| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:39:42 PM | 0% responsible for 100%
100% of how many ???
one or 50 ?
From my experiences....
after the age of about 20...
I was 50% responsible... every time.
takes 2 to tango.
the ones before... I was young and
actually didnt know any better... small town and
lack of anyone in a good relationship
to get any guidance or advice worth a damn.
Had to learn the hard way.... by 20 I knew better
but didnt always do what I should have. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/6/2006 9:15:40 PM |
So my simple question is this: can anybody with a track record like this, be 0% responsible for the failure of 100% of their relationships?
The track record shows clearly her unrealistic requirement to assign blame elswehere at all costs. The costs then are the relationships. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/7/2006 2:23:50 AM | | If she would look back on her realtionships she wold find that there was someting that wasn't there that she needed before she even started the relationship. Some don't stop to look at themselves, it is always easier to blame the other person for something that wasn't there to begin with, and then they want to blame the man if it doesn't work out.She needs to stop and look at what she wants in a relationship. Then she won't keep starting something that shouldn't have been started. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/7/2006 2:31:21 AM | Only if you let it be.......I know women that have given 100% to the guys ...but guys don't like to give 100% back....maybe that is the venus/mars thing.
In my experiences ..the better you treat them..the crappier they treat you..so maybe she is being trained into that kind of thought process. When you cheat/tease/play games with guys ..you get their attention and press those buttons. They come back for more..until that's all they get is games..then they get tired of it and leave. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/7/2006 3:12:24 AM | my initial response was NO that is ridiculous, both parties have some responsibility.
then i thought, wait a minute, if someone behaves in an unreasonable way, for example because that is what they have done most of their lives e.g. drug/alcohol abuse, domestic violence etc. how can it be the other person's fault when the other person has done everything in their power to help but can't and has to bail out before their own life is irreperably damaged. In that situation, when a relationship fails because self-preservation has come into play, then i would say yes they are 0% responsible for it failing. if the other person won't try to help themselves what can you do?
Also, another word for responsibility is 'blame' and really that should be a non-issue. If the relationship has failed, you just have to brush yourself down and put it behind you, nothing is going to change because you have dissected it and/or succeeded in blaming the other person to assuage your own conscience. Just learn from it and move forward. i know we need to look at things sometimes to make sense of them and then lay them aside, but blame or responsibility should not really be the issue. Just acknowledging what happened and accepting that no-one is ever usually blameless is enough. When two people are not compatable that is just a fact of life no point assigning or denying responsibility for the relationship failing. No point at all. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:01:59 AM | Sorry-- but I just got to ask-- WHY WHY WHY WHY do you keep going back to this woman??
She obviously has no concept of commitment to ANY relationship whatsoever if she has been married FIVE times and has had over 100 sexual partners. I wouldn't just walk away from her -- I WOULD RUN!! I am also not into the fight- break up- get back together revolving door. NOPE!! MOVE ON!!
As to your question-- I got to ask another question of you-- just what are you on and who is your dealer if you believe that she is NEVER RESPONSIBLE for any part of the break ups?
WTF!! As she is into the revolving door syndrome-- it is plain to see that she can and will leave any and all relationships. In her mind she will justify it in some way so that she can live with herself- any other way she will be forced to see the real facts. If she cannot even accept any of the blame for arguments and problems you guys are having-- how could she possibly accept any blame for any of her past relationships? She has reality issues. She cannot face it.
In ALL relationships there is never 100 % to 0 %. The blame lies somewhere in between. Nobody is perfect so they can never say they are 0% to blame. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/7/2006 6:22:03 AM | aunt...msg 58
I read your post and shaking my head agreeing with you...
seems
we are on the same wavelength...
its called the plane of sanity and reason... 
aka: reality.
too bad we cant board a ship and take everyone on POF there....
we would become very $ if we could .....
;) | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:22:25 PM | Absolutely NOT.. ..no one can be 0% responsible for the failure of their relationship. This is b/c it takes two.....regardless of what happens to be the demise of the relationship she is at fault to some degree...and would say that almost hubby #6, she obviously is not taking the marriage vows seriously, or she is making some pretty bad choices over and over and over...which again would make her somewhat responsible for the break-ups.
No one can go into a relationship and if it doesn't work, honestly believe that they had not one bit to do with the break up, it is just not possible....I have an ex that continually states I am 100% at fault for the break up....but if people only knew the whole story..but its not worth getting all worked up about....
Getting back to you, this woman seems to have somewhat of a magnetic personality or something that is attracting men like flys...perhaps the 100+lovers...that would be a tip off right off the bat...
this woman sounds like she can't be alone, and uses men until something better comes along and then blames the break up on them (you)....Don't sweat it, by the sounds of it, you got out of this before she took you for 50%....LOL...no disrespect intended...
She's 0% responsible...and you go in at 100%, and she leaves with 50% of the assets, pretty good game she's playing...like I said count your blessings ,she left blaming you 100% and who cares, because blaming and taking half of your things are two different things and i'd opt for being blamed 100%...
So get back out there, and watch b/c she'll hook some other sucker....
And the only thing like I said before she is making bad choices if she's working on hubby #6 so therefore right from the begining she is partly to blame..
Good Luck
You'll be just fine, and won't be missing 50% of your assets!!!!! | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:36:42 PM | Someone could be the absolute worst dating/mating partner in the history of mankind. They could have done everything wrong and you could have tried your best in every situation.
But you picked them. You picked the dumbass jerk who you chose to date or marry. So no, no one can be 0% responsible. Just the mere act of picking the wrong person makes us somewhat accountable for when things blow up in our face.
I however don't subscribe to the 50/50 theory either. We live in a society where NO ONE is ever accountable. (That's not completely true, white, latino and asian males aren't in the same protected classes as the jews, homosexuals, african americans and women.) It's politically correct to share the blame, but usually the blame doesn't split that neatly down the middle.
I think the 0-100 scale for blame is counterproductive, the damage has been done. I think a 0-100 scale to measure the damage being done and there is a mark where you cut bait is much more productive. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:52:38 PM | | I think that a successful or failed relationship, cannot exist without the work of two people. No one factor can make or break anything. Relationships are too complex, and consist of too many variables to simplify the success or demise of them, in the actions of one person. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/8/2006 5:06:22 PM |
can anybody with a track record like this, be 0% responsible for the failure of 100% of their relationships?
Never mind the track record...nobody's 0% responsible for 100% of anything they knowingly get involved in.
When I'm really p!ssed off, like many people, I'll vent my spleen about somebody I've been in one sort of an association or another with.
But inside I am far more critical of myself and mourn every mistake I made leading up to (or leaving myself open) for whatever came my way.
What she's trying to get you to buy into...that you repeatedly did 'x', 'y', 'z'...begs the question "then why did you choose to associate with such a 'nasty' person as myself over and over again?" | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 67 | |
| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/8/2006 6:01:05 PM | I had someone recently tell me they where 100% NOT respondsible for their marriage failing. He claimed she ran into her high school sweet heart, BAM marriage over. I think that every person has even a small % that they have to own up to.
OP: you where waiting in line for her to be finished with hubby #5 so you could be hubby #6. You should have seen the red flags as soon as you found out she was still married. NEVER date someone who is still married, even if they are waiting for the final papers to come through. Let alone someone who has 5 marriages under her belt. I have a rule I don't date men who are seperated or who have been divorced less than 2 years, sometimes 3 years. This woman has so much baggage from her five marriages, how could you even see the real her through all that. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2006 12:42:23 PM |
Now-- how much do think we can charge?? LOL!!!
Aunty, advice is free and with good reason, anybody can give it, hence it's hardly a valuable commodity. That being said though, good advice, advice that can actually make a difference in your life is priceless, and should still be given free by someone who cares about those around them. What goes around comes around, you get back out of life what you put out there.
Ontopic: Yeah I am inclined to agree with you, and as much as I am loathe too, Rainbow as well  . There is no such thing as 0% culpability in any relationship gone wrong, or right for that matter. By its very definition, a relationship requires two to make it either work or not work. I think wherein the problem lies, is that while we are all more than happy to take full credit for it working out well (human nature at its most unrealistic), for the most part it is easier for some people to point the finger at anyone, but themselves, when it goes wrong. Therein lies the problem, and the foundation for alot of threads on these boards.
OP, I would strongly suggest you give some serious thought and consideration to the old saying "Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice (or in your case 5 times) shame on me", and I would add to that my personal take on it; "I don't have to eat Sh*t, to know I won't like the taste". Time for more java.
Have fun ;)! | |
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JPeG
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Joined: 4/9/2006
Msg: 69 | |
| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2006 1:04:37 PM | I guess this boils down to the use of percentages to represent the failure of a relationship. She may not be responsible for the reasons, but she made the investment in the relationship and, quite frankly, it was a bad one time and time again.
Let's put this into perspective. Let's say this wasn't relationships. For the sake of argument, and for comedic value, let's compare her choice of relationships with my choice in cars.
I pick car number 1 and, even though I drove it properly and had oil changes when they needed to be made, for some reason it just broke down. Bad engineering, I say. The ball joint snapped and, in doing so it broke my quarter panels when the car slammed onto the wheel.
So, car number 2... I can't drive car number 1 anymore, that's for sure. So, I buy myself a new one and off I go. Again, I make sure I'm doing everything right. I don't want a repeat. Damn engineering again! The timing belt snapped off and many of the cogs and whatnot in the engine compartment flew off. $5000 bux to replace it? Hell, I'll just buy another car.
Alright, SUV time. Well, this one was great. But someone came along and stole it. Even though I had an alarm, and "the club" (utterly useless piece of marketing magic!).
So, where did I go wrong in all this? I took car of my cars, I did everything I needed to do to take care of the car properly. I drove the speed limit, I got my oil changes, I even washed them regularly.
Here's the thing, I didn't invest the time into finding out what was a) right for me and b) possibly wrong with the car.
She sounds far to headstrong. She jumps into these things way too fast and just doesn't get it. Even after 5 times (almost 6! ;) ).
Maybe you can forward her this post so she gets it. No relationship is ever 0% your fault. The final straw that breaks the back, the time the brakes are tapped and they fail, it might not be a result of anything you've done. Ultimately though, you've made the investment in the relationship, you are just as responsible for the outcome of it. Break-ups are 50/50 (some rare circumstances it's more one sided, but ultiamtely - 50/50). Move on, find someone who gives you 70/30. That's my rule. I give 70%, expect 30%... if she does the same for me, we'll always be getting well more than we expect, and always giving well more than the other expects. Hard to go wrong there.
Cheers.
JPeG
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 5:24:01 PM | There’s a certain delicious macho irony which can be used for comparison here.
When a man, buys a car he usually checks it out carefully before purchase, usually in the company of a couple of mates with some knowledge of mechanics. The woman, buying a car, is even more careful often engaging a professional to check it out.
Both try to ignore the polish and chrome and check out the whole package. After purchase both maintain the car to keep it running properly, backyard for the men, professional for the women. Usually anyhow! The men will call in a professional for the tricky stuff. Macho pride is lost if all that’s needed is a change of spark plugs but not if something complicated is doing strange things in the electronic ignition components. And many modern women are finding the bonnet and tool box far less of a taboo zone than it used to be.
Certainly neither gender will ever expect the car to be perfect and to run perfectly for the next fifty years. Neither will buy a car, purely on a whim, drive it for ten years without any servicing of any kind, and then, when the old banger finally gives up the ghost and falls in a heap, go to a professional mechanic, and say, “It broke! You fix!”
And yet this is exactly how the average marriage goes. The initial attraction is to the bodywork. That’s fine but the average man hunting female is totally blind to defects at this stage, mostly due to a refusal to acknowledge that they are even there, instead of simply checking them and allowing for them. Or rejecting the entire relationship if those defects are genuinely serious and not some minor problem.
After the wedding not one woman in a million would simply ring a marriage guidance counseller over something minor. Such as a few late nights at the office for instance.
As usual girlfriends are the ones consulted at this stage and the poisoned attitudes flow thick and fast. Usually in the form of blind accusations of infidelity. Am I exaggerating again? Well you tell me. Try making a list of as many reasons you can think of for his staying back late and see how many you can come up with. How about a responsible worker who likes to get the job done,? Or a big fat mortgage and a big fat pay check to match? Interesting work? Or. Perhaps, such a hostile, poisoned environment, in the home, that the workplace is preferable?
This is where the professionals can really bring things into perspective. Routine maintenance of a relationship just like routine maintenance on a car.
But this is not what professionals normally confront. More common are the completely broken marriages which were dud marriages from the word go, which have never been maintained, and which have finally fallen in a heap. Women who have looked at the flash body, either on the man, or worse, on the hire car he’s driving, and decided, from that alone, that this man was perfect. Not good! Perfect!
Am I going over the top perhaps. Ask the girlfriends. Who among you has ever consulted a professional marriage guidance counseller BEFORE entering into a marriage. Not later when the thing is a relationship wreck.
Even when considered, purely as a business partnership, a relationship involves hundreds of times the money investment as a car does. Let alone the emotional, relationship, and family investment. Professional mechanics are consulted before buying a car. Professional accountants, and lawyers, are consulted before business partners enter into a business partnership. A marriage is a business partnership and so much more.
Professionals need to be consulted far more often long before entering into this most serious partnership of the lot. Very few business partnerships are intended to last for up to eighty years and, when business partnerships break up the assets and debts are divided evenly and the partners go their separate ways. Ongoing liabilities, such as kids, which require the partners to still maintain communication and co operation, are rare.
There’s another piece of perverse macho irony here worth noting. The woman, who admits she doesn’t know all there is to know about men , and relationships, seems to fear the same ridicule as the man who admits that he doesn’t know all there is to know about cars. The average woman listens to all sorts of blind guesses about the suitably of the latest boyfriend but never consults a professional.
This is the one area of society where professionals are normally only consulted when its way too late.
The professional mechanic doesn’t get handed a trailer load of parts and get told, “Our cars’ broke. You fix.” But the professional marriage guidance counseller is regularly handed a destroyed marriage and told “You fix” Doesn’t work that way. | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 12/26/2006 3:38:09 PM | Even in the craziness of my marriage, I'm not zero % at fault. The things that have gone wrong with my wife are to numerous to tell and would be unbelievably ridiculous. I'll just sum it up with the tip of the iceberg. She has developed fluid on her brain and the doctors have confirmed that this had messed up her thinkin'. She accussed me of adultery, insanity, drug abbuse and cultism; anything but to look at herself as bein' the problem. To keep the story short, everybody except her and her family and friends thinks that she's crazy...
I think that when people tell their story of how they've been screwed over, abused, mistreated, etc... It's easier to ascribe the majority of the blame to their spouse; but only a fool would give 100% of the blame~Charlie | |
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| Can a person be 0% responsible for 100% of their failed relationships?
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:28:53 PM | | Ha...hell no! Relationship takes two people to make it work and two people to make it fail. I don't know about percentages but I know we each need to look at our responsibility in it's demise. It is easy to point fingers at the other person and not look at ourselves but if we truly want to learn and grow from the experience we need to know ourselves-- both strengths and weaknesses. Not an easy task for most of us...but still essential if we are going to make future relationships work! | |
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