| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2006 4:04:52 PM | bc-cowgirl, it's so true... My ex-mother-in-law and I still get along great and my son and ex went to stay with my parents this past summer for a week. I've always felt uncomfortable even saying the "ex mother-in-law-type thing", because I didn't divorce her or any of his other relatives... Right>? It seems weird, but if you say the word mother-in-law on a date that can get you a few "weird" looks~~~ | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2006 5:53:46 PM | I'll ditto that grif...There are limits. Personally I could not take an ex calling endlessly..and who could??? Friends..yes...Best friends..no, I would want to be the best friend ..and if I'm not, he's not worth it | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2006 7:26:12 PM | | I actually just looked at this forum for the first time right now and this hit me. My ex husband is actually one of my better friends. I try to have my own life, but he literally has no other friends. I don't look at it as me exercising my power over him. I don't want power. I think it's him trying to control me even now. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 9:43:51 AM | | Well maybe they realized after they were married that they were not meant to be husband and wife and their friendship was better before and decided that was the way it should be. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 12:45:39 PM | | There is a huge difference between being on "friendly terms" and being "best friends". One can be on friendly terms with their ex's: no hatred, no grudges. However, when a guy wants to have his ex's around, it means that he hopes one day to get back with any of them, not to mention , have sex with them.......Have you seen movie Little Black Book? A vivid example! | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 5:15:03 PM | After 10 years of marriage, He and I weathered the good times with the bad. I wouldn't say my ex is my best friend. But, he's one of my good friends. I have no desire to control him whatsoever.
Our children need both of us to act like mature adults. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 5:36:49 PM | If one is divorced with children,it's great if both parents get along and have a healthy working relationship that benefits the children, not them.
Emphasis being on the children.
But being best friends, after divorce is messed up. Why get divorced in the first place?!
To me, it's just a sign of not being able to let go of the past and move on, make new friends.
I am wary of any man who remains friends and intouch with past wives and girlfriends.
I can't think of one good reason to be friends with my ex, but then there were more bad times than good during the marriage.
But I am best friends with his ex before me...her friendship was the best thing I got out of the marriage. She feels the same.
We have had many a good laugh over the years about our mutual ex! | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 5:57:26 PM | | I agree with the folks who make a distinction b/w being 'best' friends, and being on friendly terms. My X and I are on friendly terms....no kids, but two Labs. We take turns watching the poochies when each is traveling.....even trade dating horror stories. But we only call each other every week or two...and it's becoming less frequent. I'd have to agree that contact every day is defnitely over the top. | |
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Teako
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Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 35 | |
| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 10:18:21 PM |
i just started talking to somebody, same situation, he says he is friends with all of his ex's. I asked him, what would happen if he meet somebody new, don't u think that i would make that person uncomfortable. He said "She would have to get along with my friends, or there is no chance at all".........thats just the way it goes...
I know someone exactly like this. He seems to think that he can keep an even keel with all his relationships but I find this disturbing. We had a relationship once but when he got cold feet and wanted nothing to do with Love and Commitment, he was gone, but he still wanted to be friends. NOT!!
I wonder if this guy is one we both know.... lol  | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/15/2006 10:48:17 PM | Hey I dont mind that a man is still friends or ever best friends with the ex wife.
This can only mean , they knew that they could not work it out but still have respect for eachother. I think that it show integrety & values of friendship in both of them...
Come on dear! They had to start off as friends & married as best friends. Divorce should not mean you have to hate that person or the family you had while you were married to him..
Hell my ex Sister in Law stays in touch with me to this day. It has been over 20 years!
We alway talk about how good it is after the DIVORCE! LOL | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 12:11:07 AM | I am about to be divorced, and I have kids. So why would I think it is better for the kids to see us hating each other than see us acting like responsible adults?
She is the controlling type, and I am sure she will use the kids and us being friends as a means of occasionally trying to continue to control me. But for the sake of the kids... it is a sacrifice I am willing to make... and just because she continues to try and control me doesnt mean I have to let her or even hate her.
But then again... dont ask me to pick up the phone for her in the middle of the night unless she has the kids that day!
And if the woman I am with is going to get jealous or uncomfortable with me being friends with my ex for the sake of my children.. then perhaps I am with the wrong woman. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 1:17:11 AM | No, only two. either you get along or you dont ;) lol.
But I know what you are saying, and it requires both to be adults about the situation and not letting thier feelings get in the way of continuing to raise the kids. Wich brings us back to either you get along or you dont. If you dont get along, and both of you can agree to act like adults, then you can be cordial about it.
But it only takes one to throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing.. so if they are getting alone as ex's.. I say dont look a gift horse in the mouth! | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 7:21:39 AM | | I think this is a great topic. Since i have been divorced i have ran into more men that have their ex wifes as a best friend. Im thinking what is up with that. Dont get me wrong i think its great if they share kids and they are good friends. But to be divorced and no kids they why are these men so wrapped up in being best friends with their ex wife? | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 7:24:27 AM | | Ok I didnt get sleep, but now that I think of it... we are talking about being 'best' friends here... I dont think I could manage that. She was my best friend before the marraige.. I dont think she will be after the divorce. But I would like to think we can still be friends, or on a cordial mature level for the sake of the kids. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 4:30:14 PM | I have to agree Redlace... It's not like I talk to my ex daily, or even weekly. Sometimes only once a month or so. (and sometimes you can have a best friend, but not have the ability to cohabitate)>> But, I feel staying friends and keeping things as friendly as possible is best for our kids, as well as us. It's hard enough for them to go through a divorce. At least they see us acting in a mature manner instead of fighting over custody or "things".... I know it's helped them deal with all of it.  | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 5:54:30 PM | I was with my ex for 12 years, we went through alot together never had kids, but just the same we seen some hard times and fun times together. We are not "best" friends, but we are still close and help each other with different things be it emotional, or maybe financial, also we have 4 pets we share joint custody of. I think its sad that when couples break up with each other the person they were suppose to have been in love with they want nothing to do with them ever again, some even end up hating each other, that I don't understand. I think the opposite is true for what started this thread, I think you have to wonder about a potential future partner if they have nothing to do with their ex or ex's or even hate them, unless of course they had a good reason for it.
just one mans opinion  | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 6:45:23 PM | I would love for it to be this way, but so far she has indicated she wont co-operate and at least be cordial.
See? I didn't acknowledge cordial as an option but now I use it in all my posts... lol.
I dont know what I will do, other than continue to make the best of it, shelter the kids from it as much as I can.. and keep moving towards getting on with my life. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 7:43:48 PM | I keep it civilized, friendly, and short (whether the little guy is in eye/earshot or not) - but some guys and their exes prolly get along together much better, and left under better circumstances (or left under friendly circumstances... it happens).
As long as there's no  in front of the children whenever possible. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/23/2006 8:26:37 PM | Nothing wrong with being friends with an ex. But there are many limits,when getting involved with a new relationship. For one you cannot be true friends without common respect for eachother and your personal lives. If there are children involved,LEAVE that at the children.But to often so many people use the children as an excuse,to still be a part of the ex's life.
In the long run everyone gets hurt.So stop using kids as an excuse to keep dibs on the ex.Because an ex is an ex for a reason. You'll never have a chance at moving on,when the ex is constantly hovering over your head. trust or no trust.
If people cannot be honest,they shouldn't be with anyone in the first place. | |
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