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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2006 8:33:51 AM | | Wow! Consider yourself lucky you got out before you became husband #6. Anyone who cannot assume some responsibility for the breakdown of a relationship has a pretty high opinion of themselves but not of you. Cut your losses, move on and light a candle for the next guy this woman meets because no matter who he is, he will always be "Mr. Wrong". | |
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ya472
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Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 29 | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2006 9:38:52 AM | If you read between the lines she is certainly making an interesting statement about herself.
A relationship should be a growing experience, and even if it eventually fails you should have learned something about relationships and about yourself.
You both have to choose to be in the relationship. You choose to be in the relationship based on a reasonable understanding of yourself and what you want out of the relationship. And in choosing to be in a relationship you make a committment to try and make it work.
The only situation where I would consider someone 0% at fault in the failure of a relationship would be in the loss of basic trust - though with the number of times she got back together with you this would suggest that she had basic trust in you.
Hence she is either guilty of not learning from her previous relationships by choosing someone who is not right for herself; or, she is unwilling to put a significant effort into making the relationship work.
In either case you are better off without her. | |
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~SJ~
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Joined: 12/21/2005
Msg: 31 | |
| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2006 11:03:16 PM | | yes a person can be 0% responsible for their failed relationship when they have done everything they could to try to make it work yet the other person doesn't try at all.... like my one ex...I tried everything to get him to open up and talk to me about things but he wouldn't. after a while I just gave up I did all I could to work on the relationship but he wasn't ready to be in a real relationship...which is fine with me since I found my way back to plenty and found my boyfriend I have been with for almost 9 months now... | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:42:55 PM | Not a chance SJ. Who chose to try a relationship with someone that wouldn't put any effort into the relationship? and 100% of their mates were like this yet they share no responsibility?
So although it MIGHT be possible the chances have got to run close to a person being struck by lightning 4 times in one day. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:44:52 PM | Not a snowball's chance in hell.
Her perception is either because: 1) she blames forces outside of her life for everything that happens, or 2) she perceives herself as a 'victim' and will frame the events in her life as a constant victimization.
Which of the above applies depends on what she attributes her successes to.
If 2) above applies, then she will cause herself to be victimized in order to reinforce her belief that she is in fact the victim.
I know it is weird, but some people play the role of a victim, some play the role of a judge, and both roles are destructive. In reality we all play both roles from time to time. Recognizing and letting go of these roles, and just acting based on love instead, is much more rewarding and leads to better relationships.
PS. This is taken from a toltec book of wisdom called 'The Four Agreements' | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:08:36 PM | creepy.....this was my last relationship. there couldn't POSSIBLY have been anything wrong with him! oh no no no!!! LMAO
what was wrong was that i chose to love somebody who couldn't, or wouldn't, be responsible for any negative contributions he had to the relationship. and i'm no 
but it was a 50/50 kinda thing. noone is ever wholly responsible for any thing in a relationship....it's called the domino effect.....one thing causes another and another and another | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 1:57:08 PM | No No absolutely NO. In a case of five almost six husbands, nope, nada, have to supply me with absolute proof to convince me otherwise. I know my relationships have failed in the past due to bad choices on my part and incompatibility. It was partly my fault for not dating long enough before we moved in and for allowing certain situations to manifest and not putting a stop to them. Very few times is there ever a situation where a relaionship fails and it is one hundred percent one halfs fault.
In this case is it obviously a case of a person not willing to see anything wrong with any of her actions and will end up going through husbands 6-10 as well. There has to be a point where a person stops and steps back and says geez, if all these people are saying the same thing then maybe it really is me and what can I do to fix this so this is no longer a problem in my relationships. Until that realization comes to her, nothing will be different and she will be doomed to repeat the same pattern over and over again | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:18:40 PM |
Example when I was engaged and he wanted a baby. I ended up pregant because he pulled the rubber off last min. Then he desided he didn't want to be a daddy. So I left. So the answer is yes. That was over 21 years ago, and I am sticking to it being all his fault.
You freaking left, how could it be all his fault. What would have happened if YOU stayed and tried to work things out?
What kind of logic is that? | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 39 | |
| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:23:45 PM | | I am going to step-up here and say yes. I have been 100% responsible for the failed relationships in my life. I have been the one to say, "It's done, It's over." Have I been 100% of the problem? No, there I am only going to take 90% of the responsibility. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 3:14:36 PM | Even though some people may act or say they are not responsible, deep down they know that they somehow contributed to the demise of the relationship. NOT all the time though, depends on the situation.
In restrospect, there is always something you wish you had done, but if you think about what you should have done instead of taking the lessons you learned, you lose. Of course, even when you take the lesson away, you sometimes fail the next test anyway!! | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:08:49 PM | Nope, I think at some point each party to the break-ups will have to claim their part...maybe one was emotionally unavailable, maybe the other reacted to that by going outside of the marriage for comfort. Stuff happens when people stop talking to each other. We should each treat the person we are with, with respect and compassion. Sometimes we forget to use manners when we are dealing with a spouse or s/o...because we are in the relationship.
Some friends of mine have been married for 25 years and he still says "yes maam" to her and she says, "sir" sometimes...just being polite and nice to each other.
Even though I cannot take the blame for my husband cheating on me for the last two years of our marriage, because that was his choice....I was depressed and not available to the degree I was before he started...but he should have worked it out with me, by talking to me, and if I was not willing to compromise,,,then he should have divorced me and then see his other women...so we were both to blame for our parts...I think everyone has to take some blame sometimes. If you have been left 6 times...you can't say that none of it was ever your doing...I just don't buy it. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:16:15 PM | | We are always responsible for whatever happens in our lives. Karma, fate...kismet...whatever you believe in...we all choose the roads we travel. The way we are treated is what we allow. I've adopted the ideal that one strike, you're out...fool me once ..shame on you etc etc..yadda yadda..blah blah. I am the Mistress of my Universe! | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:30:07 PM | I always apply these little rules to being accountable in 'life, love, and the pursuit of a prenup".......
"There are three sides to every story......yours....theirs....and the truth...."
"Ignorance is no excuse of the law"........
and
"You only attract what you are"........... | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:35:26 PM | It's a shame when people don't up to their part in what happened with a relationship. It's a growing and learning experience and can make them realize something about themselves and maybe do better next time. This is why so many people find themselves facing the same type of relationships and same problems. They can't figure out why figuring it HAS to be the other person and never looking in the mirror.  | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:41:59 PM | This is why so many people find themselves facing the same type of relationships and same problems. .
Bingo, Bucsgirl.
When I meet men who claim that
a) they don't have a clue why their marriage ended, or
b) their marriage woes were completely their ex's fault, I
a) head for the nearest door and
b) sometimes trip over my feet in my haste to find the exit.
It took me time, but I was eventually able to see what role I played in the breakdown of my marriage. It would be easy to point the finger entirely at my ex (as he left me for another woman), but we had a miserable marriage leading up to his defection, and of course I played a role in that misery. It's also too easy to say we weren't a good match. After all, I chose this man. There were things to learn from this divorce, and I will take those important lessons with me into my next relationship.
I would say it's safe to assume that this woman had 5 divorces precisely because she fails to recognize her relationship patterns. Until she sees what role she plays in the breakdown of her relationships, she is doomed to repeat them. | |
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