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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:13:03 PM | I was replying to you.
I'm sorry for your bad experience(s) but that doesn't make the majority of us ***holes. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:28:00 PM | Thank you, Daisypetals, words truly a breath of fresh air. All of the posts were very interesting with much dissatisfaction and disillusionment. I do believe that some social history should be considered. For decades, Gloria Steinham has declared that she is not just liberating women, but men also. Liberate from what? From bonding? From committment? From the development of a loving, trusting relationship? Steinham's effect on relationships suggests an old cliche: What is good for the goose, is good for the gander. For certain, men of my age cohort simply do not know what the rules are. As a social trend, men of my age cohort and the next generation are opting for a single life with their own home, career, hobbies etc. When some of them date, they are just looking for a casual encounter -- nothing more.
I have dated several women who followed the feminist party line from 1970 on. Now, in their fifties and reflecting, they see themselves as successful single moms, single career women, yet at the end of the road, no man in their life -- sad isn't it? The view has changed and recommend reading Christina Hoff-Sommers' publications.
Daisy is probably accurate with her ratio of 1/100 men looking for a LTR. With my own search and communications on dating web sites, I discovered very quickly that women have been played with the wrong way. The only thought is that those men ruin it for the men who are really seeking an LTR.
Are there men left who want to bond? Yes, I know many, yet you should hear their dissappointments too; it would be helpful to know the other side. The men that I know, myself included, do not have baggage, do not do drama, and do not place expectations on women other than companionship at dinner, a show, exhibit, travel etc. I have shown interest in a few grandmothers, my age or a little less. What happened? Their adult children expect them to baby sit often, the grand moms were involved with church and other activities. So, what did I hear after suggesting a nice quiet dinner? "Oh, I'm too busy." That left me wondering why those women were bothering to look in the first place.
The other insidious social trend to take into account is the effect of adult porno especially on the web. There is nothing more addictive and misleading. That effect has women who are looking for a LTR right in the cross hairs of a social paradox. In actual terms, "No, not all women are looking for a casual sexual encounter." Yet, many are doing just that. Does that leave men confused? A little. I do read the dialogue on the web site pages, and do take the women seriously, especially when one sees, "No cheats, liars, or players." I see that type of dialogue often. In a way, it makes me feel like I'm about to date a porcupine -- armored and ready -- oh fun. On the other hand, I have read many pages where fiftyish women are declaring, "Please, no man older than 35." As cougars, what do you suppose those women are looking for? They are also your competition. They will do sex casually, and enjoy it too! That sends a powerful message to younger men, "The older, good looking ones just want sex." A social bargain.
There are dating web sites that sincerely attempt to enlist both men and women who are honestly looking for a LTR. Yet, that doesn't stop the players from doing what they do. Therefore, the dating web site should be considered caveat emptor -- let the buyer beware. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:51:31 PM | Perhasps call me naive, but from the 5 or so pages of this thread I have skimmed, so far, a bunch of BS. Any long term relationships gone awry mentioned herein? If longterm, then the assumption would be that there has been some physical contact w/in said relationship. If so, I doubt such (physical relationship) is the cause of this thread. Instead, something else broke the relationship. Now after a while, sex/physical contact is all that is being sought-per this thread.
The question should be whether as the "other", w/ extra pounds/double chins, is one that you want to hold hands w/. The more pertinent question, is whether this is the person which you want to wipe your (or vice versa) tail as you lie dying. Sex is good, yet is only the cumulation of what is meant by "relationship".
Therefore, is this just a thread about screwing, or is it one about trusting/loving/wanting to be w/ one (that you may enjoy other physiacl activities w/ later). | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:35:23 PM | crayonzz.....
never did Isay they were actually getting the sex....you said...WANT sex=your words These guys are about the conquest...not governed by a clock
=========================
No way Tuff!
The very few guys who ARE after "conquest". (Who the hel called, what is actually a union of pleasures, a damn "conquest" in the first place) are goverened by the clock.
The guys not after conquest are after sex. And they have a much better cance of sex, with the girl that they bonked last night, than with an entirely new girl. Simple logic. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:59:08 PM | There are many of men out there that want sex and sex only. There are many of men out there that will do it on the first date and many that will wait. I am the type that wait to kiss until it feels right and when it comes to sex I like to wait until we both feel comfortable with the situation. I think sex once it is introduced changes the whole relationship into a different category and both parties act different. That is why I am now waiting to have sex until I know the woman is right for me and I feel there is a true connection.
All men are not mean and believe me I just finished a bad relationship and I could come on here and say why are women so mean but that wouldnt change the fact that some are and some arent.
Give it time and maybe the one that isnt mean will come out.
Good luck in the New Year!
Doug | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:34:13 PM | okay i hate those types of men they give guys like me a bad reputation
i am the different type the one that is interested in long realationships and not a one night stand
i just don't do one night stands because there was a girl who did it to me and afterwards she just stopped with any form of contact and that made me felt wierd
anyways im just here to let you know that there are othere types of guys
and not just pigs who thinks a woman is a trophy
a woman needs like any othere person to be treated with respect and not as an object
when will they ever learn | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:55:20 PM | To continue. It is time for women to read what other women authors are saying. Do a web search of the article "Restoring Testosterone" written by Barbara Sumner Burstyn in 2002. She will guide you into many reasons why men will not or are just plain reluctant to commit to a relationship. When I was a young man, I had to tolerate a radical feminist saying printed on tee shirts, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Now, I'd like to reciprocate and see a tee shirt with, "A man needs a woman like a bear needs buck shot." Barbara Burstyn is a reformed gender feminist who now laments the behavior that guaranteed that men would stay out of her life. So, she has a journalism career, and sits at home alone pondering and writing about how it all went wrong. In truth, Gloria Steinham essentially was proactive in creating a gender liberated society, therefore why should men seek to bond? Are men not accorded the equality and freedom of liberation? Simply there are so many women out there who just want some attention even if it is for one night only. Yet, if you really want to know why men are reluctant to bond, then go back forty years ago with the effect of our newly constructed gender liberated society. Now, women who experienced the benefits of liberation through the 70's 80's and 90's are facing the rest of their lives alone, yet if lucky, they might have two cats to keep them company. When women come out with the attitude, "It's my way or the highway." I will clearly choose the latter, and may be the reason why men might be viewed as mean. There's nothing more refreshing than a clean get away.
Prior to this post, a few men stated that they are wise enough to spend time with a woman of interest to see if they are compatible. With the way that some women have put the blame on men, I have a question. Should one of the well intentioned men decide after so many weeks that a woman of interest is not compatible, will she post on this thread complaining how her last "almost relationship" was mean and left? Watch out guys because it's going to be your fault no matter what -- no freedom of choice -- and no liberation for you.
The originator of this thread equated "mean" with deceitful. So, the title would be better understood as "Why are men so deceitful?" From my experience with women, I really want to just say, "Its the pot calling the kettle 'black' ."
For some fun, I recommend the movie "The Upside of Anger" with Kevin Costner and Joan Allen -- it's a hoot! | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 12:29:44 AM | Well, I have been to a lot of dating sites, and I feel the opposite....The women are not only mean, but most of these sites give women a free ride (no subscription fee) while the guys have to pay. Maybe if some of the guys didn't feel ripped off they wouldn't be expecting it right away?
Let me ask you this: How could you fall in love with someone sight unseen on a dating site? Maybe you were anxious or hopeful that he was the one. But "Fall in love"? PLEASE!!!! | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 12:54:29 AM | Heh.. The OP of this thread,. is whinning about mean men, living with her husband, who's on the couch..and can't figure out why she's just getting 1-night stands.
Meanwhile, I get crap about being seperated for 9 years..say I'm still married & cheating, or "might reconcile"  (shakes head)
In the meantime, the other female posters are saying what a crappy guy the OP's date was for wanting sex,. the usual "all men are dogs" "castrate them",.. etc etc. I suppose the guy could have sat down with her & hubby, got to know her better, ask him about her quirks, favorite position, etc,. see if she had a hide-a-bed or futon, or inflatable air mattress in case he wanted a LTR with her.. enough dates, cots, and LTR's it would start looking like a college dorm there...  | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 1:24:56 AM |
"Restoring Testosterone" written by Barbara Sumner Burstyn in 2002. She will guide you into many reasons why men will not or are just plain reluctant to commit to a relationship.
I just read the article, but to me Burstyn was acknowledging the undefined state of 'masculinity'. She recognized that changes were needed for gender equality, but suggested that we've thrown the baby out with the bathwater......
It seems men have traded their masculinity or at least a big portion of it in return for what? Woman's approval. You'd think we would be grateful for this but we're not. Now we just disrespect them for not being real men.
http://www.spectator.co.nz/POV/real-men.htm
I can't find anything to back up the cut and paste below. Burstyn is still a feminist and an award winning journalist. (Feminism has changed significantly since the 60's). She is not sitting at home alone..lolol...She is married to Tom Burstyn.
Barbara Burstyn is a reformed gender feminist who now laments the behavior that guaranteed that men would stay out of her life. So, she has a journalism career, and sits at home alone pondering and writing about how it all went wrong.
best,
E | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:51:58 AM | Well, as I said on another post, maybe that's the type you are attracted to for some reason. Honest and well-meaning guys often don't show up on women's radars, as they usually don't put up false fronts and such.
It may be you have to change your perceptual filters to see the good ones out there. They often do not come off as "exciting" but more as "predictable". | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 1:05:30 PM | Men are not mean just irresponsibly horny **stards! I don't know how old you are but I'm 51 and I have had to say no since I was 18 and thank God I was raised by my Grandmother who taught me that I owned my own body and I have the last word as to whom and when I wanted to share it with!
So don't feel bad about the way this guy treated you he was only thinking of himself and finding ways to gratify his sexual needs and had you gone to bed with him and pleased him sexually he would still be calling you.
The problems would have arrived later for you when you would have fallen for him and realized that all he wanted was sexual gratification from you! so lick your wounds and thank your lucky stars that that jerk was not able to use your body as a transient sperm depository and giving you an STD and a Dr's bill! I always tell guys thanks that you find me sexy but your sexual needs are not my responsibility if your head(upper)is not on your pillow next to mine everynight!
A guy is worth your time if he takes care of his sexual needs with his 2 hands before he goes out on a date so he can have more control of his urges and can think with his brain and able to appreciate the good woman that you are. Good luck next time! | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 1:28:05 PM | There are men out here that are not just looking for a roll in the hay so to speak and want a meaning relationship. It can be said at times women can and are pretty mean also. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 2:47:29 PM | I think you are misreading my point, crayonzz..
I don't think all men do this..again I say...different women,,don't think I stated "new"
women. These guys will pose as someone genuine, sincere, caring,,and will play that until the woman feels he is someone she wants to be intimate/sexual with the intent of building on that,,not a one night stand that she just met up with..usually these are men already known to her.
It's been happening for generations. My daddy said many years ago..he will say and do what ever it takes 'til he gets in your pants...I thought it only applied to teenage boys, but after a 20 yr marriage and reintroduction to single life.....it's not a teen age attitude, it applies across age groups (for this type of guy)....glad to see the men who are saying they recognize that this continues to happen. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:02:00 PM | Falling in love takes a lot more time, sounds like pure lusting for a man in your life, and yeah, most men just wanna @#$% ya, but not all of us, I like long walks on the beach, flowers, poetry, and white girls named Debby 2...
but whats more important here, is that you did'nt @#$% him, he may have Kootys...
It must so hard being a woman. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:23:07 AM | "followed the feminist...yet no man in their life"
Well, Im a feminist and I have a terrific man in my life.....I stayed true to my values and principles and found someone who loves me..Dont blame feminism for reasons why women dont have partners.....None of that has anything to do with dissing men or following radicals from what Ive experienced...Why would you even want a woman who fakes it and lies it and compromises her values and what she needs in a relationship just to have a man?....I just dont get that...Then the women are blamed for making poor choices by men and not sticking to their values...Yet when they do stick to their values and cant find a partner, they are told by men that " the pot is calling the kettle black" for being feminists and they got what they deserved...Without even looking at the mens part in that!!!.......Alot of that has to do with the immaturity and instability of the pool of men out there as well....Most of the men I encountered before meeting my boyfriend were incredibly overcontrolling, immature, insecure, lookist and a prisoner of the junk culture , and often confused and didnt know what they wanted......I got so sick of that....They couldnt handle a secure, intellligent, assertive woman who was also warm , feminine, loving and giving..... Plus, alot of women dont want to take on another immature "kid" for a partner when they have already raised their own children..Those women choose to be alone than to take on something like that...And thats not neccesarrily a bad thing if they are following their heart so dont knock it....Many would love to be in a relationship but arent going to make poor decisions just to "have a guy" and are just frustrated and sad that there arent enough exceptional men out there who can be true, mature partners...My gorgeous, 71 yr old widowed mother is finding that the widowed and divorced men she encounters either want a cook and maid or someone they can drop in and out of her life with no committment....She has dated a professor, a successful business owner and a contractor all in their 60s and 70s.. ..So she chooses to be alone rather than compromise her values, mental health and what she deserves from a partner.....She was married 49 years, was a wonderful traditional housewife and raised 2 children and is educated, fit, cultured , healthy and loves to travel all over the world and attend movies and museums...Yet she cant find a partner either...And shes not a self proclaimed feminist so the idea that embracing feminism has prevented women from finding partners is alot of BS...My mother and myself are proof of that | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:02:39 PM | We all own responsibilty for choices we make in life.  | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/2/2008 2:08:03 PM | Amen Capegardengirl
Amen
This thread confirms again there are worse things than being alone.
My values, my identity, my well being...if all those things are amiss or out of sync, then what kind of partner does that make? I had a solid marriage for 20 yrs, raised and still raisng my kids,,built my career as the kids grew, worked part time to help wtih the bills..feminist,,,not so much as believing in me and what I have to contribute to a relationship that nurtures me too.
otherwise...
 alone in a sea of sharks .....so be it. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:48:00 PM | | and here's another female dip shit. instead of wondering why guys are so mean, you should be asking yourself how was i so completely stupid as to have an interest in him. that's what you should of posted. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 395 | |
| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:52:43 PM | Well, I see that the loser...oops, I mean OP, is gone.
I have to say that I'm surprised at how many people are supportive of her anger at the guy in question. SHE'S MARRIED...why wouldn't the guy think she's looking for sex if she's married and online looking?
She's an idiot and deserves whatever she gets.
I don't understand why her husband would cheat on her...she seems like a real gem. What man doesn't love a woman with major anger issues? | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:34:47 AM | Op
sorry, but you had it coming. You didn't have a gun pointed at your head saying that oyu had to go out with the guy.
not all guys are like this, just the ones a lot of women fall for. And then we have women like you saying that all guys are like this, just because of your foolish mistake. Be adult about it and change | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 8/27/2008 11:02:10 PM | Cry me a river. Women just like mean men...
If it's too good to be true, then it probably is...
This man probably realised that his best way around women is not to give them too much importance, and that is true.
Moreover... what are you whining about... when did this man mention commitment or anything... what does he owe you? If you have a one night stand and you love him, does that mean that he has to dedicated his life to you now... you build too many castles in your head.
Earn his love. Wait for him to call back. Thats how it normally goes. But dont trust him too much. Chances are this man hates commitment and will run away as soon as you ask anything from him.
Lots of men are like that... they only want sex, and while having sex they come to know the other person, and eventually fall in love with her. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:25:15 AM | That's why it's best not to have sex so sudden after meeting/dating somebody...if they're willing to wait then maybe that's not all they care about, but if they try to rush you into it...that's definitely all they're after--tell them to go find a prostitute or something if that's all they want.  | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:45:10 AM | It does not matter if it is the first date or the tenth date. Only have sex if you want to do so. And how on earth are you in love on the first date? Some woman initiate sex and then are ticked off. Everyone has a choice and guess what that is private between the two of you. If you are feeling used then maybe you need to look within.
And why are you shouting so. All caps are SHOUTING. Stop it. Or not.
Or you have not even gone out yet and you think you are in love. Need to look at your profile. How young are you? You are in love by an email. Will not sleep with him. Feel like you are a one night stand. You are so confused. | |
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| WHY ARE MEN SO MEAN
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:51:09 AM | | HOT ALL MEN ON HERE ARE JUST LOOKING FOR JUST SEX,IT GOES BOTH WAYS. | |
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