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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:49:14 AM | for sure getting into a relationship for the long term is a RISKY business but I love this quote :
“Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”
you guys who are running scared right now of commitment, may find in a few years that you will feel like you missed the boat. I am not saying there's anything wrong with being picky but IF you KNOW ....if you have that CERTAINTY that you found that special someone...then give it a shot! | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:52:31 AM | Wow, tigerwoods, that was an extremely insightful, intelligent, well-written and eloquent post. Not only did I agree with the content, I enjoyed reading it, which is hard to say for most of the posts in this forum.
Very well done | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:57:30 AM | You see, squirrly, I am fundamentally opposed to that quote because I don’t believe “love” is anything it is cracked up to be. It’s an emotional pile of idealistic garbage that blinds people to the truth about relationships. Once the emotion fades and garbage is cleaned up, people begin to live in reality and don’t like what they see.
My favorite quote: “Emotion clouds judgement. Clouded judgement leads to poor decisions. Poor decisions lead to misery and regret.” | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 9:58:36 AM | | oh Geez YamI...I just refuse to believe you are a lost cause but sometimes..............*SIGH* | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:03:30 AM | | Squirrly, dear, I am no lost cause. In fact, my life has become so much better since I found myself and opened my eyes to reality. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:06:17 AM | Thanks for the compliments YamI, I have also enjoyed reading your views...
Squirrly, I'm not scared of commitment, I haven't found anyone worth committing to.
A part of me will always want to believe in love and all that Hallmark goodness - I think love is something that gets you together with someone and puts the ring on that finger... However hard work and dedication have to follow to keep it there, and most couples seem to lose the love-buzz after the honeymoon and then it goes downhill from there.
If love is supposed to be this truly eternal thing often professed in poetry and the like, why is it that things seem to be crumbling apart these days? Why is it that the people that once were the be all and end all in their spouse's eyes gradually fall out of favor? The answer would seem to be that love is a fleeting thing, not meant to last an eternity, but if you've successfully managed to build a foundation of trust, friendship and respect then a couple can endure even when the initial doe-eyes wear off...  | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:14:42 AM | tiger, I agree with your last paragraph totally. This is a thread about the general topic of men and committment and I understand you haven't found anyone yet and you are still young but you made this comment earlier.....
I don't care for how some relationships wind up weakening a person more than it contributes
that isn't a positive statement...its coming from a negative place and could stop you from ever committing even if you found someone. Relationships are risky. All I am saying is that I have spoken to several men in their 30's who are now feeling the negative effects of not taking risks. | |
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joesch
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Joined: 4/21/2003
Msg: 159 | |
| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:15:46 AM |
Squirrly, dear, I am no lost cause. In fact, my life has become so much better since I found myself and opened my eyes to reality.
Although I am in agreement to a extent with you Yami,love is a very important emotion,some people choose to stand outside it and live in what you say is a so called reality,to you yes,and i am sure it works quite well for you,to some standing outside the fire is not living at all,now do i understand it of course,I also understand your logic,I could just live life looking for that "perfect someone" hmmm what are the chances of that happening,slim to none,and now i get it,you are going to say what settle with someone just because it may never happen,to a extent yes,not because you are simply settling but because you love and you love the emotion,yes of course you need to use your brain when picking a partner compatability----ETC,but noone is gonna be perfect match no matter what anyone says,it is just impossible. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:34:23 AM | that isn't a positive statement...its coming from a negative place and could stop you from ever committing even if you found someone.
I can see why you'd think that Squirrly, so I'll briefly elaborate on that. The full story would take pages but the short of it is that I've led a life where I realize I value my independence and take pride in it. I can accomplish most of my goals solo, and while I understand and can appreciate the values of teamwork and asking for help, I only resort to it when necessary. This sentiment in turn carries over to how I deal with relationships - though it's nice to have someone cheering for me in my corner, and someone I can cheer for, I do not want to need someone to be able to do things, nor do I wish to have to check in with someone beforehand. I'll tell them I'm doing it and why, but I don't want somebody holding me down from doing it.
Fortunately in relationships my views are an open book so the ladies I date are well aware of this fact early on in the courtship, and those that choose to abide by it have become girlfriends...  I'm just a "stand by your own two feet" kind of guy.  | |
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joesch
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Joined: 4/21/2003
Msg: 161 | |
| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:37:43 AM |
I'm just a "stand by your own two feet" kind of guy.
I am the same way,but in all actuality you can still stand on your own to feet and be in love,as well as be loved,even if things are not perfect. | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 162 | |
| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:38:34 AM | | because he had no idea that 20 years later he'd be on a curb all alone thinking about this girl...there have been times in my life where I've had 3 girls pursuing me at the same time and there have been many more times in my life where I could't get a girl to piss on me if I was on fire... This has taught me never to take women for granted...because you never know when you're going to be on that curb | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:52:26 AM | You see, Joesch, I just don’t find it to be worth the aggravation. Marriage is more likely to make you miserable than make you happy. Think about that for a moment: more than half of all marriages end in divorce and some studies have shown as many as 60% of working marriages have a partner who reports being unsatisfied. I don’t care much for those odds. That’s basically less than 20% of marriages ending in happiness. It’s a pretty elite club.
So what’s the key to a happy marriage? My guess is as good as anyone’s who isn’t in that 20%. But I would venture that finding that perfect person would go a long way. | |
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joesch
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Joined: 4/21/2003
Msg: 164 | |
| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 10:58:05 AM | | I thought that i said in my post I understood your thinking and yes I know what the statistics are of marriage lasting,I am a divorcee,point well taken believe me,I do not think I ever said your logic was wrong,i just said some people do not want to think that way,and i really could think the way you are,really i get it,it works for you great,i am happy for you,but can't you see where I am coming from as well. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:02:14 AM |
This has taught me never to take women for granted...because you never know when you're going to be on that curb
timing really is everything. There isn't a perfect woman....but I think some men keep looking and looking when they fail to see the gem under their nose. | |
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AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 166 | |
| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:08:03 AM |
but I think some men keep looking and looking when they fail to see the gem under their nose.
Sad, but very true.  | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:12:31 AM | Of course I can, Joesch, and I wish you all the luck in the world. I admire those who are so dedicated to any cause.
There isn't a perfect woman
True, but there’s nothing to say men can’t look for their version of a perfect woman and find her. Squirrly, if you polled 10 men from this thread, you would get 10 lists of qualities that differed from one another. Everyone can find their perfect match. IMO, you should never settle for the next best option or you’ll never be completely happy. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:16:16 AM | | I'm not afraid of commitment. I am terrified of women, but I'm not afraid of commitment. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:16:41 AM | Aren't we all experts? lolololol like I said alot depends on the past and what they went through and how much affect it had on them for the this, here and now part of their life...
men and women, whether you believe it or not, your past dictates your decisions, your thoughts, your feelings about certain things in your future, but how you steer that in the right direction to your standards and beliefs and wishes and dreams for the better is the key to turning a once negative into a positive....
ME? I have never been divorced, burned, cheated on or anything of the sort...so to a degree, my outlook to future relationships, or marriage, or finding "the one" will be a little more out there and positive then people who have been burned, cheated on or anything of the sort....I won't be defensive, cautious and the similar as much as they will be to a degree...each situation is different....
but I have had and have let nothing distort my view of where I want to be with someone down the road some day when i happily find the other part of my half....so me peronally, my wishes I had years and years ago are still untouched and waiting to be fullfilled some day... | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:21:57 AM | @awaiting
Like you said, you need to learn from your experiences/mistakes. What I have learned from mine has shaped me into who I am today. My thoughts, opinions and beliefs are mine and not necessarily applicable to anyone else. I don’t begrudge anyone who feels differently or think I’m bitter, jaded or a little looney. I probably am a little of all three. But one thing I can tell you for certain about me, I do learn from my experiences and I never make the same mistake twice. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:24:44 AM | This man for one is most willing to commit although it would seem to me that finding someone here is quite a different thing since most of the people that you find in your locality are just here to bounce from one opportunity to another and a man doesn't really ever get the chance to prove that to her .
I've met cool people from here if not just from forums or whatever but if I continue to spend all my free time hanging out in here it sort of limits your options doesn't it ?
You guys are great don't ever change .
Peace.
Hey squirlly keep that box in a safe place hun . | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:28:01 AM | | well Yam that is good to hear, cuz you don't hear that from alot who were in your situation...bouncing back shows the charachter you have within, man or woman, and how to turn something around to better yourself regardless of what it is.....props | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:31:38 AM | YamI...I think you should change your name to Pavlovs dog...lol
re: the perfect match. I agree that there are certain qualities we are all looking for in a mate. ie. honesty, compassion, kindness,empathy etc.....but those are basic good human traits. We should all have those or at least aspire to them. It's when you make a shopping list that it falls short. Looks like Heather Locklear, has no children, has a good job, and doesn't care if you have a steady income or car. Believe it or not I have actually been told by a guy that's what he's looking for.
oh did Strangebrew just say bye? Sorry to see you go...good luck! | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 174 | |
| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:38:42 AM | | I think most would agree that commitment needs to be built with men .... not something we can just hand over. | |
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| Men and commitment
Posted: 1/9/2006 11:40:11 AM |
Believe it or not I have actually been told by a guy that's what he's looking for.
And he'll either find it or he won't. If he falls short and settles, he will be eternally disappointed. | |
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If I can find the one that truly clicks with my lifestyle and I with theirs, then maybe I'll give this whole lifelong commitment deal a shot... Until then - no promises 