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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/7/2006 12:28:03 PM |
To finish the story ... I am a computer security IT professional. I have a keylogger on my computer that I can activate at any time via a hotkey. To make a long story short, I now have the password to her e-mail account ... though I have not logged in to read it.
What would you do ?
well all i would say is how much do u really wanna know? afterall, its only new, and as u rightly said its understandable for her to have unfinished business. if she really wanted to be with her x she would be, but shes with u at this moment in time, whats around the corner? u wont know, but by checking her email and opening a can of worms, will lead to jealousy on ur part and the relationship will end sooner rather than later and push her straight back into his arms. I guess if i was in ur position and that golden carot was dangling, id prob think wot the hell and look anyway, so maybe u should make up ur mind one way or another and if u decide to not do it, tell her to change her password cos theirs scammers hitting into peoples computers, then resist hacking her password again, and let nature take its course.. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/7/2006 12:47:17 PM | | that would be too easy Nicemuppet. I once dated someone where everything (and I mean everything) I did was analyzed to see if I was cheating. Had a client over to review setting up their accounting; and the ex b.f. stood outside my doorway listening and phoning me on his cell, doing drive by's to see when I was and wasn't home, prolly musta checked the color of the hairs on the bathroom floor for goodness sake. Even thought I gave the dog too much attention. OY. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:55:12 AM | I think it's interesting how as this thread started off, the replies were pretty vehemently in the negative.
Then a couple of brave people decided to side with the original poster.
Then a couple of people seemed to switch sides, or make exceptions.
It seems almost nothing is ever black and white, is it ? | |
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Dryad
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Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 130 | |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:10:05 AM | If I suspected my partner was cheating, it’d be emotionally very difficult.
But, although I may pay more attention to see if why I feel that way is justified.
I wouldn’t intentionally violate their trust of me. Such as reading their email/letters or otherwise do things that compromised my own integrity. Trust can’t be cultivated with untrusting tactics. Cause even if you’re right, you violated their trust of you to find out. And if you’re wrong, you’re the untrustworthy one.
You saw the email heading honestly enough.
If it’s eating away at you, talk about it with her. | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 131 | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:44:55 AM | I have just given my bf my passwords to my email accounts because he objected to a photo that i posted on a site which he thought too revealing and jokingly said he wanted to check up on me. I dont have a problem with this at all but it shocked him that I was willing for him to have this info. To my knowledge he has not checked up on me and what I have written but I have nothing to hide from him regarding my relationships on the computer. Interestingly though he has not reciprocated with his passwords!!
Yet I have had my mom live with me for the past 18 months and objected strongly when she went through some of my personal mail and started quizzing me about my finances and where this money, that money had gone to. I guess when access is freely given in the knowledge you are doing nothing wrong its fine but my mom violated my privacy within my own home and it has caused nothing but friction between us over the past 6 months to the extent that she has now moved out. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:48:44 AM | Dawn:
I just went thru a similar thing. We sold some property not too long ago, and because they help us with of the down payment, they felt they had the right to tell us what to do with ALL the money and so on. Needless to say we paid them back what they helped us with and told them to mind their own business and now they've disowned us. I know how ya feel in that regard. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 3:36:41 PM | Interesting concept but is also the reality of the world we live in when it comes to the internet. For every relationship that's started via cyber space...I'm sure many have ended by the same means.
You mentioned that you have been dating her 1-2 months and understand she may have some unfinished business with her ex? I would like to think anyone who I start dating would have delt with any ex's and have the past behind them..where it belongs. ( no relationship baggage)
In regards to the trust issue, what you read in her email could have of ment anything...so never assume, time will tell. But being human, this would have also sent up some red flags and I'd be curious.
As far as reading her future emails...you could for your own peace of mind but remember...this is an invasion of her privacy and you couldn't really confront her about something if you read it because she would no longer be able to trust you. So who would be in the wrong???
I'm sure many people who are in relationships, chat with the opposite sex via email and think it's harmless...but would not accept their partner doing the same.
The internet is a double edged sword. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:49:22 PM |
The other day my gf was over at my place and needed to check her email on my computer. I couldn't help but glance over her shoulder while she was checked it, and I noticed an email from her ex with the subject "Re: Don't make me have to call you !".
She was at your place means the two of you do not live together. She is entitled to her privacy. I would think if the two of you were more seriously involved as in living together or on the verge of marriage that you would have nothing to hide from one another and everything the two of you have together would be shared and trusting and honest, but under the circumstances . . . leave her to her privacy.
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/9/2006 4:51:46 PM | Honestly?
I would say that since you have only been dating a month or two, you need to give her some time to learn to trust you completely, and to let you in on the things that she may not have already told you. Although I'm sure it does feel like you know her extremely well, these things take time. What I would do in your particular case is let her know that you accidently did see a subject line on there (and explain how you saw it) and that subject line worries you ... if she is an honest lady from there chances are she will OFFER to tell you what was said in the email. If she doesn't, just plain ask her what it was, if it was old etc... don't interrogate mind you, just ask her. Communication is a great thing. But at that stage in a relationship, I advise against reading it!
However many people may disagree with me on the next point, and that's fine, this is just my way of looking at things. In your situation I wouldn't look at it - however if you were in an extremely serious (aka dating for like a year or so) relationship, or especially if you were discussing marriage or already married - I'd say that you have every right to look at it. I don't personally believe a spouse should have secrets from one their with, or "private email" or anything of that matter. Anything she can write you can see ... anything you can write, she can see ... etc. Just my viewpoint. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/10/2006 12:21:59 PM | You sound like you have your head screwed on properly and already know the answer is to respect her privacy. If you don't, it could come back and bite you in the foot when you make a remark about something she never told you about.
I once met a remarkable young lady who read my thoughts over dinner. I was amazed. When I called it a gift, she said it was more of a curse if you only knew what people were thinking but not saying. I was one of the very few men she met whose words and thoughts coincided, she told me. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/11/2006 8:56:47 AM | I havn't read the e-mail.
Sadly, the end result is I have sort of retreated emotionally a bit, and am just a touch more on guard. Nothing noticeable or dramatic. In fact, it is almost imperceptible even to myself, but deep down I have noticed a slight emotional shift.
Trust is very difficult for some people, particularly for those that have had their trust violated. Trust is sort of like faith ... you either have it, or you don't. Either way, you can't really change things. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 1/11/2006 9:09:09 AM | Little,
Thats true. My wife was very mistreated in her life and now is WAY insecure and trusts no one. As a result I've had to do things like get second a 2nd email she didn't know about just to stop her from feeling the need to always check on me. I never have done anything to deserve it, and as she wouldn't compromise or negotiate, I was kinda forced to do the compromise behind her back and now everything is fine. Her insecurity has subsided in the last few years and I still use my 2nd email to talk to my family.
She actually has one too. Its okay to still have some individuality and privacy when your married without there "being something up". | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:46:10 AM | I read through a lot of these...and some condone it...I'm sorry..if you can't trust your partner..and you feel they are hiding things from you...then the relationship isn't stable anyway...and if you read her/his private mail...it brings you to a level that I myself would never go. If you have any suspicions..then put them on the table..its pretty easy to tell if a person is evading the issues...or is fabricating excuses..
Its like your wallet or my purse...its private ..I have nothing to hide..but it's my right to share or not share every little portion of my life. And sad as it may seem..I want that right!
And I would expect that my partner deserved the same respect for his/her privacy.
If asked, or if I had suspicions..then I obviously don't trust who I am with.And that would be a sad way to continue with a relationship...always questioning..and having your imagination creating scenarios..that may totally unreal. so...ultimately..no I would never read my partners e-mail. It just shows a lack of respect for him/her..for it to happen...and no relationship is going to stand up under those circumstances...even if it is done with reason... | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 9:59:15 AM | Never.... The key word is PRIVATE. I would ask about it if I noticed something bothered her. Eventually, I would ask if there was a change in her behaviour or in our relationship. Unless invited to do so, my own conscience wouldn't let me read her mail. It's all part of trust, respect and common courtesy. In the end, what's in private mail is none of my business until it concerns me.
Steve | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:05:53 AM | | my ex cheated on me and I found through via email he was looking through his contacts and one I suspected he was cheating with was in fact true she told me everything and he confessed as well after the fact. I know it was wrong to do but if you really wanna know something and your not getting answers do what you gotta do but do in fact try talking with her but if all fails dump her and find someone who you can trust 100%. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:13:38 AM | ok its called privacy. On the assumption the person is not cheating but has an insecure spouse for some reason in their past, then:
-Have one your insecure spouse can see and have access to
-Have a second one for yourself that doesn't identify you and they won't think you have because they think your using the one they have access to.
Cover you a** by using the harmless one once in awhile with harmless emails. While using the personal one for the stuff they don't need to know about.
Everyone's happy. Remember if the person isn't cheating, then even if the person does find the other email, they won't have done anything wrong. Personal emails with your sister or parents aren't anyone's business. Mail confirmations for presents ordered online for Xmas, stuff like that. Even personal journals with private thoughts. Its just personal. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:21:31 AM | I know I would never read something that wasn't asked to be read first by anyone yet alone someone that I loved deeply. This is a very strong and heart felt conviction I have...plain & simple!
Bandito | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:28:43 AM | hmmm...not sure creating another e-mail is right either...you are being dishonest and avoiding the issue...and will this solve anything in the long run...no!! If there are trust issues...it needs to be dealt with...or questioned...you can't put a band aid and expect to stay on forever...yes...its a quick fix for some..but there will always be more and more things that crop up...then what?...
you can't say you trust someone...then invade there privacy...what kind of person does that make you?...sorry all...have to have privacy...I expect it...so I give it..simple as that!! | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:30:58 AM | jacky,
Cut out email accounts I disagree with. But then I have seen soooo many women use them to sneak, cheat, etc.
Actually busted my fiancee with one. That probably would have been it except when I did the full forensics on her computer it turned out she had been using it mostly to go on and on about how happy she was and how great I was. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:36:44 AM | so...jumpy...my question is....why would you look in the first place? I agree with bandito...if you love someone...you just don't do that...hell.. I didn't love my ex..and I still wouldn't do it..its just a matter of morals and respect of another person...good or bad.
And..when you found that she was saying good things about you...how did that make you feel? | |
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