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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:25:39 AM |
And the results say! ..................... drum roll....................
The majority of folks in this site would not respect their partner enough to save the sex till marriage. I have not done the math here but I think there is a direct correlation between the number of people who need to "test drive" their girlfriend/boyfriend to the shocking rate of divorce.
Of course, if I asked a man to respect me and my choice for intimacy with my body, and he refused, I would walk away without ever looking back. I would count my blessings that I missed that big bullet.
I have renewed my vow of chastity and I am very comfortable rejecting most of you men on this site. You have no honour and no morals.
Good luck finding a real lady..... and I don't mean miss Curveyone.... her profile says she is no ho but she is a lady.... who thinks virginity is overrated.
Yes, I know I will make all you athiests crazy but..... God is Love.... if you want love.... you need to seek God. Have a good day.
An insult! I have no honor or morals! I'd never have a woman do something she wasn't completely comfortable doing herself. Your first fallacy is equating Christianity with morality.
Here's one for you, though: Your own faith dictates that you respect your neighbors and that you forgive anyone, for anything, as it's not your right to judge. That right is reserved for God and God alone. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:38:36 AM | That would imply that there is something "wrong" with the "natural" flow of Love. Besides, sexual compatabilty is a BIGGIE in relationships. Little late to figure out that there is a HUGE problem AFTER the vows, wouldn't you think?
Try reading the 7 Laws of Love. NONE of them say WAIT. In fact, read the last sentence in #4 ;-)
The Seven Laws of Love are summarized with the following.
1.) Attraction:
The Law of Attraction states, 'To be attractive, you have to be authentic.' What makes a person attractive? The wisdom tradition tells us that attraction first and foremost comes from naturalness. Nothing is more beautiful than naturalness. It alone contains the mystery and allure that spark romance. Being natural also means being comfortable with your own ambiguity. This means that our true being, our soul, is made up of opposing energies that spark and create the fire of life. Inside each one of us, there is both the divine and the diabolical, the sinner and the saint, the sacred and the profane, forbidden lust and unconditional love, the beautitude of Paradise and the dark night of the soul.
2.) Infatuation:
This law states that infatuation exists to open the door to a deeper, transcendent reality. Infatuation happens when the attraction between two peopled is so intense that it transports them beyond ordinary perception and the ordinary world becomes magical and enchanted.
3.) Communion:
The Law of Communion says that communion is contact of soul with soul. Communion is the sharing of spirit. Therefore, communion is the basis of trust. In this stage, lovers move into the territory of the unknown, taking from each other what they did not possess alone. If their communion is deep enough, the perception of infatuation becomes real - you turn into the person you love.
4.) Intimacy:
The Law of Intimacy states that in true intimacy flesh merges with flesh, and spirit with spirit. In intimacy, sexual energy and spiritual energy are recognized as one. Sexual energy is seen as the creative energy of the universe. Intimacy is the union of one subtle body with another. Previously this was not complete. Attraction hints at sexual union and holds it out as a fantasy of pleasure. Infatuation brings the fantasy closer; communion makes it desirable as more than a brief encounter between two bodies. These three stages could conceivably take place in less than a day, even on first meeting.
5.) Surrender and Non-Attachment:
The Law of Surrender says that losing yourself in another person is the best way to find your true self. Surrender is the result of relinquishing the ego's last claims to separation. Surrender and non-attachment open the door to the miraculous, because miracles exist outside the realm of I, me, and mine. Many people mistakenly equate attachment with love when in fact attachment deprives us of love. Attachment goes into every situation asking, 'What can I get from this? What can I acquire for myself?' This impulse to possess comes from fear, and fear is the opposite of love. Attachment is always exclusive, and love is inclusive. Attachment is bondage, and love is freedom. Attachment is demanding, and love imposes no demands. Non-attachment is a state of freedom that preserves and increases your love for another. Attachment always seeks to control, and controlling people deeply fear abandonment. In true surrender, we never feel the need to control or cajole or convince or bully or manipulate or insist or beg or seduce. We know how to allow, and in that allowing, we invite love to move in and create miracles.
6.) Passion:
The Law of Passion says that higher reality is experienced in the merging of the masculine and the feminine in one's own being. Passion for life and passion in love are the same thing. This is because life, in its essence, is love. Rumi once said, 'The most important thing in life is to become a passionate lover. If you have been a passionate lover in life, then you will be a lover in death, a lover in the tomb, a lover on the day of resurrection, a lover in Paradise, and a lover forever. But if you have not been a passionate lover in life, then count not your life as having been lived. On the day of reckoning, it will not be counted.'
7.) Ecstasy:
The Law of Ecstasy says that ecstasy is our original state. This is where we come from, the Garden of Eden, the state of grace to which we shall one day return. Ecstasy is the final stag of intimacy with spirit that flows through love. Here, even exuberance, joy, delight, and satisfaction are seen as shadows of the Real, whose ecstasy is like a master vibration that everything in nature is trembling to express. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:40:08 AM | What on earth makes the divorce rate "shocking," gimme? As a 50/50 proposition, the odds of success are far better than for shops, restaurants, and bands, to say nothing of the scant odds at the casino or in the lottery. Why, most jobs in this dynamic marketplace don't give even a 10% chance of keeping you for a lifetime. And jobs have that mutual financial incentive going for them!
No, that fully half of marriages survive is a testament to the idealism, grit, and determination of those who take on that ultimate partnership. Frankly, I'm surprised more marriages don't end in gunfire, given the ridiculous expectations people frequently put on them. People often expect bliss! Happiness!! PIE!!!
And that's even after they've watched their parents slog through day after same ol' day. No, that's a delirious excess of idealism, belief, and entitlement that your invisible friends go begging for. No one expects as much from an afterlife as many expect from marriage. That half of them stick is as close to a miracle as we ever see in this world.
And, as far as I can make out, sex has little or nothing to do with the success or failure of marriage. It's all about the putting-up-with.
Cheers!
Vulf 
By the way, you didn't identify your sect. I take it you're not christian, since you've got that 'judging complete strangers' thing going on. Is that considered "LOVE" in your temple? | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 2:38:19 AM | 2926-
1. You're relating all love to your personal religious beliefs. Fine for you... but not for everyone. To say that no one can find love outside of YOUR religion is a blatant, baldfaced lie.
2. You fail to take into account the actual history of marriage- which was originally secular, not religious. (One of the reasons it became religious was because places of worship were often the only building in a community large enough to fit everyone.)
3. You fail to recognize that your definition of "lady" isn't shared by everyone.
4. You also fail to take into account that premarital sex has existed for LONG before the divorce rate went through the roof. The divorce rate went up because of giant social changes. Now that both sexes feel that they can 100% support themselves and "don't need" each other to survive, some people are less likely to hold on in times of struggle. (Which I think is likely the most important part in all of this.) | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 2:39:01 AM | Amazing! 118 pages! Clearly a sensitive issue...
I admit I did not read all the replies. I skimmed and saw at least one religious nut who brought in respect into the equation. Ha ha ha. I respect anything that makes SENSE. Waiting for the sake of waiting is not logical. Demanding a diamond because everyone else gets one is not logical. I could go on. Ask for something I can respect.
I would not wait. I would not get involved with someone who subscribes to bizarre notions picked up here and there, probably at some bible camp...
I recognize that marriage is primarily an economic contract, but it really helps things along if you enjoy each other physically. And it is simply smart to discover if you can please each other before you sign a contract. Love, cherish, comes before honour and obey.... | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:13:45 AM | the question is kind of flawed
if you found the "RIGHT WOMAN" would you hold off on sex til marriage?
this question is basically asking if you found a woman who was perfection in your mind ( for the general public that tends to be a person who provides perfect physical and emotional fufillment), would you be willing to put your sexual needs on hold until they decided they were mentally prepared for it.
the question is inherently screwed as my perfect woman, let alone potential wife would not be considered for either title if she didnt feel comfortable having sex with me.
a girl who makes such a big deal out of sex is just as unattractive as a guy who makes a big deal out of sex. once you get god and various other archaic rules and opinions mixed in with sex, all the fun and good times get instantly sucked out of it.
SCHHHLRUP! | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:31:04 AM | If sex were only about making children, I would wait until marriage. However, in my humble opinion, sex is also a tool of expressing love, and for enjoying pleasure with a person that you love. Therefore, Ladies, I won't wait for marriage, but I will wait for love. Given this, if you make me wait too long I will assume that we are not compatible. If you can't find this love in a reasonable period of time, we aren't meant to be together. Sex, only for pleasure, is no longer what I want in my life. I wish I had avoided using sex for this purpose in my life, in my past.
Of course, my own attitude begs the question, if I love my woman, why wouldn't I marry her. Because, you don't really know for certain how you feel about a person until AFTER you get past that initial lustful stage of the relationship. I think a couple needs to help each other, through sex, beyond this stage so that they can finally evaluate each other with a clear head. Only then can you claim REAL love. Only then is marriage appropriate. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:37:04 AM | An insult! I have no honor or morals! I'd never have a woman do something she wasn't completely comfortable doing herself. Your first fallacy is equating Christianity with morality.
Here's one for you, though: Your own faith dictates that you respect your neighbors and that you forgive anyone, for anything, as it's not your right to judge. That right is reserved for God and God alone.
... in response I would like to point out that I am not judging anyone. I was just pointing out that Curveyone says she is a lady but her words don't say that to me. It is my interpretation.
My main point was to say it is my body, and I have every right to make decisions regarding what I do with it. My point was to say I would reject anyone who insisted that sex HAD to be in a relationship before marriage. I would forgive him; I would pray for him; but I certainly would not have sex with him just because he has no will power to respect me and my own choices. Of course I need to love everyone as Jesus loves, but I am bound to speak out against blatant self gratification, lust and greed. Love the sinner, hate the sin.
You feel insulted that I say I see no morals in these comments? How can you say it is honourable to reject a woman who may have all the qualities you seek, but she won't put out for you? Why is it wrong for me to speak out and say it is immoral to use people for your own pleasure and gratification? Objectifying woman and equating them to cars and cows is deplorable. People are all precious in God's eyes, but the bad behaviour?
To another's question.... I am a Catholic and I can admit that my post last night was fueled with the sadness I was feeling as I read the posts in this thread. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:39:55 AM |
How can you say it is honourable to reject a woman who may have all the qualities you seek, but she won't put out for you?
Sex should be an act of love. If you aren't ready for sex, you don't feel this love. I will give you time, but after a while, I am sorry, through delaying, you demonstrate that you lack the "qualities (I) seek". | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:41:05 AM | Where in my post do you see me judging? Why are you attacking me for standing up for my own beliefs and for stating that I would choose to walk away from a man who needed sex before marriage?
I am a Catholic and in my faith we acknowledge the sanctity of marriage and that sex for one's own gratification and lust is wrong. That is my beliefs. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 7:42:52 AM | It depends. At my age, I think it's different than when I was 20. Many of the girls I met when I was 20 wanted to wait until marriage. Most of the women I meet around my age are the ones wanting to cut loose and have fun, after having gone through a divorce and having just sent the kids off to college. It also depends on how it was presented to me...if it was presented as, "Your desires are sinful and sick, and you really need to wait until God approves our union before they become un-sick and free of sin," then....no, thank you. And I'm a Christian (and you can't say I'm not).
If it was presented a different way, with a very positive view towards sex, then sure.
The last time I had it presented to me, the woman said, "...and after we are married, anything goes." I said "really?" and proceeded to ask her some specific questions about what would go and what wouldn't. (This was after the 3rd date, mind you...not way into a serious relationship). She became very uncomfortable with some very basic but frank questions about sex. It ended up that she really meant that after we were married, she would call the shots, and sex would continue to be viewed as a sinful and dirty thing to be meted out minimally. That is not what I'm looking for in a mate.
If the woman I loved told me she was filled with lust for me, but her religious views really made her want to wait....well, that would really make me want to support her.
And have a helluva honeymoon.  | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:06:23 AM | It also depends on how it was presented to me...if it was presented as, "Your desires are sinful and sick, and you really need to wait until God approves our union before they become un-sick and free of sin," then....no, thank you. .......
If it was presented a different way, with a very positive view towards sex, then sure.
********** ************** *********
Yeah! Thank you druminky ! This is exactly what I was looking for! Someone with a bit of logic and the ability to express his feelings clearly. I agree wholeheartedly and of course every man has a responsibility to determine whether a woman has the right attitudes and mindset about sex. He would be wise to walk away from a potential relationship (as would I be wise ) with someone who thinks sex is sick and dirty.
Let me assure you all that I do not hold the viewpoint that sex is bad and dirty. In fact, it is the most wonderful union between a man and a woman. I love sex and I am very open minded and adverturous about it. But I have made the decision for chastity because intimacy is so important to me that I can no longer risk sharing it with someone who is not committed to a long term relationship.
Just one point I'd like to make regarding your post Druminky..... my definition of lust is that it is a selfish emotion, it is not the completely natural, healthy desire that a woman feels for a man she is attracted to. Holding off on self gratification for the sake of real love can't be a bad thing. If the woman you love told you she desires you physically and she wants to wait, you would be showing her deep respect and love to support her choice. I appreciate your post Druminky..... thanx again. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:29:36 AM | Huh...Why wait? Best to test drive, before you buy. Your post suggest that "we both are not virgin" so someone has test drove it. So what is the big deal?
If I am on a first date and she tells me that she's waiting for marriage. That is ok. If we are interested in each other, I would let the relationship continue. If it prospers, then the sex will manifest...It human nature. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:43:39 AM |
The majority of folks in this site would not respect their partner enough to save the sex till marriage.
I have to admit this statement is true. In the time i have been here (almost 2 yrs in all) i have seen some of the most sex obsessed people and they wonder why they can't find someone. Sex is a important part of a relationship. But it shouldn't be the do all say all of the relationship. To look at this thread there are way to many people that are putting sex (lust) before love. Me personally, If i finally found the right thing for me it wouldn't bother me one bit to wait. Because if a person is really in the relationship because they love the other they will wait. People don't seem to stop and think about whats gonna happen when they get old. Now they look for that all mighty sexual attraction and instant gratification. When they get old and the sex fades what's gonna hold them together? There has to be a common bond. Something stronger than sex. I have already done the sex thing. Now i am looking for something that goes deeper than that. In this sex obsessed world that we live in now, What i am looking for is getting harder and harder to find. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:55:05 AM | | Sorry, Eddie, I don't fully accept your argument. Although it is true that there is a lot more to a healthy relationship than sex, sex creates an incredible intimacy between a couple that is both physical and emotional. Finding that connection is a very important part of establishing a healthy relationship. I think one is very unwise to marry unless they have found this connection. It is important to recognise that the act of sex establishes the real attitude ( selfless, or not ) of your partner. What a person is willing to do to make you feel good, sais alot about that person's character. What you are willing to do to make your partner feel good, sais alot about you. Furthermore, I don't accept the age argument. There are lots of old people enjoying a healthy sex life. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:04:00 AM | No.....It would be obtuse to do so. Am I the only one here who realizes that sex is a part of the relationship. All be it not the biggest part of the relationship by far, none the less it IS a part of any relationship.
Considering a coupling as it is.......a partnership, to the point of an investment is it not?
When you think about it in these terms, (which "duh" you should) it would be hard for one not to check out the complete package wouldn't it?
You would never buy a car without driving it, you wouldn't buy a bed with laying on it. These are little decisions!
So why wouldn't you want to see how you and your lover interacted in bed. This being one of the biggest decisions of your life.
I dated a gal once who had had a crush on me for over 10 years. We loved each other as friends and thought we were "Meant to be" As Robert Barone would say. However once we finally decided to get under the covers, we decided we were not what the other was looking for.
Like it or not sex can make a difference, you never know how kinky or different a person is compared to yourself until you do the deed.
In my humble opinion: Buyer beware.........Take a test drive. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 1:07:42 PM | gimmeasmile, if you truly believe what your saying and expressing, then your also stating several things about your views on intimacy, that you should be aware of. I have said many time in these forumns that I would rather be beat than personally attack anyone for their beliefs or statements so I won't go into it in detail. However, I will state for the record, and please, look it up, Pre-arranged marriages have the highest percentage chance of surviving than any other. If your (your being a reference to anyone believing this way) going to base things on percentage chances, you should be preaching pre-arranged marriages.
And quite frankly, you might talk to all the people who were slaughtered by christians about morals before spreading any more of the "holier than thou" propaganda of christians. Go on your crusade, do your witch hunt, down the sinner, then remember what Jesus REALLY said about that kind of stuff, and realize that christianality has been used as an excuse for some of the MOST henious of crimes through history. Where does that fit into this discussion? Jesus was about love. Love includes intimacy. Love includes trust. A relationship without is is not love. It would NOT be condoned by jesus, and more than any of the other stuff I brought up that so called christians claimed god wanted. Jesus would have frowned on all of that. Search your heart for the truth. And remember, Jesus defended the whore, and forgave her.
One more thing, the bible clearly states you should obey your man and has quite a lot to say about how to speak to men as well. It is VERY patriarchal. I doubt seriously you follow that as hard core as you seem to follow the sex thing. :) If you did, you wouldn't be participating in what is clearly for men to decide. (This statement is absolutly not MY personal view, by the way. but is here in point.)
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 3:05:21 PM | Good luck finding a real lady..... and I don't mean miss Curveyone.... her profile says she is no ho but she is a lady.... who thinks virginity is overrated.
ummm....so are you saying a lady cannot enjoy sex or admit that she likes it?? not everyone is religious or a holy roller like yourself so not everyone shares your beliefs. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 9/16/2008 3:20:35 PM | | You can find a connection with someone and you can do it with out having to sleep with them first. I've done it, Lots of guys have done it before me and some guys will continue to do it after me. Guys who use this for a excuse are only using it as a way to get into some gullible womans pants. Women have heard this bullshit all there lives. Yes, There are still many out there that are stupid enough to fall for it. Guys get in the woman pants and then there gone. "I had my test drive, I will go see if i can find another" Women who read this thread that have a ounce of gray matter between there ears will prob, feel like there worthless. All men want is a "test drive" The way a lot of the guys have posted here a lot of the guys have put women in the same category as trying out a new or used car. No wonder there are so many guys on here griping in other forums that they can't get a date on here or that there being ignored. Geez, You guys are hanging yourself right here for every woman to read. Well, Like they say "Give someone enough rope and they will hang themselves. | |
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