what you could ever expect from another living soul. Would you snub them? Have them understand that they never come first? Be thankful for them, yet still reserve your heart?
Make no mistake, people have it backwards. This person will NOT leave you. Your children will. Even if they don't move away, their hearts will not be with you. Not fully. What you are talking about is no one ever completely loving someone. No one ever experiecing that fullness that happens when two hearts beat as one. The steroetypes make it hard to believe that this even exists, but I believe. When I find it, I will know it, and nothing will come between us. | |
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soul25
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Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 174 | |
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soul25
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Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 175 | |
| I now understand why guys don't like dating single moms
Posted: 12/18/2006 7:12:18 AM | Altruist80,
I have not read your profile and frankly I really don't feel the need to. What you've said up to this point clearly defines your prospective regarding the matter at hand. I don't need a man to be happy. I have 2 men in my life and they make me smile more than I'd ever ask for. Not everyone has a helping hand when it comes to their children. My mother refuses to help and finding a sitter for 3 kids one of which being 3 months is a little hard to come by. I am 25 and have my whole life ahead of me...No..I will not sacrifice my time with my children..time that I can't go back and to make things right. With children you only get one chance..Don't screw it up. If I want to go out..I'll make time to do that when they go to bed..until then Im a full time mom and any man who wants to date me must see that and If he wants to be priority in my life..he'll need to wait about 15 years. Im no expert on kids..most of it is just plain common sense and not every body has a grasp on that. | |
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