| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 1:21:56 PM | [Simple solution is not to give out the sex until you know the relationship is going somewhere. That way you know they want you for YOU.] That still is no guarantee. Then if you don't hear from them again you feel you were no good! How about if the moment arises, you both decide to go for, hopefully you enjoy it so you both got something from it, if they don't call....... Oh well, deal with it and move on! Be an adult and don't piss & moan you were used! | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 1:52:10 PM | | I would call that tough luck, but at the end of the day why moan, as the woman has been taken out for dinner (no cooking or dishes to be washed) she`s been taken home and given a pudding (spotted****with custard) now you tell me would you want him to call again after that dessert. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 2:47:55 PM | | I guess the OPs post makes sense. If you agree to have sex, you are responsible for your own pleasure. If one person didn't like sex maybe they were using sex to get the other person to have a relationship. Many younger women generally view sex as fun and so they often don't use this line of argument, in fact many of them, perhaps knowing full well what men do, will sometimes use men for sex and dump them for whimsical reasons for some kind of pyschological tit for tat. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:18:06 PM | Living & Loving is what life is all about. I believe love is a precious gift, and making love is more than just sex. If you reduce life and relationships down to just sex, you're probably not very happy right now.
To find happiness both men and women need to think outside the box! | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:54:28 PM | whats the deal? just because you go out for dinner or a drink doesn't mean your dating.
.......some women use sex (and pregnancy) to try and suck the guy into a "relationship".....no wonder he runs for the hills | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 4:39:42 PM | | I've never had the fortune of being used for sex; darn. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 1:42:47 AM | dave 1234...the keyword is 'partnership' as you pointed out in your last msg..."it is perfectly natural for a man to want to make love to his woman when there is a partnership", assuming you meant exclusivity...
it is also perfectly natural for a man to be aroused by a woman he has just begun dating, and want to sleep with her...that doesn't make him a 'pig' or 'pervert', but why should a woman go through with the deed if its based on animal instinct alone...
sexual connection is to most men what emotional connection is to most women...but dont we need both simultaneously blending together to create the 'magic' of sex?...
if you view the underlying motive of 'i want to go slow or 'i dont want to be used', there is no agenda of power , usually it means ' i want to explore the chemistry of our hearts and minds before i unleash the sex kitten within me' lol! that is not instant...it takes time, weeks maybe...
there are exceptions to this obviously, ie, the 'players' (men and women) who have no genuine desire to pursue intimacy and people who just want casual sex...
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 1:44:50 AM | lol at kissimee...ohh you poor thing... | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 3:46:48 AM |
(Msg 232) sexual connection is to most men what emotional connection is to most women...but dont we need both simultaneously blending together to create the 'magic' of sex?...
Absolutely.
What I was referring to is the time requirement and the mentioning of old-fashioned courting, by some. That approach was necessary in the past as communication was limited.
When correspondence was by snail mail and people only saw each other weekly then it took months and months to get to know someone. With today's fast communications and transportation it's relatively easy to get to know someone quickly if that's what a person wishes to do.
IMs, video chat, jump in ones car to go visit for the evening.....if the chemistry is there then the person would do that. They would want to. The drive to be sexually joined would propel them to do whatever is necessary to obtain that emotional connection as soon as possible.
It's not that I'm against having an emotional connection before being sexual. It's that I don't believe one is interested in another when they deliberately go slow developing an emotional connection. If one wants to be sexually united with a person and they require an emotional connection to do so then it just makes sense to do whatever is necessary to obtain that emotional connection. If, for whatever reason, they can't then the two are not matched.
Again, it's not that sex is all important to the exclusion of everything else or that sex is all one thinks about. What is disturbing is when one will say they require an emotional connection and then deliberately go slow aquiring it. The only answer is the chemistry is not there and that usually leads to one leaving. Then the accusation of "all they wanted was sex" is thrown out. They miss the point that the person left because they could see/sense the chemistry wasn't there. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:17:35 AM | good analogy but I don't think women say "used for sex" because they don't like it.
But if a man took a woman out to dinner
they went home and had sex
It was great
He never called again
What would you call that?
Good for another year? 
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 4:18:30 AM | If a person can use anyone they most likely will. Not all, but quite a significant number. Sure people use people for sex. People use people for all sorts of things.
Prostitutes use people for money. People use prostitutes for sex. I guess all genders use people for sex..it becomes a problem when either/or likes that individual then that's where the sex hang up arrives...beats me...
It becomes a double sided coin and depends on who calls what first..... | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 5:19:40 AM | | Never understood that thought process ,whenever heard being said by an woman...since it require both parties to engage in the sexual act ..are we not using each other??..My thinking was/is that I and i state I would think i had been used only if it was an forcefull act..and that i was not an willing person in it. Or if i was under the influence of either drugs..drink .. and not capable of making an reasonable decision. Would most certainly hope that it would be enjoyed by both of us.. but if one or even both find that it was not as we hoped..or expected.. I still would not feel that i had been used because i made the choice to become sexually active with him in the 1st place. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:03:14 AM |
But if a man took a woman out to dinner
they went home and had sex
It was great
He never called again
What would you call that?
Actually, who says it was "great"?
Maybe it was "great" for her, and he didn't really think it was? | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:11:41 AM | Maybe he didn't like food. Me being silly. A man using a woman for sex..aww...come on now...bad guy..bad guy....hey wait let me see..sex..hmmmm...two people..hmmmm
Im confused on the two issue....dosen't it take two...?..1 plus 1 = 2..yea..I'm right
The term "used" means to me if the individual lied to get what they wanted then that's being used...agree?...
touchoftink...Hi wanna get used...o' never mind I truly love you...believe me..I would never use you..yea right..xxoo..kidding..looking good girl
smallfry3...I like the way u think | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:18:00 AM | Krystal = Sex???
Wonder how many burgers it would take to qualify for a good lay. Can I have cheese on mine? | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:20:31 AM | | This is just the way I see it. All is cool as long as both parties know the score. There is no gaurnettes in life ,you can't take it back. So, if it is what you both want and have an understanding about what you both except from it, enjoy and have fun and if all you have is your memories let them make you smile!! | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:33:14 AM | It occurs to me that what I mean by sex is more than intercourse. Being an ole farm boy, I have seen cows being "bred" and they don't even stop eating or chewing their cud. Just look around to see what that bull is doing and keep right on eating grass. We humans put a bit more value on it than that.
Maybe I'm getting too old, but intercourse just for the sake of it is not very appealing. I agree with the preponderance of ladies here that it is the whole experience of intimacy that is of interest. If someone pretends to be interested in the whole thing just to have intercourse, then darn right I would feel used. Who wouldn't? Sure both parties consented to intercourse, but who would consent to be told lies about it?
I do remember growing up and hearing a lot of talk from other boys about seduction. That is, what to tell you ladies to get "into your pants" as the term was then. I was completely inexperienced but it always seemed to me that the ladies I knew were too smart to fall for it, and several women confirmed it. They told me, "Yeah I listen to all that, but I know its a lot of crap. Sometimes I decide to do it anyway just because I want to. If that poor guy wants to think his line actually worked, that's his problem." I soon discovered that just asking worked as well, required a lot less effort, and demonstrated a lot more respect.
I admire so much you ladies that are so direct here. Very illuminating and I hope the younger lads here take it to heart. Relations between men and women are complicated enough when they are honest. When dishonesty creeps in, they become impossible. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:39:57 AM |
Wonder how many burgers it would take to qualify for a good lay. Can I have cheese on mine?
Heh, you take that 'hot' hamburger, 'lay' it down on the bottom part of the bun, then a slice of cheese 'gets laid' on top of it... you squirt some sauce on it, lay the top part of the bun on top... grab it by the buns... if its cooked right, its nice and juicy...
damn now I want..... uh, a burger, yeah.. thats it, a burger.  | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:45:28 AM | Taurus516........ Msg 19
[Rhino,I've often said Europeans have a more sensible attitude about sex than Americans.I think it's because Americans tend to attach a monetary or material value on EVERYTHING.The attitude about never getting it for free is typically American.The whole business of dating,courting,marriage and the breakups all support peripheral businesses that thrive on this absurd cycle.Is it any wonder western women,particularly Americans attach the value system to the sex drive.A woman who sleeps with a man is said to have "given herself to him" as if somehow her t wat was the center of her soul.
So the man who tagged and ran is seen to have gotten away with a terrible deed.He got the sex without having to sacrifice anything.Something considered anathema in American society,having the audacity to get something without sacrificing something,i.e,money,time, commitment.
It's business any way you look at it.]
My reply:
Taurus..... While your theory is well stated and has some truth to it I feel that you have completely overlooked the Judeo-Christian influence in America. Forget not that the country was founded by Puritan's and our laws and civil life heavily influenced by Christian Standards, where purity is the premium. Now comes the business part of all that.... a woman's needs are for life long security and a safe haven to raise children... her only bargaining tool for such is her sexuality. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/19/2007 4:02:19 PM |
Taurus..... While your theory is well stated and has some truth to it I feel that you have completely overlooked the Judeo-Christian influence in America. Forget not that the country was founded by Puritan's and our laws and civil life heavily influenced by Christian Standards, where purity is the premium. Now comes the business part of all that.... a woman's needs are for life long security and a safe haven to raise children... her only bargaining tool for such is her sexuality.
Absolutely,but the attitudes and mores you speak of predate the Judeo-Christian ethic.They go back to the days of arranged marriages and dowries.Virginity and chastity had economic value for the family unit as it ensured genetic control.A man could only be assured that his heirs were truly his if he could be assured that he was the only one who had sex with the woman or women. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/19/2007 4:16:48 PM | There are "hit it and quit it" people all over the place. Men and women alike ...it doesn't matter if it is the 1st date or5th date or the 15th.. if that is their mindset that is how it goes. We tend to hear more women refer to it happening to them ... I guess not too many men are open to talking about that sort of thing, at least not in a public forum.
Nobody has said anything about the use of force so I can only "assume" that we are referring to consentual sex. Everybody has the opportunity to say no. If you agreed to the sex then nobody used anybody (or both used each other).. whichever.
Get over it .. and move on. We are grown ups afterall.....if you didn't want the sex... you should have said no. Simple concept. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 10/1/2007 3:14:14 AM | Dave1234,
I speak as someone for whom the opposite of your notion is true: if I really think someone could be a good match for me, I want to take it slowly because that's the only way I can feel like we're developing the routine, comfy familiarity that, for me, is essential prior to deciding 'this is the man for me'.
I may instantly want him upon first meeting, but I don't KNOW him, so this warming-up period is a requirement, otherwise I feel rushed and superficial, which is a surefire way to turn me off.
On the flip side, if I know I'm not the least bit interested in a man for coupling potential, I certainly won't waste his or my time getting that point made (tactfully, of course).
'Taking it slow', for some, does not equate 'no interest'. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 10/1/2007 3:34:34 AM | "Be an adult and don't piss & moan you were used!"
Why aren't the "users" expected to be adults and be honest about what their intentions are? I felt my ex boyfriend used me. When he asked me if I ever heard of the three "F's" I KNEW that I was.
A lot of men...and women live their lives by the three "F's":
Find 'em
F*** 'em
Forget 'em | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 10/1/2007 3:42:12 AM | """There are "hit it and quit it" people all over the place. Men and women alike ...it doesn't matter if it is the 1st date or5th date or the 15th.. if that is their mindset that is how it goes. We tend to hear more women refer to it happening to them ... I guess not too many men are open to talking about that sort of thing, at least not in a public forum. """
that's right willow, and anyone else who said it. I don't know why the OP phrased it to apply to women though. Unless he is concerned for their emotions and well being. Anyone can "use" anything as the saying should go. Men are too afraid to say when women use them, that must be why this is a relevant question. So yes OP, no doubt some women "have been used". Maybe some others say it and aren't a "victim" but yes I agree OP, some women no doubt in history have been used, maybe many billions of women by now, considering how many selfish horney men are completely OK with casual one time encounters. Go count how many men don't block women on this site for "intimate encounters", then count how many women block men who are seeking "intimate encounters". I'll bet it's 100:1, that is 100 times as many men are
completely fine "fuking and forgetting " as women are. OR some large ratio like that, I"m not a sexstatician (but I play one in the bedroom).
OP said: """When it comes to sex and a woman says she was used does that mean she never enjoyed the sex? Does that mean she never, ever enjoys sex? If she enjoyed the sex why would she say she was used?"" No, I and most people don't think thats what they mean at all. but interesting question to some.
Now as to the notion the women are "willing", no doubt all the rapes we read about are 99% of the time caused by men. But the other group of "used women" are the ones who think "the guy is interested in me" and will stick around. But he doesn't even call the next day. Que Sera Sera, ehh? That's why women say "they got used". Kinda like giving someone a ride to work and they don't even like you I guess you could make that comparison somehow. So given that a lot of guys (myself included on occasion) have done such a thing to perfectly nice women, it speaks volumes as to why young girls are warned and older women know "be careful about sleeping with a guy before you know him well enough". | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 10/1/2007 4:07:35 AM | hiya,
sure were in an age when two adults can decide if they do and do not want to have sex.
I like to get to know someone first, that way i can tell what hes after, and i would rather not be a notch on his bedpost.
We got the vote so we could make our own judgements, and NO man on this earth will make me do something i don't want to, and if he don't like it he knows where the door is. | |
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