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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/25/2005 1:11:30 PM | i dunno nuttin...............correction you sure know alot!!!
When I went through family courts in PA they were very helpful. I had gotten in touch with an abuse agency. They had "suggested" that I keep a diary. I did not know that diaries are admissable in court as evidence. They "suggested" that I tape abuse, death threats (to me and the children) and transfer the info to my diary.(I got a voice activated inexpensive one) I made an appointment with the chief of police with all my evidence. I went to the state child welfare agency and MET WITH THE DEPARTMENT SUPERVISOR with my evidence. I took notes during the interview, sent him a thank you letter which restated my concerns and what he had said. At the end of the letter I requested that the letter be added to THE FILE.
The best court day was when I showed without an attorney. Attorneys are limited in what they can say. Citizens are not. (The childrens father was smug during the hearing because he had an attorney) After his attorney bashed me to the judge.....the judge asked me to make a statement (The abuse agency had told me STAY FOCUSED) I looked the judge squarly in the eyes and here is what I said. " I do not believe that anyone has the right to threaten the life of another. I am here to ask for court protection for myself and my children"
With that the hearing was over: the judge extended the Order Of Protection, limited visitation with child exchange at the police department, and I have custody.
PS...the father really didn't want to see his children and soon was a consistent no show for visitation.
I am not sure if any of this helps you....If you get anything from this I hope it is to check you motives ..........and then check them twice. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/25/2005 8:42:36 PM | Aloha, and thanks for the replies,
dark-ice-angel:
with kids: 'possession is 9/10ths of the law'. Most posts on this subject direct the parent who wants custody of their child to first have their child, if at all possible, get your baby, If I knew then what I know now, I'd have taken my daughter with me and kept her with me. My advice to you, get your child - then seek help. Lot's of organizations are available to help a woman & child. Otherwise - like Dynamics questions me - why'd you wait so long? I didn't and told the judge - she doesn't accept it - if there's danger - take action and don't depend or even trust the police, or any state/govt. agency. They're only employees doing a job, don't expect any action from them. Status quo is what they uphold - so get your kid!
Dynamics:
My ex had no problems with me picking up my daughter daily. She kept her 'dealings' away from my daughters home for many months staying away from the home for weeks at a time. Even still, I reported her to her probation officer, cps, and the police department. When she brought her 'troubles' to my daughters home, I caused trouble daily, I called the police, cps, her probation officer. All for nothing - they protect her even when she's doing wrong. It's difficult to prove someone is using/dealing drugs. Her probation officer did test her and 'pass' her dirty tests. The Judge in our case, Karen Radius, did not believe me and told me so in court. I lost my temper in court and practically yelled in court to the judge 'Tanya is full of sh*t, she's a liar, she smokes every day!' She wiped out our business and our savings. The judge was suprised, but before she said anything, my ex said she had not smoked meth since October of 2003 and she could even have Francis testify on her behalf. The judge asked 'who is Francis?' and Tanya replies '... he's the one who supplies me with the drugs...' Then, the judge sent her out to have an immediate test. She came back positive - but denied smoking. They all KNOW she is smoking while on probation for the same reason. Her probation officer, Rupert Chun, is negligent at best, otherwise corrupt!
One danger to my daughter is what arises from my ex's lifestyle. She brings people into my daughters environment who are shady at best. Here in Hawaii, crystal meth or 'ice' is available everywhere. She is a 'well-known user' (her words to the judge) meaning she smokes and sells to support her habit - which runs from $100 to $200 per day. She has many 'lines' (that's her supply lines) and these people are in and out of my daughters house daily - at all hours. Also, when my ex is at a peak high, she is oblivious to my daughter or anything happening around her. This I explained to the court. The other more dramatic danger is when she is crashing - in need of more 'ice' or sleep. She is extremely violent and agressive to anybody nearby including herself. The court and cps do not agree with me. The judge is awaiting the report of a 'custody evaluator'. Initial appointment is on Feb 1,2,3 or 4th. I've got to take off work and set the appointment. Then court on February 11.
Dynamics: Here in Hawaii, the papers are reporting 'freak' stories every week. On the Big Island (the island called Hawaii) a lawyer is doing a pro-bono case for a 13 y/o girl who was placed in a foster home that had past reports of sexual molestation/threats to child if reports were made. Yet, children continued to be placed into that very home. She was forced into sex with a man in his early 20's. I am scared of sending my daughter to foster care. A trusted 'friend/acquaintance' molested my ex's 2 girls and possibly my daugter 2 years ago in our own store. My ex didn't listen to the girls complaints for months! I do not fault her, because it was done under the guise of 'play'. He was picking them up and brushing his hand over their crotch or butt. Picking them up and squeezing them inappropriately. I saw this happen once and got the story from the younger daughter who was 6 at the time. We called the police and he plea bargained to a 5 yr term and possibly deportation after jail. He had a prior incident on record. I would never have thought he would do these things. We believe it was isolated to fondling and threats not to tell.
forthebeauty: I have borrowed $$ and do have a good attorney and pray for the best.
I_dunno_nuttin: I am putting all my information together and 'waiting' to see what direction the court goes on February 11. I have contacted a few reporters who've done articles pertaining to 'meth' use and it's affects on families. Some are interested in knowing the outcome and I'm keeping them posted. My attorney tells me to let 'justice take its course' and give the process its time. The judge has given us more time than most cases I've seen - the first TRO hearing was almost 5 hours - other cases were in and out in 15 minutes! But ours has a bit of everything! drugs, sex/protitution, drug-dealing, death-threats from dealers, recent child molestation (with mom not pursuing therapy for the 2 older girls - perpetrator is doing 5yrs in jail though) and medical abuse (my 4y/o has a mouthful of cavities and mom refuses to let me take her to the dentist). She has a pattern of 'nixing' the father from their children's lives ( I'm # 3 and should've seen it coming) We have a 5 year Restraining order between us and do custody transfers at the police department. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/26/2005 11:20:56 AM | | My lawyer advised me to tap my phone and then have a mutual friend draw her into a discussion involving illegal activity, the only catch is that friend has to be willing to testify in court. | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 31 | |
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/26/2005 11:33:43 AM | set her up and videotape it..
get an unknown ot her..to set her up and secretly videotape it..you can use it in court..show the cops ect..
just get you daughter the heck outta there..
and yes i dont dont trust foster homes whatsover..they do more harm than good | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/26/2005 7:14:14 PM | There really isn't a need to set her up, she put it all out there in court! It hasn't made a difference to the judge and the probation officer does nothing. Hoping that the custody evaluator can sway the judge - but not holding my breath...
Thanks, Sam | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 33 | |
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/27/2005 11:51:50 AM | in canada...you fuk up...the kids are gone..
if the parent or a call goes out about abuse the cps are in there like a fly to crap...im glad..but..of course once the kids are in care..they get pushed to the side.There is quick response..but its hard to actually GET ANYTHING DONE..
i actually considered once being a advocate for children..but..i dont have the stomach and my hart cant take kids in peril..id come home crying every day. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 1/28/2005 8:14:58 PM | Aloha alura2,
I've read tons of your posts and truly like you,
Net friends are terrific, if i ever pass thru Canada, it'd be great to see/meet you in person.
Thanks for the responses,
hoping my babies mom can break free of the spell the meth's got on her...
cause the courts in Hawaii don't consider it a problem!
Thanks again,
Sam | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 3/14/2005 10:06:54 PM | | samhonolulu, good luck to you, man. I too learned first had that CPS only looks to see if the child is being abused physically. They don't give a d*mn about drug abuse, promiscuity or undertaking of illeagal activities by the adults living with the child. The court system also seems to think that unless the child is currently being physically/sexually abused there is no reason to remove the child from that parent's custody. The mental well being of the child just doesn't seem to be of any concern. You were right about possesion being nine tenths on the law though. Through careful planning and treachery, I now enjoy full custody of my 6 year old son. I have to deal with a vindictive, spiteful, resentful ex-wife, but to see my son grow up on a day to day basis, I'll deal with it. You just need to stick with it and not give up. It sounds like sooner or later (probrably sooner) your ex is really going to step in it, and it will be well worth the wait. All the best for you and yours. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 3/14/2005 11:02:35 PM | Thanks for the feedback...
Just holding on until Mar 24, that's the next court date.
the ex may have quit smoking the ice - heard thru the grape-vine that she's pregnant.
Glad to hear she quit, hope it won't adversly affect my chances for full-custody.
Ready to leave this hell-paradise island, but my heart is in my baby...
Thanks again... | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 3/15/2005 7:56:05 PM | Hello single Dad, I'm also a "single Dad". My husband died and the child we raised - his, is now with her biological mother, who got her for visitation the past 9 years. I raised her 5 years.
I have temp joint custody and Friday should have full joint custody. Here, a parent has to really abuse their children physically before they are removed. Mental / Emotional abuse is never brought out.
My goal: to let this little girl know who and where she can go when she finally runs away, like her half sisters before her did. I want to stay in her life until she is 18 for fear that she will be lost to the world with no one to help her. She is 11, innocent, always wants to please people.
Joint custody then is better than not getting to visit with her at all. The cost has been high, but in the end, will be worth it.
My lawyer asked me (two seperate times) why I was going for joint custody, now that I'm single, like I should forget about a child I've raised that is still so young. It's hard for some people to see - they don't see the innocence lost. I'm doing this for her. My needs are secondary.
Keep letting your child know that you are there for her. You have her full interest at heart. She will grow up knowing Daddy is her protector, even if he can't always be right there. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:06:13 PM | I hurt for you!
I am the mother and I have full custody but not granted in a court -YET.It's been over a yr and still the battle continues.
Request a Pysch test- that will help you. My ex-was arrested in a crack house (made the newspapers) was removed from our house for abuse and breaking a restraining order, and still the court gives him the right to fight for our son. He has 4DWI's and god knows how many DUI'S.
RELAX DON'T LET THEM GET TO YOU IN COURT!!
You must present yourself as the stable parent (even if she makes you nuts) The judge only knows you for what he sees before him.
Good Luck | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/6/2005 3:53:32 AM | My sons mother took off when he was 6 months old. Came back a couple of years later, got some sort of free lawyer, and then tried to get custody.
After about a year of in and out of court, and almost $20,000 in lawyer fees (which took years and years to pay off) I was able to get primary custody. He goes to his moms every other weekend, and the bulk of the summertime.
He just turned 13, and I actually get along with his mom now. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/6/2005 6:26:52 AM | @forthebeauty
You're right and dead wrong in your opinion. The fact of the matter is, custody law and the way the courts deal with deciding custody is very much biased against men. But I got some great advice when I went through my divorce - get the best damn lawyer in town and take "free consultations" with all of the other top lawyers in town, that way your ex partner cannot use them because of conflict of interest. Yes, having a better attorney helps greatly, but I had to spend triple what my ex did to make sure my rights were protected.
In my case, I did have it fairly easy. My ex was leaving the state for a new job. Our son's family is almost entirely here, which is a deciding factor in court. Once we laid out our case to her and her attorney, she was willing to accept my terms. Granted, I offered very flexible terms which is actually a little better for her because she has to travel a lot for work. I will always work with her to spend as much time with outr son as is reasonably possible because she is important to him. But basically it came down to me assuring her I would spend every penny I had and would ever make to gain custody. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/7/2005 7:03:40 PM | Update... I received temporary full legal and physical custody of my daughter on the last court date with immediate transfer to me at the courthouse. Review hearing set for June 2. 6 months of hell, finally some good news! My daughters mom received everything she asked for ( for me to have supervised visitation, attend courses, etc. ) for herself! She is now having supervised visitation with our daughter. She is causing many problems for me, though! Threats to my babysitter who will no longer watch my daughter - she doesn't want any trouble. The latest - last 2 days is that she complains my daughter has uku's (head lice) which I believe she is getting from her 2 half-sisters during the visitations, because I've done the treatments to rid her of them and paid a sitter to remove them as well, but she keeps turning up with a few after the visits! (also doing all the sheets, clothes, etc. Big work!!! But my girl is happy and we're doing o.k.
Exhausting, but worth it.
Thanks to everyone who's been responding. We just moved to a 2 bdrm with no net access - so, posting is difficult. And the cooking and cleaning and other responsibilities are almost overwhelming!
Aloha...
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/9/2005 12:16:27 PM | Sam I am glad to hear that u got the child because from the sounds of ur story ur the better parent. I was bitter for a while over what happened in my situation, and I had every right to be. I am not just blowing wind here everyone but the father and step mother in my situation didnt agree with what happened.
Yam we all have opinions and well mine is from experience as well as urs. Ur absolutley right about consulting, thats what they did, and I had no money and no lawyer when we went to court, and didnt have a clue about anything to do with it. They tried to prove me unfit but they couldnt cause I am not, she has a lawyer friend, and a boss who is best friends with the judge, and a counselor friend, pretty much anything and everything was in there favor. It didnt even matter that he was as unstable as u can get before he met her. And guess what, now they got a divorce in another city so I wouldnt find out about it, and my daughter still lives with her step mom and I dont get to see her at all now because of all of the lies and deciet that has happened in this case. I guess it all depends on who u know and where u live, and how much money u have to buy ur way through life. Thats how it works in my small town anyways. I just hope that any child gets placed with the correct parent and not with ones that are just out to get revenge. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/9/2005 1:23:26 PM | hey I just wanted to say that your situation is really unfortunate, and it's too bad, cuz the child is the one that has to suffer. I have a friend who went through a similar situation, when he went for full custody he had letters that her neighbors had written saying she left the baby in the house un supervised and that she used drugs and had parties on a regual basis, he had plenty of proof, but still lost the case, fortunately though the mother decided that she didn't want to be a mother anymore and 2 weeks after he lost the case she signed full custody over to him. She came back after and sayed she was stoned that day and didn't mean it and wanted her child back, but it was too late.
not trying to bring you down, just saying the court systems suck! | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/9/2005 4:08:32 PM | Sam ... the fix for recurring head lice is a head shave. My girls have a friend that they use to play with on an almost daily basis and were always coming home with 'bugs'. No amount of shampoo or other treatmentst was working. Shaved their heads and no more bugs. And they looked so good with short hair. LOL
Congradulations and good luck. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/9/2005 6:15:31 PM | forthebeauty, i'm still waiting for June2 review hearing. As you know, anything can happen. My ex continues to use meth and twist everything to her advantage, so, I wait anxiously because the judge has way too much power in my opinion. Without the $ for a lawyer, I'd be s.o.l. and my daughter would be back with her sick mom. Now, we do supervised visits that still leave room for manipulation. the ex took my daughter to the bathroom and grilled her on what's going on over here and has dropped some poison about me and my mother wanting to cause her pain by taking her to the dentist. She did go back to the dentist to fix the last 7 of her 17 cavities!!! 2 requiring 'baby' root canals. Just turned 5 for g-sake! Hope you continue fighting for your child - as the mom, you do have plenty on your side.
It may take many small steps, begining with visitation, etc. I don't want my daughter to not visit her mom - just to be certain she's either cleaned her self/environment of the dope and ensure she doesn't punish our daughter over this.
Thanks for your time...
Aloha. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/9/2005 10:24:13 PM | | Sam from the sounds of it ur thinking about the child and that is what is most important. My daughter stays so confused, and sometimes I think it best for her that she doesnt have to be grilled about how our visits went, because we dont have any now. It is a tough situation for everyone, but the child is the one that really does all of the suffering. What ever u do, always be honest with her in a way that doesnt look as if ur downing her mother. I have two older children who are 18 and 16 with a different father, and believe me the honesty with a little sugar coating is much better than telling how u really feel about the mother. When she gets older she can see for herself what is going on. Mine have and still do. He is still on the drugs and they know that they were better off with me. My son who is the 18 year old is in the army and doing well and my 16 yrs old is doing really good for a 16 yr old. How bad of a mother can I be right? Any way good luck with ur up coming hearing and u and ur daughter will be in my prayers. Oh yea by the way u have to get the eggs or nits its what thier called out of her hair to get rid of those bugs, and its is alot of work but pretty much uhave to scan every strand on the poor childs hair and pull them out. Good luck with that too. FTB | |
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