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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 1/12/2006 8:48:07 AM | | Question, should it matter if the woman has a child or not? If I met a woman who has a child, I won't be bothered with it because I have a child myself. I will continue to see the lady because of her spunk & personality,not because of her child. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 1/12/2006 9:11:20 AM | ive dated a few woman that have kids and never do i try to assume role of father. these kids have a father i can just be a male influence is all.
Exactly, if I were dating dating a women with a kid and she wanted me to get to know the kid I wouldn't want to try to be anything other then a male influence that cares about him/her.
For better or worse, live or dead, known or unknown they already have a father somewhere...
Any kid that tells me "your not my father!" i'm all to happy to agree with. I'm not, and I never will be! | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 1/12/2006 9:37:47 AM | ..as a single guy with no kids, and who has gone the step=parent route with a totally absent sperm-donor, and who had a year long relationship with a girl with two young kids, who's "daddy" appeared every other weekend to haul the kids to his miserable new life with new wife and kids/step kids, I have to ask you women with kids,
what role do you believe I should play???
I am the Boyfriend,( meaning the special bond between you and I, the potential for a future together), and its my turn at bat. Its MY watch. when the support checks don't show up for two months, what does the boyfriend do...keep porking Mom while watching the kids not have food, or the lights get turned off??
My rule is that I don't want to meet your kids until after we date for a year!! yeah, right!!! so you and I are both content to see each every other weekend?? or you get a baysitter a couple times a week so we can spend a little time together, when your kids need to see you more than ever with a broken family??
so we really get along, and want to see each other more often, so the rule gets broken. now, its instant family. weekends to Niagra are now trips to the doctors office, drive to/pick up from school, pizza in front of the Squarepants TV marathon, my car full of french fries and ketchup drips, ....adult entertainment (r-rated movies, historical museums, alone time..) is so far to the side thats it becomes non-existant.
When the kids act up , and they ALL do, do I stand idly by while they destroy things, possibly injure themselves, or others, disrupt other diners (oh, yeah, sorry!!,,we're at McFatty King's ), and listen to you yell and scream at them (what IS it with Mom's and Daughters, anyway???..sheesh!!)
so, as someone who will never grow up myself, I believe that kids should continuely learn and grow and have fun, but my adult life ceases to exist for the majority of the time with my new love and her kids because, afterall, the priority of YOUR life is and HAS to be your kids. They need your time and love. You need a break from that, but you expect me to merge into your life as it is with no role or responsibilty???
if you just need a stud, call me every other weekend
..but if you expect me to have a serious relationship with YOU, what role do you expect me to play with your kids????? | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 1/12/2006 11:31:43 AM | I took a butter knife away from a 4 year old once, and got yelled at. Don't take it away, if he wants to play with it then let him.
Ok kid, go play doctor with the electrcial socket
I have 19 nephews and nieces, so I know how to teach kids, yet when I get yelled at for making sure the kid is safe ?? Nah, another X on the box | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 2/13/2006 5:45:30 AM | One problem is that a single mom, more than ever means she's on social assistance and is living from payment to payment.
Do you honestly believe that most single parents live this way? I am a single mom and have about a dozen friends who are also single parents and not one of them is on assisstance. It is there to help and cant say that we have never needed a hand but most of us have jobs and provide for our children on our own and We are not looking for new "daddies" to feed them. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/29/2006 11:41:04 PM | | If a woman didn't want a daddy figure for her kids, why would she want to be with you? I would say 90% of woman are looking for that stability in their relationships. Although, I didn't didn't date for long when I was single with my two kids. Men were always giving me ultimatums of getting rid of my troubled teenaged girl, not my easy going son. I always choose her. She is my blood. The men were selfish and not willing to roll up their sleeves and step in with love. If you really love me, you will love me and my crazy acting kids. Thank God, my daughter has settled down and is a respected married woman. And so is my son. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/30/2006 4:28:26 AM | In my experience, the system works like this: They have kids or several with a 'gangstah' or 'playah' or other asswipe (or several...)when they're 16 or so, this guy (or guys) run away, go to jail, get shot, whatever, THEN they go looking for a 'nice' guy, preferably with money or at least a job (aka 'financially secure'....), who is a) desperate enough to take them, even with all the baggage, and b) stupid enough to pay for the upbringing of the asswipe's kids.
WITHOUT wanting kids of his own, and without being the asswipe's kids' 'dad' (he will be told often enough 'You're not my dad' , you can bet on that....). | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/30/2006 4:56:17 AM | I am a single Mum, 2 a baby boy, and at the moment i do not work, although his father pays his assistance, he has nothing to do with him.
I have found it very difficult to meet men. they assume im the stereotypical single mum on beneifits, looking for a replacement father and income for my son.
The truth is we live very well, we are not hard up, our house is clean and my son is well provided for.
My search is about ME........ im looking for someone for me, whilst i know my son comes in to the equasion a great deal, he needs no father figure, but he does need a happy mum.
i do feel like i hit a brick wall each time i mention i have a child.
and i have no idea how to get round that.
Its such a shame, but i know it can be difficult for a guy as well, becuase im sure they also feel that if they meet the woman of their dreams, they want to be able to share the experience of having their first child with that woman and maybe they feel that it wont be as special to a woman who all ready has a child. I know thats wrong as i know if i got pregnant again it would be just as special, if not more as i would be with the father, but i can see their point.
Susan | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/30/2006 11:11:40 AM | I think that some women are looking for men to be their kids' daddy, but a lot of women are looking for companionship.
When my two oldest children were very small, I spent about a year and a half as a single mom (NOT on welfare, thanks!). When I decided to start looking for another relationship, I was looking mostly for adult companionship (and not necessarily sex). While I wasn't looking for a father for my kids, I was looking for someone who would accept that my kids and I are a package deal. I didn't allow my husband to meet my kids until I'd known him for a couple of months. I wanted to make sure that he was going to be an important part of my life before my kids got attached to him.
In our house, my husband is essentially my oldest kids' father; he decided early in our relationship that he was going to treat my kids as his own, and I don't have an issue with that. We have two children of our own, and all four children are treated equally.
My older kids see their father every other weekend (sometimes every weekend, depending on my ex's schedule), but my husband is the one who's involved in the day-to-day raising of the kids. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/30/2006 2:31:44 PM | | I'm going to answer from the child's perspective. Obviously, i'm not a child anymore but when my mother met, married and had a daughter with my stepfather, I along with my older siblings were in a different country. I didn't get a chance to get to know the guy which caused a lot of resentment amongst all of us when we all finally lived together. I understand my mother trying to find a better life for herself and her children, and it took a long while for me to see that. Being a single mother is tough especially if you are away from your kids. But for a man to step in that role as the father figure for the children that are not his, you have to be careful. My mother already warned us that my stepfather is not that type of guy who shows his emotions and that made me more scared. It was hard to open up to this guy and show him that type of respect you show a father. And when I did meet the guy and lived him awhile, I found that she was right. He's not the stepfather from hell but he just can't ignore us. I think if you're going into a relationship with a woman who has a kid or more, it's a package deal unless the woman in question is just in it for sex. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:17:14 AM | | I think a womans kids are what comes first in her life no matter how old they are,,,wether she wants a new daddy for them is irrelivant,,,if the man dont take on a resposible role with them he is history anyway,,,or should be...but your reply regarding being a good friend to them is an excellent way to put it and is what most women want for her children. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 3/19/2008 3:33:22 PM | ^^^ I agree.
Mothers are women just like non-mothers. A good mother will put her child first. Just because she doesn't have a man her life doesn't mean she is looking for a daddy for the kids.
Also not all single moms live off of checks from the gvt. I live off a check but I work my tail off for my bi-weekly paycheck. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:48:40 PM | First of all, this single mom works full-time as a nurse and I'm sure almost all single mom's work......please don't make assumptions that single moms all wait by the mailbox for their monthly welfare checks.
Dating a guy is exactly that....you are dating him....and your children are NOT.....no matter how wonderful your guy is, he is not your children's father. They already have a father and if he's an absentee father, your boyfriend can be a male role model for them if he wants to be or a friend to them, but he is not their father unless he adopts them.
Not all single moms are looking for 'new daddy's"....I would guess that most just want adult male companionship. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:56:27 AM | | I did not date when raising my son now that he is more or less off on his own .He has a dad and I would never expect any one to be a dad to him , but his dad. but children must learn that it is acceptable to have friends . I have to accept his friends even ones I do not care for . | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:37:16 AM | If I was just dating her? No.
If I was The Boyfriend, i.e. in a relationship with her and having the assumption that I'm going to be a permanent part of her life? Yes. Since the real father is not in the picture, I would feel obligated to provide a fatherly role. I've done so automatically in two previous relationships I was in and the mothers of the kids never once suggested I should mind my own business. In one case, the father had custody of them on occasion but she never told me that I wasn't responsible for helping to take care of them.
I didn't realize so many women feel that it isn't something I should be doing. If I'm ever in that situation again, I'll be sure to talk to her first about what she expects out of me. | |
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| Do all men think a woman with a kid wants you to be the new daddy?
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:15:29 PM | I've found, that being a young mom of two.
A lot of guys I meet. I wont tell them right away i have kids.. So I can atleast enjoy one night out. with some one havin their eyes on me..
Sounds..Shameless I spose.
but, no, most of the guys i've met, once they find out im 'mommy', theyre gone,
Or theyll pull the ''ill be with you, but i dont want anything to do with your kids''
Its kinda difficult. but life goes on. =] | |
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