| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 8:37:02 PM | I can't resist weighing in.
Great subject.
I'm an "IT Professional". I've been in the industry for almost thirty years. I'm always telling people that they should not type anything into a keyboard that they don't want the whole world to know.
I don't care who you are or where you are or what you do..........if you think that you can interact with this medium privately or secretly or in confidence, you're deluded. It's like thinking you can build a window that can never be broken. Just can't be done. (Think nuclear weapons.)
More to the point; reading email (anyone's email, even your own) only reinforces your own paradigm. If you don't trust someone, reading their email won't change it. The issue is your own outlook and your own self-worth.
I've read my lover's emails (without her knowledge or permission). It didn't answer any questions or solve any problems for me. It didn't make me any less of an ass. I won't bother to do it again. Life's too short. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/4/2006 8:50:32 PM | | There are two schools of thought here. Two very different paradigms. Your word, a good one. It's about trusting and giving trust. When I love someone I give trust, 100%. ANd I do love, I've given it, and have no regrets. I wish more of you could say the same. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/5/2006 3:14:56 AM | also whats the difference if people have private conversations with other people in the real world or on an email. At least before computers, someone couldn't snoop into your harmless private discussions.
Its just none of your business. Its not about hiding something, its just about wanting some speace on this planet to call your own where you don't have to worry about anything or anyone else but yourself. Just want one place where you can totally chilll out and have "me time". I will not allow my life to be controlled because someone got dumped on by a previous lover or had controlling parents or whatever. I don't deserve to be pried on and as such will make it none too clear it isn't acceptable until I give you a reason to spy on me. Which I never will. Respect me and my space and I'll give it back 100-fold. Where there's love and respect there should be no spying and insecurity. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/5/2006 5:04:30 AM | | Hell yes...if I felt there was a need. I did it with the jerk I wasted 9 years of my life with. He was lying to me & I knew it, but he wouldn't communicate about anything. If I feel I'm being done wrong, I'll go to whatever lengths I feel that I need to to find out for sure. Just to be nosey...no. There would have to be a reason. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/5/2006 2:06:47 PM | I trust people..............until they do something to break that trust.............
Did you tell your gf that that headline jumped out at you and discuss it to see how she replied? You see not discussing it allowed your mind to continue to wonder...... and wonder about trust!
All relationships whether friendship, family or romantical... need communication | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/6/2006 9:58:51 PM | | I don't understand why you feel sharing your life with your spouse would make you feel like you have no freedom, and make you feel like you were in prison. I love sharing things with my BF about my past. We have no secrets we share everything and because of that I don't feel like I have to watch my back and every little thing I say or do. If I were keeping things from him I would be more likely to feel I had to watch my back. If there were things about my past that were that horrible, I'd want him to learn about those things from me before he heard them from someone else. That would make him wonder why I didn't tell him, and make him lose some of the trust in our relationship. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/6/2006 11:41:53 PM | I would share my password with my significant other in a heart beat. Continue on with life normally and stay friends with everyone from before the time when the relationship began....
Honestly if you're with someone you're bonded...two people who are supposed to share everything...even passwords if it makes your lover more comfortable....
If a relationship is Doomed..the bad will always come out no matter what....no point in hiding things..
to the author of this forum I would ask her and be upfront and state your concerns...if she blows it off like nothing is going on but doesn't allow u to read her emails.....i would take that as a bad sign and get rid of her...
with relationships there should be no secrets whatsoever. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:18:08 AM | wait till your married....
there's some things people just don't need to know. Its personal and I'm uncomfortable talking aloud about "whatever". Or its just plain none of your beeswax, what happened with me and Whoever way back when is between me and Whoever and doesn't involve you. Or you really don't need to know what your inlaws thought about you when they first met you. Doesn't matter in the least. There's lots of little things I'm sure.
Its is okay to give each some space and me time without being joined at the hip. And that private time or space has nothing to do with being sneaky. Its just your own time and space away from the world. Remember how some men go out and work on the car all day? Or do carpentry or work in the garden? You don't go out and bother them then. Its their own time to relax and chill. Same concept. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:28:27 AM | | I will never read her stuff and hope she never read my stuff: i have nothing to hide and she may ask me if she can read it, no problem...but doing it in my back will be a lcak of respect..both ways. | |
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Ldygmr
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Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 213 | |
| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/7/2006 8:23:35 PM | A relationship without trust is just f*ckbuddies gone bad.
I am open and honest so I expect my partner to be as well. However, I don't feel like I have to invade every aspect of that partners life. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 6:16:14 AM | Same here, I believe in allowing someone their freedom. Right to the end of my marriage, when my ex-wife asked me to get something in her purse - I brought it to her. I never once thought to do it myself.
The only reason I made an exception, was because I was 99 percent sure she was cheating on me. I needed to be 100 percent sure, and she made the mistake of allowing me access to her e-mail and chat records.
To know exactly what was going on, in her own words, made my final decision one I never regretted.
I don't want to hover over someone and worry about them. That's just a huge waste of energy, and causes people to grow apart. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 8:49:18 AM | | I did it. I am not proud of it, but I did it. He left his email open on my computer before he left for work. The temptation was too much for me to overcome. I was weak I admit it. But in my defence. I had suspected he was cheating for months. We had many confrontations about it, but I could never prove anything. The moment came when I could get the proof I so desperately needed to end 4 years of lies. I was right. It was all there in front of me. I threw his ass out and never looked back. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 8:52:12 AM | I feel in those cases where there is a strong need or suspicion then yeah. If your 95% sure.
If your just insecure from previous relations, then thats not fair to the new person in your life.
If there's any wonder, then ask your partner. Communicate. | |
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| RE: How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 9:11:01 AM | | In a good and/or perfect relationship, there would be no secrets kept away from the other partner. If there were no secrets kept from each other then one would always know what the other is doing and what is really going on. If both of the people involved know what is going on with each other it prevents to a certain degree any problems from showing up in the relationship. And if there are ever incompatibilities in beliefs and/or unwillingness to adjust, then they should part and go their own ways. Honesty in a relationship is also important before a marriage. In most, and many cases, after marriage there are usually children involved. Honesty in a relationship before marriage, prevents problems from showing up after marriage. And ultimately, (at least in my opinion) honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. As well as communication. | |
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| RE: How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 9:38:57 AM | I've only ever read my ex-husbands email. I just KNEW he was up to something. I could sense it completely. Too many signs and I couldn't ignore them any longer.
Luckily I did. Notice I said "ex" husband - the guy was a total pig. I can't believe I married such a loser.
Prior to that, NEVER. We shared an account and not once did I ever open a single email of his or read them once they were opened - unless he asked me to. | |
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| RE: How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 9:55:41 AM | | depends on the relationship really. Everyone is differents and what they've been thru in past makes difference as well. There outlook or distrust does not necessarily reflect on current relations, but on past experiences. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 11:05:18 AM | It depends on your conscience and what you feel is morally right or wrong. Personally I think it's a mistake because you will know what you did and that will put up a barrier as to how much intimacy you can give to this girl. If you want to be with her long term you are shooting yourself in the foot. Did Brutus love Julius Caesar truely, even as he plotted against him?
It's also likely that you will misinterperet something. We communicate 90 percent with body language. Try bouncing off the room for a while with some unclear statement and go nuts without revealing what you did - good luck. People are often diplomatic with ex's and persons who can cause trouble in their lives - so unless they are fighting expect a lukewarm relationship. It doesn't mean she desires him more than you.
Ask her about it and read the look in her eyes and learn her "tells" (if you understand poker) by asking her questions which you think will prompt a lie. Watch her behavior. You should know that text messages are very easy to misinterpret without the eye contact. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 11:08:34 AM | IF....he had been showing alot of signs of cheating....than im sad to say that i probably would, but that would be the lowest of the low i would go to figure out that answer to the question.
But! just for any old reason? no its non of your business. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 1:53:08 PM | Well, I might mention that I never indicated that someones PRIVATE thoughts.....the ones they keep between themselves and....themselves, are not private. Any other assumption would be crazy. I also thought about this and dont want anyone to think that I mean that, two weeks into a relationship, you should give the password to your account to someone you are seeing. But, I have been married before, for a pretty long time. That woman knows more about me than my own mother OR sister. Thats what comes from having an open relationship for so long.
Here is where I find it odd though. What private thoughts does anyone have that they intend to pass around the internet to other people?? That is what I want to know. Clearly, email is used for the purpose of sending and recieving messages sooooo, ok, if you are with someone for like....I dont know, a year, what is it that they dont know already that you are sending to these other people?? Or recieving from them?? To me, at that point, its just a cause for suspicion. As to anyone who questions why some people are attatched and still on this site, well, I am and I think its on my profile. I like the forums, though when we are together, there are other things I am concentrating on than this. Sooooo, I dont see a problem. She gets on and reads what I wrote. Sometimes we talk about it (and by the way we share alot of the same views) but most of the time, we talk about other stuff.
But I really get tired of people trying to BS about the private email thing. I wouldnt go out with someone who liked to keep secrets, and thats the bottom line. There are obvious trust issues there from the start that I really shouldnt have to enumerate here. But all of the excuses people use to keep things from someone they are with long term are really just excuses. They dont want the other person to get pissed about something (whatever that may be), so they keep it secret. With email, they dont want the other person to know what is being said because, again, they are worried their partner will get pissed. So, what I can say is that, if you are writing back and forth with someone a bunch of stuff I would be pissed about, and would keep it secret, I wouldnt want to be with you anyway. People get threatened and defensive when I call BS to things but, thats the way it is when there seems no rational reason to do something, yet someone wants to do it anyway. | |
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| How many of you would read your lovers private e-mail ?
Posted: 3/8/2006 6:44:25 PM | | ^^^Its not that I don't want him to get pissed about seeing it, its that its PRIVATE. I don't care what HIS reaction to it is, its my own business what I wirite to my friends and family. Its not about finding something out about me, its about it being none of your concern what my friends and family had to discuss with me. If they want you to know, they'll let ya know. If you don't agree with giving your partner some space then thats your choice. But wanting some time and space to yourself is not wrong or sneaky where there is an existing trust. | |
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