| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 4:52:00 PM | Guys I have to say I concur with EVERYTHING Elisheva has said. No point saying the same thing over again  | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 5:08:53 PM | "With the last girl who gave me the friends hint I just told her I don't want to see you as just a friend, I want to see you with the intent of persuing a relationship. So, if you don't want to go out with similar intentions then there's really no need to talk anymore. She actually said "ooaahhh" when I said that but I still just said good luck in the future and goodbye. What else could I do? She balked at going out but hinted at wanting to be friends. I'm not being friends around a woman I find attractive and could find myself liking in a relationship way when nothing will happen. Been there in the past and not going there again.
On the other hand, I won't go on one date and think I'm in a full relationship with the woman either. Now, I just need it to be clear what the intentions are when going out. If I get told "lets be friends", it will be questioned. "
Yellow...what I get a kick out of, is when I ask a woman out...she says, "Okay, we'll go out, but we're going out as friends."
"Nope..sorry, I have the hots for you, and I would really like to ravish you the moment the lights go out in the movie theater.  " | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 6:42:03 PM | Well from a female ponit of view. I had a fellow who was quite interested in me but I felt no attraction to him at all.He was and is a very nice guy but i didnt see us going anywhere.It was him who called me up and asked me out to a movie as "Just Friends". I told him I wasnt comfortable with that as I didnt want him to get the idea that if we went out as friends that i would eventually start to feel something for him. He said no it wasnt like that, that he was just lonely, didnt know alot of people and was tired of being alone.He just wanted someone to be able to call and go to a movie, lunch, whatever. We did eventually go for lunch and really have become the best of friends.We will point girls/guys out to each other and have even set each other up on blind dates. I am happy to say he eventually found his soulmate and is quite happy in life.He said it was because he was finally able to get out and do stuff that he met his wife, sitting alone at home he was going nowhere but when we went out and did stuff he always had his eyes open. so I just would like to say that in some cases "friends only" does work. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 7:30:40 PM | I would not date a man unless he was willing to take time to BE FRIENDS and thats all because I can not tell by looking at him. If he looks ok, then I need time to get to know him to see if there is any chemistry. Chemistry is not just physical. It involves emotional, spiritual, mental attraction also.
You may be losing out on some pretty nice, intelligent, stable women.
Guess you'll know in a few years if you keep meeting ladies who agree to more and then it never works out, you end up divorced 3 or 4 times, have to work 80 hours a week to pay child support to 3- 4 women or alimoney too... you end up with a STD that has no cure... and continue the QUEST for the 'perfect' woman. Gee. Seems like the hard way to find love and a lover but we all make our choices.
I think you are coming from the easy come easy go school but who am I to say?
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 8:49:15 PM | ^^ I'm OK with taking a relationship slow. I tend to do that too. But, the woman needs to have the intention of actually persuing a relationship if she's interested. I don't want to "date" a woman if she'll never move past being just friends with me.
I can have a woman as a friend, but only if I don't want to date her for some reason. If she's single and I'm attracted to her then I really don't want to be a friend only dater. If we were both clear up front that we'll never be more than friends then that's OK too. But the ambiguous "lets be friends" but still date when I'm trying to start a relationship with her just won't cut it.
Vandelai - the story was much longer than that. I talked to her maybe 3 or 4 times over the course of a year and then we attemped a date but she told her ex ("who's still a good friend" - yea right!) and he talked to her right before and she was all pissed off when she showed up. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 9:08:18 PM | | There is a difference between "friends first" and "only friends", Mssreddress. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 9:22:40 PM | | Well I think if it is just friends it should be stated at the beginning. If a girl states this she is just being honest. Being a fishergirl, most of my friends are male, and if my male friends started coming on to me I would be very dissappointed in them. Then of course, the friendship is changed forever and the trust in friendship is gone. On the otherhand, a lot of relationships do start off as friends. If you can't be friends with someone, how is your relationship ever going to survive if it goes a step further? My husband was my best friend, and I think that is the way a true relationship should be. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/5/2005 10:34:43 PM |
There is a difference between "friends first" and "only friends", Mssreddress.
Ah, see... I thought most of us were on the same page Tango. 
Women are calling the shots, boys...it's a fact. A woman will call it a "Friendship" until she changes her mind or until she says otherwise.
Vandelai, sad but true... at least that's what we're shooting for. 
But, no, really... a lot of really great points have been brought up. I think there's been some confusion in terminology, but for the most part we all feel similar about the subject.
I get it, guys. What sucks are the girls who lead ya on intentionally. Using a 'friend' for companionship and a meal ticket until her next bf comes along.  That's rotten.
Sometimes though we really don't know how we feel about someone for awhile. I went out with this guy last year for 4 months, all along calling it 'just friends'...lol I shot myself in the foot. As I began to be interested in more, he apparently got dejected and gave up. :( We didn't have the best communication in the world. And, for the record, I offered to split the bill or pay for the activity when he covered dinner, etc...but he wouldn't have it.
It finally totally fizzled 4 more months after our last date. We talked for awhile longer but never did get out to see each other again. Bummer
Oh well, we live and we learn! Cool thread. It's really helping me to understand some things.
Elisheva :) | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/6/2005 3:08:34 AM | "if my male friends started coming on to me I would be very dissappointed in them."
Why be disappointed? It is natural, why go against what's natural? It's a completely natural heterosexual trait....to try to "Couple" with a female.
Yeah, alot of relationships start off as friends too...you hear stories, how a couple, who were only friends for a couple of years, just to up and start "dating".
Usually, the friends that start off "as friends" that wind up dating later....were actually attracted to each other in the beginning, but just never did anything about it (just a theory).
13...it's damned i f we do, damned if we don't for us guys.
To be honest, if I "Made a move" on a female friend, and she got disappointed, I wouldn't have any quams about her cutting off ties with me, it would be a shame, but I would have to say, "It's hear loss". | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/6/2005 5:42:43 AM | | It is often used as a buffer zone. A way to avoid the awkwardness of rejecting someone. It is a way for a woman to be on the fence about it in the beginning if she is uncertain if she likes a man or not. If she does like him, commence the dating status... if not, he remains the "friend". It may seem innocent to those who do it, but it can be the same as stringing a person along. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/6/2005 6:06:02 AM | Dear Vandelai; I would be dissappointed, because I make it quite clear from the very beginning that we are just "friends" if it is a friend relationship. If I explain this to a friend and he understands fully well that there is no chance for sex, then he is breaking the friend code of honor if he disregards my wishes. I have also had girlfriends who were gay and had to draw the line; once that line is broken then the friendship just isn't the same.
If a person has a "buddy" then they don't want to have to worry about anything they say being taken in a different text, or being chased after. Maybe it's just me, but I find that extremely uncomfortable. If I have to worry about my friend chasing after me a$$ then they are not a true friend, it just shows disrespect.
On the other hand, seeing someone from a dating site is different I think, because there is a chance you will start off as friends and it may lead to more. I think that the intent has to be clarified right from the beginning so that noone gets hurt. | |
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| Going out as friends
Posted: 5/6/2005 3:52:29 PM |
I think that the intent has to be clarified right from the beginning so that noone gets hurt.
I'd say that is probably the ideal situation. Though I know I've pretended to be the friend in the vain hope that she would change her mind... so even stating things up front isn't always perfect.
But, live and learn eh? | |
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| Going out as friends/ No pressure
Posted: 5/6/2005 4:06:49 PM | Why the all the pressure? Can't men and women just simply enjoy one anothers company? If things click great. If not, well at least one gained more experience in relating to the opposite sex. I fully believe there is someone for each and everyone of us. We shouldn't be so concerned about whether we are "dating" If its meant to be it will happen. Patience is a good thing to practice.
Give it some time. Just my 2 cents | |
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| Going out as friends/ No pressure
Posted: 5/7/2005 6:21:21 AM |
Can't men and women just simply enjoy one anothers company?
If both of them want only friendship, yes. Otherwise, it's only a heartache, no matter what. That's why once we men state our romantic interest, there is no going back to "just friends".
If not, well at least one gained more experience in relating to the opposite sex.
I'd prefer the experience of her hooking me up with her friends.  | |
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