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lira
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Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 101 | |
| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/4/2006 2:55:34 AM | | ebeach, I know what you mean. You lok like a strong man people maythink because of this its not serious for a women to hit you.But it is serious.She could hurt you.I am glad she didnt.I saw a movie once based on a true story. I cant rememberthe name but Nancy Mckean played the part of a battered women and her restraining order was never envorced on her husband so he kept comming back.One her final atack, she was left paralized on one side of her body.This was based on a true storie. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/4/2006 4:57:31 AM | | lira i saw the movie to the title is the tracey thruman story. and it was excellent but at the saem time eye opening for some that are living the same way. for me even though i loved the movie it brought back alot of bad memories not that i wil ever forget the beatings i took. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/4/2006 5:01:18 AM | | ebeach the courts here where i live are the same way i not only took abuse from ex's but also from a family member and the courts here kept giving him a fine and would send him back home with me that is after he was out of foster care for that reason. but anyway after he threatened to kill his little brother they had to testify against him in court and the judge told him either he take the program called m.o.v.e. or go to jail. well he is taking the program but he isnt letting it help him. and now that he is living on his own or should i say being supported by his g/f he still does it to us on occassion. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/4/2006 5:52:15 AM | DV is a multibillion-dollar year business for the VAWO http://www.usdoj.gov/ovw/
And to see a state by state breakdown of the money given to states http://www.usdoj.gov/ovw/
Can you heal from it? No Never. Will it ever end? No never. So long as we have states and municipalities begging for these grants like seals in a circus from the FED GOV the problem will only get worse as those who feed us these evils in the name of righteousness will create a fear that their existence is needed.
Perhaps before I really piss any one off any further I should explain, yes I am currently living in and was a victim of DV false allegations. I have sole legal and physical custody of my two children but that did not stop members of the Bridgeport CT police department – also my ex’s dealer- from fabricating reports that if convicted would put in me prison for 22 years. Email me if you want the transcripts of Feb 6, 2004 when Kevin Dunn the States atty. REFUSED to go to trial despite my objection and the ‘alleged’ victim, my ex’s objections as well as the bogus police affidavits that are chronologically impossible.
Bridgeport PD has since received a 1.4 million dollar grant to ‘educate‘ the police on DV. Greenwich CT -VERY affluent town- received a $340, 000 grant in 1996 to ‘educate‘ the police on DV. Ahh but excuse me officer. You underwent criminal, fire arm, self defense, psychological and other training to wear that badge and gun so why do you need special funding and more training to be able to tell if that guy who ran across the street, struck that woman with a bat, grabbed her purse and ran off is her husband? – Now let’s see, my DV training says they both have pronounced noses and a relatively same even complexion, so they probably vacation together, and are of the same religious faith so HEY I BETTER APPROACH THIS AS A DV!!.. No it is a crime you ignorant moron pig! You witnessed a crime, it does not matter who the guy is!
Does my daughter in tears tell me how mommy told her to say things to the police? Yes. Are there any support groups (funded by the same tax dollars that give the DV units at the pig station, the family judge, the family services etc a new computer and new office) for my daughter, son and I? NO. Do I pay out of pocket for counseling? YES Big time. Does counseling tell me not to worry that this was just a fluke? NO. It is a VERY real fear and this is a VERY real war against a multibillion dollar a year business that DOES not care of the well being of children, only of loading the numbers to have innocent men behind bars for crimes they did not commit to get more money to say the problem is growing.
The fact is YOU, the real victims know that the police will not help you. YOU know if you dare apply for a restraining order you have signed your own death wish. If your better half is willing to violate criminal statute do you think a piece of paper will stop a 44? NO BANG!! YOUR DEAD.
Protective orders are only pulled when they are not needed and when help is needed the true victims can not get help.
Be Well
Sir Yugla | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/4/2006 6:07:23 AM | According to my memories I have been getting beat on or emotionally abused since I was 12 years old-probably stemming from my stepfathers sexual abuse.
My son's father is bi-polar and it was a very turmultuous relationship which I finally got away from after he was put back in jail and I moved pretty far from where we lived-got a custody order of no contact and a standing restraining order. But the amount of times I was punched in the head-kicked beaten and verbally abused is uncountable. But it has been 4 glorious years since I got away and it has been blissfully quiet.
It is a horrible pattern to fall into and councelling is the best way to help get yourself out of the pattern by recognising the signs. But the biggest step-is once you see the first sign is actually not self doubting you did see it and slamming the door on that potential relationship as quickly as possible.
Impressed to see so many others coming forward and talking about their previous issues-its just another way to learn and heal through talking about it. | |
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lira
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Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 106 | |
| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/4/2006 8:14:38 AM | | Yugla, I understand you 100%, as a family member and his wife were falsly accussed of child neglect( I know child neglect s not the topic)and DSS falsified documents being the accussers neice worked for DSS and took advantage of their power. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/9/2006 5:42:02 PM | Hi Lira,
I just wanted to say hello in response to your forum post. I seem to have mooted
this thread!
Thank you for your words. I can not email you directly but I did want to write - sorry to the others for using this thread to reply.
What really bothers me is that this corruption goes on just to justify a government job and true victims and children can not get help they need.
Be Well | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 7/9/2006 7:32:02 PM | I can tell you're angery. You should be since it seemed that the police didn't protect and serve you.
You should tone down your anger a lot. Your anger made poeple think you may have temper problem, which I don't think it's the case here. I believe alll your anger was the result of the police, crown and your ex-wife.
I am a victim of DV false allegations. I know the anger and the hurt.
Let's review the evidents:
On my side:
-the doctor diagnosis of her derpession,
-Children Aid Society's opion that my ex-wife was under stress and in NO capacity to be with kid alone, let alone taking care of kids.
-A lawyer's testimony that my ex-wife planted to kidnap my kids.
-A police officer's testimony that my ex-wife might have depression based on his observasion.
-Pastor and many mutual friend testimony of my characters and hers.
On crown's side:
-A single line that my ex-wife told police officer that I hit her. Of course, she changed her story when being left home with kids alone. She never done that herself.
You thought the police should release me and apologize for poor judgement call. Nop. I'm still paying my lawyers to get me off hook.
I do believe there are bad ass jerk husbands who beat wives for fun. But after my experience, I know I won't donate a single cent to DV program. If any woman complains to my about DV, the best I can muster is "you women brought it on yourselves." | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/20/2006 8:20:41 PM | | I was attacked by my ex wife on several occasions. It didn't really get physical until we had been married for about 5 yrs, and had two children. I was a drinker, but not a violent one, I would come home from work to constant nagging, and drink a sixpack. made her easier to deal with I guess. The first time I remember her actually hitting me, she blacked my eye with a phone reciever. Any time I would disagree with her it would set her off. Mainly with a lot of yelling, and screaming. One night she woke me up, because she was mad at her brother for telling her off. I told her that her brother was right, and she went balistick. she proceded to claw up my chest, I pushed her off me, and went, and sat on the couch, she went in the kitchen, and grabbed a butcher knife, and was shaking it at me, and telling me to leave. I am not one who is going to leave my children no matter what, so i took the knife away from her, and locked all the knives up in my truck. she then called to police, and thought they would make me leave. when they got here, and saw how I was clawed up, she was determined to be the agressor, and arrested. I guess I was a dummy, but I went and bailed her out the next morning. two yrs later we got into it again. she attacked me again, and was beating me over the head with her fists. I just covered up my head, and was totally defensive, never hitting her. then she snatched the headset off me, and it set me off a little I guess, because I punched the computer monitor. I guess she thought that would be enough for her to have me arrested, because she called the police again, well, guess what, when they got here, they saw that she had scratched my neck, once again she was determined to be the agressor, and again arrested. I again went and bailed her out the next morning..(what a dummy. lol) I was fortunate in that on both occasions it was late on a friday night and the kids never woke up. after the last time I decided to stop drinking, so I did. I immediately stopped putting up with her crap. I took over all the finances, and told her this is the way it is going to be from now on. Life was total chaos for eight months, untill she took off with the kids, and moved in with another guy. I really don't concider myself an abused person, although i guess i was. I am much smarter now, and am not sure exactly what I am looking for in a woman, but I do definitely know what I am not looking for. women with violent tempers stay away. anyway, 7 years later, and i am still not drinking, and the kids both live with me now. I am one of the most fortunate dads in the world. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/20/2006 9:53:59 PM | I think people should remember that if your spouse or SO is violent (physically and / or emotionally) toward you, they are probably violent toward others.
My ex became violent after the first six years (married 20). I made excuses for it. Family stress, chemical imbalance, or something else.
After a few more years I figured I would just pretend it wasn't too bag, I could get by. I figured the kids didn't know and I wanted to make sure I was an everyday part of their lives. I took them to practices, games, scouting, and anything else they were involved with.
About 19 years into the marriage my daughter, after a fight with my ex, asked why I didn't kick her out and get divorced. We had a talk and I almost died. My ex had been hitting her for a while! She didn't want to tell me because of all the things her mother was doing to me. Shortly after, my son told me the same thing.
I won't go into what happened next or the effect it had on my kids. But it does explain some of the behavior issues with my kids. She is now 17 and he is 19.
We all (the three of us) are making good progress. My son still has anger issues with his mother but is trying to deal with it.
I can only strongly suggest any parent that is being adused to remember that you may not be the only one being abused. If not now, they will abuse others later.
bty, I am over my bitterness, but it is still a sensitive area to me. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/20/2006 9:54:59 PM | I've been there...
hit, slapped, chocked, pushed, kicked down stairs... things thrown at that break in to sharp shards of porceline... even had a knife taken to me... (thankfully I wasn't hurt by that!)
it took a while for me to stand up for myself... was raised with that "never hit a female" mentality... now it's more "never hit a Lady" type thing...
to answer your question, no, you never will be as you were before, we humans grow and learn, I learned girl + weapon = pain.
and I learned it doesn't matter, if it's in public and she's pushing and hitting and throwing glass at you... you still can't even grab her arms to immobolise her and protect yourself without being jumped by 3 guys watching the whole thing go down...
Learn to recognise the behavor patterns, once you do, leave... don't give anyone any benefit of a doubt. | |
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GL
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Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 112 | |
| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/21/2006 12:50:56 AM | Oh HELL NO!!!! That's never happened to me and it's one of the things in life I am 100% totally positive will never happen to me...unless maybe I'm in a freakin coma or something.
Besides, I'm a strong, no BS woman with zero tolerance for crap. Weenie guys like that don't want to bother with me, because they already know they'll lose with me. Punks like that look for an easy target.
WOW, Girl you have that really wrong, they do not look for someone weak. You are the easy target!
I am surprise that you are 34 years old and have this mentality,that shows that if a situation like this would ever happen to you, you would never know how to deal with it. so instead of saying " It will never happen to me" you better hope it does not, you will never understand what i am saying unless you go through it, but at least be smart and have in your mind that this could happen to you, that way if it ever does, it would not take you by surprise and you would know how to handle it,but if you keep living in your fantasy world, that you are miss perfect in watching every single detail,and how this would never happen to you,girl you will learn the hard way.You never know what life will throw at you.
I simply stated facts. The things mentioned, their ways of "getting to you", making you feel so important to their survival, jealousy, control, overly emotional, uses crying to manipulate you, isolating you from others and etc...those are precisely the warnings signs I'm talking about. They are typical, they are common, they are predictable and they are an indication of things to come.
Those "punk" you say are very smart, some will take years to actually show a sign of jealousy,control and overly emotional.you could have been living with them like 5 years without seeing a first warning, and by that time you have been so brain washed by them,they have feed your mind so much B S that once you see the signs you will have bigger problems to worry about, I am not saying you can't defend your self but it will be a war,and you will be fighting for your life, so is better to have a open mind about things and not be so immature to believe this could never happen to you.
I talk by experience,I said the same things you did "It will never happen to me" and i learned the hard way.I was 19 years old and had your same mentality,i was really strong,i actually had a "cold heart" no emotion for nothing,never coward and never let him beat me without a fight, If he punched me,i punched him back, everything he did i did it back,i was fighting for my life and i had no time to be scared,It made things worst because he new i would not stay hit,so things started getting worst and worst.i new if i dint get out it would be too late,so i left from that house,and never looked back, I dint take nothing with me,i left all my stuff and everything i bought,I dint care about material stuff, my life was more important to me, i went to my parents house. After that i thank god i got out of that relationship, as time past i got my life back to how it was before i had met him, but stronger than ever.I left that in the past and know i live a wonderful life and enjoy life to the max.
I was thinking like you was,I thought no one could bring me down,but it happen to me and i learned from that experience, if i was not thinking like that it would had not taken me by surprise,but i was only 19 years old and it was my first serious relationship, but you are 34 and still believe that everything in life comes with a sign,you are so wrong and i hope you realize it, and don't wait until something happens to you to then say "I can't believe this happen to me" "I don't know what to do" you are 34 and still live in a bubble.I am 25 know and never say "that will never happen to me" it could happen to anyone and at any time in your life! I learned that by experience, but even if that would not had happen to me,I am thinking that at 34 people are more mature and they know that things like this could happen to anyone, so i don't know why you are still immature at your age. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/21/2006 1:05:06 AM | I have known men who attempted to take this tact with me hehehe One ended up stuffed in the bottom of the closet, another got clocked with an iron. Nope, don't feel like a victim because they tried swinging on me, just got mad that they would even dare try it, and made THEM pay.
You're just lucky you've been with men that held back. Trust me, if they wanted to incapacitate you, they would have. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/21/2006 1:24:50 AM |
Your just lucky you've been with men that held back. Trust me, if they wanted to incapacitate you, they would have.
I would have to disagree sounds too me like She punked them out good.
There are some pretty dark stories on this thread
sorry to hear what some of You have endured. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/21/2006 1:35:04 AM | Don't know, buddy. I've seen some guys over the years - a***holes - that struck their girlfriends and then realized what they did and backed off. Usually, the girl just freaked on them afterwards and they hung their head in shame and apologized. Even when they struck their women, it wasn't with any force...it was more of a way of shutting them up or insulting them. Point being, they were immediately reprimanded by their g/f or by us. However, there are the minority of men that really let their women have it. I mean, the ones that hit their women with all of their strength - the way they would hit another man - and then don't let up. In that situation, I don't think the poster would have stood a chance.
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I've reached my 2 post limit, but I don't know how you got that interpretation from what I said. Re-read my post and you'll see that I called them assholes for doing what they did. No justification, just a statement that she may have been up against the former rather than the latter and that such false bravado may end her up in hot water. Yikes! Doesn't anyone read anymore??
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/21/2006 1:39:47 AM |
Even when they struck their women, it wasn't with any force...
and that is suppose to make it ok???
it was more of a way of shutting them up or insulting them. Point being, they were immediately reprimanded by their g/f or by us.
Bullshyt!!!! Be a Man and leave the room....it takes a real tuff Man to hit a Woman. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/22/2006 10:56:38 AM | I KNEW MY EX 7 WKS, GOT MARRIED.Perfect guy, tall, went to church, owned home, new car, job 9 yrs. He started by slapping me across the face. It got so bad, my dghtr, 10 at the time wouldn't go to visit her own Dad, in fear he would hit me. The worst times with an abuser are when you threaten to leave, or do. It is a control issue. I thought he couldn't live without me. He didn't love me.
He beat the hell out of me for 3 days on my birthday weekend once. He lost his job and was unemployed 18 months out of 4 yr marriage, things went downhill from there. I called police on him twice, he went to jail for 3 mos. He got a little better. Then he went for 2 1/2 yrs to prison,a caucasian architect. He got a degree in the pen I heard. Smart, charming guy. I haven't heard from him in 6 yrs. He abused me in every way, went to the emergency room and they took photos, bruises from head to toe.
I dont trust anyone, I date alot, but just can't let anyone close. I try. I am a victim yes, but not a consumate victim. I turned him in, didn't want my daughter to live in that enviornment any longer. After trying for 4 yrs, I couldn't deal with it any longer.
I went to counseling, with the victim's state program, it helped some.It always remains in my heart, that I just am not good enough. My self esteem issues have to do with childhood abuse also. I pray daily, keep my head up and appreciate life and my loved ones. I doubt I will ever fall for someone again. But, that's ok. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/22/2006 12:39:55 PM | | Lived thru it myself have to agree with gl, they dont like the weak ones, they want the strongs ones, and make weak ones out of us, teach us who is boss, and any time had I been dumb enought to have swung on my ex's he would have killed me, simple killed me, I have no doubt in my mind, If you have never been there, then it is really hard to understand why a woman would allow this to happen to her, but by the time she relizes what she has gotten herself into , it is on, and they will make life a living hell for you, if you try and leave, it is a nightmare, but once you do get out and away, and you get yourself back together , you are much stronger and wiser, and as far trust , yes I can trust, but I can spot a abuser from a mile off, just by the look in their eyes, and understand that these men and women that do this, when they are being like this , are the sweetest most understanding loving people you could met , when they are good they are good, but when they are bad they are evil, My ex pulled up in my drive way today hadnt seem him in years, and hope to not see him again in years, we had a nice visit, but man , | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 11/28/2006 2:38:17 AM | I have seen it, and have been a part of it seeing my dad slap my mom around and throw food at her in front of us kids. Yep, he was a real man! Of course the mature age of 10 couldnt do much about it except hope he wouldnt beat on me and my sisters. If ever there was aversion therapy it happened to me. I swore I would never do that to a woman and never have. However that being said, I have banged on a coupld of guys who treated their spouses/girlfriends pretty bad. It may have made matters worse for those women but someone has to put those SOB's down.
What drives me nuts is why do some of those women who get beat on continue to go back to that type of personality that continues to inflict physical/psychological harm to them..?
why? | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 11/28/2006 2:40:51 AM | I put up with it when I was 16. Your probably thinkin thats too young an age to experience it but beleive me, it aint. I was with this guy for 2 years and I looked after his 6 yo kid too. He beat the shit out of me and tried to kill me several times. I wont bore you with the details.
Just makes ya wonder though. . .I must be here for a reason lol | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 11/28/2006 3:46:01 AM | Yes I was
once when i was 15
I was attacked by a 2100 square foot single story federation style house
it was not a pretty sight
bricks and roof tiles went everywhere | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/16/2007 5:51:07 PM | i was in a 4 year relationship with an abusive partner,
started fine but in the last couple of years she became very violent, we have a child together so i stuck around, i was never violent in return and its not cos i was a wimp, at the time i was head bouncer for the largest pub in edinburgh as well as working at rough clubs on the side, i simply will not hit a woman,
one occasion the i called the police to have her removed from my house and they informed me they would not be pressing charges, against me!!
the day i knew it had to end was when she was hitting me with my baby daughter in her arms, i looked at her and thought i know i can slug hard enough you will hit your head on the door frame and fall to the ground and i will be able to grab lauren before you hit the ground, at that point i left the house as this is the first time i had even thought about hitting her,
after we had split we were talking and she admitted through out our relationship she wanted me to hit her, she became more violent cos i would never hit back, and in her words "as soon as you hit me i become the victim and you will be the bad guy" very screwed up thinking | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/18/2007 12:49:18 AM | | Being a victim is a very lonely feeling. Being afraid to let anyone know your inner feelings- Afraid to get attacked, hurt, betrayed, and losing someone you love agian. Having to love with fear sucks... Having to learn to trust again...Then you trust and end up a victim again. The best thing to do is to try and stay strong. Easier said than done. Sometimes, enough is enough. It gets tiring of hurting and feeling lonley. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 8/18/2007 1:29:06 AM | | Singledad;kudos to you ! Yes I have been there.I do believe that we can 'get over it;"atleast for the most part.If we really work super ,super hard on it.Im not there yet;but;I will be ! | |
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