| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/12/2006 11:26:37 PM | re: using and being used. I have used, and I have been used. Ho hum.
The longer you're on the planet, the more you notice that things tend to balance out.
It's called Karma, or Fate, or the Immutable Tendency Toward Justice.
Relax. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/13/2006 2:08:11 AM | Coerced, played, connived, lied to, persuaded, but never used.  | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/13/2006 2:36:26 AM | | In all honesty how often does it happen? Isn't refusing sex more likely based on just not wanting it as opposed to worrying about being used? Or put another way isn't saying one does not want to be used just an excuse not to have sex? | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/13/2006 2:51:52 AM | no no no
refusing sex would come from hesitance, not that the temptation is not there. If I was in the situation that was intimate and if I said no, it would not be from lack of desire or I would not have placed myself in that position. Having sex on first date can screw things up like get you married. My emotions get in the way and I no longer see clearly. If it is an oh my gawd situation once in a lifetime situation then that is what happens. I would never could never look for an excuse not to have sex.
And again this is assuming that I am with a person that I am wanting to have sex with anyways. If I don't want to have sex with them there is no problem saying no but that is not tied to sex that is tied to the person. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/27/2006 2:14:14 PM | I don't agree with being used for sex either unless the person accusing has major self-esteem problems or something of that nature. Sometimes one person is hoping the other will develop feelings for them by having sex but they know deep down that it might not happen. I for one would never have sex with someone if I didn't want to. I look at it as going both ways. He could be using me but then I'm using him for that time also.  | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/29/2006 6:25:21 AM | I agree with most here that it's only "using" when one party leads the other to believe it's something more than sex.When deception is used.If two people mutally agree to have sex and they both go into it KNOWING that it's just sex,no one is being used.
I think alot of women may feel used because they've had it drilled into them(pardon the pun) that sex is connected to their value as a person,that if they have sex,they are "giving themselves" to a man as if the seat of their soul rests in their vaginas.
Honestly,there are far more important issues where a person has the potential for being really used than just having had sex.So you went to bed with a guy and it wasn't what he led you to believe it was or whatever,well hey,did you enjoy it at the time?Wherein lies the problem?Are you out anything?Did you get pregnant or contract an STD?No to all of those questions?Then move on and get over it.What's a little bodily fluid between friends? | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/29/2006 7:24:08 AM |
(Msg 181) I think alot of women may feel used because they've had it drilled into them(pardon the pun) that sex is connected to their value as a person,that if they have sex,they are "giving themselves" to a man as if the seat of their soul rests in their vaginas.
Well put! The strange thing is most women do not want to be looked at as sexual objects. They want to be appreciated for their brains, their opinions, their beliefs, etc, yet they put an inordinate amount of importance on sex.
Let's say a woman is an accountant. She wants to be valued for her intelligence and education and knowledge. If she went on a date and the man asked her a few questions about accounting laws/procedures and never followed through on a relationship would she feel used for her brains?
If sex is not what a woman is about why do so many of them make it appear like it is? If they feel having sex with a guy is giving away the most important thing then it must follow they believe sex is the most important thing about themselves.
Don't give it up. Don't be easy. Make the guy work for it. The more sex is guarded and withheld and limited and treated like gold it's natural men will see sex as the number one attribute of women. They are, in effect, saying it is by treating it as the most important thing they have to offer. Most peculiar. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/29/2006 8:09:53 AM | I would imagine that I was used for sex - ie I was the "rebound"/"transition" person between 2 of his girlfriends (he wanted us to be f*ckbuddies) - and yes, it was brief and it was quite lousy (for me, anyway... he couldn't make me come), but I never expected much to come of the relationship, as I knew that I'd be moving away (v. small village of <2000 people) within 4-6 months.
Although I kinda got a little more emotionally attached than I'd intended (and knew this when his current g/f asked me exactly "how serious are you with _____ ?" about 2-3 days before she barged in on the relationship and confessed to him that she had a crush) I knew that deep down in myself that the whole thing was more of a sympathy f*ck than anything else, and broke off all "outside of work" interraction with both of them completely (he used to come in to where I worked, so I saw him there on a regular and the new girlfriend was my downstairs neighbour).
Oh well... I was able to move away much sooner than anticipated and although I regret being one of the proverbial notches on his bedpost, I don't miss either of them. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/29/2006 1:02:46 PM | LMAO Taurus~~
I like to be looked at as a sexual object, but also want to be appreciated for the fact that I have a brain in my head and know how to use it. My dad taught me that a long time ago. Hopefully, there are still a few guys out there who appreciate both. Because I don't play the "dating or sex games" that so many people seem to play. I think that just carries right on over into a relationship, if one develops, and sex is used as a punishment, etc..... Know what I mean>? | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/29/2006 1:35:01 PM | Only in America or any other place where western value systems are so linked with reward/payoff schemes,would such a charade exist and thrive.
Eh? Couldya keep that really broad paintbrush way over there, please? You're starting to splatter those generalizations all over the rest of us, who think in no such way on the subject.
If someone scams their way into the sack with someone else, then it's called being duped, or suckered... but "used" doesn't quite fit unless it happens repeatedly with the usee's knowledge.
I'd always considered sex as an intimite and private sharing of oneself with someone special, and not a business transaction. Outside of a small minority of jackasses and deluded fools who treat it as a business transaction and operate on that principle, I fail to see how the rest of us somehow caught this infection that you refer to.
Geez... stop believing the television so much | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/30/2006 6:37:03 PM | I'm just tossing out an idea; I don't know if I'm right or wrong. However, I suspect it's right.
Women are not stupid; they know the score. They know who they can marry and who they cannot. They know when the man is out of their league for marriage, but okay for a quicky and that as soon as the man has sexual intercourse with her, he will put on his pants and get out of there just as he would if he took a dump in the woods.
They know the man is lying, but they have to hear the words to tell themselves it is okay to do what they want to do with a superior good looking man. Of course, afterwards they will claim he lied and used them. That is only to justify to themselves behavior and desires they will not admit to themselves and others.
If I am in error, I hope someone will take the time to explain how and where I'm wrong.
The only thing I am certain of is that men are obligated to lie. Because if they tell the truth they are punished. That is, the woman will deny sex. If only by lying will men be rewarded with sex, then they have the right and obligation to lie. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:15:59 AM | FUNNY GIRL........
You have just expressed my point of view on this subject to an absolute T
Very well put........... | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/31/2006 2:41:16 PM | | How can you be "used" for sex if you know how to say the magical word...NO! | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:40:22 PM | Out of their league>????? HUH>? Maybe they'd be out of my league is more like it. I can't stand shallow guys with double standards... So, they'd get blown right out of the water~ | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 2/1/2006 11:20:20 AM | I like to be looked at as a sexual object,
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"I'm a sex object.Whenever I want sex from a woman,they object."
Jackie Chan
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 2/1/2006 2:15:13 PM | LMAO Taurus~~~It took me forever to find this thread again.... Brain freeze or something more serious.. Hmm, I'm not sure~~ | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 11/19/2006 3:20:04 PM | | I WILL CALL HIM USER OR LOSER IT HAPPEN TO ME TOO | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 11/19/2006 4:00:00 PM | Oh no...I've been used for:
1) Sex
2) An Armpiece on NewYear's eve party
3) Girlfriend Status to a guy who was having a dry spell and needed to tell the guys at work he had a pretty girlfriend.
It is not just sex...Using of anykind is not good. Tricking someone to think they will be something else for your alterior motives will make them upset.
And yes I have been mad with guys that have taken me out for dessert or dinner and not tried to had sex with me. Not because of the lack of sex (thank god there was no sex), but because I probably would not have been with them for dinner if they had not lied about something to get me there.
Sex is a big deal because if a guy tricks a girl into having sex, usually they imply that there will be a prolonged relationship. And a girl that has that kind of prerequisite before having sex is more cautious about choosing her partners. For STDs and many other reasons such as emotional attachment.
But lies of anykind are not good. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 11/19/2006 8:58:31 PM | I have to admit that I am intrigued at the depth of the shallowness of this fish pond.
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 11/20/2006 1:03:38 AM | | Darn I thought this was going to be a chance to volunteer. | |
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| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:48:58 AM |
(Msg 196) Sex is a big deal because if a guy tricks a girl into having sex, usually they imply that there will be a prolonged relationship. And a girl that has that kind of prerequisite before having sex is more cautious about choosing her partners. For STDs and many other reasons such as emotional attachment.
It seems it's not unusual for a woman to be cautious about choosing her next partner claiming the "been used before" excuse. Is gives the impression she has been used frequently or often or at least a number of times, otherwise, it wouldn't make sense to consider it a major or constant concern when a relationship is developing. In other words if she has dated six guys, had sex with one of them, then all those relationships never worked out it's not fair to say the one she had sex with used her for sex.
Is the problem due to having sex and the relationship not lasting or is the problem feeling she's been used? If a guy sincerely believes she is the one and they have sex and further down the road the relationship fails is it so terrible that she had sex with him? I get the impression if a relationship ends after having been intimate the reason is usually stated as, "All he wanted was sex". As shown in the example above the one guy she had sex with may have left the relationship for any of the reasons the other five did meaning he wasn't there just for the sex.
Finally, assuming a woman has to have a strong attraction to any guy she has sex with when a woman states guys have used her does that mean she's attracted to a lot of guys?
The point I'm getting at is when entering a relationship women frequently say they want to go slow before they have sex. Is it really because they have been used by guys or is it more likely she just isn't attracted to the guy she's currently with?
The reason I ask is it makes a big difference to the guy. If a man is sure the woman is attracted to him and wants to have sex but she is afraid of being used then the guy will probably wait it out. If, however, she is refusing sex because the feelings are just not there but pulls out the "been used before" excuse it's not fair to the guy. I think that's why some guys leave rather than wait. It's not because they don't want to wait. It's because they would be waiting not for the woman to feel secure but for the woman to even feel she wants to have sex with him. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 200 | |
| Used for sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 10:10:14 AM | I get used for sex often and different and the same little group of women, some say they are my friend I pick them up to take them to a movie then they do not let me leave till next morning and set up a different day for movies or a drink . Next day another tells me she needs help for college work so I help her with it , then all of a sudden , I get brests in my face .
other asks me to take her to dinner then on my way I pass my house and the excuse is if she can go to the bathroom , we do not leave until next morning . Or one neighbor does not even hide it and calls me she wants to have sex , I refuse and she shows up anyhow . it goes on and on everyday. I even tell them sorry I have no protection , too bad and they bring their own,
I know I am a guy and Ilike sex but too much I guess is too much , you may think I am boasting but one time it was several women and one day , and I did not want to tell any of them I had some earlier for fear of getting something cut off .
None of them want a relationship , I know i as a guy should be in nirvana cuz of the sex but it gets old, it is so cold .
I want a relationship but get used , for sex and money too but that is a different story .
They call for sex and money , I am their fav pit stop , they like the no drama and stil be their friend .
I used to practice being celibate and cannot do it because of the pressures.
Are women like guys players now days ?
Only desperate pysichos want a relationship with me .
Beleive it or not getting used gets old and makes the feeling of loneliness grow .  | |
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