| Re: funny jokes
Posted: 4/1/2005 9:43:58 AM | A local Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather
>> >>>in a
>> >>>nursing home. All the Catholic facilities were completely full
so
>> >>>they put
>> >>>him in a Jewish home. After a few weeks in the Jewish facility,
>> >>>the family
>> >>>went to visit grandpa.
>> >>>
>> >>>"Pa-Pa...how do you like it here...?" asked the grandson.
>> >>>
>> >>>"It's wonderful...! Everyone here is very courteous and
>> >>>respectful,"
>> >>>
>> >>>"We all are so very happy for you. We were worried that this was
>> >>>not a good
>> >>>place for you....."
>> >>>
>> >>>Grandpa smiled, then said, "Let me tell you something about the
>> >>>way they
>> >>>treat the residents here....there's an old musician here -- he's
>> >>>85-years
>> >>>old.....he hasn't played the fiddle in over 20 years and everyone
>> >>>still
>> >>>calls him 'The Maestro'....! There's an old physician here too
>> >>>-- he's 90
>> >>>years old. He hasn't practiced medicine for over 25 years and
>> >>>everybody
>> >>>still calls him 'Doc'......
>> >>>
>> >>>And for me.................., I haven't had sex for over 30 years
>> >>>and they
>> >>>still call me.......... "The ****ing Mexican"
> | |
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| Re: funny jokes
Posted: 4/1/2005 7:12:42 PM | husband comes home from work one day..really horny and wanting some action with his wife..shes in bed already so he opens the bedroom door and climbs in with his wife..not wanting to waste time he wants to get her all ready so he goes down on her..she moans and wiggles while he does his business and when his wife is satisfied he climbs out of the bed to go brush his teeth before moving on with her..he opens the bathroom door and there is his wife with one leg on the toilet shaving her legs...he yells "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE SO FAST?"..to which she replies..."SHHHH! my mother is in our bed sleeping..your gonna wake her up!
ewwww!!!! | |
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| funny jokes
Posted: 4/2/2005 3:26:04 PM | One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first.
Susie said your heart, 'cause you need it to love.
Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think.
Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet."
Confused, the pastor asked why.
Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, "Oh God, I'm coming!" | |
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| funny jokes
Posted: 4/3/2005 10:51:38 PM | | Two guys are drinking in a club at the top of a tall building. They're both pretty drunk and they start bullshitting. One guy tells the other that because the building is so high and the wind is so strong that if you jump out the window, the wind will blow you right back in. The second drunk doesnt believe him until the first guy says he'll prove it. He runs over and jumps out of a window, only to come flying back in. The second drunk can't believe it and runs over and jumps out the window to try it himself. As he falls to his death the bartender looks over and says, " You sure are a mean drunk Superman." | |
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| funny jokes
Posted: 4/8/2006 3:44:19 PM | | I like the Irish confession best so far here, very good one! | |
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| funny jokes
Posted: 4/9/2006 3:40:41 AM | In a quiz on the australian TV two people are left before the final question, a priest and a shepherd. Last question was: can you in 5 minutes put together a verse, which rhymes with the word Timbuktu.
After five minutes the priest read his verse:
I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu..."
The audience was enraptured with the verse and almost made the priest the winner, but then the shepherd entered the stage:
When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two ..." | |
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| Re: funny jokes
Posted: 4/9/2006 4:12:50 AM | whats blue and fuks old grannies?
answer; hypothermia
whats 3 foot long and make women scream?
answer; cot death | |
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| Re: funny jokes
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:11:10 AM | GRANDMAS DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when
he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth, "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!" | |
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