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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/25/2006 4:49:30 AM | There is nothing wrong with a person being cordial with a ex.
some time jealousy can confuse friendly- with other intentions.
sometimes insecurity can confuse cordial- with cheating.
sometimes ppl read more into a friendship than what is really there.
I would prefer being cordial and friendly with my ex- but alas his new wife feels ,that her husbands casualness, means he is sleeping with me.she i guess never realized, i was thrilled she got that monkey off my back...lol
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/25/2006 1:08:03 PM | My ex is 2000 miles away, so it would be pretty hard to be too "friendly" with him... Which I could never do again, anyway---that's one reason we're not married anymore~  | |
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j-mix
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Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 55 | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/26/2006 3:26:11 AM | me and my childrens father are friends but not Best friends, seems to me if you can be best friends then maybe you should of tryed a little harder in the marriage and not given up.But I totally agree with you it sure made it easier when my first grandchild was born and we all were in the room as a family. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/1/2006 2:40:15 PM | I can see what your saying here and I disagree w/you. as Im still friends with not only my ex-wife yet with most my ex-girlfriends I do understand that yes as a g/f you or any other woman wants to feel special, you want to be the only one..what you may not understand is each and every one of you are special.. my ex never tries to manipulate me and I never do that with her.
now guys want the same things they want to be that one special person as well but if we were to ever ask you to stop hanging out/w or flirting/w or what ever is going on w/ your best friend be it male or female we would be accused of trying to control you.. or we would get the bs line that we just want our cake and to eat it too ... um hell ya I want my cake and gonna eat it.. in the end you were friends to start with and you can still be friends afterwords.. I also realize you may not see it that way, so ask yourself for the right guy, can you give up your best friends.. all in all I detect an extremely jealouse person here and Im sorry but a good strong relationship has no room for jealousy especialy if one still insist on haveing his/her friends to hang out with otherwise you end up loseing the guy/gal you just thought was all trhat you wanted something special with. turning them into another ex you insist did something wrong by keeping an ex as a friend...
there are reasons people get divorced thats beyond their control so please dont hold something so trivial against them for being the kind careing and loveing person you are actually looking for... lol some people just have no clue | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/1/2006 3:53:37 PM | Divorce or breakup, means the relationship is over. If a divorced person wants to move on with his/her life, then they have to let go. No healthy person will want to be involved with someone who is still best friends with their ex.
In my own experience, my last woman was very insecure, and would speak to me of my other women. (Meaning those I formerly dated.) Just because I maintained contact with her predecessor, discomforted her.
Dates come and go. We do them a disservice, though, if we keep contact, with previous lovers. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 11:40:29 AM | | ok.. i have 2 ex husbands.. don't sound good but oh well... i am not friends or can i stand to be in the same room with my first husband. My second husband and his g/f or now ex g/f myself and my b/f are all good friends. We attend my sons functions as a group. My ex and my boyfriend work together every day and do different things together. It took a few years to get to this place but it works for us and makes the life of our son much easier. so kudos to those of us that can make it work. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 12:05:06 PM | !!!There is nothing wrong with a person being cordial with a ex!!!
I agree there is nothing wrong with someone being cordial but when your having supper a couple times a month with the ex and the kids/grandkids {kids are over 25} and have never introduced a date into the mix - hummmm trouble. I don't want to be the first one up to the plate. Had this situation with a guy in his late 50's. Couldn't get serious with him and asked him to take a female friend to a supper one time to see how the ice would break, I said it would be messy and even bet money one it. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 6:38:07 PM | | My ex and I are best friends. We began as best friends before we got married. We simply grew apart over 15 years. We have children together so when we split, we made a point of meeting on a regular basis to help the one left at home cope. After a time, we became more comfortable with each other, no more long silences. Now we talk about his girlfriend, who I am interested in meeting, etc. He is on this site, hidden right now because he is seeing someone. It can be done only after each side gets through their anger and hurt. After that, you have to set your limits and learn to tell the other "That is none of your business" or "let's talk about something else, that subject is not open for discussion". I hope the best for my ex..... because if he is happy he will leave me the hell alone. lol | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 8:47:08 PM | I'm one of those who has remained friends with her ex, even though we don't have children.
We got together young, and spent 15 years of our lives with each other, ten of them married. When we split, it was after a lot of thought and consideration and admitting that we no longer had the same goals in life or were happy together. Sometimes there's not enough compromise in the world. But our breakup hasn't been hateful, so why should we not maintain a good relationship?
"Best friends," I'd say no. That's too close for comfort. But even though our marriage is ending, we still share some of the same friends and will always care about each other's families. I have a niece and my ex was her only uncle, and I would never want them not to have contact. He's been a positive role model in her life and that shouldn't change.
I think if you can do it, maintaining a friendship is a good thing. You do have to set boundaries and not be overly involved in each other's lives. You have to let go and be respectful and considerate of the feelings of new people in your former partner's life. But there's no reason not to keep up with how the other person is doing, be there for each ohter when needed as long as you do it in a way that is respectful of new partners, and share healthy relationships with the people who are in both of your lives. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/12/2006 11:33:04 PM | | My daughter was very lucky to have three terrific parents. My ex and his wife are high on my list, as they were two terrific parents. It would be incredibly ignorant of me to call my ex, considering his wife's presence, just to talk about life's problems. However, I wouldn't have a problem with calling the wife if I felt I really needed that. . .lol, which I don't. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 3/13/2006 6:25:04 AM | | I think that if the two people leave a relationship and the "in love" feelings are gone that there could be a friendship. It's hard to break away from someone you spent time with. My ex and I are good friends and have had to work at doing that. We are not in love any more and are happy if the other one meets somebody. Plus, I would know my limits if there was someone in his life. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 1:12:36 PM | | I actually had a guy try ot hit on me from on top of his ex wife's house. I guess he was certain it would show me what a great guy he was to be fixing her roof for her and being her handiman and jsut plain "being there" for her despite their being divorced. My first thought was "that man is still unavailable and I would always be competing with her for his attention." So I did not even given him a chance. I was just polite and pretended I had no idea he was trying to hit on me. I mean if they are on good terms then great but to be her "manservant" just tells me all I need to know to just say no. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:44:34 PM | | I sadly have two ex-wifes. One who I do not get a long with at all, and one who we have maintained a friendship. We own property together acquired while married, we ran a business together and we still have a great deal of mutual respect for each other. There is no manupulation what so ever. As adults we know that nothing is served by being enemies like two kids on a play ground. Her fellow died not long ago and I was glad she felt she could talk to me about it. This is a new world and a lot of the expected behaviors have changed. We see Bruce Willis and his ex-wife Demi Moore and both of their new spouces going on vacations together. Where I would not go that far, I do think they are at least being mature for the childrens sake. Wish my first wife could have been mature. Where I do not know, I feel you may be basing your expereince on a bad relationship where an ex was involved, but not all people nor all relationships are a like. If and when I find that what I hope will be my last and great love she will come first and that has been established. Best wishes to you | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:46:06 PM | | That is over simplification of personal relationships. Just because people care enough about each other to be freinds does not mean that it is at the level of caring to sustain a marriage. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:52:19 PM | I have to agree with you on this, there is always more to the story, for one thing!
I too, have an ex that is one of my dearest friends, but to live and love in a one on one with him again? We are BOTH past that! It's a shame that this friendship we NOW have wasn't there in the beginning, but that's how life is, we GROW and CHANGE..sometimes together, and sometimes not.
What we salvage and keep can end up being much better than what we started out with!
I say, personal security and ego is what usually get's folks all a fluster in situations like this, but that's just me!
Obviously, if the "ex" is still causing emotional turmoil, then the situation can and will be stressed. It's all in how the relationship exists, and the respect the people in question have for eachother. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:49:54 AM | | Haven't had to deal with "best friends" before, but I like it when a guy is friends with his exes. I mean, what does it say about a person if everyone they date ends up hating him and vice versa? At a minimum, it means he has to be a terrible judge in character to keep ending up with people who are so completely incompatible with him. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:42:47 AM | The ex and I get along, and we are both glad to leave it at that.
Back to what the OP said...it reflects well on both halves of a failed marriage when they remain friends. But I always wonder when they make a point to let the world know they are "best friends." I can't help but think the effort that went into making such an impression has to do with a mutual sentiment that is there, or isn't there. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:44:30 PM | Treselle, wow are you just a little bit paranoid here???? I would welcome a woman who is best friends with their ex, that generally means they are not bitter towards each other, its generally a healthy attitude to have.
Second how many best friends do you know that calls each other in the middle of the night? just a little bit over dramatic there? now if they have young children of course that might be the case.
Third I don't see why its disturbing? unless the new person doesn't introduces me to the ex, yeah ok then i can see your point, but if my new girlfriend introduces me to her ex husband and he seems to fine about it, not bad mouthing her or giving me warnings blah blah blah , I dont see whats the issue. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:36:50 PM | | I'm sorta friends with my exhusband, but I don't ever fight with him in any shape or form. I have fully moved on. I manage to have a decent conversation with him concerning the kids. Nothing wrong with being friends but hanging out with each other yeah. Do they hang out together? If they do, then maybe they haven't moved on yet. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:50:38 AM | | Depends if there are children envolved or not. My father and mother were always best friends even when they married others. It was great for me growing up. It made for a much healthier situation. | |
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| Divorced men with ex-wives as their best friends
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:34:57 AM | Thanks for the positive feedback angelisahippy....it's nice to hear another perspective.
I agree that often times when the pressures of what made the marriage dissolve are no longer an issue, 2 former spouses/partners can become friends.
If they're truly over one another they have managed to put to rest their former marriage, and re-develop a new relationship as friends.
Boundaries are essential of course, especially when new partners arrive on the scene, in order to be respectful to all parties. However if a divorce situation involves children, I think it's a great model for the kids to be able to grow up with. It avoids all kinds of headaches (tension, playing Mom/Dad off of one another, etc.) Supporting one another as parents is critical in a good co-parenting relationship, and quite often that support can wander into other areas in life........ | |
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