| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:37:34 AM | I'd never do that.
And if someone snuck into my account and read mine I'd be furious. I'm the type that if you want to look at my email or go through my purse or look at my cell phone and who I've called just ask me. I'll give you the password or hand over my purse and cell right away.
But if you sneak...ohhhh.  | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:38:36 AM | On yahoo I created an extra email account for junk mails and spams to go to. You know how when you order something or sign up for something they want an email address? Well you just know your gonna get spam from it, so I made an extra little yahoo email just for that. But having email confirmations sent to it so it doesn't ruin anyone's suprise is a good use for it too.
It is sorta like a band-aid, I agree. Better to just tackle the issue right away and find out what the issue is. Otherwise you feel like your being sneaky all the time.
To be honest unless you leave you email open on the computer, I'm not sure how they'd even find out, but why risk further distrust? | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:39:27 AM | kittenish,
I would look in the first place because I do not 100% trust any woman :)
When I found out she was saying good things about me, I let it go. Had I not found this, she would very likely be my ex now. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:43:53 AM | well..jumpy...I'm glad you are still together...quick question?...does she know you did this?..
and as for not trusting women..I'm sorry you have reason to feel that way...
there are people ..men and women..that create the generalization that one sex or the other can't be trusted..has to be more individual..sorta like innocent...till found guilty..have to believe in someone hun..all the way.. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:44:44 AM | I've been thinking about trust a lot lately and have decided a couple of things:
Placing trust in someone is like taking a leap of faith.
Placing trust in someone is inherantly risky. You very well may get hurt.
Trust is about relinquishing control and accepting the unknown.
If you really think about it, there is no one on earth who is DESERVING of 100 percent trust ... not even the Pope. Even he can make mistakes. To think otherwise would be delusional. People change and unforeseen events and situations arise. No one can control another human being, or have any gaurantee regarding what they will or will not do. Trust is about learning to accept the unpredictable and the unknown, and just turning everything over and throwing it all up to the sky.
Trust is relinqushing control and power. It is giving another person the power to hurt you. It is impossible to know for sure whether your trust will be honored or abused.
Despite all this, what is the alternative ? To constantly be on guard and secretive, to worry and doubt ? Some people may want to live there life like that, but not me. We can only truly know ourselves. We can only have authority over ourselves.
I have confessed and told her to change her password.
I throw this upwards to the sky. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:45:57 AM | @Jumpy
LOL hence the usefulness of a second address that they don't know about. I can't abide nosiness. I'd much rather you simply asked me than try to nose thru my stuff.
A second address can't be found because there's nothing on it to identify you. So even if they look right at it, they wouldn't know its yours. Could be anyones.
Thats assuming your the average layman that isn't some computer tech or anything. My spouse would be too lazy or feel too overwhelmed to be looking very far if I had the need to do it. I'm much more into computers than he is. He's more of a hand tools and get to work outside kind of person.
I wonder what her reaction would be if she found out about it, Jumpy? | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:51:48 AM | little devil...proud of you darlin..takes courage to do that...
as far as giving someone control or relinquishing control...you aren't...you're allowing them to make decisions..based on their morals..and letting them know they can trust you.
Everyone makes mistakes...its just a part of life and learning..but..if you can learn from your mistakes...its all good..
trust starts with you...if you want to be trusted ..you have to be willing to trust someone else
I would hope..that in every relationship I have..that my friends, partners,
business partners....have enough trust in me...that if something came up..that they were not sure of..that they could trust me enough..to know that they could question me and know that they were going to get an honest answer..
So...good for you...and good luck..you've taken the first step!! | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 10:55:13 AM | kitten,
Yes, she knew. This was a pretty big deal because how I found out, she was checking mail and a different name popped up. I was like "what is that?" and she said something about she used it for shopping. I bought it. A month later I am brushing my teeth and a lightbulb went on in my head. Took me an hour to even remember the account. She did not use it much, and her bad luck, she has just gotten mail that morning. What I found was not that bad, but it kinda was bad, and seemed 100 times so based on the added sneak factor.
I guess my lack of 100% trust comes not from being cheated on as from how utterly inventive I have seen women get when they want to be sneaky. I do 100% trust that women will always be sneaky from time to time. :) | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 11:06:22 AM | hey jumpy..
Again...I am sorry you have had some bad experiences...not all women are like that...and
as for creating another e-mail..or being inventive to do something sneaky..I too have seen that..and the excuse is generally that they feel they have to hide things from their spouse..because they can't trust him/her. This is really not an excuse..again...it should be talked about and resolved...there are no excuses for manipulating a situation to meet your needs.
Anyway, hun...not passing judgement...so don't take it that way please...I just wish more people would realize..that whatever you do or they do...should not be scrutinized and if you are willing to do it...should have the fortitude to stand by your convictions...and accept critisism...or praise...and be accountable..on all levels. Guess I may be dreamin..but...gotta believe there are people out there like this.
Take care...and good luck to you! | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 11:11:22 AM | kitten,
Nah, she was being sneaky, and admitted to it, and was able to vocalize what was going through her head. She also brought out a flogger and handed it to me before she explained this :) (No, I didn't)
The funny thing is she is about the most unsneaky girl I have ever met. I guess that is why I was horrified - I did trust her.
People do stupid things from time to time. I sure do, so all is well now. She has forgiven far worse from me.
I do still wince when I think about what I found, but I am glad I found it. I for one would rather just know the truth. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 11:17:53 AM | jumpy,
thats good...:)..the not flogging her i mean...lol..
I hope now...you both know you can trust each other...and yes..mistakes are always made ..
and you (and I) will probably make many more before we are done!! for all the self help books and all the direction we are given..we can still be such dorks about some things..but ..if you find that right person ...to forgive your faults ..and move forward..leaving them behind..then hang on to her ..and her to you!!! Its great.. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 11:22:42 AM | kitten,
Well, I am marrying her. :)
She is a great girl, not really sure what she would have to do to actually have it be "unforgivable". As long as I understood the why part, I could probably get over actual cheating. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 11:52:44 AM | | If you been dating someone for a month or 2 there email is non of your bussiness. If you have the urge to spy on someone that is unhealthy and you are insecure with yourself or this person. After dating for such a short time dont you think your being tremendously possesive? When I date someone they can read my email I never have things to hide from anyone. Do you think this women is hiding something from you maybe? If I was dating someone very insecure like you I would probably run for the hills. Spying and checking up on people is not very nice | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 12:16:07 PM | | ^^^thats the reason I did the double email thing. I didn't know the person very well at the time and I knew they weren't open to debate on the subject. As such I felt my hand was forced to that action. I did not want the person looking over my shoulder. I wasn't up to anything, I'm just that kind of person. So when I "gave in" and let them have access to that account I'd had for years, I just created another and used it instead. Every once in awhile I'd have some harmless email appear in the old one until he got convinced everything was ok and got bored of it. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 12:19:09 PM | @cutenperky
Depending on the situation, some people can become really close after just a couple of months and make serious committments to each other.
When such committments are made, it is only human nature to doubt there veracity and authenticity a little bit. People WANT to believe and trust, but find themselves unable to completely trust because of past experiences or whatever. At the same time, these doubts cause them to emotionally distance themselves from the other person, and they don't want that either. So often times people snoop to get independent verification of the others feelings.
Just like some people can believe in Jesus (or Mohammed, Buddha, etc ...) in the face of no universally convincing evidence, others always have a little doubt in their hearts.
Sometimes the snoops get their verification, and of course often times they do not. Just like it's human nature to snoop, it's human nature to lie. People are particularly prone to lie if they think it's something that will affect their relationship.
Everyone here is so quick to condemn, but let's face it ...
Statistics and history have taught us, LOTS of relationships end up in flames. Lies, deceit, snooping ... these things are not going away. In fact these things are extremely common. Relationships are risky business.
People will lie.
People will snoop.
How many people can truly say they have never done either of these ?
I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner
have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore
me for telling you lies. -Pietro Aretino
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
-Robert Quillen
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 12:22:38 PM | | people who snoop on a private person will only create more ways of subterfuge and sneakiness from that victim. Your not solving the problem, your enhancing it. Just confront and get it over with. All your doing is forcing the person deeper into their hole and forcing them to take more stringent measures to keep you out. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 12:35:52 PM | I agree to a certain degree jackyfrost01.
When people are caught in lies, it just makes it that much harder for people to take that leap of faith and learn to trust them again.
When people are caught snooping, the instinctual thing is to just be sneakier.
But, considering that virtually everyone WILL lie and snoop at least at one point in their life, to one degree or another, what can a couple do about it ?
Like I said, these things are human nature, and no one is perfect. It's also unrealistic to expect relationships to be completely perfect. People screw up.
When lying or snooping occurs, a couple really has two choices. They can either perpetuate the cycle and create an atmosphere of distrust, or they can admit they are imperfect human beings, forgive each other, and agree to turn over to a new page. They need to take that leap of faith again ...
That many couples cannot do this is one reason many relationships do not work out. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 12:59:45 PM | Well I didn't read every post but I have to say this thread really got my attention. Just last month I was dateing a girl from here(about 3 weeks) and I went out of town for the night and she stayed to watch my dog. She used my computer and went into my msn conversation histories and read all my private conversations. Changed my msn nick to something not very flattering, broke up with me and threatend to reck my house. All over a simple miss interpritation of a simple private conversation.(I can't tyep very well so i use short blunt conversations) The problem that cause her hostily was something we had talked about and solved so it was all water under the bridge.
Reading someones private mail electronic or other wise is wrong and if you don't trust someone that much just leave. If you dig enough everyone will find dirt especialy if you fly off the handle and not sit down and talk about it. | |
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