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Regnis
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 176 | |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 1:14:34 PM | To finish the story ... I am a computer security IT professional. I have a keylogger on my computer that I can activate at any time via a hotkey. To make a long story short, I now have the password to her e-mail account ... though I have not logged in to read it.
What would you do ?
WTF man? that's your answer right there, you don't trust her. Give up now and break up with her. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 1:20:48 PM | Reg,
They have only been together for a month. The one certainty he can have is he does not know the full story about her.
She might well be using him to get her ex back, or any number of scenarios that play out daily in modern times.
Her inbox will contain more actual truth than the average woman would reveal ever, I would guess :) | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 1:54:39 PM | Heck....I've done it because my 'fiance' had already hacked mine and he was such a liar that the only way I could find out any truth was to read his e mails. And boy, I found out a whole lot that I never would have found out by asking him. But of course, there is an exception to every rule, after 3 years of emotional torture , I kicked him out. Now he can have all his Russian internet women! | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 1:55:00 PM | Why is everyone on these forums so absolutist and idealistic ?
No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Either that or I guess all of you must have perfect relationships ?
Everyone has lied.
Everyone has misled.
Everyone doubts.
Everyone is insecure sometimes.
Everyone has snooped.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I don't break up with someone I love over a MISTAKE, because I know I'm not perfect either.
The important thing is what they are like as a person. We all f*ck up and go against our nature sometimes, but do you believe they are fundamentally a good person inside ? If so, forgive and forget.
I won't break up till I see a regular pattern.
I guess I just believe in redemption. I believe people can learn and change.
Maybe I'm just a sucker. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 2:20:51 PM |
louis,
I completely agree with you.
Ya, me too. You have made some very interesting observations from the start of this thread...it isn't black and white, as all the examples on here have shown...there is alot at play.
mc | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 2:30:57 PM | Ok.....If I didnt weigh in before, I will now. What is so "private" about your significant others email to begin with?? I mean, think about this carefully for a moment. If someone you are with tells you that their email is "private", and you are not allowed to ever know what goes in or out of it, the question is, why is is private?? Does this not, in and of itself INSPIRE a lack of trust?? I mean, if you have nothing to hide, why care if someone sees it??
The way I see it is that the reasons for keeping an email account private are one of two things. Either there are embarassing things that you dont want your lover to see OR there are DEVIOUS things you are doing or saying that you dont want your lover to see. Either way, if you want a relationship that lasts, why even bother to keep such private accounts and that kind of thing. If someone put a box on a table in front of me and told me that absolutely, under NO circumstances was I to look inside......Well, I might not look, but I damn sure would wonder for a long time....whats in that box??
Just think about the mistrust you might be causing by keeping it a "private" matter. Listen, trust is important, no question, but people do not often consider whether or not they may be doing or saying something which, rather than earning MORE trust, actually inspires less. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/3/2006 6:42:57 PM | ^^^Why is it private?
Because my spouse really doesn't want to know about my sister's health and child rearing problems, Ok??? THATS private. Its a confidence shared between people that she doesn't need HIM to know, either. Because what I went thru at the Gynocologist is no ones business. Because the present I bought for your birthday or the Christmas list I sent to my family for you is a suprise and I don't want it ruined. That my mom is concerned over my grandfathers fading health is private.
Everyone is allowed their skeletons and private memories and thoughts.
Everything is not "evil" and everyone loves dirt so much they always have to turn everything into a friggin witch hunt and find something bad out of every little thing someone says on here. Its getting really old.
@LOUIS - I agree with what you said. Please understand when the guy i was with snooped into my email and used it as a weapon against me because he saw an email to another guy from a month before I met him, that we'd only been dating for 10 DAYS, not months. A little over a week, and he freaked because he saw some flirty email that I'd written over a month ago before I started dating him seriously. I pacified him by letting him have full access of my emails and was actually quite ticked. Then I made my own remade a new email account and let him think he'd gotten his way. 10 days and he was snooping. That was over the line. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:27:59 AM | OK^^^^^^
See, this is the kind of BS excuse for having private email that I am talking about. Listen, I am with someone right now and I dont worry enough about what she is doing to even try to look. It has something to do with the way she acts I think. But cmon, the gynocology excuse is one I have heard before but I have been around this internet for a long time. I cannot think of ANY time I have written an email to someone and said, "Hey, the doctor stuck his finger in my ass today, just thought you should know." And honestly, I dont care, and most guys I know dont care, what problems your sister may have with her kids or whatever. But we definately DO care if your family members are trying to get in the middle of our relationship, which, along with the child problems, is often the case. I havent ever asked for access to emails in my current relationship and, while she continues to act the way she is acting, would not think to do it. But it is easy to tell when someone is playing secret squirrel on you, or when they fundamentally change their way of doing things. When that happens, and when they wont tell you what is going on, you have to find out somehow. So how are you supposed to find out the real deal?? I have found, in the past, that I have been totally unable to rely on someone telling me what is going on, IF, in fact, they have some secret agenda (and sometimes they really do). My theory now, to be honest, is that if things change, or go differently from how they are going, I should just dump rather than try to find out as what I ultimately find out is ALWAYS the same. Now, what memories and thoughts are so private you cannot share with your spouse yet can put them out over the internet?? You dont trust them enough to keep them confidential?? OR is it that they wouldnt like those thoughts or what you may do with them, IF they found out what they were??
Look, I HATE......HATE....relationships where there is always some kind of secret. To me, this is high school nonsense I am unwilling to tolerate. Some people love dirt. True enough. But there is a different kind of drama queen out there. The kind who likes to whisper their dirt all over the place to their friends and not tell their husband because it excites them to keep a secret. THEN they get upset when the man begins to treat them like a high school kid. Well, I say, if they are acting like that, then they deserve what they get. But at least, at the very least, dont do this. Dont make up BS excuses for why someone cannot see your email. No one likes when someone is always prying but, there is a reason you are keeping it secret. The reason is that they wont like it. But whats wrong with telling them and, if they dont like it, either telling them to deal with it or accepting that the relationship wont work out?? I guess I am asking, why you feel you need secrets in a relationship?? | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:39:49 AM | no secrets = no mystery = dull relationship
but i would like to add that my past is mine alone. My private memories are mine to keep and my current beau wouldn't need to know about a previous relationship or what we did, etc. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:42:55 AM | "why you feel you need secrets in a relationship??"
Crunch, I already answered that in my post. People don't need to know every thing you say or do. Thats like being in prision with no freedoms and having to watch your back and every little thing you say. I'm not in a relationship when there's a lack of trust. My spouse could care less because I don't give a reason to worry, but I was addressing the reasons as to why you would keep a secret. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:44:28 AM | I would NEVER read my "lovers" private email and i would never ask for his password to his accounts but if we truly LOVED and TRUSTED eachother, than why should we have to check up or feel the urge to check up on what they do/say on the site/fourms.? | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 4:55:36 AM | Standing over her shoulder and reading the title, was accidental. I would have said: "I see a threat in the subject line of that e mail. I am concerned". And you can still discuss it with her. She may have much that she has not wanted to burden you with.
IF you access her emails, that is lack of trust. That is as controlling as her ex is. If I was her friend, I would be telling her that she might be repeating a controlling relationship.
That is my two cents worth.
Look at your own soul and heart.
A lesson our mom's taught us : Treat people the same way you wish to be treated
Lastly: You reap what you sow.
Jazzy' | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 5:14:10 AM | Here is my problem with this though. As I said, I dont worry about my current relationship at all because there are no signs of trouble. But the real question is, what do you do if there ARE those signs, yet the other party tells you there is nothing wrong?? I mean, they obviously are telling you they wont discuss it, yet you KNOW something is wrong.
And, the other idea is this. I guess I just have a different point of view but, I just dont care if someone looks at my mail or not. Its so inconsequential that it just doesnt matter much to me. If it makes them feel better, or more secure, then ok, I dont care. It seems like women are more concerned about this than men are and I am not sure why. I am not saying that having private email, in the absence of anything else, is a reason for suspicion but I AM saying that it may, in fact, give your partner a reason to say, "Gee, I wonder why she doesnt want me to see that?"
There are people out there who are just very suspicious by nature and may wind up being very insecure in a relationship. But I have been cheated on and I knew something was wrong right around when it started. It gave me reasons, and believe me, I went over it a thousand times in my head because I did not want to be overly suspicious. But once I knew that things werent right, I was pretty damn sure to try to find out what those things were. At that point, I wanted to bust her ass and, I guess, embarass her into changing. Well, that didnt work, but I was able to find out things that confirmed my suspicions. I guess I can say that at least I didnt feel like a total dumbass when it all came crashing down. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:16:44 AM | Hi little devil(good name..LOL)..........dont mean any harm here... But buddy get a life! How would you feel if she had an inkling to do that to you? Like what I said in an earlier post... What goes around comes around! Don't invade her privacy b/c you have your own issues. And they are your own issues. Question.... if you have a girlfriend then why are you in POF?
Do the right thing and forget about accessing that password.......... try a little communication, bring up her ex, watch her body language, eye contact........if she is lying you will know it. Bad Karma coins if you do read her email.........it comes back to you tenfold... how do I know? My ex did the same thing you are comtemplating......... well he did get a few surprises out of that one.........which led to mistrust etc..... is that what you really want? Believe me if you feel like you can't trust her then get out of the relationship! | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:46:51 AM | LOL... whoaaaaaaaaaaa.. what a post Louis, very interesting in deed. Brings up alot of issues that most people maybe haven't pondered. You are right this is insidious and can be toxic,,,,,,,, but at the same time update a thought or two. We really don't know about things until we communicate with our partners, friends, family or the fish in this pond(didn't mean that negatively) For me, I like to have the knowledge and know who I am dealing with and that just comes from being honest and hopefully I will attract someone that has integrity to be real and not live in denial. Trust is the major ingredient to life, some people have it, others wish for it and some might never have it. Its all comes "within"
Great post, made me think about a thing or two here. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:13:56 AM | @LOUIS - I agree with what you said. Please understand when the guy i was with snooped into my email and used it as a weapon against me because he saw an email to another guy from a month before I met him, that we'd only been dating for 10 DAYS, not months. A little over a week, and he freaked because he saw some flirty email that I'd written over a month ago before I started dating him seriously. I pacified him by letting him have full access of my emails and was actually quite ticked. Then I made my own remade a new email account and let him think he'd gotten his way. 10 days and he was snooping. That was over the line.
jack frost.....this quote tells me that you lack the confidence to address the issue and therefore resort to pacifying someone rather than responding to the issue at hand....and then rationalize having secret emails as a privacy issue. In that example your secret email has absolutely nothing to do with privacy and everything to do with power and control.
It seems like women are more concerned about this than men are and I am not sure why.
I disagree with this generalization Crunchberries...I am a woman....last time I checked any way....and it is not important to me....anything that is truly private to me...stays with me...otherwise my preference is to be with someone who is open...this doesn't mean snooping by the way...this is a comfort with each other to be able to share without the fear of that info being held against you...just because one might have access doesn't mean they will use it and if they do...then the info would be respected. But I am a confident and secure person...and when I am not I ask for reassurance from my SO...how they respond tells alot about them, doesn't it? And how I choose to respond to when they need that reassurance tells alot about me. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:22:13 AM | Crunch,.........100% AGREE!
after reading some posts here, NOW I know why there are "plenty of fish" in the sea
keep your secrets
keep your private memories
and keep away from me!
just sad!
Nuff said! | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:31:43 AM | get yourself noseying at her email to put your mind at rest.
i managed to hack into my ex's hotmail account shortly after we broke up and realised id been a fool all throughout our relationship...there were various men emailing her so i emailed them via her account and told them the truth about her.
now im no computer IT wizard but on this occasion a few simple flaws in hotmail and because i knew my hacking victim it was relatively easy to gain access to her account.
i have tried it with other accounts of ppl i have only chatted to for a short while via msn just to see if it was possible for me to get into there account and it has worked on some but not on others.
maybe i am been bad doing this but im curious ..iv been fooled many times by women so find it hard to give all my trust to them 
i think its perfectly acceptable to read your partners mail...i thought in relationships trust and honesty was the most important thing....if your partner has nothing to hide then they should feel happy to let you use theyre email account. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:16:47 PM | | well if you did it after you broke up you really had no right at that point as individual citizens. What you did was break the law. Your not married to that person, and therefore have no rights to legally hack into her system and look at anything. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:06:46 PM | | My email is my email.My phone calls are mine.What I do and say is my private business.I dont need other people reading my thoughts or ramblings to anyone,and what they tell me in confidence is exactly that-for me to see/hear,not for some untrusting,suspicious,past history of let down person read to their amusement.Anyone can take words out of context unless they know the stories behind them and blow things right out of porportion.Innocent things suddenly become explosions.I would not read,listen or hack anyone elses private business. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 7:32:08 PM | Here are just my thoughts and I've posted them before. When I became involved, I voluntarily, my action totally with no request or my SO asking, I gave him all my usernames on my email accounts and the websites that I'm a member of. It was something I wanted to do, not an issue not making an issue of it. For me, it's about love and trust and honesty. Full disclosure. I didn't have anything to hide and we'd been involved and been exclusive. It's just something that popped across my mind so I did it. To me that is something about being a couple, no secrets, I can have privacy if I want it, but why would I want or need to. This is how I look at it, if this IS someone, who he IS, that I want to share my life with completely, then what am I keeping private about myself I don't want him to know.
Again it's me but he has access to all my email and internet. He didn't even ask I don't think he ever would have. It was just a matter of trust to me that I gave it to him without him having to ask. We are both still here and we both still get "hit on" even though our profiles are clear that we're involved. We laugh about it, honestly.
I value highly being a couple, and I don't commit myself to someone half way it's all or nothing. And I am a private person, as much as I'm out there, all over the place, there is the private me. My man knows that private me, intimately, and I'm not even talking sexually. Some of my very closest friends know the intimate, personal me.
Again, it's just the way I am. There is nothing about me or to do with me that I wouldn't want my partner to know. | |
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