| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online? NO!!!
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:54:24 AM | While I realize that very few men actually masterbate -- just ask one -- I have to say that "cybersex" activities are nothing more than content for masterbatory fantasy.
There are studies that suggest many heterosexual males sometimes have homosexual fantasies in mind while masterbating. Does that make them gay? Nope. Likewise, masterbating to an image or a story (and that's all cam or chat could reasonably constitute) doesn't make the individual a cheater. It doesn't even necessarily mean that there is anything lacking in their actual real-world relationship.
Now, as for the lack of discussion of such activity with one's partner: what a surprise. Look at the freaking taking place here. Does anyone really wonder why someone doing this wouldn't be "open" about it? That still doesn't make them a cheater. Out there, in the real world, people are rarely absolutely honest and with good reason. That sort of expectation is a recipe for destroying any relationship.
The hypothetical scenario set out by the original post isn't cheating in any meaningful sense. Cheating is about acting on fantasy, not the fantasy itself. It's okay to have fantasies. It's okay to masterbate to fantasies. It's even okay to involve other's in some sense (and has always been).
Consider the situation this way. If the person were surfing for pornographic images or stories on the net, how many here would still argue that is cheating? Assuming most would take the reasonable position (I know that might be a stretch) that this does not constitute cheating in any meaningful sense, then the basis for considering the present scenario cheating is simply temporal. So, if the pornographic image/text was produced a month before being utilized, it would be okay? What about a day before? An hour? A minute?
Like it or not, in the real world, people thankfully still expect physical, sexual, contact for cheating to have meaning. Thinking about cheating does not constitute cheating. I'm really, seriously, worried that with the mindset displayed here, those days are numbered. That ought to concern everybody because what it means is accepting the notion of thought crime. I sure hope I don't live in such a sickeningly totalitarian society.
Frankly, I'd be more worried about someone hanging out on a singles, dating site "for the forums" than an individual hunting for a virtual partner for masterbation. Keep in mind, regardless of the tastelessness of the original post's hypothetical statements, the person is admitting being in a relationship and only expressing an interest in real-time pornographic content for the purpose of masterbating. There is no discussion of meeting "for coffee" or any interest expressed in any sort of relationship other than the moment; they are not interested in any reality underlying the fantasy being sought.
I feel sorry for any future partners of persons that are so insecure that they need to feel control over the thoughts and fantasies of their mates. That is so double-plus wrong. | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/3/2006 12:42:43 PM | The people on the internet are the same people you see walking down the street everyday.
It is disrespectful and cheating. | |
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Ahhh!
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Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 130 | |
| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/3/2006 1:45:18 PM |
How about if they say to these people "my gf/bf are gone to bed and I'm really horny....
why doesn't he just go wake her up?? I would be pissed if i found out he was chatting with other girls for THAT reason, but if it's just chix he always talks to, I dont care. He knew 'em before me, so why would i say anything about who he can/can't talk to. I'd expect the same in return though... | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/3/2006 4:52:45 PM | its wrong but i would be ok if my partner did some flirtation online or talk with ladies -
But wouldnt accept him talking about sex and how much he wants her etc etc | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:03:20 PM | Yes its cheating.
I kinda have an interesting story about this.
My mother's second ex husband, before he was her ex husband, sent me an email that said something like,
"Hubba hubba. I'm home alone and bored. Want to come over and liven things up." (He was a geek)
Anyway -aside from being really grossed out I was pretty concerned as to why I got this email.
Turns out, the lady he was cheating on my mom with had an email very similar to mine and he sent the email to me instead of her. Out of the millions of emails out there, he sends his cheating mail to me. LOL.. Kind of like the stupid criminals you see on the news.  | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 4:32:19 AM | I don't like it, and in my world it is cheating and I don't put up with it. If I'm with someone for a standard amount of time and we are developing some sort of relationship - he better not be playin online. It's disrespectful......and no matter what - I always find out
I think if you have to play online and do those things, meanwhile you have a great person in your world - perhaps you just are not with the "right perfect person for you."
*shrugs* but that's me. I have no patience for men who get interested in me - but like to play online...nadda no way no how *ha ha*. | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 5:33:57 AM | | hmmm fine line there I think. I personally would kick my blokes butt (if I had one lmao) if i found out he was flirting, camming or spending lots of time speaking to other women about sex or fantasies, complimenting them etc. The thing is why would someone feel the need to do this if they were happy in their relationship. I think it is different if it is a xpl who have some harmless fun online with others but not when you're sat there chatting ppl up on your own xjx | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 7:26:11 AM | If I was talking online to women.. and my partner was talking online to men... it would be rediculous to assume there eer person with whom you speak will not have some intentions.
People will get jealous regardless of the conversation... the online person is secret in many ways already..
Do I think it's cheating... we'll If its.. "my GF just went to bed" kind of story... i dont think it cheating.. but very low class. Jerking off online comparedto having real sex... hmmm ..OK? whatever..
But If Im at work... And my GF is talking a little dirty to some guy online.. I wouldn;t care.. and wouldnt want to know... usually that would mean shes pretty hot when I got home...
But if it ever became something where she was doing it and I was there .. for her entertainment and pleasure.. then that would be a problem.. but not cheating.
Cheating to me is the physical.... besides.. cybersex.. is SOOOOOO BORING! | |
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| Reply To #1
Posted: 12/4/2006 2:09:32 PM | I totally agree with everything Lakota69 said. I think that if you are going to talk dirty online with a complete stranger is the exact same as picking up a hooker on the street and having a one night stand  ... There is no difference between talking dirty and lusting its all cheating if its not with your girlfriend or boyfriend...
YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHY RUIN THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET OFF... IF you want to get off go to the room where your spouse is and enjoy that pleasure with the one you are suppose to be in love with...
This is something that I would definately not even be thinking about doing while I am in a relationship because I don't want our relationship to be ruined over something so rediculously stupid as cybersex.
The only time it is acceptable to talk dirty is when you are talking dirty or lusting after you girlfriend or boyfriend 
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| Reply To #1
Posted: 12/4/2006 8:13:48 PM | Yes, I think it's cheating.....as others have said: If you feel the need to hide your actions from your SO....it's cheating. I don't care if it's with your mind or your body!
I have no patience for men who get interested in me - but like to play online...nadda no way no how
My sentiments, exactly.
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 8:59:48 PM | Well do you feel guilty? What is said? Are you growing closer than friends? If you answered yes to any one of these questions then the answer is yes.
Silk | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:43:39 PM | Its sick , and yes I consider it cheating .. some people need to grow up and realize that there is more to life than "gettin off"  | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:51:04 PM | My marriage ended (in part) over a relationship that started on the internet.
It's cheating. It was cheating long before he and her "met". Their time together took away from my family time, created anger and hostility and all the same issues an in person affair creates.
I've had an internet relationship since then. They can be very intense and real.
Cheating. | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/5/2006 12:05:45 AM | Its about the intimacy. If you have to hide something from your respective other that you have committed to emotional, physical and intellectual intimacy with than you are breaking your own commitment. A person that can't stand up for there own word and allows life to dictate the next set of life events as apposed to dictating your own terms to life is no good to start with.
If this is confusing...please make the best of it, its late at night.
Its cheating. | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/5/2006 6:48:12 AM | It is cheating. And it is selfish. However, someone has needs that are not being met. what if he or she is trying to fill a void? It might be because you are unable to satisfy all his needs or it might go far deeper.What if he/you or both have tried everything to improve the situation but nothing works and you are too scared to go it alone? There are alot of people like that.
Ok.What's the alternative? That he has unmet needs but still out of respect for you he does not flirt on-line or anywhere else. If he can't express those feelings how will you know he is not happy. At least if there are outward signs that something is wrong you have something to work with. So often, one person thinks that 'everything is fine' when really it isn't.
Two scenarios same outcome: unhappiness.
If a person flirts they get to be happy and feel wanted. Right?(at least that's the illusion) It's a quick fix but doesn't really mean anything. Right? Maybe. Or....Wrong. It's called playing with fire. It might create a convenient excuse for him to end the relationship, perhaps by default.
Usually flirting on-line is just an innocent diversion, titillation, ego tripping, but there is always a chance that someone seemingly 'better' will come along and sweep you off your feet. It rarely lasts. But it may last long enough to do irreperable damage to the current relationship but if it was a relationship that wasn't ideal in the first place there's no love lost.
It is important to recognise the dangers of flirting on-line. Just to be aware of the implications is useful.
COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION
Everybody needs to work at relationships but you need two willing parties otherwise you are banging your head against a brick wall.
Clues that something is wrong include:
- if you go to bed on your own
- if you go to bed with somebody else (quiet Flora! this is serious!)
if he has the need for the company of other women: you could blame yourself but it may just be that he is plain greedy, don't beat yourself up over it (or flog the dead horse), there is only so much you can do. He obviously isn't getting the attention he needs. if you are happy to go to bed alone he is feeling superfluous. Tell him you need him, not want, need. He really matters to you.
Try talking about it. Say you feel insecure and unhappy. Not appreciated enough and because you are sad the relationship is strained. he goes on-line to escape from the stress, the stress that his behaviour is causing. Hmmm...i'm getting confused now. The problem may be self-perpetuating. Put a sledgehammer through his computer, that way he can't flirt on-line and also you will see how much he truly loves you.
We all like to feel special. If nothing changes, you owe it to yourself to find someone who will show you more respect and really appreciate you.
sheesh! I wish I knew what I was talking about!
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/5/2006 8:18:24 AM | | Why in the world would he do that for. Just being tease online doesn't do one any good. Now if he was a real man, and he had a g/f going to bed, why didn't he get up go into the bedroom and take her. Then he wouldn't be horny anymore. There definately seems to be a loss of communication between the bf/gf for sure there. This should have been talked about already. If one of the 2 were horny then they need to work it out getting the relief they need from there partner and not getting more teased online. | |
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| Is It Cheating If Its Only Online????
Posted: 12/5/2006 8:28:51 AM | Cheating is cheating. Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. If you are getting off with someone else, then its cheating .. even if it is only words.
If its just regular chatting, then no, its obviously not cheating. Some people get under the impression that once you start dating someone that speaking to the opposite sex must end. Thats just silly. Mind you, I can understand the concern about chatting to new people all the time. Its the allure of meeting people online, the unknown factor .. that I think people fall for.
Having said that, if one is in a good enough relationship, then it shouldnt be an issue. | |
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