| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/7/2006 10:27:15 PM | | i have actually been the victim. go figure im a happy go lucky kinda guy and i was wanting to go to my friends house to talk and you know hang out i gave my gf at the time the option of coming and stuff and she didnt want to. next thing you knwo shes got my throat in her hands ready to make me less a man. well i wanted to just out right bea the snot outta her but im not like that i finally got free and grabed my clothes told her to grow up about 10 yrs worth and wlaked out the door and never went back. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/8/2006 12:42:57 AM | | Yes. I am at the healing process now. He still is obsessed with me but I am starting therapy for battered women. I think it is important to state here that being battered is not just physical. There is also sexual and verbal abuse that is just as debilitating. The other day I was at my mom's house and we got pizza. All of a sudden my three year old starts getting upset and begging his papa not to hit me or yell at us. All of sudden I realize his daddy always got ugly when we ordered pizza. The order was never right because he was drunk. I was shocked and really crushed that my son had seen this. I felt like such a faliure that I hadn't left his daddy for good sooner. Now I have to pick up the pieces and show him that Mommy will never let another person act like that again around us. The pain I feel when I look at my child is more than anyone should bare. For the first time in my life I able to be and love the person I am. Hopefully, I will learn to be a better stronger mother and woman. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/8/2006 2:12:48 AM | Barbie
I don't think you have to learn to be a better mother,you already are.
My ex was also a drinker,and would blame the alcohol for all of her actions.
Good luck | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/8/2006 2:17:38 AM | C3
You did the right thing by leaving,if you had hit her you would have brought yourself down to her level.
Sxy
Not everyone is as fortunate as you to be able to spot who is or can become an abuser.
Thanks everyone for your honest imput. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/8/2006 4:12:48 AM | Glad I was never in that situation.
I guess in my mind I'd hit the s.o.b back (or call in some reinforcements), call the cops and file the papers.
I'm POSITIVE its not that easy though. I won't insult anyone's intelligence that way. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/8/2006 6:44:05 AM | hmmmm. my ex-wife (wife at the time) threw a chair after me.. she missed 
(she was 5'1" and 95 lbs but very aggressive)
Does that count? | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/8/2006 8:17:42 AM | While it was many years ago, I survived it. This man beat me down to such a point that people I knew did not recognize who I was anymore. I was scared to death of him so I never discussed my situation with anyone. (big mistake). However I believe that it has made me a stronger person. For any female/male in this situation, my words of wisdom are get help. don't suffer in silence as it is more destructive than the acts of abuse.
My heart goes out to anyone who finds themselves in this situation.
God bless,
Angel
If anyone wishes to discuss this issue outside of the forums please message me. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:01:41 AM | I know about domestic violence. Got envolved with a guy and after a while he made a blanket statement that he did'nt have to be nice any longer......Like a spoiled child he did not like it when I disagreed with him.....So one day he decides to rake me over a parking lot and force me into his car. I left and soon had to get a protection order. He felt as if he owned me...He became close friends with my ex and appairantly watched my every move..He harrassed any friend I had and wrote papers about me and passed them out to anyone who would take them. I lived in a very small Island town inwhich he had many friends.
One day he lay wait in my apartment and used chlorophorm on me and duct taped me. He was going to take me to his home. Some how I escaped and he was taken to jail. He spent about 6 monthes in jail and after he got out he began to request through the court to obtain custody of the child we had in common.
For 16 years I went to court as many as four times in a month, you see if someone files something in court it must be addresed or you are s.o.l. so there was nothing I could do to stop him from maliciously makeing frivolous motions in court concerning me. My life was on hold as it was very difficult to keep a job when you had to go to court everytime you turn around. All his motions were either thrown out or proven to be malicious however I could not have it stoped. This form of control and harassment was so very difficult and to not have the poweer to stop it from happening.
Abuse comes in many forms.
Also if I went to a counsolor I had to be warey of the fact he could supena any information I spoke so counsoling was out of the question for me.
I know what abuse is.
I know what its like to open my front door and be afraid to enter my home for fear an intruder is inside. To feel that lurch within the core of my being when something triggers that pain in my past. The anger the shame the hurt and the disgrace. The fear, I know about these things.
But one thing is I am a fighter and I know what is right. I can stand strong and realize that I am a survivor.................... | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/9/2006 12:25:48 AM | To Single Dad in Florida,
I checked your profile to make sure it wasn't my former daughter-in-law you were married to. She really did a number on my son, and I witnessed some of her violence toward him. She even attacked me verbally and emotionally at times when I questioned some of her lies. At one point, she cut off communication between our family and my son telling him that his family didn't care anything about him. It's amazing what lengths she went through to cover up her deceit.
My son called me one night just before Thanksgiving and told me that he was hiding out in a hotel room just outside the Missouri border. They had been on a marriage retreat, and she got upset because some of the people confronted her about her behavior. When he fell asleep, she climbed onto his chest, and he woke up to discover that she had her hands on his neck and she was trying to strangle him. He had to push her off to get away. He left as she was standing in the hallway screaming and swearing at him.
After he gathered up some of his clothes and stuff in the apartment, he got into his car and drove across the border. He was staying in the hotel because he was afraid she would call the police and report the car stolen. She had done this in the past when he had tried to leave before.
To be sure, a few days later, he had gone back into Missouri to pick something up, and he was pulled over by the police. This time, he told the officer that he didn't know what she was thinking because she knew he had taken the car.
While I was waiting for my son to drive to Michigan where I lived, I received a phone call from her father who ordered me to have my son call him as soon as he got there! I also received a sappy, I love you letter from my daughter-in-law asking me for his phone number and address. I showed it to my son, and I ripped it up.
I could go on.
I applaud you, Single Father, for taking the measures you had to take, and for bringing your child and yourself to counseling. It says a lot for your character. God Bless You, and I hope you meet a good, healthy woman. You and your family deserve the best!
My own abuse started when I witnessed my father beating my mother up when I was a child. I married to escape that household only to be verbally and emotionally abused by my husband. During the first few years of marriage, we had fights where he hit me. My oldest son, the one who was abused by his wife, witnessed it. Finally, the hitting stopped, but the emotional abuse continued until I left and moved to a Women's Shelter in Feb. 1990.
Why I took the abuse so long is another long story, and I'm tired.
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 2:27:43 AM | | I was the victim of verbal assalt more than anything, I feel that words can damage as much as fists its been three years since i took my kids and had to run across 5 provinces to finally get away and i still dont allways feel safe there's allways the thought that he may find us some day and then what will i do. I was assaulted but i did stand at the business end of a rifle pointed at me and my 10 month old son that is the most terifiying memory i have. I hope that some day that fear will go away. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 3:36:54 AM | | I have never been in a relationship where either party "hit" the other, but if I ever am, then I am out of there right after it happens. I have too much respect for myself to stay in the house with someone that isn't playing with a full deck if you know what I mean. I think there is something wrong with a person if they can't handle lifes problems without being physical. Tracy | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 3:46:50 AM | | well I have been out with abusive men but have never regarded myself as a victim more a survivor :) we can be whole again and the only one that can make u trust again or give ppl benefit of the doubt...is u. Yes it's hard but one day I was crying to my nan saying I'd never love or trust again she went then y live. From that day I realised I rather have one day with a guy I could trust and be truelly happy than have nothing at all from being too afraid. Yes like all your experiences abuse does affect u and the person u become but that doesn't have to be in a negative way, maybe it makes u a lil more selective with potential partners but maybe that isn't such a bad thing it doesn't however guarantee that u wont ever make mistakes again as in ur judgement towards others as we are only human tc :) | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 5:06:24 AM | | I've never been a victim. However, growing up as a young child 2 - 10yrs old i watched it on an almost daily basis. I cant stand it, i wont stand for it, and i swear to god if i ever see a man hit a woman i'll break his face. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 5:14:46 AM | | we all are a victim of domestic violance. because domestic violance dosnt necasarily mean phsical it could also be emotional. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 5:33:07 AM | When I was a kid I was hit all the time by my step dad. From four to sixteen, every single day he was home. So I grew in to one tough cookie.
I lived with a man and got pregant at eighteen, and I was leaving him, and he beat me up real bad. I left. That was the last time anyone ever hit me. I find that if your up front about never letting any one get by with hitting you ever again. Because they would dearly regret it. You then don't have people that try. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/12/2006 6:21:22 AM | I was married to my childhood sweetheart at 19.. when we was married the violence started..... i loved him so stuck it out... thinking he would change...
got Pregnant and he threw my up against the wall.. which scared me.. but it was catch 22.. could leave as i loved him still.. Had my son and things was ok ... For a while!!
then i got pregnant with my daughter at 21 .... still things was ok ish.... still did little things like push me if i disagreed with him... at this time i just learn to shut my mouth and agree with him out of fear...
then when i was 29 it grew out of control.. the beating just got worse black eyes etc.. he would stop me going out only to the school to get the kids... (heavy make up on when i had the black eyes) the control got worse.... in every form of the word..
No one ever knew as i was never allowed out to tell my friends and he used to put a time limit on me when i had to pick the kids up.. i was scared to be just a second late...
Finally in march 02 i plucked up the courage (dunno how)... He punched me so hard in the face but even though my nose waspouring with blood i managed to kick out and he went flying.. grabbed my coat and ran...
i left without my kids which is unbarable.. but i got them back soon after.. but im SOOO strong now.. Have been in a short relationship since but will never trust a man fully not EVER!!!
xxxx | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/13/2006 9:04:33 PM | That does not mean they would not have liked to,
A real man should be able to take the odd slap in the chops, once in a while
most of all when he is asking for it. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/14/2006 1:15:32 AM | Reported.
Also read "his" profile . "He" may have changed it, so you can find a copy of the original one that I have included in another post. Just mosey on over to that, if you need a good laugh. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/14/2006 6:31:06 AM | I had a couple of relationships where they thought that it's a woman's right to hit men with impunity. Both of them ended immediately after the hit.
The first one slapped me because I was slightly drunk. Not because I did something wrong when drunk, but only because I was drunk when she arrived. I immediately escorted her to the door (my apartment) and told her to never go back.
The second one kicked my shin because I arrived late to our date. I didn't even sit. I walked to my car with her trying to stop me and apologizing all the way. I didn't say a word, just got in the car and left.
In both cases I restrained myself and didn't hit back. I simply walked off and cut every contact. No calls, no explanations, no regrets, no nothing. And when asked: Why did you dump her?, my answer was: "Because she hit me". | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/14/2006 8:16:37 AM | well....i do have to agreee that i am one of these people. I was in this type of relationship for 3 yrs...( wouldnt really call it a relationship) but it went on for 3 yrs. In my eyes...what doesnt kill you , will only make you stronger. BUT on the other hand...i'm afraid to let anyone get close to me. Scared to let them in, scared they will hurt me again. I guess thats why i'm so bitter towards men right now...
As soon as anyone get's remotley close to me..i push them away. As for the moving on part...well...i'll let ya know when i hit that point! Cuz right now...i'm not there. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/14/2006 4:00:12 PM | hidden_pleasures, I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. It's taken me a long time to learn that you can only be a victim if you allow yourself to be.
I think it's okay to be cautious about getting close to someone until you feel you know them according to your own "comfort level"... Just don't do what I've been known to do, which is push people away who are close to me.
I always tell myself that I trust someone until they give me a reason not to~~~ But I also have to know them very, very well to even begin to trust them. Nothing wrong with caution. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/14/2006 4:44:45 PM | My relationship was not physically violent.
It was emotionally devastating. It was horrible, hurtful, evil words every single day. It was complete and iron financial control. It was satching my favorite possessions destroyed and stupid little thinkgs like the last 20 pages being ripped out of all y books. It was the threat of deportation and losing my children every single day. It is a situation I would do anything to avoid returning to.
I know this sounds terrible, but I remember crying and thinking, "I wish he would just hit me, so I could complain and someone would do something to help me."
I read your brave stories and I feel guilty for ever thinking that way, after the horrors you have been through. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 1/14/2006 4:48:48 PM | | chrysler I was also emotionally and verbally abused for years. Finally he did attack me and my second husband, who was wounded fatally I survived my wounds. It was completely unexpected he had moved across the country after we divorced. It's horrible to think that verbal abuse can turn physical but I'm proof that it can. | |
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