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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/3/2006 8:27:33 PM | | That sounds good Scraps. That is the way it should be...building a sexual relationship instead of "test driving" it. I wonder though..if you have sex before marriage and then get married...have children. What would be the difference with her losing interest in sex..in comparison to waiting and then having sex..everything is great and then children~ How does the loss of interest in sex compare in the two scenarios? | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/3/2006 8:36:56 PM | It sounds like there are two different postings here...
Women who keep screaming...you should make sure you really care...it should be more than just sex etc.
Men who keep screaming....we must make sure we are compatable!!!
You are both right...wait a while before you have sex to make sure you are compatable...then get to business!!!!
This wait till marraige...dear god maybe if you are a virgin and are 18.
If you are not a virgin odds are you KNOW the difference between good sex and bad sex. So you need to make sure it is good sex...or you may live a life of misery day dreaming about the good sex you once had. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/3/2006 8:50:33 PM |
That sounds good Scraps. That is the way it should be...building a sexual relationship instead of "test driving" it. I wonder though..if you have sex before marriage and then get married...have children. What would be the difference with her losing interest in sex..in comparison to waiting and then having sex..everything is great and then children~ How does the loss of interest in sex compare in the two scenarios?
What I'm saying is that the sex could be mind blowing, then just like that it's gone through no fault of her or his own.
What do you base your relationship on now? Marriage is better or for worse. If you are marrying someone solely on the basis that the sex is great, then you're headed for disaster.
My father became a diabetic after he married my mother. As a result he suffered from sexual dysfunction. That was back in the day before Viagra.
It could happen to anyone.
Sex should be about building intimacy, not about how many orgasms you have.
Scraps. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/3/2006 10:21:58 PM | Ooli said it very well earlier in this thread. Sex is best if it is tied in with a loving relationship. How long a couple should wait is between the two parties involved. To me, that decision is no ones business but theirs.
My preference is to be engaged before getting physical, knowing that the man loves me enough to ask me to marry him. The love and trust is already there, making the relationship stronger, and should something happen later, the relationship would survive those problems. This is my own personal take on this, but what other people feel is not of concern to me unless I am actually in a relationship. Give and take is part of a loving relationship, and a variation of this may actually occur. Open communication about topics like these is also important to establish. If I feel comfortable talking sexuality with my partner, then I know that this relationship is on the right track.
Various studies have been done that indicate that those who wait for sex until the love is there tend to have longer lasting relationships. But then again who am I to say how long to wait is right for other people? I probably fall in the middle on this, not willing to put out early in the relationship but not waiting all the way to the wedding day.
Love takes time is the title of an old song, and I think this fits this thread to some extent.
Folks, do what your conscience dictates, not what society tells you to do.
Best wishes,
DW. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/4/2006 9:20:28 AM |
GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
We would have to try it first. I would hate to think of what I was missing out on.
Because if it was hot monkey sex to the point
you wonder how the hell the foot prints got on the ceiling,
and you know how, but not who broke the oven door,
and wonder if you can ever eat again using that dinning room table !
I don't think so, but I am willing to give it some thought
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/4/2006 2:14:58 PM | Marriage? Why would I want to get married?
Assuming though, that I desired marriage, how would I know if she was the right girl, if we had never experienced intercourse together?
As a rule of thumb, if a woman and I do not have sex right away, then there is no real spark. If there is no spark, why would I even consider a long term commitment? Even when there was a strong mutual attraction, none of my relationships have been lengthy.
So my conclusion is, "Hell no." Why would I waste my time with a woman, who has serious sexual hangups? Life is too short. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/4/2006 2:48:20 PM |
As a rule of thumb, if a woman and I do not have sex right away, then there is no real spark.
Dude, that is not a "spark" that is flat out lust.
If you determine whether or not a girl is the "right one" based on sex, you are obviously the wrong person to get married.
What about common goals? Her talents? Intellect? Her hopes and dreams? What about her spirituality?
My goodness. You want to marry someone who is a siren in bed, but can't string three intelligent words together; or maybe she can tear you to pieces in the sack but she has the personality of a wet mop.
I can see where your priorities lie.
Scraps | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 235 | |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/4/2006 2:53:04 PM | I'm beginning to think that many men don't want to get married, because they can get sex anyway, so why bother. Perhaps the question to ask should be:
"GUYS!!! Why get married when you can have sex with any number of women without taking the vow and tying yourself down to just one?"
Isn't it true that most men got married, in days of yore, so that they could have access to regular sex, because most women would not put out when they were unmarried? Now that the sexual revolution is here, things have changed. You can get sex without any type of real investment in a couple-ship. So, it's more appealing to have the freedom to choose, even if you choose to be with just one. The idea of one man/one woman is history.
Of course, the same can be said of women not wanting to tie themselves down to just one lover. They want to experience passionate and varied partners. The times are a-changin'. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/4/2006 2:57:38 PM | | Yes, that is probably the way it is for many men. However, there are some of us that want a relationship, not just sex. In fact, like I've stated before, I have no problem waiting until marriage for sex. It's not because the bible says so, either. (Bunch of blasphamy) Anyways. Most men are dumb. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/4/2006 3:03:27 PM | | Absolutely, I'll wait. Oh, and the check's in the mail, I'll only stick the head in, I'll pull out just tap my leg, I've never had sex with that woman, No occifer I wasn't dreinking*hiccup*, Go ahead and get dressed I won't look, Your mom doesn't interest me, I like your family, No, this tie is perfect, I can't wait to see all of your girlfriends, keep talking I'm fascinated, and of course those pants don't make your ass look too big. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/5/2006 4:10:36 AM | Here I go, heading for a scrap, with Scraps.
Sexual attraction, I will assert, is the root of romantic love. Scraps can call it "Flat out lust," which is intended, perhaps, to make it sound dirty, or less than pure. Without this attraction/lust, though, what would have kept mankind in a breeding frenzy, through the countless thoudands of generations? While there may be too many people now, producing enough offspring was very important for most of human history.
"If you determine whether or not a girl is the "right one" based on sex, you are obviously the wrong person to get married," admonished Scraps. "You want to marry someone who is a siren in bed."
Wait a moment. Did I not write, "Marriage? Why would I want to get married?" For the record, I am never married, at least so far. Since I did not desire children, marriage was not something I sought. Much better, I think, to be persistently single, than to be divorced, or to be miserably married.
Neither was I a professional cohabitor, rather a live-alone bachelor. It may surprise Scraps or others, that not everyone seeks marriage. Some of us might be, in Scraps' words, "the wrong person to get married." Living with a partner, married or otherwise, is a daunting task.
So it is without apology, that I would pursue a puissant (powerful) sexual attraction with a potential partner. Great sex is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition for a happy relationship. It is not enough by itself, to float the boat, yet it is needed to keep the relation-"ship" from sinking.
Were I to find a great relationship, it would please me thoroughly, make me very happy. One thing is for sure. A strong physical attraction would be imperative. Without that, why would I want a relationship?
"What about her spirituality?" asked Scraps. It is not my interest, I am afraid. I would want someone with whom I could get along with, though. Not looking for a chance to fight.
Life is too short, I repeat, to waste in a relationship, without a mutual, puissant sexual attraction. If she is not my siren, in bed, why would I want to be with her? | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/5/2006 4:45:37 PM | Scraps,
You have made some excellent points in your posts. While sexuality is important, common values are also important for the long term success of a relationship. I would not be sexually attracted to someone without the connection of shared values, beliefs and some common interests. I'm not a very religious person but I do feel that there needs to be a strong personal bond to make the physical connection better.
Some people may want to have sex earlier in a relationship than I would (like some of the posters here), but that's really none of my business.
DW. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/5/2006 5:04:40 PM | | No! I either get laid by the 3rd date, or it doesnt go anywhere. Both marriages, i had a sexual relationship for a year, before I married them. This time I'm going to take two years to make sure. have more than one sexpal slash girlfriend at all times.I got 2 right now, had as many as 5 at a time. they all know about each other, i'm honest and up front about it. always looking to add more. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/6/2006 12:34:29 PM |
Neither was I a professional cohabitor
I agree. You're a chronic fornicator. That's someone who uses people for their own selfish sexual wants, and let themselves be used for the same reasons.
Scraps.
My Opinion:
To much emphasis on SEX PERIOD.
Most of society puts more importance on selfish/materialistic matters and not GOD (if one believes in him and the price we'll pay for our actions here on earth) or on the REAL IMPORTANT THINGS in life generally speaking.
Now to get back to this TOPIC - YES-YES-YES!!! I will wait for sure as I am doing already!!!
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN.
Our society is SO saturated with sex. It has gone from a beautiful, sacred gift from God to a vulgar, commonplace plaything.
There is SO much more to life than sex.
My one boyfriend who I was with on and off for three years and I decided to wait until marriage. This is our Catholic faith. We kept ourselves away from the temptation to act out sexually. We were very careful what we talked about. When we failed we apologized and sought forgiveness from both each other and from God. We went to Confession as well.
Was it difficult? YOU BET. Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY.
We spent a lot of time together doing simple things that were REALLY satisfying. We played games together, we read each other books, we just sat together and did our own things sometimes. We had a true bond that went deeper than the physical. Our common bond was our Catholic faith. We respected each other's personhood and did not view each other as objects. Our relationship was based on purity, chastity and a genuine love for each other and God.
I know from past experiences that if we were to allow sexual activity it would have ruined the relationship and we would have ended it in bitterness and resentment.
I do not and will never regret the choice to keep sex out of the equation until the proper context, that is, marriage.
Scraps | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/6/2006 4:08:51 PM |
We truly have evolved into a disposable society that puts instant gratification before commitment. I find this disappointing. - Ooli
I find it equally disappointing that several people who've contributed to your side of the discussion throughout this thread appear to get off on putting down the people who disagree with them. I'm not saying anything about you, personally, but it does nothing for your view, to me, when people use terms like "chronic fornicator" to describe those who disagree with them.
Getting married is about honouring a commitment to a long term couple-ship, and you simply can't do that if you approach it as a single person. Saying your immediate sexual needs must supercede everything else does not speak well for the relationship. You're telling your intended that her needs will be secondary to your own, not a great selling feature in a potential husband. - Ooli
You know, this is nice propaganda, but it ignores the fact that many of the folks saying, "Hell no!" (including myself) came from environments that extolled the virtues of no sex before marriage. It also ignores - despite your protestations - the presence of many women saying exactly the same thing in this thread. Numbers don't mean a whole lot, since most of the women I know in real life don't tend to broadcast their opinions on this subject stemming from the unfortunate but all-to-real fear of being labeled a slut. Most of the women I know, personally, who say, "Hell no!" actually came out of marriages where they waited until the wedding night, and arrived there to find Mr. Softie waiting for them in the sack, Mr. Disinterested in Sex or similar horrors. Welcome to life-long commitment. Sucks, doesn't it?
I wouldn't want to have to wait for marriage to have sex with my partner, but I would do it if it meant building a meaningful relationship with someone. What's six months in the lifetime of happy marriage? It's a drop in the bucket. - Ooli
You're asking another question altogether. The original question was not, "Could you wait six months?" I would have answered, "Sure." Am I going to marry someone I've known for six months? Oh, hell no! You're acting like nobody in this thread could wait more than a week, and then rhapsodizing about our instant gratification culture. You're painting a caricature.
I would also make sure that I was sexually compatible with my fellow before the marriage vows by talking things through. You already know if you have chemistry. You don't need to have sex to discover that. - Ooli
That's like saying you can have conversation without talking. You can just sit there and think nice thoughts toward each other. After all, you can known if you're going to match personalities just by sitting in the same room looking at each other. You don't need to talk to discover that.
Sounds silly, doesn't it?
EDIT: And yes I see both sexes have posted to this thread, but it appears the vast majority of people using the test drive analogy are men. - Ooli
A merely meaningless observation. Most of the strongest "Hell no!" advocates I know, personally, are women who came out of sexless marriages: they were married to men who wanted nothing more than Missionary Position #1 once every other week, or who weren't willing to do anything to satisfy their partners, or they were two-pump chumps.
My parents were faithful to each other for the 50 years of their married life...and they didn't have premarital sex. Dad's long gone now, but Mom said they had a very fulfilling sex life for all the years of their marriage. - Ooli
I am very happy for both you and your parents, and that they provided a fine example for you. Sincerely. However, I've known people in the same position whose sex-life sucked. One acendote doth not a doctrine make.
I would wait for love. For me, it's worth it. For those of you who won't wait, why isn't it worth it for you? - Ooli
You're framing the question wrong, in order to favor your point of view. Let me demonstrate: "For me, it's important enough to find out beforehand if we're compatible in that way. Why isn't it important enough for you? Or do you simply not like sex?"
See? The question puts you at a disadvantage before you even answer it. Either sex is, in your view, "Worth the wait" or it's NOT "worth the wait." I either agree with you, or I am an impatient, sex-hungry fiend who only cares about myself.
I honestly can't believe all the superficial answers! Worrying about the sex "sucking" if you don't "test it out" before marriage! My gosh. Let's just hope you all don't get married!!! Like anything else in a marriage, a healthy sex life takes work! Let's just say you "test drive" and everything is "great", then you get married and she has babies. Suddenly, she's not as interested in sex any more! - Feast_On_Scraps
I don't believe anyone has proposed sex before marriage as a panacea for all possible ills in a marriage relationship. Of course there can problems later on. But just as WAITING doesn't prevent problems later on (it certainly doesn't), neither does NOT WAITING prevent every single possible problem. The question, for many of us, is whether NOT WAITING can forgo problems that WAITING creates.
Finally, no matter what the sex is like in the beginning of the relationship, after you've made love a million times to the same person, it's bound to get a little "dull". That is why the "quality" of the act must not be the focus, the **goal** of the act needs to be. The goal is to unify two souls into one and beget children. When you are deeply in love and connected with a person, just being with them in such an intimate way should be enough. There is no "bad" sex. - Feast_On_Scraps
You had me up until the last sentence, and then I had to explain to my cubemate at work why I burst out with, "Oh, **** that!" I startled her.
Yes, Virginia. There is such a thing as bad sex, or even "bad" sex.
P.S. Studies have shown that people who wait until their married have healthier and more exciting sex lives. They stayed married longer too! - Feast_On_Scraps
Hogwash. I'd want to assess those sorts of studies for myself, and see who performed them. I grew up in a very religious subculture, and I've heard about such studies before, and they were rarely what they seemed on the face of it.
Isn't it true that most men got married, in days of yore, so that they could have access to regular sex, because most women would not put out when they were unmarried? Now that the sexual revolution is here, things have changed. You can get sex without any type of real investment in a couple-ship. So, it's more appealing to have the freedom to choose, even if you choose to be with just one. The idea of one man/one woman is history. - Ooli
I don't know who taught you about the "days of yore" but this is horse ****. In days of yore, depending on the culture, the time and place, men freely raped and pillaged, had mistresses, bedded whores and did everything they do today. The 60s did not invent "immorality" and anyone who tries to convince you of that is selling something.
Quick Bible Quiz: find one verse in the Bible that outright condemns bigamy. Now go back into the Hebrew scriptures and find out how many people of importance had multiple wives.
Of course, the same can be said of women not wanting to tie themselves down to just one lover. They want to experience passionate and varied partners. The times are a-changin'. - Ooli
Baloney. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/6/2006 4:12:36 PM |
I agree. You're a chronic fornicator. That's someone who uses people for their own selfish sexual wants, and let themselves be used for the same reasons. - Feast_On_Scraps
It's always nice to participate in these discussions with someone who will deal fairly with you, and refrain from name-calling, and deal impartially and fairly with your point of view.
Thanks, Scraps. You're my hero. | |
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| re: fornication
Posted: 2/6/2006 4:24:35 PM |
It's always nice to participate in these discussions with someone who will deal fairly with you, and refrain from name-calling, and deal impartially and fairly with your point of view.
Thanks, Scraps. You're my hero.
Well, the dictionary term for having sex outside marriage is FORNICATION.
He admitted that he had **no intention** of getting involved in a relationship. He only wants to have sex with someone, no strings attached.
So I am giving him an accurate name. Chronic fornicator. Perhaps I could correct it and say "serial fornicator".
Nothing unfair about that. Calling something what it is. I think it's as fair as it gets.
Yes, Virginia. There is such a thing as bad sex, or even "bad" sex.
Nope. Sorry. Not if you love someone. I mean, honestly, truly "agape" love someone.
Scraps. | |
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