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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:16:49 AM | | how can it be rape... help me i cant see it... and please believe im not in any way condoning violence it might be that i am just naive or something but how can it be rape with a person that you are in an active sexual relationship .... how can you be violated by a man having sex with you when a few hours before you were with him willingly ... i can under stand if he forced you that would be an assault and if you said no and he has been married to you for 6 years i would think he would know it would be in his best interest to take no for the answer but still not rape .... come on now she has been sleeping with this guy for 6 years why would it be a big deal if he entered her while she was asleep or even drunk... and i am going to get hammered for this but here goes .... i dont believe that (except for a few circumstances) two people in a sexual long term relationship have the right to tell the other one NO ....the relationship should be a safe place for both to get their needs met ... and both parties owe it to the other to do their best to meet those needs and supply the others fantasies what ever they may be as long as it falls in the guidelines of previously discussed limits...and not to do so is a violation of the relationship | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 303 | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:31:46 AM | deerdog1, you are right ... you are going to get totally hammered ....
To the OP ... I totally think that the wife has some serious issues if she thinks that her husband is raping her in the middle of the night ... he is her sexual partner!! ... and if she is in a sexual relationship with him and thinking that he is attempting to 'rape' her then she is simply looking for an excuse to nail his ass to the wall ... what woman would sink that low? Like many others, I find it all very erotic, myself, so I definitely fail to see why a woman would get to the point of insinuating 'rape' if her husband wants to make love in the middle of the night. Why not? It's totally hot. There is something else going on in that situation ... and I think the wife just didn't want her husband touching her .. she wasn't into him.
But, deerdog1, .... when you stated that a person in a relationship doesn't have the RIGHT to say 'no' to sex ....that is extremely disturbing .... no one 'owes' the other sex no matter what your relationship is to that person and therefore .. it constitutes rape... I think you might get hammered in a big way ... you'll deserve it.  | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:10:42 PM | I'd like to do a "where are they NOW???" post.....
OP????? helloooooooooooooo????
Could you give us an update on whether your friend filed charges... won... lost... moved on to some other poor sap... anything?? anything??
 @ people that start a thread then don't update
edit: OP is no longer on POF | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:26:45 PM | now look i didn't say they did not have the right i said with a few exceptions... and i do think there are a few ...but when it is continuous the relationship is over ... i don't want to get hammered for what i didn't say i don't think any one should be forced i just think that not having sex with your partner without good reason would give them the right to leave the relationship...marriage or other
Liana K the way i see it is we both essentially said the same things and I think the people that have read my post in the past will know what im saying No i expect to get hammered by the people that dont know me ... but if they read carefully what i said im not worried
I did not say he should not take NO i said she should not say no so i in no way condoned forcing sex on anyone
and though i might try to stir things up a bit from time to time its not hard to see my opinion on here from my posts
on a side note I have never told a person (that i was involved in a relationship with) no and there have been times when i didn't want to do anything...so i cant see where it is such a big sacrifice to a woman to provide sex when she just dosent want to..
I would think if they owe each other fidelity they owe each other sex and isnt that what belonging to each other means when not perverted
I am about equality but sometimes thats for men too
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:57:24 PM | | first of all it is probably rape in their eyes cause that is secretly one of their fantasies. if you don't feel that way then what does it matter that your friends say it is. it is jealousy and they are trying to break you up cause they want what you have. and if they are that ignorant to say that being surprised by your man eating breakfast before he even gets out of bed is rape, then maybe you should re-evaluate who you are calling your friend. | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:06:04 PM | | I think this is one of the finest parts of a monogomus longterm relationship - being desired 24/7 - especially being brought awake by the one you love and who loves you - making you feel desired! To think it is rape is irrational!! | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:49:41 PM | deerdog1, you wrote *** i dont believe that (except for a few circumstances) two people in a sexual long term relationship have the right to tell the other one NO ...*** ... and, that is what you thought might have gotten yourself hammered, right? If you read it, it looks as though one person doesn't have the right to tell the other one 'no'. I didn't dream it up? I totally understand your clarification on the entire post you wrote, and I agree with much of it .. but that statement caught me off guard and if anyone else read that statement by itself, think of what it appears to be? There is no way a person could decipher it any other way than it is written. But now, you wrote a statement that says .... *** i cant see where it is such a big sacrifice to a woman to provide sex when she just dosent want to..***.
What? Where are these caveman tendencies coming from with THAT comment!? It doesn't even matter at this point whether it is a two week or a twenty year relationship/marriage/FB/whatever.
I really think that if you want to put out for your honey, that is totally cool, but please don't flat out insinuate that it isn't such a sacrifice for a woman to provide sex when she just doesn't want to?? It has nothing to do with sacrifice ... .it has to do with having sex or making love and the woman's decision to do it or not ... but it is up to her. Whose mind/body are you in ownership of ... .your's .. or her's? Is she worthy of your respect if she chooses NOT to make that sacrifice and provide sex when she just doesn't want to? I thought she had a mind of her own where if she really didn't want to have sex, she wouldn't? That is like saying it is never a big deal when you want to have sex, so she better put out just because you think it is some 'duty' even if she doesn't want to? Isn't that the impression you are giving?
That is just so wrong as well as disrespectful. IMHO> Help me out here, deerdog1. | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:19:24 AM | maybe im not communicating what i want to say very well but i dont think that we are so far apart on our thinking ...Im not saying that anyone should be forced or badgered into sex anytime but to withhold sex on a continuous basis... for trivial reasons or without giving a reason is wrong and violates the spirit of the union . a person should want to please their partier ...but i have seen, this in my past experiences and hear of it all the time where the woman starts withholding sex for long periods of time and for reasons that she does not have or refuses to give.. then after he leaves her he is the bad guy... I say that when the sex and intimacy stops the relationship is already very sick. so in this sense both parties have an obligation to want to provide sex to their partner Im not talking about saying No every once in a while (have you tried laying by the person you love and want for months) and them telling you no and not telling you why ... I have ..and i fought for years to avoid leaving but finally the feeling of not being loved was to much and then everyone said he left her for no reason( i guess cause she told everyone that)... so what im saying i guess is that I lived with it for so long that i believe that being denied sex and intimacy for months on end is a violation of the marriage
<div class='quote'>it constitutes rape..
i have never had sex when the welcome mat was not out but I have been hurt because it was never out
Now everyone says I left her cause i just got tired of her what i got tired of is having all the obligations of a marriage and none of the perks. so when the kids were grown and left home so did I
I am in no way sexist but all parties involved have to give or sooner or later it fails
hope this helps you
would have posted this yesterday evening but the two in ten rule got me( it sucks)
so hammer away i have been hammered over this so long im use to it... i try to see all sides of situations but i still cant see where im wrong in saying that both parties are obligated to want to see to the needs of their partner | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:23:16 AM |
Okay other people who I am friends with think this is rape and broke off a 6 year marriage because he did this... Whats your opinion??
That that person has some seriously unresolved emotional and mental issues. They must have been in an abusive relationship where they didn't want sex at all. | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:26:38 AM | | Oh man, I loved this!! I used to do it to my ex all the time, lol. He absolutely loved it! Even did it to me quite a few time, best sex we ever had....oh, and don't let me get started on 'wake-up 5am' sex.....anyway back to your question, no, I don't think it's rape unless that person is hurting you in some way or it's truly something the other person doesn't want. | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 315 | |
| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 5:56:09 PM | If it is rape I had beeter keep bond money ready.
I love the three oclock attack and I love waking up to being "raped". LOL
What? Where are these caveman tendencies coming from with THAT comment!?
Liana K how would you feel if your SO deiced he didn't want to talk to you because he just didn't feel like it.
Or if he decided he didn't want to notice you existed because he just didn't feel like it.
How many times do you think this would happen before your would say "Fvck this, I don't need or deserve this crap.".
That is how a guy feels when he is rejected because she just doesn't feel like it.  | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:28:55 PM | Kazot, that comment by myself that you made light of was made before deerdog1 got into his explanation .. not after. !!
And ..... your post goes both ways .. this can happen to women, too, believe it or not, where they are shot down by their partner for whatever reason. It isn't based on one gender and not the other.
But .. the fact still remains ... that comment wasn't made before deerdog1's post.
Getting back to the OP, I just want to think that we all like having spontaneous sex with our partner in the middle of the night. It is making love, or having sex with your SO. There are just other major issues if someone doesn't want to .. and the six yr marriage chick simply covered her ass by making it look like rape.
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:56:17 PM | It's not rape if you have an agreement between you and you discuss it to the point where should there be a morning where you woke up and didn't want to that you could say so and he'd stop.
I'm not talking about on again off again arrangements that would make him not want to bother. I'm talking about mornings when you wake up feeling really ill or something -- a very once in a while.
My last boyfriend wouldn't even though I asked him to. I offered him a contract because there were people actually drawing up sexual contracts not too many years ago on paper -- even though I thought that was unnecessary and weird.
But he just wouldn't. And he'd wake me up by tapping me on the shoulder. Once he did that I just wanted to get up and have a smoke and a coffee and we'd end up fighting and/or waiting till about four o'clock in the afternoon. | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 319 | |
| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:04:34 PM |
My last boyfriend wouldn't even though I asked him to. I offered him a contract because there were people actually drawing up sexual contracts not too many years ago on paper -- even though I thought that was unnecessary and weird.
I am curious, this is something new to me.
Why wouldn't he agree to the contract? Didn't like the idea or you two couldn't come to mutualy agreeable terms? (New thread coming.)
Bleh! If she isn't feeling up to it. I get her asprin, Petmo Bismal, a blanket or a fan to make her comfortable. If she just doesn't feel like it on several occasions I think we should talk.  | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/8/2007 9:38:47 AM | If the relationship is suffering from lack of communication, marital issues not resolved, intimidation and abuse, saying no may be a self protection issue and a woman or man could construe it as a rape. Unfortunately there are people out there in relationships of fear...who have not gotten out yet or resolved marital issues.
For the others who have good relationships AM sex is a treat and some of the most fun a couple can have!!
Personally though....there have been a few times I went to bed so tired I didn't really want to be awakened for anyone. Kids will exhaust you as well as work or grief issues and I would hope the man would understand this as I would understand it for him. tuka | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/19/2007 3:46:29 PM | | The only way I could see it as rape is if she was denying him sex while awake so he took it while she was asleep. If that was the case then the divorce was probably the best be since the “rape” was only a side affect of a larger problem. | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/19/2007 3:54:51 PM | ^^^^^ I agree, or if she woke up and told him to stop and he didn't that would also be rape. I'm sure there is more to the story.
For everyone who thinks a husband cannot rape his wife, or someone in a sexual reationship can't rape their partner, that is far from the truth. That is a form of abuse but a lot of people don't talk about it because they really don't think it is rape. | |
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| Is being woke up with sexual favors rape or not?
Posted: 7/21/2007 11:06:39 PM | It is not rape.
Perhaps it is unwelcome, but they are married and are actually entitled to some sexual relations, albeit, it should be to both partner's agreement.
In many states, the refusal of sexual relations constitutes Constructive Desertion. So it may be foolish to wake her up with unwelcome advances, but it is not rape in my mind. | |
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