ya472
|
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 6:39:36 PM | ..
To make a long story short, I now have the password to her e-mail account ... though I have not logged in to read it.
Well Buddy, you blew it big time. If you don't believe me, tell her you know her password, because that is "private". She will be very pissed. She won't trust you, now or ever.
I don't ask for my daughter's password, or my lover's for that very reason.
Whatever other people do on a computer, really is none of your business.
If you don't trust her, you shouldn't be together.
Simple, simple , simple..
.. | |
|
| |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 6:50:35 PM | | i can get behind the total honesty with each other 100% too. whether or not there IS something to hide is a moot point i believe. but the fact that one person has a unfair advantage over their (loved ones)? if my realtionshipos wanted to look all they have to do is ask. if you love somebody their really should be nothing to hide ( except a pleasant suprise) from your mate | |
|
jimb77
|
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 54 | |
| |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 7:03:07 PM | Talk to her first
Dont go snooping. What if the ex is just talking about custody of their former dog or whatever.
IF after that...she isnt answering you, avoiding you or you are suspect and you really feel this person is cheating on you...maybe try to find out other ways
I know what you are going through. Your feeling lowly for wanting to spy is arguing with the right to know if someone is lying to you and and you are in a false relationship etc etc If you must snoop, then be prepared to deal with the answers if they are. What are you going to do if she is. What would your plan be. So many people deal with the idea of snooping or investigating someone cheating on them but have no idea what they are going to do if they really are.
Anyways, you should talk to her and give her a chance. She might not be and it might be nothing. tHen how would you feel?
Once you start snooping you have overstepped a huge boundary. Think hard and long first before you do this. [ the fact you have her password already tells me you are about to!!!] | |
|
| |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 7:29:12 PM | Wowee.... I had a guy friend do this to his girlfriend and tell me all about it. With each thing that he read and with each passing day he became more and more obsessed, until it was difficult even talking to him. Everything was about what he knew......
and we're not supposed to be privy to the private thoughts of other people, and we are allowed into certain areas of a person's lives only upon their invitation, when they are ready. If she still has an ex, I'm assuming she's a new girlfriend for you.
Intrigued, I'm certain to see the email from the old boyfriend; close enough however, to read the content of the subject line. The subject line says everything that you need to know "Don't make me call you" means she isn't responding to him. Maybe that is due to you.
But you might blow it if you utilize the key logger and invade her privacy. Remember, you have to wait until you're invited. Anything else is just predatory, stalking behavior.
Well, good luck and can it with the insecurity. | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 7:45:04 PM |
it's entirely appropriate for her to have unfinished business with her ex. For that matter, I didn't notice when the e-mail was sent ... it could have been old.
I have to say firstly I disagree here...in my candid opinion, moving on from an ex means walking away and not looking back. I always say leave the past in the past...and since there is a chance she isn't, then I wouldn't say it necessarily makes her untrustworthy, but I think it lowers her loyalty factor, which is huge in my books.
I always tell my boys, 'you have to be a love cop and find the evidence', but you can't show it as a weakness.
My opinion, good job so far, you caught a glimpse of her e-mail and you noticed there is a chance that she is being disloyal, but you need more hard evidence.
I'm not saying I would do it, but ask yourself, could you check her email and get the evidence without her knowing you broke into her account.
One of two things will happen.
1. Harmless e-mail, in which case you close and never mention it.
2. You bust her and save yourself months/years of wasted time with a girl who lacks integrity.
What you don't know works if it's the past, What you don't know that is going on under your nose, that will come back to bite you.
JG | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 7:49:16 PM | | I was dating a girl once, getting serious, had a feeling bout her and these online dating things, figured out her pass word, found what she was typing, found she was meeting some other guy in the next week, dumped her ass, gave her the finger and never regretted checking her mail. | |
|
| |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 8:43:49 PM | i had my ex's password. he gave it to me. he wanted to have mine aswell...i said no. lolz...anywho...
i would open his mailbox just to see the kind of junks that he get. i've never...okay....i've opened one. it was some weird a*** message...and low behold! it was spam...hahahaha. other than that...i didn't read his mails.
even when had just broken up. i went in his mail...just to see if he'd change his password on me...and he hasn't. then some chick gave him a couple of messages. it's the new girl he started dating. NO, i did not open 'em. i was hella tempted though...but i didn't.
what to do? don't even bother going in her inbox if know yourself enough that you'll just get tempted to read it. i suggest you don't read what ever it is in there. | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 8:47:27 PM | | I have to admit, I didn't read all the posts, but I would never read someone else's private stuff. No way, no how. If I have a reason not to trust, I would ask and go from there. If I didn't feel comfortable after, I would leave them. If you can't trust, there is nothing left. | |
|
| |
| |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 9:48:49 PM | I am in complete agreement with Crunchberry's post #50....that is pretty much how I conduct myself in a relationship with a significant other as well...
I would also include that I conduct any intimate discussions about my life, in person with a trusted friend and rarely would that include something my SO wouldn't be able to hear.
mc | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/3/2006 10:05:11 PM | | I would never read my lover's e-mail, cause I wouldnt want them doing it to me.....Most likely I wouldnt even use another person's pc, cause I dont want them to have the opportunity to retrieve my password and go thru all my business like that .....so if I were you I wouldnt do it | |
|
| |
| |
Tinkle
|
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 69 | |
| |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/4/2006 4:16:26 AM | | Well, I just think that telling someone that they cant look at something, or cant go somewhere you are going to be, or whatever, is the pathway to mistrust. Once I tell someone they cant look. Man, they are going to want to look so bad. They wont be able to help themeselves. To me, any statements like that on the part of a partner are the first sign of deception. I agree with random bird, except for one thing. I do believe in airing out EVERYTHING with my SO. I do not believe in keeping anything from them, in whatever format. Doesnt matter if it is in person or otherwise. To me, anything you dont want them to hear is deception by another name. Its a very simple rule of thumb. | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/4/2006 4:24:35 AM | There are some things you don't NEED to know.
All secrets are not BAD things that are meant to harm you. Some secrets are just private things that only that person needs to know.
And each person has a right to have a little corner on this planet to call their own little space and if you intrude upon that, they have no where other than the toilet to just be themselves and relax for 5 minutes without worrying about what everyone else needs or wants.
Just leave her stuff alone, man.
If she finds out and DOESN'T break it off with you, then she'll just be that more sneaky and make SURE you can't invade her space again.
If you got doubts, confront her. Otherwise back off.
And I don't agree that privacy is deception. Its just "private". You don't need to know about how I feel about my inlaws today or what me and my sister talked about. You don't need to know what private thoughts she shared with me. You don't need to know that dress I've been wearing is getting a little tight and I'm feeling embarrassed about it, you don't need to know about my last period, you don't need to know what I bought for you online till I present it, thats PRIVATE. And yes its ok to have a space to call your own. Let people be by themselves for crying out loud. I love the guy but I need some space and privacy in a room that doesn't have a toilet in it.
Do you want someone reading your diary? Its the same sorta thing. | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/4/2006 4:41:54 AM |
Do you want someone reading your diary?
Well if you don't burn it on New Years Eve then I suppose yes, eventually! Why else would anyone write down their thoughts and feelings if not for an audience? Being a diarist means practising a literary form of sorts, surely? Imagine the horror of being the devoted spouse who discovers the lies post-mortem!   | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/4/2006 4:49:53 AM | Privacy isn't automatic unfaithfulness.
There is just such a thing as private people. SOme folks aren't doing anything bad really, they just don't want people looking over their shoulders or asking em a million questions while they are doing stuff.
Its just like "back off, give me some space and give me a chance to regroup my mind for awhile. I need a break". We all need that. THats why work gives us lunch breaks, etc. Time to get our heads together. Doesn't mean we're plotting against someone.
Private email is just that. A friend is talking to me about her work woes and how her kids just drain her. That her confiding in me... its not your business, so leave my email alone.
if you want true privacy though, make new email accounts, etc that they don't ever know about. But again in my house we have 2 computers. And mine has a security password on it that appears before you even get into Windows cuz he got nosey once, too and misread something he thought he saw. So now he can't access my PC anymore and he'll never guess what password I used. And he's pretty much given up. My actions show my loyalty. What I do on the computer is of no concern to him.
In my case I just don't need people looking over my shoulder for any reason. Just give me my space.
And as far as Jacky's diary example goes, I think you missed the point. If she was talking about her dress size, etc that she mentioned in a diary instead of an email... She was using a an example. If you mentioned private things like weight or dress sizes in a diary its just as private. Ok post mortem you find out your wife had gained some weight... thats harmless. But in the here and now its none of your damn business. SHe's embarrassed about it, wants to write it down cuz it makes her feel better, but doesm't want anyone to know about it, cuz its PRIVATE. C'mon. | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/4/2006 5:41:57 AM | Well my S.O. and myself sound pretty much like crunchberries' situation. I gave him all my passwords, so he can check my all my email addies WITHOUT him asking, just because I wanted to, and he gave me his. It's just a matter of trust, we occasionally will mention an email we got, but it's just a topic of conversation. I believe that when you're in a committed serious relationship there are no secrets. I don't do or say anything that I wouldn't do or say if he were right there with me. We really do consider each other the other half. It works for us, very well.
Only thing I could even think of hiding from him would be a surprise, dont' really DO surprise parties, but something I wanted to buy to surprise him with.
I don't need to know all about his past nor does he do mine, that's a bit of a different animal in that it's PAST! And I don't keep in regular contact with any of my exes, if one happened to call me, I'd certainly tell him about it. And vice versa I don't want to know about all his past loves, either. Not even curious. | |
|
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/4/2006 6:13:09 AM | Right, see, I feel that people make the mistake of believing that trust only means trusting your SO not to do or say the wrong thing when you are not around. Trust also works another way. It is trusting your partner enough to give them access to this type of thing without worrying that they will be mad about it. Its about openness. And openness is the precursor of trust. I am not here to criticize people who feel they want private space, though I do question why they feel they need to keep things private from their own spouse. The best relationships I have been in were completely open. When the openness stopped, I knew something was wrong. It didnt matter what excuse people used for it, I still knew something was up. I do understand private people. But I do not trust them as much as I trust open people. That does not mean someone cannot be introverted. That just means there is no need to hide things, if you have a partner who is understanding. I have found that most people keep things private from their partner because they are either doing something wrong, or they dont feel their partner will understand. In the case of the former, you should re-examine what you are doing. In the case of the latter, you should try to communicate with your partner. Alot of people wont understand at all. In this case, it may be that they lack the ability to be in tune with you to the degree that you need.
But again, I have never proven myself untrustworthy, and at the same time, I have never refused access to my partner. They know it all, so they trust me more than they perhaps otherwise would have. And you know?? My dirty laundry being on the table, and them still accepting who I am, is a very comforting feeling. | |
|
Home
login 
