| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/11/2005 10:43:55 AM | | I hired a lawyer and went to court. We told the court, not what a shitty mother she was, but what a good positive role model I was and then we brought in our friends to back me up. I won't say it will work for everyone, but it worked for me. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/11/2005 11:07:58 AM |
Yam we all have opinions and well mine is from experience as well as urs. Ur absolutley right about consulting, thats what they did, and I had no money and no lawyer when we went to court, and didnt have a clue about anything to do with it. They tried to prove me unfit but they couldnt cause I am not, she has a lawyer friend, and a boss who is best friends with the judge, and a counselor friend, pretty much anything and everything was in there favor. It didnt even matter that he was as unstable as u can get before he met her. And guess what, now they got a divorce in another city so I wouldnt find out about it, and my daughter still lives with her step mom and I dont get to see her at all now because of all of the lies and deciet that has happened in this case. I guess it all depends on who u know and where u live, and how much money u have to buy ur way through life. Thats how it works in my small town anyways. I just hope that any child gets placed with the correct parent and not with ones that are just out to get revenge.
Yours is an unfortunate situation. I feel for you. IMO, both parents should have equal access to their child and be able to contribute in a meaningful way (not through $$$) equally. The sad thing is, the best parent doesn't always get custody.
It took my brother five years of fighting to get his three kids away from their crackhead mother all because during their separation the guy SHE was cheating on him with went after him and my brother kicked his ass in self defense, but served time for assault none the less. I still believe the only reason he has custody is because one weekend my brother had with the kids she fled to Florida and never came back.
I know it sounds difficult to decide who should get the kids. A good father who spent time in jail for protecting himself (and probably going a little too far) or a mother with a crack addiction who lived in a deplorable home in one of the worst sections of a major city where gang shootings took place with regularity? Yeah, let's give 'em to mom because, as we all know, they're natural parents. Dads are men and therefore aggressive and violent and wouldn't understand the first thing about raising kids.
The bottom line is, of all single parent households, only 4% of them are kids living with their dad (according to the U.S. Census Bureau). That's up 400% from 20 years ago. We've come a pretty good distance, but we're far from being equal in custody dealings. I have trouble believing that only 4% of dads are capable parents. I have trouble believing that only 4% of dads want their kids.
The system is blatantly biased against single dads. When all things are equal, which in your case they were not, mom will get the kids and dad will get slammed for support at a rate much higher than 100% of the total cost of raising the children. Your case is not the norm. I wish you all the best and I hope some day you get your child back. Every deserving parent, male or female, should have the right to raise their child. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/11/2005 12:23:52 PM | | Yam I see what ur saying and I do totaly agree that their are dads that would make the better custodial parent that are not. My case from where I am from is normal, it all has to do with who u know and what kind of money u got. They are all in it together, the lawyers, the judges, social services, its such a small knit community that every one is friends or related. I think the single parent is the one that gets the raw end of it, because they are single. I dont know I have tried to stay away from drama in the whole situation because my daughter deserves better than that, and in the end it makes me look like the uncaring parent, but if I face it head on, I am the aggresive, quick tempered one. Until I can get a lawyer that doesnt know any of them, and they have to go stricktly by the law there is no chance for me to ever get my daughter back. And when u think about it, after almost 4 years how hard will it to be for her to adjust to the way of life that I have, compared to the one that she has gotten use to with her step mother? Just another episode in her life to make her forever have to have counseling. The child doenst deserve to go through with that. Its almost as if my daughter died when they took her from me. I couldnt be the mother that I am because they would turn it around and make me look like the manipulater. Its hard to explain, but I truly in my heart think that me not seeing her right now is best for her. Sounds cold hearted, but its not when u put the interest of the child first. This way she doesnt have to answer all the questions she would get should she be at my house, and I am guilty too, just normal everyday questions that u would ask ur child wasnt allowed because she had been drilled so much not to answer any questions that I might pose. I am rambling but that is just my thoughts about my situation, and also I do agree with u about both parents should be able to be a part of that childs life, unless the childs welfare is at stake. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/11/2005 4:09:11 PM | | It's hard for the father to obtain custody, even if the mom has been proven unfit. it's sad to see children in homes like that. Call social services on her frequently and keep fighting for your kids, they deserve a much better home. Good Luck! | |
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Quack
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Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 55 | |
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basspl
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/11/2005 8:02:13 PM | | Well my custdoy fight is still going on. But I have my daughter with me full time and she is happy and doing well in school. Im going to keep doing the right thing and take good care of my kiddo. I'll let you all know how things come out. I should know some time in july. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/12/2005 5:36:27 AM | | my boyfriend fought for his daughter and got her she had a criminal record for prostitution and drugs and she was still doing those things it was easy for prove they hired a private investigator and he followed her for 2 days and had alot of video proof they also had her doing crack at the same time meanwhile her legal aid attorney did hire a private investigator on him and well they found him working and doing some legal stuff after he got his daugther she kidnapped the kid from the school and wasnt found for close to a year they found her in toronto. she had probation thats all now the ex is in winnipeg man. hooking and drugged out but she calls once in a blue moon she still think when she gets back to ottawa she will be with him and her daughter he told her over the phone i dont think so | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 4/12/2005 5:42:20 AM |
It maybe hard, but the laws are finally changing, and men are getting a better shake on the whole deal.
It's not really so much the laws, but the judges implementing them. There is a misconception that mom is always better for the kids than dad. And child support laws need severe reform, as well. custodial parents often get a heck of a deal on child support. I know some men who have been ordered to pay over $1,000 per month in support, representing more than 60% of their take-home pay. There are even some cases where men have been ordered to pay 100% or more of their take-home pay. No, these cases aren't the norm, but it does happen.
Yes, the laws have had a facelift in some states, but it hasn't gone far enough. Forty years of feminism have brought us women standing up and screaming for rights at every turn, some no people deserve. It's time for men to do the same. If you're unhappy about these laws, don't just sit back and take it. Make some noise. Call you legislators, start a letter writing campaign, go to your local newspaper, do anything to raise awareness. Be an activist! | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 5/1/2005 5:44:48 PM | samhonolulu, keep us posted. Honestly, them telling you that it will be "over" on a certain date may be lifting you up for a fall.... I've been told that a few times, yet my attempt to get joint custody of my step daughter continues.
She is getting lots of feed from her mother that I'm trying to "take her away". She's angry and afraid. I don't know what to do or say as I think I've said it all before.
The lawyers don't really care; mine says this could continue until she is 18. He continues to question WHY I want to stay in her life, when I'm now single and should be going on with dating, blah blah blah. I have to keep reminding him that it's not about ME. My life will go on either way.
It's about knowing that she's ok healthy physically and mentally, that she is properly cared for, etc...
It's about being a parent. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 5/2/2005 9:33:43 AM | Hi, Ashley,
I do have full custody (temporary until June 2 review) with mom having supervised visits.
I've been consumed by the day2day stuff. My daughter(5) is having multiple tantrums daily. They get really bad after her supervised visits with her mother. We have a court day coming up on June 2. Suppose to be a review of the current situation. The mother seems to have gotten off the drugs (she's pregnant and showing - she's able to stay off when she's pregnant). So, everything is up in the air. My daughter bounces back and forth between wanting to go back to her mom and wanting to stay with me. Under pressure, she would say she want to be with her mom (pressure being her mother inthe room or watching her).
She also reverts to being a helpless baby after her visits - frustrating!
Just trying to get by day to day over here. Best of luck to you. | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 5/3/2005 9:55:25 AM | Jesus Sam I think we have a child with the same woman. I am exactly in the same situation and I swear if it kills me I will save my son. There is no way I will allow my child to be brought up with shit values in an abusive enviornment with the influence of what ever loser she ends up shacking with. Just remember not to sling mud at her to much in the courtroom judges hate that. Just be you and speak and act from the heart, everything else will fall in place. {with a little intimadation thrown in lol just kidding} Good luck bro.
Regards: Greg | |
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| Single Dads - How did you get custody of your child?
Posted: 5/4/2005 1:18:12 PM | For me it was easy i caught her cheating and told her to leave the house and if she wanted the children she would have to take me to court but I immediatly called the most cut throat lawyer just incase,and I have not had any problems since. sorry to hera about the stories people just make sure the children are not in the middle of it all because that would be emotionally tramatic for them... | |
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