| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/23/2007 12:26:30 PM | Just putting this out for anyone who wants to join. I tried finding a good group on my space to join but unfortunately, found most of them are aimed towards strictly women or the moderator doesn't monitor for people insulting others.
I've started up a new group for all to join.
The Group name is Men Against Domestic Violence
I do hope to start to see more of you join. It's a public group for people to discuss issues they've been part of or witnessed involving domestic violence. Not a lot of people use plentyoffish compared to myspace. So please, invite your friends to join in on this also. Its time we all take a stand on every website with forums possible and started to also let teenagers (under 18) know that they too can have a place to speak out. We as adults should be able to help show them that they don't have to put up with the abuse and if they are the one doing the abuse, we need to help them know they can get help and stop the violence. Remember, Love Shouldn't Hurt | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/23/2007 3:02:59 PM | We can discuss, listen and support. Just as important, victims need to be directed to resources and encouraged to file a reports and get a restraining order. They need to use the resources and law enforcement. Many victims either won't seek out help on their own or don't know how to.
It's find to be a friend and a listening ear, they still need to be urged to do whatever they can to protect themselves, report the abuser and stop the cycle. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:12:02 PM | I was victim, but now I'm a Victor! As far as being as I was before, my eyes have been opened to the warning signs, so, no. I'll never be that naive again. As some wise man once said, "If I never go back, it's because I've seen too much". | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:55:09 PM | | im a victim of alot ov violence throughout my life and i have pushed myself through it and i went through alot of rough times to get where i am now but as long as you want to get through it and push yourself through it anyone can make and i became a youth leader because i want to help kids who have been throu wut i have been through so theres someone their for them and they dont have to do it alone. never be afraid to ask for help | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/24/2007 12:17:13 PM | | iwas victim of domestic violence but i am getting on my feet now ...only just ...the hurt and the pain 4 my self and my kids i had gone from a bubble lady to having a break down it was the worst day of my life this man that did this to me he had a bad past i did not no about it he had broke my arm in 4 places at the same time and beat me bad the next thing i new i was in hospital it was the hospial that told the police the next day they and said to me that they new of this man that i was with and myself and my kids wher at risk he got 14 months in prison and my arm is deformed i have had op but i have scars and i dont go out and have fun cos it is hard to trust but i am getting better shell xxxxxx | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:16:56 PM | Attah girl. The last day 'someone I knew' and I were together, he grabbed me by the throat and lifted me off the ground. He was a good guy, but he lost it for a moment. He was 6'5" and I am 5'3". I have never felt so helpless. Just as soon as he dropped me and I could breath again, I stood up and punched him square in the mouth. I had never hit anyone before, but it was a great punch and I knocked out one of his front teeth and broke the other. I will never punch anyone again. I didn't like it, but if someone -ANYONE- bullies you, even for a moment- give 'em what hoh back and then give up the relationship and go have a nice icecream and cry.-it helps.
Your advice is for situations where a basically decent guy loses it for a second. And then, really, is it just? He scared you. You cost him a couple grand in dental bills. I don't know what the balance is there because I can't imagine being in such a frightening situation. If he wasn't basically good you wouldn't be telling this story. Losing a tooth didn't slow the guy down, realizing things were out of hand and not wanting to hurt you did. I'm just mentioning this because advice like that, striking him hard, isn't universally a good idea. I've known women who tried to follow exactly your advice and ended up in the hospital for weeks. You're lucky you didn't. If you perceive him as dangerous, or even bullying (as you said) get out, but seeking revenge in any form is unwise.
In fact, as I think about it in the context of a thread of people who were victims of domestic violence, there are a variety of ways someone can scare, intimidate, and bully. A woman could threaten to cut off access to a man's children, she could be verbally abusive, she could make false reports to the police, etc. Also, its not impossible to imagine a situation where a woman is mentally so much more capable of cruelty than the man she is with that it would be equivalent to that 6'5" vs. 5'3" you were talking about and for him to feel helpless. So you're suggesting that its OK for him to give her one good crack in the face before leaving. From that point of view, you weren't a victim, but a perpetrator.
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 10/24/2007 2:52:11 PM | | I would not call myself a victim but my ex wife did assault me on a few occasions. Fortunately I was only injured once when she shoved me off a balcony. Unfortunately the kids were there for most of the sessions. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 11/1/2007 12:09:21 AM | I would not call myself a victim but my ex wife did assault me on a few occasions. Fortunately I was only injured once when she shoved me off a balcony. Unfortunately the kids were there for most of the sessions.
I tried to think I wasn't a victim for a long time too. You are, don't be afraid to speak up about it. Just because your a man doesn't mean you can't be a victim. My wife had a history of hitting me, pushing me, and even pulling out a knife on me one time. All of it usually in front of our infant daughter. The knife incident thankfully took place while she slept. | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 11/1/2007 10:42:34 AM | not really spoken to any one about my mental and physical abuse the same and hurt im not a small man and i can look after my self . its not the scares on the outside that hurt
i loved her so much shes the mother of my child and a nice and caring woman we were together for ten tears i cant remember how many time she hurt me visacally and I'm OK know and its taken me a long time to stop being hurt and its strangle it has made me a very strong person and I'm very happy with who i am ,i know why she hurt me and understand why that's why i put up with it for so long i thought i could make it better but it wore me down made me go insane insecure she made me feel it was my fault and i was to blame told me i was my fault she would go on three day drug benders every weekend i wanted that to stop so but she never stopped .i had my own business 4 to 6 people working for me i ran it completely on my own and worked a trade as well as the business side of things when i got home from work i ran the home wile she was so stoned and out of it she suffered from depression her first husband killed himself her second relationship was very abusive and he took her children of her and she couldn't get over this ,it ended for me when i was arrested (she battered me for eight and a halve minutes minets the police trued up and arrested me and keep me in the cells they treated me like a wife beater you could see there hate and loathing it was horrible and it felt like my fault ..luckily they had cttv footage of the incident unforchantly it took them 14 hours to view the policeman said he didn't know how a man could take that without hitting back and apologised for his behavior towards me this is the first time Ive written about this and I'm crying i never cry and i no longer felt it was my fault I'm an intelligent man strong and confidant i let her abuse me i thought it wold take her pain away but all it did was hurt me .we split up for a year and i watched her get worse many a time when i took our daughter back to her she didn't even know i was there once i looked after her for two days before she knew i was there she had taken an overdose so we got back together but she had become worse and started to take heroin and crack i tried to stop this the last week she attacted me every day fiscally and verbal she was either drunk or high on drugs i found out that she had taken my daughter to a crack house i was told it was a child's party as i found out this she was kicking and punching me i snapped and completely lost it and started slapping her until she stopped i told her i was going to take our daughter of her and i was going to kill the people she was with and getting the drugs of and i meant it and for the fist time she was the one scared she called the police and i was arrested and i had a restraining order put on me and charged with as alt went to court and told the judge what happened and she removed the restraining order a very nice woman i hate when people ar nice to me it makes me cry no i dont i just didn't want to cry .this was the wake up call for her shes stopped drinking and drugs shes in a shelter getting counseling and the help she needs the down side of this for me is i haven't seen or talked to my daughters in 6 weeks i haven't spent more than a week from my daughters since she was born and i miss her so much im still up in court for assault and i feel that it was one of the worst things ive ever done hitting her back know i know every thing is going to be ok and its seems to have taken me my hole life to feel this way ive finally let go and there been to much pain for me to ever go back im sane proble for the first time in my life sort of felt good to say that | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 6/9/2009 3:49:02 AM | yip and still am
not in terms of still bein with him but flashbacks and allowin myself 2 settle 4 bein treated badly by others | |
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| Domestic Violence-Were you a Victim
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:51:47 AM | I would like to think i am a survivor but often times have to ask myself am i really. I often wonder am I capable of ever being in a loving, mutually respectable relationship since the only long term one i was in was abusive. It pains me to think my children had to witness it and often feel i failed them as a parent because i stayed for so long. That in itself is a wound that will never heal knowing they were never able to witness what a loving relationship feels or looks like and it also worries me. I can only hope that my sons hear me when i speak to them on respecting women and that my daughter listens when I tell her what is acceptable behavior from males in a relationship (I have to admit i have to catch myself when i speak to my daughter, sometimes it turns into man bashing and i have to retract). My only regret was that i didn't have the courage to grab my kids and put an end to it earlier.
As far as trusting again, well no i have a very difficult time trusting anyone (man or woman) which more than likely plays a big part as to why I sexually take control and am on some power trip and don't allow myself to feel helpless or needy and am quick to run to the defense of someone else be it man, woman or child i feel is being verbally or physically mistreated.
As far as making me a stronger person, i feel i am but most would say im a ****, thats cause i dont tolerate the bull (firm believer in the saying "don't start no shit, won't be no shit) even tho i have a very high patience level for people that matter in my life for another reason.
I don't know if a man or woman can totally come out of an abusive relationship as a whole person again. Definitely a different type of person but the question is, is the person that you have become (weaker or stronger) allowed you to see people for who they really are and not what you want them to be.
All I can say for sure is I am a good person and I still give people enough rope to see if they will hang themselves with it. Only this time they won't be taking me with them, lol. | |
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